Deliverance from Depression: Coming out of the Darkness and into God's Amazing Light

By Nicole Belle-Isle

Against all odds, a woman's journey motivated her to triumph through life's weakest moments. This page-turner grips your innermost being and takes you into the most unimaginable places to introduce something profoundly worthy. Embrace the experience as you see first-hand what was revealed and what true freedom entails.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Outskirts Press
• Release date: Aug 18, 2020
• ISBN: 9781977232939

Nicole Belle-Isle

I was born and raised in Minneapolis, MN. I had a happy childhood, however, once I became a teenager, something changed. I didn't understand what it was right away, but after a few years, I discovered I was dealing with depression. It then became a constant fight for many years, but in 1996 and 2005, I had life-changing experiences and became determined to overcome it! Through the years, I still managed to earn degrees, including a Master of Education degree that I obtained in 2005. I am a licensed teacher in special education as well as in reading. I am a senior minister at my church, High Praise Ministries. My hope is that all who read my book will be inspired and encouraged and know that there is hope no matter what you go through!

Book preview

Deliverance from Depression

Coming out of the Darkness and into God’s Amazing Light

All Rights Reserved.

Copyright © 2017 Nicole Belle-Isle

v3.0

The opinions expressed in this manuscript are solely the opinions of the author and do not represent the opinions or thoughts of the publisher. The author has represented and warranted full ownership and/or legal right to publish all the materials in this book.

This book may not be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in whole or in part by any means, including graphic, electronic, or mechanical without the express written consent of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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ISBN: 978-1-9772-3293-9

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PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

DEDICATION

I dedicate this book, first of all to God, Who is the head of my life and Who I cannot live and would not be here without. This book would not have been possible without Him. Secondly, I dedicate this book to my family who has always been there for me. Thirdly, I dedicate this to my friend and fellow author, Jamieya B-Johnson, and to Cedria, a young lady who encouraged and motivated me to finish my book. Lastly, but surely not the least, I dedicate this to my pastors, Apostle DeWayne and Pastor Parthia Hill, and to all who have helped me along the way on my journey. I thank each and every one of you. I love you all!

Dear Readers,

Names, dates, places, and incidents in this book have been changed or omitted for a variety of reasons, including, but not limited to the security, safety, and well-being of the people, places, or agencies involved. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental. I will leave it up to the reader to realize who is what, who is who, and where is where.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction

Chapter 1: The Beginning Of Depression

Chapter 2: Losing All Hope, But Then Gaining It Back

Chapter 3: Becoming Consumed

Chapter 4: Stuck In My Issues

Chapter 5: Married, But Still Experiencing Depression

Chapter 6: Hitting Rock Bottom, But Then A Life-Changing Turnaround

Chapter 7: Continuing To Heal While Experiencing Another Life-Changing Trip

Chapter 8: The Return Of Depression

Chapter 9: Struggling with Forgiveness of Myself

Chapter 10: Continuing To Battle, But Then Experiencing A Breakthrough

Chapter 11: Changing My Thinking By Learning How To Use The Word

Chapter 12: Continuing To Strive For Deliverance

Chapter 13: Finally Receiving My Deliverance

Chapter 14: Since My Deliverance

INTRODUCTION

If any of you have ever struggled with depression, you know what it’s like: the feelings, the attitude changes, the question of ‘why am I like this?’ Depression is nothing nice. It is difficult to go to work or school; often you don’t want to get up in the morning. It is hard to concentrate on anything else except the pain; the pain of depression which can lead to suicidal thoughts, attempts, and killing oneself; the pain of depression can lead to self-injurious behaviors and can also lead to addictions in attempts to drown out the pain. During my years of depression, I had many worries and insecurities; I would allow negative thinking to not only come into my mind, but to stay and dwell there! One negative thought would lead to another and another and before you know it, I was all worked up, not seeing anyway out and suicidal thoughts or self-injurious thoughts would come into my mind. I struggled with these things day in and day out with no rest for many years! No, depression is no joke! It is a very serious matter of which many people struggle with. Some people never receive help for it either. I struggled with all of these things for years, from the time that I was 13 years old until I was 33 years old…for 20 years of my life depression robbed me. I went to therapy for a while during a few of those years, however, I never took medication for depression; I never wanted for my body to become dependent upon medication in order for me to feel okay, thus I chose to stick it out and try to fight against it. My depression was somewhat hidden; only those who were close to me and around me all the time knew my struggle, or if I chose to disclose it to someone. When I mentioned to some people that I was writing a book about my deliverance from depression, they were surprised that I had dealt with depression. Yes, somehow through it all, I still managed to do everything I needed to do and still got good grades in school, though it definitely wasn’t easy as I had to push past my depression to focus and complete my schoolwork. Certainly, I did have some good times during the years I struggled with depression, and also had periods of even as many as 6 months when I was not depressed, but it always came back. At 42 years of age now, 20 years is almost half of my life, but I am writing this to tell you there is HOPE!!

