The Power of Connection: Maximize Your Health and Happiness with Close Relationships

By Gregory L. Jantz Ph.D. and Keith Wall

Loneliness and isolation are serious problems with real and often devastating consequences—including increased suicide risk. Their ramifications deeply affect everyone in our society. In The Power of Connection, explore why connection matters so much, what the absence of connection means for the world, and how to create more of it in our lives.

Dr. Gregory Jantz believes the payoff for pursuing human connection is well worth the investment, with the rewards being greater health, well-being, resilience, purpose, spirituality, and enjoyment of life. He inspires us to be genuinely better together, and more available to each other.

Accept this invitation to nurture relationships in which ideal qualities can truly shine: compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, and love. Find strategies for genuine connection to heal wounds, find comfort in each other, and build a healthier future for our society. In this book, you will learn:

• Steps toward more authentic relationships
• Conditions for connection
• Strategies for deeper connections
• Ways to be a great friend

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tyndale House Publishers
• Release date: May 30, 2023
• ISBN: 9781496488053

Book preview

Chapter 1

The Problem of Disconnection and the Power of Connection

Healthy people are growing people, and people do not grow healthy in isolation. We need each other for many reasons, including companionship, encouragement, support, feedback, and guidance. Because of this, the character of people we surround ourselves with, and strive to form deep connections with, matters tremendously. We can’t always select the people who fill our lives, but in most cases we can choose those we get close to. Moreover, we can choose to form relationships with people who share the desire to develop a stronger bond with others.

Think for a moment about the people whose company you value and cherish; recall those who make a difference in your life for the positive. They are interested and invested in you. They share their lives with you and encourage you to do the same. They pick you up when you fall. They strive to bring out the best in you. They accept you for who you are and challenge you to pursue your goals with energy and determination.

Such relationships are essential for healthy emotional, social, and spiritual development. Unfortunately, developing and maintaining these needed interconnections is becoming an increasing struggle as our culture shifts. Loneliness has been a mounting concern for decades, with some level of isolation now afflicting millions of people in North America. In his groundbreaking book Bowling Alone (2000), Robert Putnam documented the growing alienation experienced by Americans as previously vibrant aspects of society that fostered togetherness, such as bowling leagues, faded away. The close-knit fabric of communities began to fray, and people retreated indoors, often not even knowing the names of those who lived around them.

More recent research shows that loneliness was worsening prior to the COVID-19 pandemic. In 2018, a joint Kaiser Family Foundation and Economist survey found that one in five Americans often or always felt lonely or socially isolated.³

According to a study published in February 2021 by Harvard University’s Making Caring Common project, loneliness is defined as the negative feelings that emerge from a perceived gap between one’s desired and actual relationships. The study found that 36 percent of respondents felt lonely frequently or almost all the time or all the time.⁴ In this report, researchers point out the broad reach of isolation:

Loneliness also doesn’t seem to spare any major demographic group. Among our survey respondents, there were no significant differences in rates of loneliness based on race or ethnicity, gender, level of education, income, religion, or urbanicity. Large numbers of survey respondents in both political parties suffer loneliness, although Democratic respondents were more likely to report loneliness (40%) than Republicans (29%).⁵

A similar study Cigna conducted in 2019—before the COVID-19 pandemic—supports these conclusions, but startlingly identifies significant generational differences in loneliness. The findings revealed that younger generations are dramatically more lonely than older people. Nearly eight in ten Gen Z members (79 percent) and seven in ten Millennials (71 percent) are lonely, compared to only 50 percent of Baby Boomers.⁶

The High Cost of Loneliness

Even before pandemic-related social disruptions came along, researchers widely viewed loneliness as an epidemic with serious health implications. Although measuring feelings can be subjective, taking stock of the effects of those emotions is not. Much research supports the conclusion that loneliness contributes to health risks, including:

Depression and anxiety

Substance-abuse disorders

Suicidal thoughts

Aggressive behavior and impulsivity

Cognitive decline

Obesity

Cardiovascular problems

Diminished immunity

Sleep disruption

Premature mortality⁷

The Harvard report referenced earlier echoes this association, citing evidence to support the stunning claim that lacking social connection carries the same if not greater health risks as heavy smoking, drinking, and obesity.

My purpose in presenting these troubling statistics is to firmly lay this foundation: Isolation and loneliness are serious problems with real and often devastating consequences, as in the case of increased suicide risk. The ramifications deeply affect everyone in our society in one way or another and should not be taken lightly.

But here’s the good news: This is a problem with an attainable solution, an ailment with an achievable cure. Let’s explore an example drawn from composites of real-life stories, and then we’ll dig into what we can do to regain the full, healthy, and powerfully united life God intends for us!

A Study in Contrasts

Imagine you’ve just parked in the lot of a well-maintained suburban apartment complex. You step out of the car and follow the winding sidewalk past lush landscaping and an inviting swimming pool and fitness center. Ahead is a staircase leading to the upper stories of Building