Communication Skills: 8-in-1 Guide to Master Body Language, Assertiveness, Conversations, Persuasion, Humor, Small Talk, Social Skills & Email Writing

By Lawrence Finnegan

COMMUNICATION SKILLS - 8 MANUSCRIPTS IN 1 BOOK, INCLUDING:

 

1)

BODY LANGUAGE:

7 Easy Steps to Master Nonverbal Communication, Reading People, Microexpressions & Improve Your Charisma.

 

2)

ASSERTIVENESS:

7 Easy Steps to Master Assertive Social Confidence, Self-Esteem, Self-Awareness

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lawrence Finnegan
• Release date: Jul 3, 2023
• ISBN: 9781088213360

Book preview

Communication Skills

8-in-1 Guide to Master Body Language, Assertiveness, Conversations, Persuasion, Humor, Small Talk, Social Skills & Email Writing

Lawrence Finnegan

Copyright

© Copyright by Lawrence Finnegan. All rights reserved.

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Table of Contents

Communication Skills

Copyright

Table of Contents

Book 1: Body Language

Table of Contents

Book 2: Assertiveness

Table of Contents

Book 3: Conversation Skills

Table of Contents

Book 4: Persuasion

Table of Contents

Book 5: Make People Laugh

Table of Contents

Book 6: Small Talk

Table of Contents

Book 7: Social Skills

Table of Contents

Book 8: Email Etiquette

Table of Contents

Book 1: Body Language

7 Easy Steps to Master Nonverbal Communication, Reading People, Microexpressions & Improve Your Charisma

Lawrence Finnegan

Table of Contents

Communication Skills

Copyright

Table of Contents

Book 1: Body Language

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: Step 1 - Define Your Terms

A Code with No Key

Locality and Timing

Take Control

Moderation

Reflection

You Feel Me?

With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility

Cognitive Divergence

Chapter 2: Step 2 - Face & Posture

The Smile

Train Your Brain

Eyes, Brow, Chin, and Jaw

Cosmetic Interventions

Posture

Commanding Strides and Piercing Gazes

Chapter 3: Step 3 - Eye Contact

Novice, Practiced or Master

Seeing Eye to Eye

Embellishments

Know Your Audience

Chapter 4: Step 4 - Gestures and Personal Space

Where Do You Stand?

Professional versus Casual

Hand Wave It Away, Jazz Hands and Itchy Fingers

Gesture to Learn

Hands and Proximity

Let’s Get in Touch

Chapter 5: Step 5 - Touch

No Touch!

Unless…

Careful, I’m a Hugger!

Your Body, Your Choice

Vulnerable and Non-vulnerable

Non-Vulnerable

The Reality

Chapter 6: Step 6 - Voice

Intonation

Pitch

Speed

Facial Expression

Articulate, Enunciate and Project!

Chapter 7: Step 7 - Beyond Communication

Differently Abled

Keepin’ It Real

Subtle but Tangible

Conclusion

Book 2: Assertiveness

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: Step 1 - Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries

Know Core, Know Boundaries

No Core, No Boundaries

Self-Control

Chapter 2: Step 2 - Confidence

Preparing

Eye Contact

Speak Up!

Articulation

Animated

Balance

Chapter 3: Step 3 - Prepare

Research

Rehearse

Audience Knowledge

To Be or Not to Be

Chapter 4: Step 4 - Stay on Task

Emotional Intelligence

Control

Focus

Chapter 5: Step 5 - Active Listening

Me, Myself, and Eye

Body Language

Restate

Empathy

Chapter 6: Step 6 - Validate Others' Feelings

Validating People

Do Not Be Manipulated

Appeal to People’s Better Halves

Do They Have a Point?

Chapter 7: Step 7 - Compromise

Choice, Options and Feedback

Illusion of Choice

Stronger Together

Conclusion

Book 3: Conversation Skills

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: Step 1 - Engagement

Be Approachable

Setting

Smile

Empathy

Kindness

Mirroring

Composure

Chapter 2: Step 2 - Active Listening

Eye Contact

Let Them Talk

Body Language

Touch is Touchy

Back and Forth

Summarize

Chapter 3: Step 3 - Small Talk

Opinions

Open-Ended Questions

Processing or Problem-Solving?

