Sucking and Fucking and Getting Nowhere Fast

By Cheetara Stampley

"Sucking and Fucking and Getting Nowhere Fast" may seem a bit graphic, but it is true to the content within. We cannot deny that usually when in a relationship, unless you are celibate, sex plays a major role. Even when giving your all, it's never enough for the wrong person.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Oct 3, 2022
• ISBN: 9781667863924

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© Cheetara Stampley.

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Original image by Teala Stampley

ISBN: 978-1-66786-391-7 (print)

ISBN: 978-1-66786-392-4 (eBook)

To my children Emani, Emron and Leia, I love you and

I’m so happy to have you all be a part my journey.

I wish you the best of luck on yours and learn the lessons.

Table of Contents

Foreword by Brandy Hardy LMFT

Love at First Sight . . . Twice

Cherry Popped . . . I’m Grown

Nowhere Fast

This Means War

The Breakup Plan

Hello Again

You’re My Girl Now

Incoming Text: trouble

Down South From Here

Level Up

Lessons Learned

Foreword by Brandy Hardy LMFT

In Bell Hooks book "All About Love: New Visions, she discussed Erich Fromm’s definition of love which is the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth." That is the most beautiful definition of the word I’ve seen, but I have yet to see it realized in practice. I would describe myself as a psychotherapist in theory and in practice (meaning it’s a goal to embody the work I use in treating patients). I’ve treated many who suffered from the side effects of a love whose roots didn’t grow from true love, genuine love, or as some would call it, God’s love/spiritual love.

What I have seen is enmeshment, trauma bonding, love bombing, manipulation, and coercion dressed up as love. We often equate overbearing emotions, lust, and obsession as the sole experience of love which leads to the impulse to control how love is given and received. In many examples of love we’ve learned, it’s an expression of possession rather than an experience of its gift. Where and how did we learn to associate love and its ease and joy with so much pain? We can start by looking at popular culture; so much of what we see as healthy love is emotional blackmail and other forms of abuse. Healthy love is not possessive; it does not withhold its healing powers to inflict punishment, and it doesn’t threaten nor violate the privacy of its beholder. Spiritual love requires self-awareness and the ability to resolve conflict without stonewalling. Spiritual love is absent from the power struggles that deny both parties the healing power of emotional intimacy with one another. Surveillance of one another denies the relationship of the rest that trust promises to give. When we operate within the trust of love promise, we allow the other privacy of their thoughts, feelings, and fantasies. Popular examples of love are highly toxic, masquerading as goals. When what we’re really experiencing is a breach and violation of love’s promise. Our society lives within a genetically engineered version of love that makes us unable to recognize true love when it shows up, which can sometimes come in the form of accountability and a required growth for entry that we have yet to grow into. We can’t rest in love if we only understand it within a chaotic and abusive framework that requires one or both parties to abandon themselves or conquer the other. Abuse in any form doesn’t give a right of passage to love’s kingdom. We collectively have to be in agreement of what love is and what it is not. We can only experience the love. We can’t manipulate how it’s given as it isn’t necessary for it to be associated with so much pain and struggle. If we’re struggling in love more than we are submerged in its goodness chances are we maybe not doing it right.

Love at First

Sight . . . Twice

Love. Who would have ever thought such a small word would have so much meaning? It has the power to bring you so much joy or so much pain. I remember the first time I experienced love; it was love at first sight. It was 2001, I was fourteen years old and was in high school in Chicago. His name was Tyga. He was about five feet, nine inches, brown skin (same height and complexion as me) with a lil muscular build—one you would expect a hot football player to have even if he was just the kicker. Anyway, we noticed each other a few times in passing, but never said anything until, one day, he had this lil chick from the Bronx come tell me after division period that he was feeling me and wanted me to be his girlfriend.

Our school was very diverse; people from all over attended. Tyga was an island boy himself, but you would never know until you heard his mom, because he acted like a regular old Black guy in school. Anyway, I agreed to be his girlfriend. Our relationship consisted of a daily hug after sixth period, and that was it. Yeah, that’s right, I would see him after class in the hallway, where he would greet me and give me a hug. Every now and again he would lean in for a kiss, but I wouldn’t have that. Of course, that relationship didn’t last long. You see, I was a virgin that had never kissed a boy, and Tyga, let’s just say, he was very experienced in the sexing department. Word around school was that he was fucking them all! And he didn’t discriminate, he was even fucking the Arabian girls with their hijabs on. Yes, he was so kind he let them keep their hijabs on while pleasuring them. So, yeah, that love soon turned into a crush and slowly faded away because he left the school the following year.

Fast forward to junior year. Tyga was back and Ciera—that’s my name by the way—was back in love. So, Tyga was back, and we had a few classes together, and I knew I wanted to at least kiss him by then. But since I had never kissed a boy, I was nervous about doing it. I knew I needed to practice with someone, so I called on my reliable good friend, Stacey, to help me. She had kissed a few boys, so she was a pro. She had some big lips, therefore it was a bit wet when we did it, but after one practice, I thought I was ready. I was on the cheerleader team, so on many days after school, I would stay late and of course I would see Tyga. One day, we were flirting in the hallway and he told me to kiss him and I did, no tongue, just a closed mouth kiss. Apparently, I didn’t do it right, because after the kiss, he looked disgusted, so I knew I had fucked up. All I could think was Damn, how did I fuck up a closed-mouth kiss?

Homecoming was approaching and everyone was trying to decide, who they were going with and who they would be going home with, that night. I was ready for it! I had already decided that I’d give Tyga the cookies on homecoming night. Cookies is the word that girls use to refer to