Unmasking Emotional Abuse: Start the Healing

By Gregory L. Jantz Ph.D.

Not all abuse is physical. The wounds of emotional abuse may not be visible, but they still leave scars. Whether a stabbing comment or constant putdowns, most people face emotional abuse at some point in their lives, so how can you learn to detect it and stop the cycle of abuse? How can you heal after enduring it? This practical and handy guidebook examines the different descriptions of emotional abuse, and includes stories from people who have found healing in Christ.

Unmasking Emotional Abuse, by notable author and mental health professional Dr. Gregory Jantz, helps readers who have been victims of emotional abuse heal and move forward in God's truth. It also includes 10 concrete steps to healing. Emotional abuse limits your choices, your value, and your worth. Healing from emotional abuse opens you up to regaining that full life. This book will help get you there, and offers 10 biblically-based steps for healing.

10 Bible-Based Steps to Healing

1. Stepping Out of Blame
2. Granting Forgiveness
3. Reclaiming Personal Power
4. Avoiding Conflicts
5. Addressing Hurts
6. Maintaining Healthy Relationships
7. Healthy Communication
8. Discovering Gifts and Talents
9. Solving Problems
10. Recognizing Progress

As a child of God, you were created to have emotional freedom, a strong sense of self, and a peace that surpasses understanding. Emotional abuse and its false messages keep you from finding and understanding the truth of who you are. The good news is that what others may have sabotaged, God is able to rebuild. Jesus said knowing truth has the power to set you free, and Dr. Gregory Jantz helps you recognize emotional abuse and its effects.

Paperback, 4.5 x 6.5 inches, 112 pages, ISBN 9781628628203.

4 Key Features: Quickly Find the Information You Need for Overcoming Emotional Abuse

Using real-life stories, biblically based suggestions, proven tips, and practical steps that you can take today, Dr. Gregory Jantz will help you detect and heal from emotional abuse. Enjoy having these key features:

• Simple summaries and easy-to-understand explanations
• Practical steps backed by science and by scripture
• Charts that show key information at a glance
• Relatable stories that show you how to apply its truth to your life

Perfect for:

• Group and individual use
• Church library
• To hand to a friend
• Biblical & pastoral counseling
• And more

About the Author: Dr. Gregory L. Jantz is the author of over 30 books, the host of a national radio program, and a regular contributor to Psychology Today. Recognized as a leading authority on family relationships and much more, he appears as an expert on media such as CNN, FOX, ABC, and NBC. Under Dr. Jantz's leadership, "The Center: A Place of HOPE" has been voted in the top 10 facilities for the treatment of depression in the United States.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tyndale House Publishers
• Release date: Oct 31, 2023
• ISBN: 9798400500725

Book preview

Introduction

Unmasking

Emotional Abuse

There is an old children’s rhyme that says, Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

And it’s a lie.

Words can have a devastating impact. They cause people to believe the lies that are unfairly or unjustly spoken to them.

Emotional abuse is the intentional devaluing of one person by another in order to elevate themselves. Emotional abuse and its negative messages are false; they keep you from finding and understanding the truth of who you are. Emotional abuse takes different forms, but they all have the same destructive impact:

It’s the mother who yells in frustration at her son, Why can’t you be more like your sister?

It’s the father who snorts in derision, This girl will never amount to anything!

It’s the sibling who regularly smirks, Why would I want to be with you?

It’s the husband who tells his wife, You’re too stupid to get a job!

It’s the wife who tells her husband, I could have done so much better than you!

Boy hurting

As you read through this book, remember this: Jesus said knowing the truth has the power to set you free.¹ As a child of God, the truth is that you were created to have emotional freedom, a strong sense of self, and a peace that surpasses understanding.² The good news is that what others may have sabotaged, God is able to rebuild.

Emotional abuse can come in the form of a one-time, traumatic event. However, it is more often perpetrated over time as a consistent pattern of one person treating another person unfairly and unjustly, while placing blame on the one being abused.

Through the years, I’ve seen more than I’ve wanted to of physical and sexual abuse. The most common form of abuse, though, is emotional abuse. While physical and sexual abuse are always accompanied by emotional abuse, the emotional abuse can also happen when neither physical nor sexual abuse is present. And, in the absence of those other forms of abuse, some people may doubt that true abusive behavior has taken place. After all, there is no black eye or bruising to see as evidence of an attack. The damage done, however, is real and devastating.

Some people were taught as children to just get over it or move on from harsh words or actions, but they weren’t really told how to do that. Neither were they told how truly damaging those harsh words could be. So those children were left hurting, and years or decades later they feel embarrassed when they find themselves unable to just get over it and move on.

When I spoke with Jerry, he was deeply depressed. He’d had periods of depression through the years but had always been able to work himself out of them. This time was different. The only thing Jerry was now motivated to do was deny and run away from his life. The problem was, he knew that his life wasn’t so bad. Like most people, there were positives and negatives, but nothing so catastrophic that it would contribute to this utter sense of loss and hopelessness. He was ashamed because this time he couldn’t fix himself.

It’s not like I was abused or anything . . . Jerry said, and then proceeded to recount growing up with a mother too preoccupied to notice her son and a stepfather too estranged to offer any support. As we talked, Jerry often seemed embarrassed, fearful of making too big a deal out of what happened to him. Jerry had developed a survival strategy during childhood to minimize the pain from emotional abuse, believing if he told himself often enough it wasn’t that bad, then it wouldn’t be.

Pretending the pain didn’t exist only lasted for so long. The older he got, the more difficult it was to run from the pain. The only way for him to heal was to deal with the pain head-on, facing it for what it was—the result of a persistent pattern of emotional abuse by the people who were supposed to love and support him. Over the years, Jerry fought hard to hold on to a childhood that wasn’t real. But in order to get healthy, he needed to give up that illusion and come to grips with the reality that the words spoken to him back then did, indeed, hurt him. Once he acknowledged the pain, he was able to find a pathway to healing.

While physical and sexual abuse can be more visible and considered