Behind the Mask

By Tamie Johnson

Behind the mask is something that many of face in life if we are honest with our selves. A mask can be social emotional cultural and Traumatic and Relational. In my cultural it is said You better act like you got some sense or whatever happens in this house stays in this house. When things go wrong and life happen, you are told to get yourself t

• Language: English
• Publisher: ReadersMagnet LLC
• Release date: Feb 7, 2023
• ISBN: 9781959761617

Book preview

Behind the Mask

Copyright © 2023 by Tamie Johnson

Published in the United States of America

ISBN Paperback: 978-1-959761-60-0

ISBN eBook: 978-1-959761-61-7

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any way by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording or otherwise without the prior permission of the author except as provided by USA copyright law.

The opinions expressed by the author are not necessarily those of ReadersMagnet, LLC.

ReadersMagnet, LLC

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Book design copyright © 2023 by ReadersMagnet, LLC. All rights reserved.

Cover design by Kent Gabutin

Interior design by Dorothy Lee

Contents

PART I

I Had To Go Through It

Productive and Whole: Who I Was is not Who I am

Hope

Purpose in the Waiting

Times We Live In

In His Hands

Forever Grateful

The Struggle behind the Mask

Rising From the Ashes

Broken To Be Free

PART II

The NEXT

Building Under Construction

Behind the Mask

When Do We Grow Up?

I AM NEXT

How I Stand In These Shoes

My Choice for My Life

In the Room Again

Rebuilding the Wall/Family Relationship

Follow Me

Compassion and Encouragement

Healing for a Heart

PART III

He Called You Beautiful

Tailor-Made for This

Living It: Saved, Sassy, and Sixty

Looking for Myself

Ms. Sharon K Strength and Honor

Ring the Bell

F You #forgiveyou #forgiveme #forgivethem

Perspective and Anger

You Didn’t Know

Letting Go while Holding On

Coming Home

Home for Thanksgiving

Moving Forward

I Am My Father’s Son

My Mouth

Life’s Lesson from Mama

Life’s Rhythm

Being My Own Kind of Beautiful

A Better Me

Real Girls Rock

Hearing the Heart of Love Our Wedding Day

An Encounter with Love

Behind the Mask is something that many of us face in life if we are honest with ourselves. A mask can be social, emotional, cultural, traumatic, and relational. In my culture, it is said you better act like you got sense or whatever happens in this house stays in this house. When things go wrong and life happens, you are told to get yourself together and you pretend it didn’t happen or just get over it. When it’s traumatic, we hide and exhibit other signs, trying to hold it together when life happens. It’s not just you or about you but it is facing yourself and being honest. I am in pain. I want and desire change in my life, but I can’t do it on my own. We must learn how to deal with situations when life happens to and around us from our past and our now.

I want to say thank you to my family.

My mom sisters and brothers for their love support and encouragement; to continue writing what God gives to me. To my children LaShunda Terrance Tasha and Corrie Caden and our little Promise Baby Jersi Jade.

I Had To Go Through It

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Wow! I did not think it would end like this; I didn’t think it would be this hard. There were days I thought I was losing my mind and other times I just wanted it to stop. I wanted peace of mind, not this race replaying every scenario of the conversation over and over in my head. In this, I find myself looking for myself asking the real me. . . Will you please stand up?

There are times I want to quit but I can’t because that is not who I am, and I was not built for quitting just because it gets hard. I stand tall and dig deeper, intensifying my praise. Praise is my weapon; prayer is the key. Faith unlocks the door, but I had to go through this, understanding that my this is not yours. All of us face challenges. Life happens. Just keep living.

Job said many such things are appointed to me but when he has tried me, I shall come forth as pure gold. I learned to praise and pray until it gets better. The old saints would say PUSH because it is no longer me. The Holy Ghost is working on the inside of me, walking me through the minefields. But I had to go through it.

This is a battle, and it is like being on the wheel and in the potter’s hand. He said the clay was marred in his hand. Many times, people do not think they are flawed. We don’t think we need to be reshaped or fixed. We blame others. But you have flaws too Boo, with our almost perfect self. Reshaping can be very intense and the hand that is doing the molding is not gentle. Many times, we tend to struggle against being shaped and molded. It is called not wanting to submit but you know somewhere in your knower it is working for your good.

Praying for change is one thing while waiting for the change to take place is a whole new thing altogether. When the change starts with you and in you, that is something else. I know I’m in His hands, but it does not look the way I think it should or want it to, but I had to go through this.

And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver: and he shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may offer unto the LORD an offering in righteousness. Malachi 3:3 KJV

For thou, O God, hast proved us: thou hast tried us, as silver is tried. Psalms 66:10

It is important to know God covers us in the mist of what we are going through. Often times we don’t understand how he is working it out, but I know I want him to fix it…. fix them. But it is you, Boo, that he is working on. It’s not about how you were treated or what someone said to you or about you. You messed up, too. Tell the truth. You said something also. Sometimes we need to hear what Paul said: The good that I would do, I do not and the thing I do not want to do that I do. Just because it looks right to you does not mean it is right. You don’t have to tell them off or get anyone straight. Check yourself. Just know He is working on you.

I am covered because of his love and grace; his mercy is new every morning. Great is his faithfulness. It is unmerited favor I can’t earn. Do enough right to get it; I’m marred. He is LORD of my life. He protects me while he works in me. It is hard but I had to go through this.

³Oh that I knew where I might find him! that I might come even to his seat! ⁴I would order my cause before him, and fill my mouth with arguments. ⁵I would know the words which he would answer me, and understand what he would say unto me. ⁶Will he plead against me with his great power? No; but he would put strength in me. Job 23:3-6

Job said, Oh, that I knew where I might find him! That I might come even to his seat. I wanted to plead my case and explain what happened, but he already knows. Job said many such things are appointed to me, just know it is appointed to you also, the determining factor is how we will handle it. Sometimes we get full of ourselves, and pride comes in and we feel like we are doing the right thing, but you can be right and still be wrong. In this, I must ask myself what is the motivation behind it. It is important to be honest with yourself, TELL YOURSELF the TRUTH. What I sometimes miss in the lesson or test is I do not have to fight or prove anything. I must remain faithful and prayerful knowing that if He is not working on the situation, He is working on me in the situation. He covers me in the midst of what I am going through. He puts strength in me while the battle is against me, but it has already been won. But I had to go through it.

Productive and Whole:

Who I Was is not Who I am

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I thought it was over. I thought nothing was left. How can I go on living in this mess? I was sure I was finished — no hope of it getting better as I sit here looking back over my life, I ponder in my mind the things that transpired and brought me to this point. I recalled in that moment the stories I told myself. The mind is a complex battlefield. You can deceive yourself the way you perceive what has happened. You must be careful and ask yourself: can you be objective? And look at things based on facts and truth, or will it be subjective based on what is true in your mind. We must be honest and remember there is a cause and effect to every situation or circumstance.

There are situations that hurt us. What we go through and what is said to us play over and over in our mind, It becomes difficult for us to move on. The circumstance and cause are different for each of us. How it affects us or how we perceive it in our mind will determine how we get through it. The stories we tell ourselves — will it be supposition based on facts? or excuses?

There are things you may face as a child or young adult that carry over in life that cause you to feel less than you are. You hear your parent call you stupid and worthless, and that you are just like her/ him, meaning who was talking and it wasn’t a compliment. You know you have nothing to do with your birth or who your parents are, but that doesn’t stop the accusation from being hurled at you like a missile hitting its target. It may be a different scenario. You meet someone who is so nice to you. He tells you that you are beautiful, and of course you