Recovery from Eating Disorders and Other Addictions

By Joanne DiCesare

Joanne starved herself for years to numb her feelings and became anorexic.

Then, in an attempt to restore her health, she began compulsive binge eating to fill the overwhelming emptiness in her heart and soul. She binged and purged, which led to obesity and the further decline of her health. Follow her secret three-decade

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Jun 30, 2023
• ISBN: 9798887385921

Joanne DiCesare

Joanne DiCesare grew up an only child surrounded by a close-knit, loving family of aunts, uncles, and cousins in upstate New York. Her college experience and events following inspired her memoir and addiction recovery guide. She walks readers through her life-threatening journey of anorexia, bulimia, and obesity that spans decades to overcome. Unmasking the mystique of eating disorders to minimize pain and suffering, sheguides those in recovery with insights and tools that can be applied to all addictions.In addition to her passion for sharing her journey to inspire others, Joanne enjoys weight training, dining, serving her church and community, time with family and friends, reading, shopping, movies, Broadway plays, concerts, traveling, and hiking.

Book preview

Recovery from Food and Other

Addictions

Joanne DiCesare

Dedication

This book is dedicated to those battling with addiction, mental health issues, and worthlessness, as well as the souls of those who lost the fight. This includes family and friends praying for another’s healing and those living with hearts broken from the loss of a loved one. My journey spans decades from sickness and addictions to health, happiness, and love. It is presented to help and inspire you to make your own journey. My struggles and those of a loved one taught me that the future is more valuable than anything from the past, so it is senseless to let your past defeat or destroy you. May you find hope and realize that you are a precious and unique gift, you are loved and never alone, you are needed by others and irreplaceable, and that life can improve immediately. Help is a step away, and I pray that you find strength in these words to grab a lifeline. Blind to my issues, I never imagined until I was healed how bad things could get, and now I am blessed to experience how wonderful life is. If my life can change, I know your life can change. I praise God for the journey, healing, and miracles. I was given a second chance at life and am blessed with the opportunity to share my story to inspire you. I trust that one day you will feel similarly.

Acknowledgments

First, I thank God, my heavenly Father, for the gift of life, and my parents, Eleanor and Tony, who provided unconditional love, support, and wings. My mom showed me life’s beauty and value but, most importantly, built my foundation of faith.

I shared a special relationship with my late cousin Cathy T. Although she was one of the oldest cousins and I was the youngest, we were kindred spirits. We spoke almost daily, and she shared her wisdom and magical sense of spirit that inspired me to see the lighter side of life. With a shared goal of writing our memoirs and a passion for storytelling and romance, we talked for hours, exchanging ideas, goals, and stories. As thirteen years my senior, she shared her memories of my father, illustrating how wonderful he was, which I sadly never got to appreciate while he was alive. She courageously fought a horrid battle with multiple cancers for many years without complaint, and I miss her sweet loving voice every day. She is an angel in heaven, but her strength and spirit are alive in these pages.

Although my family includes many aunts, uncles, and cousins who are a source of constant love, I am blessed to have a special bond with Judy and Tom B., Mike M., Susan O., Gloria F., Kathleen A., and Patty C. and her children.

 In the dark years, I was blessed with friends who are beacons of light and love. They inspired, laughed, cried, encouraged, and loved me when I was unlovable. These special angels include Kathy R., Cathy S., Jane G., Steve B., Terry F., Sue D., and the late Veda S.

In later years, I have been blessed with new friends who lovingly make each day more beautiful. Over the years we have grown together in faith and strength, supporting each other in the sun and storms. These include the strong, smart, faith-filled, beautiful, and funny Cara Cara, Nancy M., Marlene C., Kimberly L., Dr., Ty B., Rosanne P., and the late Stephen M. God is evident in your joy, strength, faith, love, and generosity. Words can’t describe how honored and blessed I am to be considered family by you and yours.

 I don’t know what I would have done in the last fifteen years if I didn’t have my ex-husband, Joe D. He doesn’t have to care or love me, yet he does. He gave me freedom and encouraged me to find myself. He has been a constant support by inspiring me to be my best, and we have grown closer through the years. His love of comedy and quick-witted humor, along with my animated and outgoing personality, make our interactions highly entertaining to us and others. I also love and thank his sister, Marlene, and their late father, Joe, for opening their hearts and home while treating me as family from the beginning.

There are no words to express my gratitude to my therapist, Toni. Without her support, deep understanding, compassion, honesty, timing, and humor, I would still be wandering in the desert. Also, special thanks to all my doctors and medical teams for their dedication and support in helping me become healthy and whole.

I would not be who I am today without my family at Family Church, as well as Steven Furtick and Joyce Meyer’s ministries. Your words continually enlighten and inspire me to mature as a Christian. Also, I could never forget my Sunday Weight Watcher family for their unconditional support. I consider all my past relationships, regardless of the outcome, as special because each is part of my journey.

A special thanks to Cheryl Bara of Photos by Cheryl (www.fotosbycheryl.com) for her generous support and cover photo. You view others through the lens of your beautiful soul and capture them at their best.

