Mindf**ked: When It's 4 a.m. and You Can't Stop Overthinking (English edition)

By Anubhav Agrawal

It's 4 a.m. but you're tossing and turning, unable to sleep because your mind refuses to stop thinking. Be it something about yourself, about someone else, about a place, an event, the past, the future ... you can't stop overthinking! It's normal to think about these things sometimes in the course of the day. But constantly having nagging thoughts that refuse to leave your mind leads to a lot of problems and complications. It affects your mental health, spoils your mood and can cause fights and issues in your personal and professional life.

In his new book, Mindf**ked: When It's 4 a.m. and You Can't Stop Overthinking, Anubhav Agrawal, author of the national bestseller Why Not Me? A Feeling of Millions, provides easy-to-follow solutions and tips to help overcome the problem of overthinking. Read this book to find out how you can calm your mind and lead a peaceful and happy life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: HarperCollins India
• Release date: Nov 7, 2022
• ISBN: 9789356294042

Anubhav Agrawal

Writer, poet and social media influencer Anubhav Agrawal is the founder of Iwritewhatyoufeel(R), an online poetry community which has over three million followers on social media.

Book preview

Introduction: What Is Overthinking?

The clock had struck 4 a.m. We say that our brain never stops working, right? This was exactly what I was experiencing; my thoughts kept running all through the night. Does the brain ever calm down? No matter what, it never stops thinking—about yourself, people related to you, things that bother you, things that have happened, things that might happen, your weaknesses, or maybe even about what you want to be. Many more thoughts like these keep running through our minds all day and night.

Thinking about these things is okay sometimes; it can be justified as an everyday occurance. However, things go out of hand when we start thinking too much about one thing. Whenever we overthink something, our life at that point of time comes to a halt. We zone out of things and tend to get distracted by that little thought periodically; it becomes difficult to focus on any task. No matter how much we try, these thoughts take up most of our mind and it becomes challenging to stop once started. This is when we get mindf**ked.

Nausea, constant headaches, a sudden increase in the heart rate, persistent stress—all these things happen when we are mindf**ked.

Controlling your racing thoughts and ideas, honestly, is neither complicated nor easy. All that a person needs to prevent it is proper guidance and practice; for ‘practice makes a man perfect’ is a phrase that applies to all walks of life. Practising how to control your thoughts will help you limit your overthinking to an extent that you cannot imagine.

There is a thin line between thinking and overthinking, but that thin line is the root of every problem. As long as we think about something normally, everything seems to be under control, and we stay tension-free. The moment we start thinking about it more than necessary, things go haywire and thoughts extend way beyond their allotted time.

In most cases, we overthink when we are worried about something or an issue or a situation. But sometimes, we overthink for no good reason; there is no issue that seems to be big enough to trigger those thoughts, but they keep running around in our heads, making the smallest of things unnecessarily significant—making a mountain out of a molehill. This worries us even more, and we feel bad about ourselves for thinking so much.

Usually, we overthink topics and situations that are created in our mind. We tend to forget that even if there is the slightest chance that they exist in real life, they are not as severe as what we generate in our mind. This is precisely how we end up in a position where we are incapable of understanding even the most straightforward thing, simply because we consider it ‘complicated’, and refuse to come out of overthinking.

Of course, most of us don’t do this on purpose: we do not have complete control over our brains. Under these circumstances, our mind gets divided into two halves—one that asks us not to think about that thing, and the other that keeps on adding to those layers indefinitely. The negative thoughts (in most cases) start to take control over our brain and its related activities, as a result of which basic tasks begin to seem complicated and challenging to execute.

We can deal with this overthinking to a limit, but once it gets out of control, we’re mindf**ked. Overthinking creates hindrances in many tasks. We lose our complete focus due to these thoughts, which lead to mood swings and disruptions in our relationships and professional life.

This constant race of thoughts in our minds makes it challenging to focus and creates a lack of presence in the moment, which not only does not help us, but also increases our difficulties tenfold.