Cognitive Bias

Conversation Piece

Interest Groups

Chapter 4: Step 4 - Know Your Audience

Locality

Cold Reads

Analytics and Data

One Of Us!

Monitor Feedback

Chapter 5: Step 5 - Reflecting & Difficult Conversations

Update and Adjust

Nobody Thinks About You the Way You Think About You

Feedback

Self-Reflection

Don’t Overthink It

Difficult Discussions

Chapter 6: Step 6 - Practice Alone

Multimedia

Limits and Dangers

Chapter 7: Step 7 - Educate and Enrich Yourself

Talk!

It’s Not What You Know; It’s Who You Know

Seriously, Just Go Up and Say 'Hi.'

Beyond Books

Conclusion

Book 4: Persuasion

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: Step 1 - Be Confident

Take a Stand

Fake It ‘Till You Make It

Business Casual

What You Can Trash On

Knowledge Is Power

Earned or Assumed

Chapter 2: Step 2 - Work on Delivery

Happy

Multimedia

Fast or Slow Tempo

Reflect and Consider

Demographics

Do Not Pander

Adjust

Chapter 3: Step 3 - Find Mutual Benefit

Compromise Is Strength

Change Nothing but the Words

Framing

The Power of Capitulation

Reciprocity

Grounded

Chapter 4: Step 4 - Favor Logic & Reason

Reliable Sources

Trust

Credibility

Overthink

Intuition Is Not a Guess

Life Lessons

Chapter 5: Step 5 - Find Some Yes

Small Talk

Gift of Gab Deconstructed

Open-ended Openers

Agree With Valid Complaints

Not a Battle

Keep Your Cool

Chapter 6: Step 6 - Be Patient and Persistent

Stay Tuned In

Steer the Conversation

Losses Into Gains

Chapter 7: Step 7 - Be Amazing

Likable And Influential

Prerecord

Conclusion

Book 5: Make People Laugh

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: Step 1 - Know Your Audience

Intentional Comedy

Children

Teens

Young Adults & Adults

Middle Age

Seniors

Beyond Age

Chapter 2: Step 2 - Find a Funny Feeling

Research

No, Really, Just Be Funny

Timing Is Everything

No Rules

OK, Maybe One Rule

Common Ground

Why You Can’t Explain a Joke

Last Laugh

Chapter 3: Step 3 - Try It Out

Social Grease

Clubs and Open Mic

Dying

Casual Setting

Improvisation

Chapter 4: Step 4 - Get Used to Word Play

Puns, Jokes and Classic Humor

Punny!

Have a Joke at the Ready

Absurdist and Non-Sequitur

Mimicry, Funny Sounds, and Silence

Timeless or Topical

Set-Up and Punchline

Chapter 5: Step 5 - Explore Physical Humor

Slapstick & Prat Falls

Learn to Fall

Costumes & Looking Funny

Props & The Bag of Tricks

Non-Verbal

Face

Slow Down

Chapter 6: Step 6 - Conversational Humor

Avoid Canned Humor

What’s So Funny?

Surprising Contrasts, Obvious Errors, and Comedic Truth

The Funny One

The Try-Hard

Thought-Emotion-Action

Joy

Chapter 7: Step 7 - Slam!

F*ck Off, Friend!