I can’t express enough praise and gratitude to my proofreaders who helped make this possible. Your honesty, wisdom, intelligence, and professionalism shaped me as a writer while encouraging my best. That is a true gift, as it is easy to find fault, but the ability to add value and inspire is an art. These include Jane G., Kathy R., Tere F., Elias F., Candido C., Rhonda C., Kimberly L., John P., and Joe D. Also, thanks to Christopher D. for helping me with the initial format.

Last but not least, this never would have been possible without my TBN liaison Stacy, who believed in me and encouraged my story, Michele, who managed the project, and the production teams for their vision, creativity, and ability to polish the delivery of my words and message, which is a gift that I thank God for. Your unfailing patience and grace serve as an example of mature Christian faith and inspire my growth daily. God bless you and the TBN family.

Table of Contents

Preface 13

Introduction 15

Part 1: Israel 21

Part 2: Egypt 35

Part 3: Wilderness 45

Lesson 1: Admit Your Truth and Surrender 47

Lesson 2: Identify Why You Want to Change 50

Lesson 3: Overcome Fear 55

Lesson 4: Seek and Accept Help 57

Lesson 5: Thou Shalt Not Judge 63

Lesson 6: Understand Your Past 71

Lesson 7: Forgive Yourself and Others 76

Lesson 8: Build and Maintain Healthy Relationships 86

Lesson 9: Accept Imperfection 92

Lesson 10: Give Up to Gain 98

Lesson 11: Embrace Your Feelings 100

Lesson 12: Obey Red, Yellow, and Green Lights 107

Lesson 13: Know You Are a Child of God 110

Lesson 14: Walk Closely with God 115

Lesson 15: Wear God’s Armor 120

Lesson 16: Use Your Tools 127

Part 4: The Promised Land 141

Lesson 17: Seek Balance 142

Lesson 18: Give and Seek Truth 152

Lesson 19: Walk in Peace 155

Lesson 20: God Is Your Compass 160

Lesson 21: Stay in Your Lane 168

Lesson 22: Be Humble 174

Lesson 23: Be Grateful 180

Lesson 24: See the Present as a Present 183

Lesson 25: Expect Miracles 187

Lesson 26: Fulfill Your Life’s Purpose 192

Epilogue 199

Appendix A 203

Appendix B Addiction: Risks, Causes, Signs, Prevention, and Treatment Options 205

About the Author 209

Endnotes 211

Contact Information 217

Preface

I invite those battling any addiction to follow my journey through anorexia, compulsive overeating, obesity, bulimia, and other related afflictions to recovery. Despite all my physical and psychological problems, God restored my health so that I may share my testimony of His unconditional love and mercy. He miraculously bridged the gap between my near-fatal addictions to health and happiness. I hope to inspire those who have lost control over their life to take those first important steps toward recovery. This is a guide to recovery containing details from my food addictions while illustrating common behaviors with mind and lifestyle shifts required to overcome them. It also provides insight and perspective to those in support roles and whose lives are impacted by addiction into the addict’s world to help improve their coping skills and perseverance. The trauma and pain experienced by those who love or are in a relationship with an addict are unimaginable unless you have experienced it, and they also require faith, strength, and hope.

My story and personal experiences are described with lessons learned from each. There are twenty-six lessons, each containing reflections and words of wisdom. The reflections consist of questions to prompt your understanding of how the lesson applies to you, challenge your thoughts, and inspire new ones. The words of wisdom provide supporting and inspirational scriptures and quotes. Please understand that the details aren’t intended to invoke pity or make you feel bad for me but rather to help you avoid making the same mistakes that I have made. More importantly, this is a testimony of God’s power and the miracles that I have witnessed. Only by having God at the center of my life have I been able to purge the demons that haunted me for decades. As you read, please join me in celebrating my positive new life. If I can overcome it, you can too! Faith, trust in God, and courage are required to take the first step to health. When the journey gets bumpy, as it is guaranteed to be, the only one you can always call on and rely on for help is God. In following His path, you will begin to live and enjoy the wonderful life that you were created to have. Why wait?

If you or someone you love is in crisis or needs recovery assistance, these are a few of the recovery resources available:

Emergency: 911

American Addiction Centers: 888–681–0645. Call, text, or chat https://americanaddictioncenters.org

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 988—you can call, text, or chat if having suicidal thoughts

National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA) Helpline: 800–931–2237

Introduction

For illustration, I compare my journey to the Israelites’ initial migration from Canaan, renamed Israel, to Egypt through the wilderness to the promised land. Interestingly, significant negative events have the power to propel you into your best life if you follow God and learn from them. My story describes how, like the Israelites, I wandered in the wilderness for decades. The road to recovery was always open, but I never saw it and always seemed to choose the opposite path. It was as if I had lost my compass somewhere along the way. While my childhood was normal, my weight issues surfaced in preadolescence. They intensified in high school and college, then lay dormant for a few years, only to resurface upon meeting my first husband. Although our relationship was good in the beginning, problems that emerged over time sparked my emotional and physical collapse. Recovery took over fifteen years and finally came together when I was in my fifties. I could never express how grateful I am to finally be healthy and able to love myself and others. I attribute this milestone to having God as my center and trust that my story will illustrate the numerous miracles that God has done in my life.

