Life is Not a Dress Rehearsal: My Journey in the Classroom as an Empath and Teacher

By LaSonya Brown

In Life Is Not a Dress Rehearsal, the author takes the reader along a journey filled with love, laughter, hope, and courage. Through detailed storytelling, the author takes the reader along the path of how she came to discover her empathic abilities as a teacher during her time in the K-12 and preschool classrooms. Most of the stories will confirm what you may have suspected about what most teachers go through to an extent, but this story is very unique in that these stories occurred during the author’s first two years of teaching. Granted, most people would have given up after the first year, but the author realized that there had to be a deeper meaning for all of the traumatic and head-turning things encountered. During this journey, she is able to relate her experiences in trying to work with both children and adults who have their own set of issues while trying to remain grounded and self-aware and maintaining a healthy learning environment for her students.

If you like a story about overcoming obstacles and challenges, this book is for you. If you struggle with maintaining healthy workplace boundaries with coworkers or others in the workplace, you will enjoy reading about the author’s trials and tribulations as a newly recruited teacher fresh out of college. If you have ever felt like there was something more that you should be doing in your life and your career, this book will be an entertaining and page-turning read. It is the author’s hope that you will be able to apply some of the knowledge gained from her experiences of trial and error to avoid many of the workplace pitfalls that come with a toxic work or social environment.

Through the experiences shared throughout this book, the author was essentially forced to come to terms with her own empathy for others, all while navigating within a toxic work environment. It is the author’s sincerest hope that all readers—whether empaths, highly sensitive persons, or non-empathic—be able to find their own inner voice while navigating challenging or toxic work environments, social groups, or awkward situations in a more empathic and humane way. As you read this memoir, you should ask yourself, “How would I react or respond in a challenging situation?” or “How can I become a more empathic or understanding person while maintaining healthy boundaries?” Through the sharing of these various experiences, the author hopes to help all readers, empaths and non-empaths alike, to find their own inner strength to overcome negative situations in work, school, and in general.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Nov 23, 2021
• ISBN: 9781662455384

Book preview

Discovering That I Am an Empath

Imagine going through your life knowing that you are different but not quite knowing what your gifts are called. Growing up as an empathic child I was extremely sensitive and different in several ways. Feeling the emotions and vibrations of those around me both strangers and family members alike was a borderline traumatic experience. As I grew and entered puberty, I realized that the children and even the adults that I encountered daily did not experience the deep emotions that I experienced throughout my life. As I grew older, my ability to feel deep empathy and vibrations of others increased, and honestly, I suppressed, or tried to suppress, these abilities.

This may sound strange, but I think that I knew that I was an empath as a child despite not even knowing what the word meant. I was extremely sensitive not only from my perspective but from others’ perspective as well. My first memory of being deeply empathetic was funny now that I reflect on the moment. This memory involved a Smokey the Bear public service announcement about forest fires. I recall that I was so moved by the PSA that I began crying and, according to my mother, began apologizing to Smokey for all the forest fires.

At the time of this apology/meltdown, I was two years old. My mom said that she knew at that moment that I was an extremely sensitive soul. As I grew throughout the years, I would notice how I would pick up/take on the emotions and vibrations of others, and it literally made me depressed. I literally navigated my teenage years by avoiding or at least trying to avoid everyone that I came into contact within the public. By now, I know you must be wondering how in the world I pulled that off. For most of my middle school and high school years, I was homeschooled due to health problems.

Now keep in mind that I still have not found out the official term for my gifts yet. I really did not understand why people would tend to shy away from me when I would attempt to be friendly. I now know that they could probably pick up on me being an empath, whether they knew what an empath was or not could be considered a topic of debate. But looking back on situations in which people were rude, nasty, or antisocial toward me, I realize they were only trying to hide their insecurities from me. For a long time, I could not understand this, and I had some severe battles with depression in my teens and early twenties.

Thankfully, I have a mother who was diligent in instilling self-worth and positive affirmations into me. I was lucky and grateful for the fact that I could not only talk to her, but at the time, I could also talk with my grandmother. We spent many days and late nights talking about my feelings of depression and anxiety about being around large groups of people. Being the studious young woman that I was, I began Googling different symptoms, syndromes, and diseases. To my surprise, I had none of the diseases that I Googled. It would be another decade before I really found out what my problem was called.

