Mastering Your Sleep Puzzle: Your 12-Week Guide to Sleeping Better

By Kali J Patrick and Judi Harrington

If you're a stressed-out busy person who struggles with sleep, you might be tired of the numerous tips and tricks, pills and products, apps and gadgets, and restrictive plans that fail to help you improve your situation long-term.

Mastering Your Sleep Puzzle shares a flexible 12-week process designed to help you:

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kali Patrick
• Release date: Mar 14, 2023
• ISBN: 9798218129644

Kali J Patrick

Prior to becoming a sleep and well-being coach, Kali Patrick spent more than two decades working in and managing teams within hi-tech organizations. Her certifications in health and wellness coaching, coupled with her training in yoga/meditation and Yoga Therapy, is complimented by her personal experiences with both insomnia and burnout. Kali now helps stressed-out, busy people learn to sleep better, so they can focus wherever they work, be present and engaged with family at home, and have energy left over to pursue personal passions. Kali especially has success with people who struggle with sleep due to stress and overactive minds. Kali has addressed audiences at Harvard University, presented at HubSpot's INBOUND conference, and delivered webinars for large organizations, including GSK (GlaxoSmithKline) and WEST (Women in the Enterprise of Science & Technology). She offers corporate webinars, event videos, and coaching sessions for employees of businesses around the world. As a writer, Kali has been featured in Entrepreneur, Thrive Global, the World Sleep Society's Healthier Sleep magazine, and she's been quoted in The Boston Globe as a sleep and wellness expert. You can learn more about Kali and her programs at KaliPatrick.com.

Book preview

Introduction - My Story as a Solved Sleep Puzzle

You might be surprised to hear it, but I haven’t always been a healthy sleeper. 

Between 1994-2013 I worked in Dilbert-like settings. I was a web developer in the early days of the Internet, then a technical writer helping people try to understand it. Eventually I used my M.S. in Human Factors degree to arrive as a user experience design manager and director in Boston-area software companies.

It was here that I mastered existing in a sleepless, stressed-out, and exhausted state until I experienced burnout in 2010 (before it was a clinical diagnosis). Bouts of lifelong insomnia got worse. Anxious, stressed and overwhelmed, I fell into a dark depression. Stress-eating became a compulsion I couldn’t stop, though I desperately wanted to. 

Just as I summoned the courage to leave corporate life to begin crawling out of this hole, I suffered severe physical pain with no apparent cause! Two years after medical appointments became my new full-time job, I was diagnosed with chronic Lyme disease. 

Along the way, the help I received from traditional modalities was . . . let’s say occasionally adequate. Even when something worked, it always lacked permanence and left me feeling frustrated. So please know that if you’re struggling with your sleep and feel as though you’ve tried everything to fix it, I can totally relate.

Yoga—which began as an occasional hobby of mine—became the foundation of my new well-rested self; wellness coaching was a natural complement. It was through this atypical combination of coaching training/certifications, and experiments that I discovered it was 100% possible to sleep well and feel energetic without all the stuff constantly being marketed to me.

The fact that I’m now an adult sleep and well-being coach is one of the many surprises of my life. But now that I’m here, I’m passionate about helping stressed-out, busy people like you get the sleep and rest you desperately need, because I remember all too clearly what it was like not to! At the time of this writing, I’m a nationally-board certified health and wellness coach and have been coaching privately for over 10 years.

What I believe to be true

I decided to specialize in sleep because I believe it’s the foundation of a healthy and vibrant life. I also believe that most current treatments for our culture’s ongoing battle with sleep are missing the mark; often doing more harm than good. 

Getting refreshing sleep is only difficult when you aren’t seeing all the little things happening on a daily basis that affect it. This is why I’ll be talking about sleep as a puzzle that’s completely within your power to solve—but only if you have all the pieces.

Part of my role as a coach is to help you see things you couldn’t see before. It’s also to help you make mindful choices by staying connected to what it is you deeply want—which often goes well beyond a great night’s sleep. For example, you might want to advance in your career, start or grow a business, patiently help others, be a great parent, excel in a personal hobby, or even save the planet!

My sleep and well-being coaching process skillfully combines health and well-being coaching techniques with practices from yoga/meditation into a different and highly-effective sleep solution: one that actually works with you now, AND helps you future-proof your sleep.

So if you’re sick of stressing and worrying about your sleep and the toll it’s taking on your productivity, relationships, and health, you’re in the right place!

