Unexpected Togetherness

By Gosha Woody Zipser Zareba

The Pain Is Real, but so Is Hope

If you are tired of just surviving and want to live the life you were born to live without being overshadowed by addiction and its problems, and you are reaching out to help yourself and others, there are things you need to do.

The path of getting what you want in life is there for you, just around the corner.

I just need you to understand how to get there and you can get there.

I will show you and help you to do that, the same way I have shown people I’ve coached and coach at the moment.

I understand the problem as well and the solution, and so will you.

My grandfather, my father, my first husband, and my current husband all struggled with alcoholism.

This book unlocks the key to all the questions you have been asking yourself for a long time now.

I promise to answer them and show you the clear path of a new, better life, and I will help you to get there, faster than you have ever imagined, before it is too late.

This book was written for you, because I want you to succeed.

The truth why addiction starts.

How to beat the disease.

The reasons why some addicts recover and others don’t.

The difference between choices and options

How to guarantee you will have reasons not excuses stopping this illness.

And a lot more.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Aug 11, 2022
• ISBN: 9781643008196

Book preview

To the memories of the late Marius Zareba and my mother Anna Zipser, both of whom believed in me till the day they died. Nothing and no one ever ends, and as such, I know you are both watching over me. Thank you for the lessons and the love.

Introduction

Never in a million years did I ever think I would write this book. I never imagined that I would stand face-to-face with alcohol addiction and be strong enough to be able to knock it down off its feet after everything that happened to me in my life. I bet you feel the same way or close.

How many times did the alcohol addiction—directly or indirectly, accidentally or on purpose—take people and your life away from you? For me, it happened all my life. My grandfather, my father, my first husband, my current husband, and other people around me were alcoholics. Many have died, and Matt is currently in the recovery stage. So I should be more than beaten by the alcohol addiction curse.

Did I say curse? Apologies.

No addiction is ever a curse. Let’s establish that first. It is a circumstantial choice, with most people unaware of the choice element. It is also an illness, a fact we will explore in more detail later because it is not as straightforward as many people think. From my experience in working with people (especially the spouses of alcoholics), I have learned that nothing in life is ever written in stone. Successful women who are with alcoholics struggle to cope at times and yet simultaneously find a way to put a stop to that pain.

Given time and patience, they are eventually able to rebuild their lives and nurture beauty from tragedy. So how is it that some people manage to cope and recover from addiction and others don’t? What is the missing piece? I have decided to write this book because I have seen the people I love literally dying in front of me in more ways than one. Yet despite all the information available, it seemed that there was no one who could help me. It was that search that led me to writing this book. What is more, I want to give you the answer.

I would imagine that you are reading this book for one of a number of different reasons. Perhaps you are searching for the solution to win the fight against alcohol addiction (or any other addiction for that matter). Perhaps you have a close friend or relative who is suffering from an addiction, and you feel powerless to help them. Or perhaps you are like me, and you simply want to better understand what addiction is.

Initially, I sought the answers to these questions so that I could cope, live, be happy, and feel loved despite the numerous people in my life consumed by addiction—particularly, alcohol. However, in my search, I realized that I could help others around me who may have also been paralyzed in one way or another by addiction.

The information in this book concentrates around helping you to do all those things too. Once that happens, you will master the understanding of how to be able to manifest what you and your inner self have been privately yearning for. You will find that most life and addiction coaches tend to focus on one specific area of alcohol addiction, its causes and its solutions. Maybe that is because they concentrate strongly on the areas they specialize in.

I work with such people a lot, and while there is nothing wrong with this approach, my work tends to be a little more varied. The lessons and techniques we will explore together are not only applicable to the subject of addiction but also relate to the challenges of everyday life. In simpler terms, any problem can be looked upon from more than one angle. Let me give you an example.

Imagine five people standing in an art gallery looking at one painting. Although they are all in the same room, what they see is influenced by their body’s position and angle relevant to the painting. Now add to this each person’s internal perception and association of the various colors and shapes. Finally, we throw in their point of concentration in respect of the painting itself, and before you know it, we have five different interpretations of the same work of art. The same thing happens in life. If I see it, it does not mean you will too. It all depends on how you are looking at it.

When I work with people, I always remember that we are all individuals in our own right, and we all react to things differently. In life, I find when working on various answers and solutions, being proactive is not the same as being reactive, especially when trying to understand another person’s internal thought process. Humans are incredible. Some people will see a glass half full of water as half empty, while others will seek it as half full no matter what they are faced with. Understanding each person individually is the key.

The main objective is to always think positively and aim for a successful outcome. What we create in our minds, we will hold in our hands.

Chapter 1

Take Me There

It is so incredible for me to know that right now, you are on the other side of these words that I have written just for you. Yes, as far as I am concerned, this book is just for you. I do not know you, but I already know something about you. You are stronger than you think.

For you to be reading this, you want to learn something. You want to change something. You want to understand something. You want to be happier than you currently are. I understand that because not so very long ago, I was in the same position, and although you cannot see me right now, I’m sending you a smile of encouragement and respect. You are not here by mistake or chance. I have written this book exactly for the reason you picked it up.

I am one of those crazy people who, despite all odds and doctors’ predictions, came into this world screaming, I am here. I was meant to be. God does not make mistakes. I am part of God, and God is part of me. That goes for all of us. I absolutely love life and people. I believe in miracles, in humanity, and in everything that people claim is impossible. Most importantly, I believe in you.