At times, I felt as if I was crawling through mud and sewage; however, I never regretted the journey since it made me who I am today. The obstacles and challenges I faced were frustrating and seemed overwhelming, but by God’s grace, I always kept going. If I hadn’t traveled through the darkness, I still would be searching for the light. My prayer is that you gain wisdom and health without suffering, but that isn’t possible. Recovery requires you to do the work. You can’t improve your life without ever facing challenges and storms. It may seem great to have people who push you to seek help and make changes on your behalf; however, you must desperately want to improve your life and initiate recovery. Support and help are essential, especially in the beginning, as long as they are not doing the work for you. There is no success in recovery when others do too much and make the addict comfortable, so there is no incentive to change. Family and friends who tolerate unacceptable or sinful behavior for the addict’s sake at the expense of themselves are enabling their poor behavior. There is no detour to healing. Each person must walk their own long and difficult journey. Enduring hardships allows us to grow in faith and understand and help others. Even when you are addiction-free, life is never without hardship. Challenges provide opportunities to exercise grace and gain enlightenment every day.

Many people passively wait for their life to improve while others make it happen. Be the latter! The question isn’t if you are worthy but if you realize you are and if you are willing to make the necessary changes. Common addictions include food, drugs, smoking, alcohol, and gambling. Other addictions include pornography, sex, codependency, video gaming, exercise, shopping, and anger. Research identifies that environmental and genetic risks contribute to addiction.¹ The risk factors leading to addiction and guide to recognizing addiction behaviors from the American Addiction Center are listed in appendix B. Understand that all the risk factors affect addiction. However, for me and my experience with others who suffer, I believe that addictions are formed as a result of never healing from trauma or pain. Pain can come from a difficult childhood, losing a loved one, or perhaps in the form of divorce, a geographic separation, or a loss of health, work, or finances. Pain and grief are normal emotions; however, over time, without relief can lead to problems and addictions. People take on behaviors and habits to mask their pain. Eventually, habits morph into coping mechanisms that become the norm. Addictions can be formed when habits are taken to the extreme and become unhealthy. Sadly, many people aren’t aware that a problem even exists. Whether consciously or subconsciously, they function by relying on distractions and external behaviors. It is easier numb the pain rather than face the emotions and reality surrounding it. Although they appear to be content for a while, the long-term effects can be costly and life-threatening to themselves and others. Addicts aren’t bad people as they are sometimes labeled, but it is essential to distinguish the person from the disease. Illness is a state of being and not an identity. Therefore, an addict is a person with a problem or illness, but they aren’t their illness or addiction. Also, the length of time a person has an addiction may equate to the strength and control of the disease. Faith in God, hope, and trust are the foundation of healing. We can gain freedom from self-imprisonment with the right support. I am blessed to have endured my nightmare and thrived in spite of it. Anyone can turn their life around by surrendering their will to God. However, not all people survive their poor choices in time to change. It is time to make changes now before the window of opportunity closes. God spoke through me by filling these pages with love to help those who struggle with addictions. I pray that my journey and lessons learned will inspire those to take the first step toward healing.

Addictions, despite their form, don’t discriminate; however, the recovery steps and principles can be universally applied to all, not just food related. Relying on unhealthy and harmful things for daily survival creates more problems and dysfunction. I hope that those in need turn from self-destruction and have the strength to begin a new life. I walk in faith through the next chapters of life with wisdom from the past and excitement for the future. I don’t have all the answers or my future figured out. No one knows the plan except God, yet I enjoy every moment evolving and know that you will too. In losing myself, in my forty-year search, I found my reason for living along with the love I desperately craved. Ironically, it was in the last place I looked. I was no longer alone when I accepted God into my heart and started living by faith.

Although now in my early sixties, I feel young and confident that the best is yet to come. I learned the hard way that age doesn’t guarantee or determine maturity or wisdom. Character is formed through life’s disasters and disappointments, while wisdom evolves over time. You are entitled to a healthy, happy, and prosperous life full of love. With faith, a beautiful future awaits, so please take the first few steps toward healing now! Stop wasting precious time, as doors won’t stay open forever.

Although each person’s journey and battles are unique, the commitment, requirements, and lessons universally apply to conquering all problems, not just food. The themes of diet, weight loss, and general health best illustrate my personal food battle and are used throughout the book. Since food and health are topics that are easily relatable by most people, they also provide examples of the mindset required to gain control and make positive behavioral changes. Please understand this isn’t a diet or weight loss reference but rather a guide and resource to living a healthy life free from the chains of addiction. Also, the symptoms and progression of the illness are my personal experience, which doesn’t imply that all those suffering from food addictions have the same health issues and habits. Remember that everyone is unique and on their own journey. Many agree that eating disorders are one of the hardest to overcome since