The primary purpose in life is to keep moving ahead with every situation, every memory, every experience. But again, overthinking does not let us move forward with our life’s purpose. In simpler terms, it keeps taking us back to earlier times and makes us think about how things could’ve been changed had we acted differently. It just halts our life where we are. But that is not what is supposed to happen: time and things are meant to move forward. When we try to go even a little against this fundamental principle of life, things go haywire: we start lacking in some things, failing at others, which does not help our already ruined headspace.

When you feel that you are about to start—or are already—overthinking something , try to implement these strategies to calm your mind:

Divert your mind and focus on something else

I know it is not as easy as it sounds, but we have to start somewhere, right? Try to put your mind to something else: something that you like doing, and are good—or even an expert—at. Do whatever you want. If you’re an artist—create art; if you’re a writer—write something; if you’re a musician—make music. With the help of these things, you can divert your mind.

Listen to music

Listen to any music which gives you peace. Music has been proven to calm and relax our minds, which helps distract us from our never-ending thoughts. Listening to good music which relaxes us makes us forget our difficulties, even temporarily. You can find such types of music on the internet. I listen to slow relaxation music to calm down; you should try it too!

Be vocal about your thoughts

Whenever you overthink something, try talking about it to someone you’re close to. It can be a friend, a family member, a partner, or someone you bond well with. If there is no one you seem to trust enough to share your thoughts with, you can always share them with yourself by writing them down in a book that will be yours to express yourself completely.

Don’t force yourself

We try to control our minds forcefully when things get overwhelming, which does us no good. It only brings us harm by triggering us even more. Instead of forcing yourself, take a deep breath, try to calm your mind, and don’t force any more thoughts about things.

Look at the positive side

Every coin has two sides, and so does every situation: one positive and one negative. Our society, parents, and other people have always conditioned us to consider the negatives of any situation first; we need reasons to think about the positives. The moment we do the latter without a cause is the day we will be able to control our overthinking to some extent.

Have you ever seen a parent calm their child down while crying? Several things and toys that make different sounds and light up distract them from the reason they have been crying, which calms them down immediately. Similarly, when you are overthinking, try to distract yourself with something that will divert your mind and give you a break from those running thoughts. This activity can be anything that grabs your interest immediately and holds it there.

If your brain tells you that these strategies won’t work, you will have to convince yourself otherwise. It is also equally important to understand that the situation is not under your control; thinking about it is not going to change or solve anything. Even if it is slightly under your control, try to change it. Bring those thoughts to action. This is what will help you to reduce overthinking.

If you believe that thinking about a day that has already gone by will change it, go ahead and do it. However, realize this one thing: this will only add more stress in your life, which will not let you focus on any other task. Working on something while you are worried and stressed about something else leads to you not being able to give your 100 per cent, rendering it pointless to be doing that thing.

Can we alter or change things that are not in our control? No, that situation will come, and we will have to face it. So why overthink it? If you can’t change it, try to make yourself strong enough to overcome that situation gracefully and stand your ground.

Keep yourself prepared for things that are under your control and can be changed; the regret that comes along with thinking about things that you could have done is painful: ‘What if I would’ve done that? What if I would’ve said that?’

See, life doesn’t give you everything on a silver platter. Nothing comes to you on its own—you have to earn it. The opportunities you see today, you won’t see every day. This is why, through this book, I urge you to work towards the things you want; put your heart and soul into it, and learn to respect the things that you already have. Do not let anything or any effort go in vain.

If you are making a mountain of a molehill in your head, you’re wasting your time. You must practise to train your brain and control your thoughts, worries and tensions. It is humanly impossible to do it overnight: it is a process that takes time and consistent efforts.

We overthink tons of things daily: our personal life, professional life, family, relationships, friendship and so on. In this book, we will discuss all these topics in detail and try to find a general solution to all the problems we face and overthink daily. This includes trying to keep yourself happy in all the given situations.