During my final semester of college, while completing an internship; I would receive an offer that would unknowingly trigger my abilities beyond what I had previously experienced. By the way, during my internship, I was pregnant with my daughter. That within itself is another story for another time. Nevertheless, the internship went well. I was reassigned to another school because the mentor teacher with who I was assigned to work with did not want me in her classroom. But I was grateful for the opportunity to hone my teaching skills. It did not matter which school I was placed at; only the teaching experience mattered.

Back to that offer that I spoke of earlier—it was an interview/job offer. Now I know what you are thinking: this is too good to be true. And you are right; it was too good to be true. You know how that little voice in your head says No, do not do that or plain ole no? Well, I ignored that voice and had the experience of a lifetime and not in a good way. Now looking back, I should have known that the offer to work at this school was a disaster waiting to happen.

My first clue that I should not take the interview, let alone the job, came from my mentor. He did not say anything, but it was his hesitant demeanor while telling me about the job offer. He seemed as though he was unsure of whether to tell me of the school’s principal inquiring about my interest in working for her. It is funny now how everyone who knew about me applying to work in this district told me after the fact, that they knew that I should not have taken the job. But hey, hindsight is 20/20, right?

After accepting the job, I finished up my internship and began preparing for the birth of my daughter, and oh yeah, my college graduation as well. To say that I had a lot going on in the same month is an understatement. During May 2016, I completed a teaching internship, graduated from college, and gave birth to my first child. I have to say that giving birth to my baby girl was the highlight out of all the things that I listed. After delivering a seven-pound, seven-ounce baby girl on May 11, I was released from the hospital a few days later. I was genuinely excited about my new role as a mother and excited to see my daughter grow and reach new milestones each day. As she grew and developed, I was a doting mom tending to her every need. I am grateful that I had the summer off to take care of and nurture her before I began working in August.

During the last week of July, I was required to complete New Teacher Orientation for the school district that I would be working in for the school year. In preparation for this orientation, I read the entire employee handbook and looked over and signed some formal documents. The day of the orientation, I was excited as a newly recruited teacher to be welcomed into the fold by veteran educators. But that was not what I received. Let’s just say that it felt like I had made the biggest mistake of my life by signing on with this school district.

After completing that final day of new teacher orientation, I could not wait to get home to my family. To say that I was mentally and emotionally drained would be an understatement. After pulling into my driveway, I sat in the car for about five to ten minutes, trying to compose myself. After I got myself together, I exited the car and unlocked the front door. I walked inside into the living room with my best fake smile ever. I tried as best that I could to hide my feelings of disappointment and fear, but my mom as usual saw right through the fake smile that I tried to maintain.

My mom stopped in her tracks and said, It was that bad, huh? I pretended like I did not have a clue about what she was referring to. She said that I could finish this one-year contract and in May move on to another district. I agreed and changed the subject quickly. You may be wondering why I am telling you this story right now at this junction. I am telling this story because it is a vital part in the story of how I came to terms with being and empath. Even though I had little understanding of what the term meant. I would soon find out in a traumatic way.

I think that spirit allowed me to experience these feelings and emotions of others so that I could find a way to help. I think that I am just naturally wired to help and give to others without being asked, since I am or realize that I can only help those who wanted to help themselves. As a Virgo, I tend to want to help people, even when they refuse my help; hence, I chose the profession of teaching. Little did I know that I would have my work cut out for me in not only dealing with and establishing a bond with my students but also navigating the unique personalities of the adults, co-workers, and parents alike with their varying personalities and quirks. To say that this would be a troubling time would be a huge understatement. All those components complied into one pot made a very terrible recipe for disaster in a school environment.

Skipping forward a bit to my first day on the job as a teacher, I was excited and nervous at the same time. After making sure that I had enough classroom supplies and that the classroom was in order, I received my first period/homeroom students. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you that I taught middle school world history/social studies. But I digress; my first period students were surprisingly good students, except for a few troubled students. The day began on a good note. As I was introduced to new groups of students, I quickly realized that things were getting out of hand. Now as a new teacher, most people expect you to have classroom management issues, but the unruly and disrespectful behavior that was displayed by students was beyond what I expected to deal with on the first day of school.