Love And Hate

Still Basic, Still Unexpected

Hecklers

One In Ten Rule

Pump The Breaks

Conclusion

Book 6: Small Talk

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: Step 1 - You Have to Loosen Up

Be Approachable

Introductions

Remember Names

Beyond the Bar

Location, Location, Location

Chapter 2: Step 2 - Observe Banter Basics

Open-Ended Questions

Draw the Person Out; Ask Them about Themselves

Read the Room

Let It Go

Research

Chatty Cathy and Talkative Ted

Push Through

Nobody Thinks about You the Way You Think About You

Chapter 3: Step 3 - Actively Listen

Pay Attention

Remember Names

Non-verbal Communication

American English Has Tonal Components

Eye-Contact, Posture, and Feedback

Slow Down

No, Really, Slow Down

Chapter 4: Step 4 - Keep Them Laughing

Intentional Versus Conversational Laughter

Science of Laughter

Ha Ha Handy

Practice

One Rule

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

Chapter 5:  Step 5 - Embrace the Fail

Foot-In-Mouth Disease

More Fun with Science

Pain and Embarrassment

It Is Not a Contest

...But Maybe It Sometimes Is a Little Bit?

Own It

No, You’re Right!

Chapter 6: Step 6 - Learn How to Talk to Personality Types

Personality Tests Are Wrong

Introvert/Extrovert

Emotional/Practical

Pop/Fringe

Creative/Passive

Cross a Threshold

Be That Guy/Girl If You Have To

Chapter 7: Step 7 - Memorize A Few Basics

Openers

Middle

Break Away

Improvisation

Conclusion

Book 7: Social Skills

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: Step 1 - Work on You

Balance and Reciprocity

Basic Self Care

Drives and Motivations

Acquaintance, Friend or Lover

Date Yourself

Chapter 2: Step 2 - Understand Them

There Is No THEM

What Do You Stand For?

Demographics Vs. Individuals

Why Are They Here?

Follow Your Bliss

Scenes, Haunts & Social Locale

Beyond the Bar

Express Yourself

Chapter 3: Step 3 - Make Small Talk Big

Just Do It

Ice Breaker

Keep It Going

Break Away

Chapter 4: Step 4 - Make New Friends

Take a Chance on Me

Just Friendship

There Is No Friend Zone

Hello, I Must Be Going

When to Call

Know No

Be a Friend

Help or Hinder?

Chapter 5: Step 5 - Keep Friends

Get In Touch

Shake the Family Tree

Besties

Make New Friends but Keep the Old

Forged In Fire or Bonded Over Time

Quick Tips

Be a Friend

Chapter 6: Step 6 - Go Deep

Observe, Consider and Decide

Run Toward Danger

Deconstruction

Complaining

Philosophy, Religion, and Spirituality

Existential Dread

Enrich, Explore and Enliven

Break It Down

Chapter 7: Step 7 - Build Strong Relationships

Go, See and Do

Take a Back Seat

Acceptance

Space and Boundaries

Accountability

If They Hit You, They Do Not Love You

Beyond Self Care: Self-Help

Nurture Your Nature

Conclusion

Book 8: Email Etiquette

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: Step 1 - Learn the Basics

Similarity to Letters

Differences

Chapter 2: Step 2 - Never Send Angry

Passion and Purpose

Processing or Plotting

Cooling Off Period

Boundaries and Balance

Clout As Currency

Chapter 3: Step 3 - Practice with Casual Emails First

Establish Expectations and Keep Them

Emotion on the Page

Personal Email

Understanding

Style, Tone, and Voice

Social Media

Forever

Chapter 4: Step 4 - Master Professional Correspondence

Less Is More

Content is King

Word Choice

Mass Messaging

Group Dynamics

The Newsletter

Chapter 5: Step 5 - Learn Time Savers

Upkeep

Digital Tools

Asynchronous Communication

Delays and Excuses

Chapter 6: Step 6 - Use Rich Media

HTML

Hypertext

Explore Your Windows

Rich Text

Conversion

Chapter 7: Step 7 - Be a Remote Team Player

Shared and Collaborative Files

Establish Norms and Standards

Organize, Prioritize, and Diversity

Open-Source Options

Prioritize

Work/Life Balance

Information Hygiene

Passwords and Security

Test and Check

Tips for the Technologically Impaired

BONUS - Take It Beyond the Inbox

Gig Work

Writing

Podcasts, Videos, and Amateur Productions

The Possibilities Are Endless

Take The Next Step

Conclusion

Introduction

Welcome to Body Language. In this guide we will tackle the intricacies of everything you're saying when you're not saying anything at all.