Nevertheless, before we go any further with this, I would like to make a deal with you. Do not read this any further unless you are prepared to do something about your life. Time waits for no one, so let’s not waste each other’s time. I did not spend countless early mornings and late nights sipping half-cold cups of coffee writing this book, for it not to have a purpose. I sat pouring over the words so I could teach and help you by passing on everything I know to make your life better. This is not just another book you are reading. My goal is to make your life better, but in order for that to happen, we have to be on the same page—literally, not just in words but in actions.

As you read the advice presented in the pages, remember to keep an open mind. This journey is for you and, as such, requires you to put yourself first with a view to expanding what you believe is possible. I am not teaching you to be self-centered or instructing you to inflate your ego. I am reminding you to be kind to yourself. If you can do that, then carry on. If you cannot, feel free to stop reading now. For the rest of us, we are going to change a few things for you in your life.

Even though this is a fairly serious book, let’s do our best to have fun as we go along; life is too short not to. Even when talking about difficult things, a smile is a curve that always straightens everything. As I have already mentioned, this book is a labor of love. It is an open letter and blueprint to help make a difference and even save lives. The lessons you will learn have been a difficult education for myself as an author, and while there is much significance behind each step, my main goal is to make sure by the end, you are more than okay in your own life.

I told you I was crazy. You see, I am simply dedicated to making things better. People who know me will vouch for this. I always mend and retrieve things that others think should be thrown away. If we put so much value on things being fixed such as houses, cars, and antiques, then why not human beings? There is enough negativity in life, and we very seldom worry how the things we see and hear affect our minds. If someone came to your house today and emptied their garbage can onto your living room floor, you probably would call the police, or at the very least, with a screaming tone in your voice, demand that they clean it up and leave.

What a stupid example, you might think, and perhaps you are right. However, ask yourself, why is it that we don’t concern ourselves more with the rubbish projected into ours and our loved ones’ brains by various media outlets and people?

I am not here to judge, just to observe, and I am simply giving you my observation to take away and examine. Some time ago, I have challenged myself to change a few things for myself as well as others. I want to be a builder, not of bricks and mortar but rather a builder for living things—particularly, their self-esteem. If you can build a person up, you can help them realize their true potential.

Make no mistake, although I’m going to help, you are the most integral part of this equation. You have your own unique blueprint as a human being. While our blueprints are all unique, they are all connected by shared characteristics and desires. To put it another way, we are all connected, and we all need one another. Despite the fact that I teach others, I also learn from them. Similarly, while I lead others, I also follow them too. The key is to walk alongside one another, not behind or in front.

We are all works in progress, and we are constantly battling between our sheer will and our perceived skill. In life, people can fall into certain categories—leaders or followers as well as givers and takers. You either sell, or you are sold. Think for a moment about how this works. Sometimes, you do things because you need to. Other times, you do stuff because you enjoy it or are asked to do it. You challenge yourself to do it, or you do it just to survive. However, there are times you find yourself doing things, and you have no idea why. You find yourself asking questions such as, Why did I say this? Why did I do this in that particular way? It made no sense, and Why did I stay in that relationship for so long when it did not work? The list goes on.

Whatever your question might be, our subconscious controls a huge amount of our everyday behavior. When that happens, we are drawn to the ultimate conclusion that life is controlled by some kind of unexplained force guiding us into making these supposedly random decisions. Not true. There is a clear map for everything in life. You just have to know how to wake up your inner Siri so you can hear that voice and allow it to direct you exactly where you want to go. Just make sure the battery of your consciousness is fully charged. The truth is, there is an override switch that you can flip, which puts you in the driver’s seat. If you know how to look and where to look, you can gain a greater understanding of yourself and why you arrive at the decisions you chose. You can unlock exactly what makes you happy, sad, or numb, and how you might change for the better.

I often see that people don’t understand themselves. They do not know who they are, and the result is that they just go through the motions of life. They put themselves on automatic pilot; they keep the override switch turned off and relinquish control to drive to their desired destination. What is more concerning is that they tell themselves that they are still driving or piloting their life, oblivious to the fact that they have slipped into the passenger seat and are being guided by the circumstances of their life.

Let me ask you a question. When you get into a car, do you plan your journey to a new destination? Of course you do. You slip on your seat belt, load up your navigation system, find the best route to get where you need to be, and drive. Now let me ask you the same question in a different context. Do you know where you are going? If the answer is no, then how do you expect to get there?

Do you know who you are? If the answer is no, then how do you expect to be happy? People who don’t understand themselves do not know who they are. This is not a mystery, and yet we treat it as such too often.

Those who do not take the time to understand themselves go through their lives only seeing flashes of who they truly are. Life might give them acute insights here and there, but it is the people who continuously examine themselves that are tapped into a higher power of belief and possibility.

Not surprisingly, I often hear people say to me, I don’t want to go on living like this anymore.

Really? I ask them. Would that possibly be down to the fact that you feel lost, tired, and unable to cope? More importantly, could it be the result of you not understanding why you feel this way? It is not easy to have a good life if you do not have a good identity.

The Myers-Briggs personality theory says that people have one of sixteen different basic personalities. These personalities apparently predict how you act as a person and how you interact with people. I will go more into that