dating
If you’re approaching dating with caution right now, you’re not alone – red flags, ghosting and dodgy situationships are all we hear about. But is the search for connection in 2023 really as brutal as it sounds? Stylist sits in on 50 first dates to find out
compiled by: meena alexander
photography: sarah brick
Like so many cover stories, it started with an office chat. “I just don’t know if I can bear one more conversation with a stranger on a dating app about how my day was,” said one colleague. “At least your matches actually ask you questions,” said another. “It’s better than the bad jokes.” The vibe, to put it plainly, was ‘over it’. We’re all tired of the swiping, matching and messaging that’s turned dating into a part-time job, yet rarely actually ends with a pleasant night in a bar with someone you don’t want to pour your spritz over. Our dating pool is bigger than ever, and yet it feels like we’re drowning. In 2021, research from Hinge found that 61% of users feel overwhelmed and fatigued when it comes to dating, and Bumble’s 2023 trends report shows 52% of daters have established more boundaries this year. We’re clearly being burned, disappointed and downright broken by the search for love, making us a little less willing to be emotionally vulnerable every time we redownload that app or agree to that after-work drink. Who can blame us? Part of it is to do with how impersonal and transactional meeting people online has become – behind a screen, it’s easy to discard someone based on their weird emoji choice and the slightly awkward way they pose for a photo. In real life, you might be totally charmed by them. Then there’s the ever-growing list of buzzwords that have us all on high alert. Are they actually too busy to text back, or are they ghosting me? Or maybe I’m being breadcrumbed? Perhaps their nonchalance is a red flag, a sign that they’ve got an avoidant attachment style, or are they just chilled out by nature? It’s these questions that we’re wrapping around ourselves like emotional bubble wrap, sure that if we arm ourselves with all the knowledge, want to dig deep and find out if it really is as brutal out there as it feels. Because the truth is we are still a nation of hopeful romantics: recent research from Bumble says 70% of us are feeling positive about the romance that lies ahead. Love, or at least the desire to find it, is still very much in the air. So, we’re telling the real story of what it’s like to date in 2023 – straight from the mouths of single people across the country, of all ages, genders and backgrounds. There are instant sparks and damp squibs, new beginnings after losing great loves, romantic gestures and really great sex. If you take one thing from it, we’re sure it will be this: whatever your last first date was like, someone else knows exactly how you feel.