If you feel your body language conveys one thing and your words another, you have come to the right place. Should you simply wish to enhance an average demeanor into a charismatic one or take your already congenial nature to soar radiant new heights, then welcome. Even if you are simply curious and want to understand the details of something few ever think about in a systematic, formal way, we have something for you. 

Non-verbal communication accounts for as much as 2/3 of the information we receive from other people. We convey so much through gesture, stature, tone, and facial expression, both conscious and unconscious, that not taking it all into account when you need to be understood and persuasive is giving yourself a handicap. We evolved for millions of years with no language at all, and most of those unspoken cues are still hardwired into our very cores. While life experience will undoubtedly give some variety to the rules laid out further on, most of this stuff is so ingrained in the human experience that deviating from it looks strange and feels uncomfortable.

Modern life looked like it was going back to written correspondences with the creation of emails and text messages, but almost as soon as we began communicating electronically, we found ways to send images and express nonverbal intention—even text messaging developed Emoji to give facial expressions to written words. Emojis were actually rediscovered because monks scribing manuscripts in the age before the printing press would occasionally insert emoji-like faces to denote humor or irony. 

Effective speaking relies on a powerful voice, but far more of charisma is not in words themselves but the delivery. The world-famous speakers use smaller words to reach a larger audience, relying on their tone, gestures, and body language to convey strong passion, intensity and subtext as much as skillful use of that limited vocabulary. Powerful public speakers are easier to find than spoken word artists alone, the naked voice requiring a singer or actor’s training to do what a human body and words together can do.

You can find good and bad examples of people who excelled in the field of Public Speaking and became rich, famous, or influential because of it. Sometimes, fortunes are made, empires built, and the is world shaken, all by someone with almost nothing to offer but their way with words.

You understand that it wasn’t their words alone, right?

As you go through this guide, we will be going over specific features of unspoken communication, and as we do so, I really want you to think about how you express these actions, inactions, and movements. So much of what we'll discuss further on is unthinking, automatic pilot stuff that it can be beneficial to reflect on past behavior or ask those closest to us. I stopped just short of assigning homework, as most of this can only be practiced in real life. 

If some of this stuff just feels weird, don't worry. Fake it till you make it works just fine in confidence and social interactions, so push through it, and soon enough, you won't be faking anything.

Let’s get started!

Chapter 1: Step 1 - Define Your Terms

The study of non-verbal communication is deep and wide, with many different disciplines studying human behavior for various reasons. I'll be teaching you the technical terms, but part of good communication is not intentionally throwing words at people they don't know.

Advertisers analyze posture and facial expression in impact studies even more than the participant notes. Salespeople learn the fundamentals of Appearance and The Approach before anything else; you never see a disheveled salesperson for a reason. Dating advice almost always begins with body language and other non-verbal tips, with what you say far less important than how you say it. There is not a single facet of interpersonal communication that doesn't benefit from a little focused study on decoding and encoding human behavior with meaning.

When scientists and researchers look at how humans send and receive information along non-verbal channels, they start using the terms Encode and Decode.

A Code with No Key

Very much the way you might imagine, code is the keyword here. Clinical study and formal observation have proven what most of us intuit as teens: you can tell a whole lot about a person's attitude by the way they carry themselves, and what someone says versus what someone does is often wildly in opposition. We're not even talking about intentional deception, here, just the regular expression of the mind-body connection.

It is essential to know this is not usually an intentional code but an unthinking, automatic cipher: for the most part, people aren't intentionally hiding information in their demeanor. We are talking about unconscious movements, instinctual behaviors, and actions that we don't even think about- at least until right now! Making sure we’re not encoding confusing information is one of the reasons mediation and relaxation are so important in the modern age. 