CHAPTER 1

Overthinking in Personal Life

How much do we think in our everyday life? Too much, maybe? Some people have a habit of overthinking from the minute they wake up, getting themselves worked up for almost the entire day.

It does not matter what kind of a person you are—if you think beyond a certain level, it will affect your mental health.

Generally, people do think about most things; but some incidents in life push the person to the verge of overthinking for an extended period.

Some insecurities are a hurdle to one’s progress. They lower one’s confidence and strip away all happiness. They don’t let you live your life to its fullest. We shall discuss such insecurities and try to understand how to reduce them by not overthinking.

Nobody is born perfect; everybody has flaws—some known to us, others unknown. Some flaws trouble us occasionally, while others stay with us forever, and we often feel ashamed of them. It’s a lack of confidence that makes us feel ashamed.

The day we start accepting our flaws or converting them into our strengths will be the day we relieve ourselves from a huge burden.

Being Insecure about Your Looks

Do you look into the mirror and think, ‘I do not look as good as my friends; I wish I could change something on my face to look a little better. Why do I have all of these pimples? I wish I was thinner, I wish I had better features. Why did God make me this way? Couldn’t he have made me a little prettier?’ All of these thoughts worry and make you insecure about how you look.

No person is satisfied with the way they look: everyone always wonders about things they could change in their physical appearance to make them more attractive. If people are satisfied with their face, they aren’t confident about their hair or bodily physique. People also get concerned about their height, weight or other body issues. A tall person wonders what it would be like to be average-sized. A short person wonders if they could do something to gain a little more height. When someone points out any flaws, it hurts the person and brings out the worst insecurities. All these insecurities about body parts and appearance in general leads to low confidence. Everyone is in a race to be the most perfect person, but there’s always someone better.

If you could relate to all or some of these sentences, do not worry. God has made you a certain way that is unique to you. He did not make any person ugly or another extremely beautiful on purpose. Everyone is beautiful in their own ways, and this beauty does not come from their body or face. It comes from their mind and kindheartedness, their positive thoughts, kind actions, how well they treat others, and how nicely they behave around people. That is what makes you beautiful.

If you feel that you have all the qualities mentioned above, you are a beautiful person in your own way!

If someone judges you based on your looks/your body structure, tries to stay aloof, comments or says ugly things to you, it isn’t your fault. It is their mindset that’s ugly, not you. It is that person’s thought process and their lack of capability to understand what is really important, and they need to work over their thoughts and try to accept things apart from what is considered a norm. Making mean comments about someone to make them feel horrible is the worst thing they can do. Don’t ever make yourself feel ugly, even if someone else tries to. You should make yourself think that you are gorgeous.

Don’t wait for others to compliment you and make you feel good about yourself. Always remember that beauty can’t be defined by someone else’s compliments. People often deny their words when they feel like it, or their opinion towards you changes after a while, but your faith in yourself should never shake.

Even if people ridicule you with weird names, ignore those comments and be comfortable in your own skin, as long as it is healthy for you.

The world is full of people who will try to pull you down when you are at your highest or reaching there; they will tease you, call you names and talk nonsense about you. It depends on you whether you want to take those things to heart or listen through one ear and send it out through the other. You should not maintain any sort of contact or connection with such people for your own mental peace and avoid losing confidence due to their remarks.

Love your features as they are, because those features are what make you. If you want to enhance them in any way, do this for yourself! The day you start doing it for someone else, you will be disappointed in yourself if they do not appreciate your efforts.

Remember one thing: once you start loving yourself—no matter what the world says about you—you will know your worth and not pay heed to their words. You will also not hate yourself because of what they say. Do what you need to do—weight loss, weight gain, beauty treatments—for yourself and not to gain validation from someone else.

Lack of Confidence While Speaking

If you are a person who lacks confidence while talking to others, then this is for you. Whenever you try to speak to a person, can you maintain eye contact while doing so? Do you get scared or miss your words while framing a sentence?