I always wanted to be a writer

After 10 years of crafting and using my sleep and well-being coaching process with private clients, refining it with knowledge from additional training, and working it myself, I’m writing this book to make the information in it more widely available. (It doesn’t hurt that another part of me always wanted to be a writer!) 

Every day I hear about people making the same mistakes I made, and 20 years is a long time to feel exhausted, stressed, anxious, and miserable. It’s too long to not be making real progress. It’s also frustrating and sad for me to watch the endless stories of the sleepless on social media! When it comes to resolving sleep struggles, there are way too many distractions out there. I want to help you avoid being sidetracked by them.

My sleep and well-being coaching process does require more upfront commitment than taking a magic pill, using a sleep tracker, or buying a fancy pillow. And, I’ve seen firsthand how well this works—not just for sleep but for so many other aspects of well-being. It’s why I wanted to get this information into your hands.

I want you to move forward in your journey much more efficiently than I did. That way we can both stop being frustrated!

You should know who you’re talking to

I didn’t grow up here, but Boston is my home. In addition to being a tech geek, a writer, a yoga teacher, and a health coach, I’ve also been a competitive West Coast Swing dancer and an ESL (English as a Second Language) teacher. 

I’m a cat person who grew up with the original Doctor Who. Over the years I’ve become a (gluten-free) foodie. International travel has intentionally been a big part of my journey: I’ve been to 20 countries (so far—I hope to visit Thailand or Australia next—just in case anyone out there wants to hire a speaker).

During hockey season you might hear me yelling at or about the Bruins. I rewatch a lot of the same TV shows (e.g., Seinfeld, The Office, etc.) and movies (e.g. Planes, Trains, & Automobiles, Grosse Pointe Blank, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, etc.), which I often recite to the annoyance of others. You’ll probably find some references throughout this book. (Sorry, not sorry.)

In summertime you might find me at Wingaersheek beach with a good book (or on my patio trying to write one), taking neighborhood walks, attempting to garden, and kayaking on the Charles.

How to engage with this book

My intention is to give you enough information to help you make better decisions, and ultimately help you coach yourself back to refreshing sleep and more energy as quickly and easily as possible. 

I also recognize that you’re busy and likely exhausted, so I’ve organized the content into (what I hope) are short, digestible chunks so you can pick it up and set it down as needed. This book is divided into four parts:

Part 1: Learning to Love Your Sleep Puzzle. In Part 1 I’ll describe why I use the puzzle analogy when it comes to dealing with sleep. We’ll talk about what coaching is, and I’ll help you do an initial sort of your sleep challenges. I’ll also describe some incredible benefits you can expect to experience once your sleep improves.

Part 2: Solving Your Sleep Puzzle One Piece at a Time. Part 2 is devoted to helping you set yourself up for success. I’ll introduce you to my sleep and well-being coaching process, and share some techniques you can start using right away. You’ll assess where you currently are with your sleep, energy, and well-being, then create a motivating vision for your future. You’ll learn some of the best ways to close the gap between where you are now and where you dream of being.

Part 3: Getting All Your Puzzle Pieces on the Table. In Part 3, I’ll share some important information you might be missing. We’ll explore your lifestyle habits, your mindset and beliefs, and your sleep hygiene. We’ll also discuss timing and rhythms from a perspective that may be different from what you’re used to hearing. 

Part 4: Supporting Yourself While Your Picture Emerges. Part 4 starts with a discussion about boundaries, because in my experience, most clients need to reinforce these to help themselves. While you’re working on addressing the root causes of your sleep challenges, I’ll share simple techniques you can use to help yourself fall asleep or fall back to sleep (without having to leave your comfy warm bed). You’ll be left with advice about how to continue coaching yourself, as well as recommendations for handling the inevitable setbacks and backsliding (a natural part of making changes).

Appendix. The Three Therapeutic Yoga Practices for Improved Sleep are an important part of the support I talk about in Part 4; they’re included as an appendix because of the more detailed instructions. You don’t need any prior experience to use these practices, and if you’ve had a poor experience with yoga/meditation before, I invite you to explore these with an open mind. 

Now let’s go solve that puzzle together.

1 - LEARNING TO LOVE YOUR SLEEP PUZZLE

1

Learning to Love Your Sleep Puzzle

Have you ever put together a jigsaw puzzle?

When you’re putting together a puzzle, you need to get all the pieces out of the box and onto the table first. Then, you need to put them together, but . . . 