Encoding is when we send information through our face, posture, gestures, and tone. It is all done on the fly, intuitively, and usually without thinking. To a large degree, this is the kind of activity that makes us look at great apes with empathy. We still share some of the brain and nervous system activity with social primates. The chest-beating, bonding, and feuds resemble human family groups so much it can be tempting to continue drawing comparisons. But make no mistake: our big brain and social norms will mold our encoded information habits far more. No mere beast, we can overcome, relearn and condition ourselves, giving us the ability to change bad habits picked up in childhood or recreate a whole new attitude in adulthood.

Decoding is when we read those signals and interpret them. The misinterpretation of nonverbal cues has been the cause of so many misunderstandings and arguments that it always pays to ask, state intentions clearly, and not rely on looks, tone, or assumptions. I hear state your intent from my spouse (an elementary school teacher) to her students so much I have to place it here, too. While this guide focuses on mastering unspoken communication, it is always Best Practices to ask someone to clarify, elaborate, and explain if you are unclear on what is being said. As kids, we get used to our parents or caregivers responding to our unspoken wants and needs. Some of us forget that nobody will interpret our subtle signals as clearly, save a lover or best friend like our parents did. 

Obviously, the people we grow up with will inform how we encode and decode more than anything save biological wiring. The bad advice do as I say not as I do is wasted breath on a baby or pre-verbal child, and most adults, as actions are louder than words at the best of times but speak volumes when you have no words at all! Psychology focuses on childhood and the environment in which you were raised so much, the cliche of a therapist saying: tell me about your mother developed. Of course, we have to understand that phrase came from an era when mothers were the exclusive and sole caregivers to children. But we can begin to understand the encoded information we present to the world by considering how we were raised.

Proxemics is the technical term used for the amount of space a person feels comfortable with around themselves. Like everything else we will discuss, Personal Space is subjective to not only place but also time and activity. While we go far more in-depth with this later, it's good to begin thinking about it now, as it can be hard to talk about something that's never been considered.

Locality and Timing

As if the study of nonverbal cues wasn’t complex enough, what’s acceptable and unacceptable can change by the hour! Not only do these nuances vary between regions and social groups, but locations, times of day, and activity alter these rules, too. As if global, national, state, county, and city weren’t complex enough, work, home, and recreation all have their own norms that get taught, practiced, and updated without conscious thought, too. That's why we look to develop an awareness of these things instead of trying to catalog them; I would invariably say, people do this! and you'll be in an area where this is wrong and people do that, instead.

We all know some examples of how different these can be across cultures. Before I was old enough to have ever met any other Italians, my grandpa told me the joke, How do you make an Italian stop talking? You tie their hands behind their back! owing to the tendency of people from that part of the world to use expressive and, to an outsider, excessive gesticulation.

The increased population density of cities tends to give people less personal space, though even on a busy urban sidewalk, you will observe a crucial buffer zone being maintained. Work and recreation differ significantly in how close you can stand, what you can talk about, and the amount of touch allowed. These norms can vary significantly from business to business, with some taking a far more informal approach than others.

Again, as you go on, let me remind you: observe yourself interacting with others. Reflect on how you do it and if you want to make any changes. Observe those you wish to be like- what exactly are they doing? There's no magic or just born with it to a charismatic individual; they are doing some pretty specific things. Take a practical look at the way we interact, and you'll soon be well on your way to increasing your ability to override the automatic and consistently deliver convincing, clear messages.

Take Control

Just because an activity is unconscious doesn't mean it can't be controlled.

Meditation trains us in a new way of breathing, and self-hypnosis is dedicated to helping you think in new ways. Even the most inherent of nonverbal communications can be noted, stopped and adjusted, or removed.

For some people, this is going to be fundamentally easy. I always felt like an outcast; peer groups were mysterious, kids my own age a wild unknown I had to make my way into. I was always self-conscious, I monitored my every breath, afraid of making a misstep, and it wouldn't be until my early 20s that I actually broke out of my head and learned to just be without agonizing over my every tiny action. This was self-awareness taken to an unhealthy degree, and I was often paralyzed with indecision. I had to teach myself how to move through a crowd, keep eye contact and still have trouble keeping my thoughts from making my lips move!