At the end of the day, some of my co-workers tried to assure me that things would get better overtime. That was nice of them, and others, well, they had their own methods in how they would handle their classes. During the first day, I picked up on so many different emotions and vibrations of my students; I became deeply troubled. With some of my students, I could immediately feel the things that they were experiencing in their home life were not ideal. Many of the students were dealing with physical, emotional, and sexual abuse within their nuclear homes or foster homes. Immediately, I felt the need to walk out and cry, but I did not; I tried to conduct classes to the best of my abilities.

After the first day of school, I immediately felt that teaching was not for me, but I tried to find other activities for my students to help them get better acquainted with me and me with them. I think everyone knows that saying that your students do not want to know how much you know until they know how much you care. That is one of the truest statements ever spoken in my opinion. So I took my time to create icebreaker activities for my students and games that would also introduce the curriculum. So I prepared myself for the rest of the week and slept soundly that night, knowing that my ideas were going to work. Oh, how wrong I was, but nevertheless, I was determined to succeed no matter what.

I feel like things would have been better for me as a first-time teacher if I had a better support system to lean on, but I was in the situation that in which I was determined to soldier on no matter what happened. Fast forwarding a bit in the story, my activities that I planned did not work with my students, and they proceeded to let everyone in the entire school know it with their behavior. It had gotten so bad that other teachers had to intervene. I felt inadequate and ill prepared to handle my student’s behavior and even asked my principal for help in addressing the situation. After recognizing that my methods and activities did not work out as planned, I asked the principal for a one-on-one meeting to discuss some strategies that could work for managing student behavior problems.

Mind you that this principal was a former classroom teacher for many years, and I felt that this person would understand what I was going through and would have some helpful tips to get me on the right track. Boy, I was so naïve. After the students were dismissed and I completed my after-school duties, my boss informed me that she wanted to make a change to our meeting. The change included bringing in two assistant principals for our one-on-one meeting. I was apprehensive at first but then agreed to the change. I mean, what could possibly go wrong? I would soon find out what the meeting was all about.

As I tried my best to get through the day, I caught myself questioning my sanity and Spirit/God why he/she would allow me to have these gifts if I could not reach my own students and help them. I felt as though I was being tortured by being able to feel everything these children were feeling and experiencing and being helpless in having the tools to ease their pain. Looking back on the situation now, I know that their bad behavior was a reflection of what they were going through in their lives. I feel like the system did little to help them because the status quo was that these were the type of behaviors that were expected from these types of children from a lower socioeconomic background. Now I know you may be wondering what that has to do with anything. That information was important to mention since I came from the same socioeconomic background and racial background as the students, faculty, and staff. Everyone whom I went to for help constantly mentioned, Hey, you know this is just how they act. Meanwhile, I knew that their statements were just a mantra they used to cover up the major cracks and problems these students battled with daily.

The next day, the meeting took place before there were any students in the building, and I already had an uneasy feeling about the meeting, but I went through with it anyway. To say that it was not helpful would be an understatement. Instead of receiving encouragement and helpful tips from these veteran educators, I received chastisement from them. I was told that I was weak and passive and that being loving, kind, and giving would not work with these kinds of children. My favorite quote from this meeting was that I did not understand these students because I was an only child who was not aggressive enough with them. I sat there confused, dismayed, and disheveled because I thought that I would receive help from these people; instead, I left the meeting thinking that I was a weak, uninspiring person who could not teach.

As the school year moved forward, I became more and more depressed at my students’ behavior, what they were dealing with emotionally, and my co-workers’ responses to what I was experiencing as a first-year teacher. I can honestly say looking back on the situation that the whole ordeal was one huge tower moment to guide me toward my spiritual journey. At the time, I felt as though I would lose my mind, and the only thing that kept me sane at the time was my daughter, my mother, and my extended family members who were a source of strength and stability for me during this turbulent period in my journey. As the days turned into a month, then two months and then three months, things became even worse, and the situation basically imploded. But before I get to that pivotal moment, let us go back a bit to a month before I recount that story.

For those who are unfamiliar with what a Tower Moment is, it is a saying among light workers who work with tarot cards. The Tower is a major arcana card in tarot that shows a major event that happens to move you along your journey throughout your life. Now we all have these moments, but everyone’s reaction to said moments are quite different. Some people may give up, question, their purpose, become depressed, or feel totally helpless within their Tower Moment.