. . . HOW you assemble those pieces is a series of choices you make. 

For example, my boyfriend and I both begin a puzzle by putting the border in place. But after that, I fill in from the corners. He likes to create small sections based on prominent characteristics of the picture, such as a wolf’s face. 

Though we have different approaches, neither of us would be able to complete the puzzle if we didn’t have all the pieces. 

And, we might drive each other crazy if we tried to force our methods on the other person! Even if we eventually completed the puzzle together, it would be after a long, hard struggle. 

Assembling a jigsaw puzzle is easier when all the pieces are available to you and you can do it your own way. This approach also makes the process more enjoyable and speeds up your progress. 

However, this doesn’t mean you always choose the right piece, or fit every piece into the picture the right way the first time. You try something, you learn something, and you use what you learn to move forward. 

Sleep is similar. 

In my 10 years of experience as a sleep and well-being coach, I’ve discovered there are many factors that play into getting solid, restful sleep, and how you put those pieces together is different for everyone.

This is why sleep and well-being coaching can help you, even if you’ve previously listened to the experts and tried everything to get better sleep. 

Throughout this book, I’ll help you locate the hidden pieces of your sleep puzzle—the ones that got stuck in the bottom of the box or fell to the floor unnoticed. Then, you’ll decide what changes are most practical and impactful for you to make.

Now, if you’ve had trouble sleeping for a while, you may have a 1000-piece puzzle (vs. one that’s 500). You can view that as a daunting, impossible task or see it as a challenge you’re fully capable of overcoming.

Shifting your mindset like this is a big part of coaching too.

So, what qualifies you to help me sleep?

You already know that before I helped people sleep better, I built a career in hi-tech, first as an individual contributor, then as a manager and director. I’ve worked in both large corporate environments and small, agile startups. 

I’ve dealt with the stress of succeeding in these roles within a United States-based work culture. You know, the ones with job descriptions that list fast-paced, constantly-changing environment as if that’s a benefit? More recently, I’ve dealt with the ups and downs of being a solopreneur.

In addition to two decades of insomnia, I’ve also personally experienced burnout, stress eating and weight issues, anxiety and depression, chronic illness and pain, marriage and divorce, cross-country moves, and a mid-life crisis. 

My experience as a Gen-Xer in school, work, and social contexts means I lean heavily toward the Type A, perfectionist end of the spectrum. On any given day, I’m crazy productive and can put lots of pressure on myself. 

To overcome my own sleep and well-being struggles, I trained in Yoga therapy and collected certifications in health and wellness coaching, mind-body eating coaching, and sleep science coaching.

Because I’m also a geek for organization and process improvement, I combined my knowledge and experience into a repeatable process that gives my clients concrete, measurable, and lasting results. 

As I said in my introduction, I wrote this book to help people who are doing all the things, and still not getting consistently refreshing sleep. If that sounds like you, my goal is to help you resolve your sleep struggles much faster than I did! 

However, I don’t believe for a second that how I improved my sleep, energy, and enthusiasm for life is the way you will (or have to) do it. That’s why I use a coaching methodology and call this a process. 

The point is, I’m not here to tell you exactly what to do and have you blindly follow. What I can do is support, guide, and empower you to figure this out for yourself by showing you some (often overlooked) pieces of the sleep puzzle. Because that’s what creates lasting results! 

How do I know if I need more help?

While I know a lot about sleep, have several great certifications, and have helped many people, I am a health and well-being coach, not a doctor, counselor, therapist, or medical professional of any kind. 

If you haven’t already, you should set up an appointment with your physician to rule out any sleep disorders, including sleep apnea. 

If—like me—you’ve done a sleep study that was inconclusive (or told there’s no medical reason for your sleep struggles), that’s a different story.

If you’ve been diagnosed with a mental health issue such as anxiety or depression, please understand that this book is not a substitute for therapy, counseling, or medications used to treat psychiatric conditions. 

However, since there’s quite a bit of overlap between coaching and therapies like CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), you may want to use this book in conjunction with your weekly therapy sessions. 

If you work a night shift, have a highly irregular schedule, travel a lot for your job, or parent small children, you may benefit from this book. But because of the special challenges inherent in these sleep-disrupting situations, the approach I present in this book may not be the final solution.

How is this approach different or better?

Caveats aside, here are a few reasons why my atypical background and blended coaching/Yoga approach offers good news:

You won’t dwell on your problems or get sidetracked by digging into your past when it’s not necessary or helpful. You’ll always have a direction and plan for moving forward. 