I guess I trained myself right out a few pretty fundamental movements because I was at a convention and ran into a blind friend of mine. He asked if I would like to help him navigate the crowds and eagerly agreed, he is such a nice fellow, and the convention floor was crowded with shuffling people and cluttered with vendors, demos, and displays. He grabbed my elbow, and we went on our way, me describing the generals and him occasionally asking what a sound was. However, it did not last more than a few minutes because I wasn't involuntarily twitching my arm in the direction I was about to walk like everyone else who would guide him. When he did that with other people, he said everyone had a slight twinge corresponding to where they would turn.

With the wisdom of hindsight, maybe everyone else who'd led him around was conscientious enough to make those slight indicator movements ahead of actual turns; I was nineteen at the time and as self-absorbed as any young man. It is also possible that I just pressed seemingly unnecessary movements out of my behavior when I agonized over how to carry myself. While anecdotal, it was my first experience reflecting not on obvious body language but the small, nearly invisible things.

Moderation

It is also a note to use caution. You can take control of nonverbal communication channels but work on developing the ability to modulate your awareness. Be here now is good advice unless you NEVER reflect. A reflective personality is fine unless you are constantly lost in thought. Being paralyzed by indecision is bad enough when it's a major purchase, branch in the road of life, or other significant dilemmas; making yourself choose how to enter a room, what to do with your hands, and even how to stand is exhausting.

If you are already obsessed with this kind of thing, take this opportunity to learn how to dial it back. If this particular type of self-awareness is new to you, then a quick primer on the fine art of getting outside yourself for a moment.

Reflection

Take a second right now: think about what your body is doing, how you are situated in space.

Holding a book or sitting behind a computer, let yourself consider your head, back, and hands. Were you to see you, what would you think? Of course, reading a book is not the best place to begin but did you feel yourself almost zoom out a little bit? Get an image in your mind’s eye of the form you presented and how it would feel if you saw someone like that?

If not, then we can learn to let go a little.

Loosen any constricting garments, try to let go of any tension and close your eyes. Breath in and out slowly for a minute, focusing on the feeling of air through your lungs. Leaving your eyes shut, gradually moving your awareness to the sense of the furniture you are sitting on and the sounds around you. Now look for tension and soreness, attempting to relax those places as you find them.

Go ahead, pause a second and try it.

Getting in touch with your body if you are not already is Lesson One when sharpening up your nonverbal communication skills. Feel the pressure of the seat under you, the ground beneath your feet, the clothes on your skin. Feel your breath not only move through your mouth and nose but the air over your skin, too. Feel your bones and muscles; sometimes, getting in touch with your mind-body connection begins with actual contact.

If you are plagued with an overabundance of self-concern, use breathing exercises and mental discipline to feel it less! Observe the power of a temporary and intentional disconnect by guiding your thoughts away from self-awareness. Dance Like Nobody Is Watching is usually applied as a metaphor, and many will tell you the power of letting go. Teaching yourself how to switch gears mentally is a little bit of mental gymnastics you will use all the time. 

You Feel Me?

"Feeling" is the keyword to encoding and decoding nonverbal communications, so much of the back and forth between humans is on an emotional, intuitive level. This is one of the many reasons we started talking about 'emotional intelligence' a few decades back. Visual cues can give us context, not as subjective or prone to exaggeration as feelings, and subtext words fail to convey.

Like poetry tries to squeeze greater meaning and depth from words, a skilled speaker uses their body like a flourishing language- emphasizing, adding context, and evoking greater meaning than words alone.

With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility

As we delve into the details of nonverbal communication, it is vital to keep in mind just how potent it can be. We are looking to build stronger communication skills, not trying to manipulate or dominate people. People might be swayed one way or another by well-considered nonverbal channels, but it is not going to change minds, and folks get pretty upset if they think they've been led around by the nose.

Reactions against poorly executed nonverbal communications can be stronger than verbal ones. People seem to be more forgiving of misspeaks and slips of the tongue, even intentional slander or trash-talk, than erratic behavior, weird looks, or even unusual pauses or emphasis in words. The parts of the brain that track minor, almost imperceptible changes in the face are nearly as sensitive to body language. 

