Khloe's Hidden Diary

By The Black Marilyn

For as long as I can remember I've had this diary, a little black book I'd keep hidden under my mattress. I'd run to this book after every encounter I'd have with a guy. Whether it was good or bad, my diary was who I shared my story with first. Although I shared most of my stories with my girlfriends, my diary was closest friend that knew all the dark details of my life. This diary is filled with many emotions. From tears after my heart has been broken to stories about many of my sexual interactions. I became addicted to the feeling of someone being infatuated with me and didn't know how to live without it. When that feeling was over I was left with nothing. Not even with what I started with because I sacrificed it all for love. After being in love, the thought of being alone is unbearable. Any company is better than being alone, even if you know you’re being used.

• Language: English
• Publisher: The Black Marilyn
• Release date: Dec 11, 2016
• ISBN: 9781370604258

Book preview

Khloe’s Hidden Diary

By

The Black Marilyn

Copyright © 2016 The Black Marilyn

All rights reserved.

Distributed by Smashwords

No part of this work may be reproduced or transmitted in any way or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photo copying and recording, taping, Web distribution or by any form of storage or retrieval system without the prior written permission of Alexandria Jones aka The Black Marilyn unless such copying is expressly permitted by federal copyright law.

Ebook formatting by www.ebooklaunch.com

Cover art by Jarae Redder

Author contacts:

Instagram: _mskhloe_

Facebook: TheBlackMarilyn00

Email: [e-mail]

Dedication

This book is dedicated to women struggling with love addiction.

Table of Contents

The Thought of Love

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

The Thought of Love

The thought of love, thinking so highly of it so you aim to reach it in every situation you’re put in.

Throw the word around so freely until you forget what it actually means. To be in love truly, or to be in love with the thought of love.

The thought of love calls you beautiful, brings you flowers, takes you out, caters to you, and respects you. But the reality of your situation is deeper than the thought of love can handle.

The name beautiful queen he used to call you soon turned into whore ass bitch. That thought of love continued to bring you flowers, so many you could’ve had your own garden but that thought of love stopped taking you out and started going out on its own.

While you were home, alone sad and worried. That thought of love was out doing god knows what.

No that thought of love didn't cater to you any more or respect you in the slightest way but you had faith in that love you thought you had and knew so well.

Praying that thought of love would turn around, remember who it used to be, see the smile it once put on your face and be that love again for you, but maybe not.

What are we really in love with? Who do we love? Is it the thought of love, the thought of forever? Is it the thought of possibility that we really fell in love with? Or did we truly love this thought who didn't deserve love at all?

High expectations for that thought of love you thought you wanted until that thought of love turned into hate. Now where do you go with no love to be had, no thoughts to be given, no possibilities to be raisin because now you’re stuck in this situation with that thought of love that is now yours to keep.

So do you stick with it through all the heartache and pain and wait for it to all pay off or do you stop giving chances to this thought in your mind, open your eyes and see it's going downhill.

So far down that it could never be any way to come back up.

Which do you trust, the thoughts coming from your mind or the reality coming from your eyes?

That thought of love started off beautiful but when that reality of pain came around. I lost myself completely.

So now I have no thoughts of love. No high expectations. No more day dreams of forever because all my thoughts of loved have failed.

If it's love, let it show me. Let it change my mind and erase my past.

If it's love, I won't think of it but it will always think of me.

I don’t want fall in love with the thought of love ever again because your thoughts will never catch you. Only real love will.

Chapter One

Being twelve years old hanging out with a thirteen, fourteen, and sixteen year old doesn't seem bad, but these girls weren't your typical teenagers. These three girls were wild; Brooke, Tiffany, and Tiana. We all were on the same drill team. We were like Destiny's Child. We did everything together. See, me and Tiffany were friends since elementary school; that was my right hand. She lived down the street from me and we did everything together.

She was only a year older than me but she was a lot more mature. She had a boyfriend for everyday of the week. She didn't miss a beat. She never really talked to me about her boyfriend’s or who she was having sex with because I was the baby out of the group, but I knew what was going on. Brooke and I, we were more like cousins.

Our moms grew up on the same block so when we became cool our moms told us, y'all not friends, y'all family so we just stuck with it. She was the life of the group. She was so wild and crazy, nobody could stop her. Only thing she wasn't doing was having sex, but that girl knew everything about it. We all knew once she lost her virginity she was going to be the first to get pregnant. Lastly is the mother of the group, Tiana. She was sixteen and knew it all. She's the reason we all start shaving our pussies.

Me and Brooke were walking around with these hairy little bushes thinking we were grown but would’ve scared the hell out of any little boy who opened our legs. Tiana took us in the bathroom one day and talked us through how to shave. I thought I was grown after that. You couldn't tell me nothing. Tiffany wasn't a virgin like me and Brooke so she didn't need the shaving lesson.

We had sleepovers all the time. That's when Tiffany and Tiana would tell us their stories. Every time they had sex they would come back and say girls I gotta story. I loved hearing their sex stories. I was so curious about sex and my mom never talked to me about it. All she did was give me a book called All About Girls.

That wasn't enough for me, I needed details. When they would tell us their stories I would be so excited. I would get this little tingling feeling in my pussy, that I had no idea what it was at the time. I used to think I was having discharge; all along I was getting wet listening to their stories.

I remember one time Tiana went to the movies with her boyfriend James. She came back and told us all about how they were kissing, he fingered her, and she beat his dick while they were there. I didn't know what the hell she was talking about besides the kissing. When I asked her what do you mean he fingered you they all busted out laughing. They were always picking on me because I didn't know anything about sex, but the more I listened to their stories the more I learned.

They always later explained to me what everything they were doing looked like and after about a year of listening I was ready to have my own story. So Tiffany and I went to the mall one day to hang out and I met this guy, his name was Jared. He was fourteen and I was thirteen. We exchanged numbers, talked for a few weeks and I thought he was the one. I didn't care to be in love my first time or none of that stuff you hear about in the movies. I just wanted to lose my virginity. I wanted to have a story, I was ready. At least I thought I was.

Now it's December, cold as hell outside and me and Tiffany told my mom we were going to the mall. Little did she know, today was the