You won’t be locked into a rigid formula or given any strict rules. You can choose what you want to work on first, so your rebellious part can relax! 

The work you do around your sleep will get easier and simpler. Rather than discipline and willpower, you’ll power yourself with motivation from deep inside.

I’m not a doctor, so I can’t prescribe anything. Also, since my private coaching practice doesn’t take insurance or have any outside investors, I’ve taken the time and really listened to a lot of tired people. There’s nothing for you to become dependent upon, and you may never need to buy anything else.

My training in Yoga therapy means I can create yoga, meditation, breathing, and mindfulness practices that specifically address your sleep and energy concerns, even if you’re not a fan of what you’ve seen online or have disliked these modalities in the past.

Lastly, my sleep and well-being coaching process doesn’t just work to help you sleep better and have more energy. The process is also designed to help you reduce stress and build your stress resilience—especially if worrying and feeling overwhelmed is part of why you’re not sleeping well. 

For some of my former clients, the process I’ll share with you in this book went so far as to alter their personalities and positively transform their whole lives!

So, what could it mean for you and your life to sleep better? Seriously, pause for a minute, then jot your initial thoughts down here:

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Note: Since I use a coaching methodology, I’ll be asking questions that encourage you to pause and reflect. In several areas throughout this book, you’ll have the option of downloading worksheets, which you can find at https://KaliPatrick.com/sleepbook.

How do I know if you can help ME?

When I first meet with potential private clients, we do a Clarity Call to determine whether coaching is a good fit. So I’ll be honest and tell you straight up: sleep and well-being coaching is not for everyone.

However, from a sleep and well-being perspective, this book can help if you:

Have trouble falling asleep, falling back to sleep, or wake too early.

Experience interrupted sleep, so you don’t wake feeling refreshed.

Feel restlessness in your body or experience mind chatter at night. 

Worry about the impact of poor sleep on your next day.

Use sugar, caffeine, or willpower to get through energy lows.

Are starting to collect physical ailments, weight, and/or mood issues.

Know you’re barely surviving and can’t continue feeling this exhausted!

From a coaching perspective, this process can help if:

You’re curious and open to experimenting with different options. You enjoy learning something new about yourself and growing as a person. 

You desire an active rolein changing your habits/health and recognize that the process can take practice and a little time. 

You enjoy (or are interested) in creatively solving problems. 

You’re willing to honor your intuition and trust feedback from your body, regardless of what experts say or what science has currently proven. 

You’re excited by the idea of spending less time and energy thinking, worrying, talking about, and working on your sleep.

You have just enough confidence in yourself, your strengths, and your abilities to give this a real shot. 

You’re open to paying attention, questioning, and changingsome long-standing, limiting beliefs.

You’re ready to take full responsibility for prioritizing your rest/sleep. You’re willing to set and honor healthier boundaries with yourself and others in order to achieve that.

This book and process may NOT be right for you if:

You’re looking for remedies and brand recommendations in the form of blankets, pillows, pills, supplements, gummies, teas, or other products and potions.

You’re looking for the exact tip or trick that will fix your sleep right now! 

You want to follow a set structure and plan each day of your sleep journey down to the minute, no exceptions.

You love your sleep apps and gadgets, trust them over your own experience, and are unwilling to give them up. 

You require a hi-tech solution, scientific proof, and a logical understanding of WHY at every turn.

Crowd-sourcing hacks and posting about insomnia on social media gives you a sense of connection you’re not ready to part with.

You’re already pretty sure this process isn’t going to work for you, or that you’ll give up early. You have a set way of looking at things and you’re not going to change that now.

You’re not ready to stop blaming your situation (i.e. your professional workload, caretaking of others, etc.) for your sleep struggles.

Note: I mention scientific proof not because this book is filled with woo, but because in some cases the science may not be available (yet). I also believe that excessive intellectual focus on answering the question Why? is a huge distraction for many people when it comes to sleeping better!

How do we partner to solve this puzzle?

As I’m writing, adult sleep and well-being coaching is relatively new. So what can you expect from our relationship as coach and coachee?

My job as your sleep & well-being coach

Like a sports coach, I’m going to help you leverage your strengths while encouraging and challenging you to grow at an appropriate pace. I’ll be cheering you on, helping you celebrate successes, and most importantly, helping you learn from what didn’t go so well. 

You’ll acknowledge there are valid reasons for your present situation,