Apply these lessons judiciously, a little at a time, because, like I have said and will continue to drive home: even minor changes to these behaviors have a significant impact. Less Is More when adjusting your nonverbal messages, and always err on the side of caution when making changes of any kind to your lifestyle. Humans are SO keyed into these signals that any deviation from the norm will shine like a beacon. 

Cognitive Divergence

I was not sure where to make this side note, but you have to also make accommodations in your thinking for so-called divergent psychology. Autism leaves those on its spectrum robbed of some of the fundamental decoding abilities we take for granted: the ability to read emotions and sense subtext all but lost on many of them. There are, of course, other unusual psychologies you may run into, but autism seems to be common enough to make me mention it specifically. In other words, none of these lessons and rules are going to carry water with everyone. Human neurology is just too gosh darn diverse.

Just think about the people you know: a lot can change a person's receptivity and creation of unspoken signals. Mood, energy level, and recent events all impact how we 'deal,' and sometimes we just don't.

Always assume someone capable of intelligent conversation until proven otherwise and even then continue with respect; many cognitive disorders present as slurred or inarticulate speech while the person themselves is perfectly intelligent.

Chapter 2: Step 2 - Face & Posture

The face is a big one, owing to how much communication is based on facial expression. We are SO hardwired for facial recognition that we are prone to see faces in complex visual fields, like leaves, clouds, and tree bark. If a landform has even a passing resemblance to a profile or face, it invariably gets a human nickname or is otherwise identified by its similarity to us. Seeing faces is common in mental health and hallucinogenic episodes, in the shadows or at nighttime. Humanity is just crazy for faces!

Women get derided for resting mean face and are expected to be animated and emote fairly obviously, while men are expected to keep strong emotions from their face at all costs. Thankfully, these norms are dissolving, allowing for more diversity in facial expression for men and less demand for a transparent facade from women. This change is a good thing, calling back what I said in the previous chapter about how different everyone's communication styles can be, not only from person to person but from day to day, too.

Stroke and injury can occasionally render all or part of a face immobile, and birthmarks or scars can distract. Those who tattoo the face are looking for that dangerous, outsider vibe any tattoos used to illicit in the mainstream.

We change the face at our peril.

The Smile

Intense studies, including brain scans and other neural activity sensors, have proven what well-intentioned but sometimes irritating well-wishers have told us for ages: Turn That Frown Upside Down! The act of smiling does trip a little happy trigger in your endocrine system, giving you a squirt of the hormones serotonin, dopamine, and endorphin. Faking a smile is subtle but can really help kick-start a bad mood IF you meet it halfway and work on changing the situation or your attitude toward it. Do this too much, however, and you risk blowing those centers out. After a while, trying to force a smile has the opposite effect. It is a fairly universal rule: any time you intentionally get between the thought-emotion-action cycle, you risk changing systems that are automatic of a reason, so use with care. 

For a long time, I was taught that no one ever smiles in historic photographs because the lens had to be left open so long you would blur the image if the smile faltered, so people just were told to remain neutral. The fact is, those old silver-nitrate black and white cameras only needed a few seconds, but it was the people of the time who didn't smile! In truth, it was thought a wide, toothy smile was a sign of feeble-mindedness. It's easy to imagine, back when life was so much more struggle, not trusting the judgment of someone with a perpetually positive attitude! Nowadays, though, outside high fashion runways and photoshoots, if you don't attempt at least a slight grin, people are going to begin asking you what's wrong. 

That happened to me. As much as I've always had a sense of humor and enjoy a good laugh, a part of me takes everything so seriously. I was always getting asked what was wrong, at best, or to lighten up at worst.  Usually, it was just stuff I was mulling over, existential threats none of us have control over, so I wanted to get over it. Dwelling on problems you have power over can be a helpful brainstorming technique, but stewing over things out of your control is called Grinding Your Gears for a reason- you will burn out