I serve a faithful God! I once was lost, but now am found! I once was held in bondage of depression, but now am FREE!! I once was held in bondage with worry and insecurities, particularly over friendships, but now I am FREE!! Since I have been set free, I know I need to tell my story because people need to know there is hope, that there is light at the end of a dark tunnel. People I am still in contact with who were aware of my struggle with depression during those years can see the change in me! Also, those who didn’t know me during those years tell me what a delight I am, which is truly a testimony because I surely have not always been this way! Depression is a heavy thing to carry and this is what people would often experience when they were with me, unless I was having one of my good days where I wasn’t feeling down, and they would leave also feeling heavy. As a result, there were many times that people didn’t want to be around me for too long, unless it was one of my good days. But, I am delivered now! I want to tell my story in hopes that it will help others and give people hope that they too can overcome struggles. It is not impossible, even if it may seem like it at times. In order to tell you my story, I need to take you back to when my depression first began. I will also need to tell my story in such a way that you will be able to see what was going on within the inside of me and see how troubled I really was. There will be some dark moments in my story because that is what depression is, darkness. However, there are also glimpses of light throughout my story, especially later in the book when I approached receiving my deliverance. Anyone who reads my story will be able to see that no matter what you go through, there is hope! Here is my story, my journey.

Chapter 1

THE BEGINNING OF DEPRESSION

I WAS BORN in Minneapolis, MN in January 1975. I am the second child of four, all girls. I would say that I had a happy childhood, having two loving parents and lots of fun times together as a family; I have many wonderful memories from both my mom’s and dad’s sides of the family and from my immediate family. My sisters and I all attended a private school for our kindergarten through 8th grade years. The problems did not begin until I turned 13-years-old. I don’t know why I started becoming emotional at that time; maybe it was hormonal changes, or it could have been genetic because I do know others in my family whom have also been depressed. In any case, my attitude and moods started changing; it did not happen all at once, but slowly over the course of my 7th grade year, which I consider to be the best year out of all of my elementary school years. Therefore, I was basically happy during that year, but I noticed that I began to get emotional easier. For example, when I was at home and wasn’t doing anything and I heard some depressing music, I would begin to feel down for no reason. There were times when I also thought I had a reason, such as feeling lonely, wanting to be around my friends, but really, there was so much more to it than that. I just didn’t know it at the time. I was so young and inexperienced and had never dealt with that type of stuff before.

As time went on, the feelings and mood swings began intensifying. During my 8th grade year, my mood was up and down throughout the school year. At times that I was feeling down, I often didn’t know why. I would be ok one moment, and the next would be down. Of course, being so young, I did not understand what was happening to me; I just knew that I wanted to be back to normal again, before the feelings came. However, the mood swings did not affect me at school and only did so at home; maybe it was because at school I was around my friends. During this period in my life, my depression was not serious yet. However, I did not know that it was depression that I was dealing with until my 9th grade year.

By the time my 9th grade year arrived, I was really excited to be starting high school. Since I spent 9 years at the same school, starting high school at a new place felt like a fresh start for me. There were only a few people I knew at my high school prior to attending there, thus, most of the friends I made were new friends. My older sister was also going there. I loved my school from the moment I got there! Since I was so happy to be at a new school, the mood swings actually went away for a little while. I also became interested in reading the Bible. I knew stories from the Bible that were told to me as a child and from books that contained Bible stories that were written for children, but other than that, I really didn’t know much about the Bible at all. I started reading in the book of Genesis, reading the books in order. I didn’t know it then, but this is when the Holy Spirit began working in me and I know it was the Holy Spirit that prompted me to start reading the Bible. God was beginning the work in me that He will be faithful to complete (Philippians 1:6)!

I began spending a lot of time in my bedroom. I used to have a cross with Jesus on it hanging on my bedroom wall and would sit on the floor beneath the cross reading the Bible. I also began saying little prayers on my own. I only dealt minimally with depression during this time. It was as if God was using this time to prepare me for what lied ahead as only He knew the battle I was going to be facing. I am so thankful I had this time with God before the battle really began! The battle had already started, but was still in the early stages. God stepped in during these early stages ensuring that in the end, I would come out with the VICTORY, which is what my name, Nicole, really means. Nicole means VICTORY OF THE PEOPLE. It is not just a coincidence that my name is Nicole, it is the name God gave to me! He gave me the name VICTORY because He knew the battles I was going to be facing long before I was even born. In the book of Jeremiah, chapter 1, verse 5 says, Before I formed you in the womb I knew and approved of you [as my chosen instrument], and before you were born I separated and set you apart, consecrating you; [and] I appointed you as a prophet, (Amplified version). What a powerful verse that is! I am so thankful that I serve a good God Who sees all and knows all, knows the beginning from the end. My hope and prayer is that all who read this book will come to know God like I know Him, if they don’t know Him like that already. God is truly good and is faithful! He loves us all and His love is unconditional.

The depression did not really come full swing until my 10th grade year. This year, by far, was my hardest year of high school. I began developing a closer relationship with a friend who was 2 years older than me, Terry. She was a senior. Terry became the world to me, and not only was this the year when the depression came full swing, but was also the year my dependence upon people began. The first couple of months of school went ok; it was not until around November when things began to go downhill. Terry became my best friend, but because of that, I started to become too dependent upon her, although it took a long time for my eyes to be opened to that. She also had things going on in her life so that I didn’t get as much time with her as I would’ve liked.

There were many things that happened that year which caused my emotions to bubble over and I didn’t know how to handle them and not feel the way I was. I slipped into depression. Although I had a few other friends, I did not have any other close friends, so I felt alone. Since I couldn’t see how dependent I was upon her, I was unable to change it and the dependence caused me to do and say things that I know would not have happened otherwise; it was not fair to her. Nevertheless, that is where I