Style Five Kind Girl or Mean Girl...What is Your Friendship Style Mother's Guide

By Nancy Butkowski

"Now that her children are adults, Nancy’s passion for healthy mother-daughter relationships, the fertile soil from which godliness can grow, is directed to others. With her daughters she has written a curriculum designed to guide these lifelong family relationships. Her words and those of her girls open the doors of communication between mothers and daughters and helps build healthy open friendships, the desire of every mom" (Barbara Rainey, Ever Thine Home, Founder).

The Mother's Guide (guidance is provided if someone other than mom will be doing the study) is a companion to the Daughter's 4 Week Study and assists you as you take her through the lessons. In this style, we will be looking at her friendship style and how she treats others in her life, especially those who are not her friends. We will be considering kind girls versus mean girls in how they treat others and how your daughter can choose to respond to a mean girl in her life.

There will be discussion of how God can use mean girls in her life (like any other trial or challenge) to purify her faith, teach her patience, develop perseverance in her life, and help her to grow. As she learns to respond to mean girls the way God calls her to respond (quietly, patiently, lovingly, and with compassion and humility), she will grow closer to becoming the woman He has called her to be and have the opportunity to influence others in a positive way.

Week 1 will help your daughter understand that mean girls are in every school. She will learn that one of the mean girls’ desires to be mean lies in getting an expected reaction from her...the target of their meanness. And when they get the reaction they are seeking, it gives them permission to continue targeting her. However, when your daughter refuses to respond in the way the mean girl is expecting, she takes away her ability to victimize her. God has great purpose in allowing mean girls into your daughter’s life.

Week 2 your daughter will discover some of the reasons why girls choose to be mean. Sometimes, they feel they have permission to mistreat people who are unattractive, annoying, have bad manners, bad habits, or are different. Alyssa, one of the author’s, will share her story of how she became one of the mean girls and what she learned in changing her behaviors. Your daughter will complete a self-evaluation survey to help her determine if she is more of a kind girl or mean girl. She will learn what mean girl behaviors to avoid.

Week 3 your daughter will learn more about her own friendship style. She will rate herself to see how kind she is and where she needs to grow with God’s help. She will also learn that when she encounters a mean girl she has no idea the history behind her meanness or why she has chosen your daughter to be her victim. There are critical pieces to the puzzle that are missing making it impossible for your daughter to judge the mean girl’s actions correctly. That is why it is so important for your daughter to shift from focusing on the mean girl’s “meanness” to focusing on her response to the meanness. Your daughter cannot control another’s actions, but with God’s help she can control her own.

Week 4 suggests a date for mother and daughter to celebrate their relationship, share what they learned and pray for one another. An action point to apply what was learned is identified.

This is the fifth style of nine styles that will help your daughter grow into the woman God designed her to be. Each style looks at a different area of her life, such as beauty, fashion, and friendships. She will learn life skills and values through studying these styles that will build character into her life and equip her to make a difference in her world.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Nancy Butkowski
• Release date: Aug 4, 2022
• ISBN: 9781005717162

Nancy Butkowski

Nancy and her husband, Dan, have served as missionaries with CRU since 1974. Together they raised 5 daughters who are now married with families of their home (14 grandchildren). She home schooled for 14 years during which time her focus was to help her daughters develop Godly character and ground them foundationally according to Biblical truths. When they got older, the children attended public school.For 14 years, Nancy gave leadership to the Student Venture Club at the schools her daughters attended, helping them and many of their friends grow in their relationship with Christ. As a result of those years of ministering together, she and her daughters developed content for mothers and daughters called Live In Style which they used in putting on live events in many cities. That content is the basis of the books she is developing into a Mother-Daughter series, to assist mothers in having conversations with their daughters concerning many of the issues her daughters and their friends struggled with.Working closely with teenagers, Nancy has come to understand that much of life catches them by surprise, especially as they enter the teen years. She desires to be proactive in introducing pre-teens/teenagers to some of the real issues they are about to face, and help them understand the importance of making godly choices as it relates to shaping their future.

Book preview

Copyright © 2012, Nancy Butkowski

All rights reserved

Self-Published

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means – electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise – without prior written permission from the author/publisher

Copyright Owners:

Nancy Butkowski

Nicole Butkowski Kinzler

Janaye Butkowski Russ

Alyssa Butkowski Vawser

Sheryce Butkowski Parker

Printed in the United States of America

All rights reserved.

Scripture references are taken from the New American Standard Bible®. Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977 by the The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Portions of this manuscript were adapted by permission from Passport to Virtue, an unpublished manuscript by Family Life Publishers, Little Rock, AR. Copyright © 2013 by Nancy Butkowski. All rights reserved.

Cover Design: Jerry McCall

Senior Editor: Mary Lyon

Junior Editor: Ellie Kinzler

Rev. date: 2022

Table of Contents

Forward

Authors’ Bios

The Live In Style Story

Getting Started

What is the purpose of these nine interactive studies?

About the Mother’s Guide

Does each style follow a format?

My Take On Living In Style

What is the recommended age for these studies and what time schedule should we plan to follow?

Please Read This Before You Begin!

Style Five – Kind or Mean

High or Low

Week 1 – Style Watch

High or Low

Week 2 – My Story

High or Low

Week 3 – Snapshots of Truth

High or Low

Week 4 – Sweet Connections

Appendix 1: Gospel Presentation

Appendix 2: Kicking Off The Study

Appendix 3: What is This Study Intended to Accomplish?

Can This Study Be Used in Other Settings Besides Mother/Daughter One-On-One?

A special word for adoptive mothers or stepmothers

How Is the Bible Used in This Study?

Appendix 4: Brief Bible Study on the Holy Spirit

Forward

Our children grew up together. Two of my daughters were friends with two of Nancy’s so we moved in and out of common circles for many years. Without question Nancy, with her husband Dan, lived for this goal: I have no greater joy than to see my children walk in the truth." That purpose drove her every day.

Now that her children are adults Nancy’s passion for healthy mother-daughter relationships, the fertile soil from which godliness can grow, is directed to others. With her daughters she has written a curriculum designed to guide these lifelong family relationships. Her words and those of her girls open the doors of communication between mothers and daughters and helps build healthy open friendships, the desire of every mom.

I think you would agree that there is no substitute for a mother’s love. And there is no greater joy for a mother than to know her daughter’s heart belongs completely to Jesus Christ…that together their hearts belong to Him!"

Barbara Rainey

Christian Author, Speaker and Artist

Ever Thine Home Ministry, Founder

Author Bios

Live In Style Story

We ministered together throughout the girls’ junior high, high school, and college years and experienced firsthand some of the challenges facing young women today. Striving to meet culture’s standard for beauty, intelligence, talents, and abilities chips away at who God uniquely created each one of us to be. Culture is constantly telling women, both younger and older, who they need to be…so much so, that they become busy living what everybody else thinks they should be like, act life, or look like. Soon their sense of ME gets lost as they base their self-worth on how well they match the achievements, the talents, and the looks of others. For the most part, our culture does not encourage us to be who we really are.

Understanding this, we wanted a way to encourage mothers and daughters to stop and consider who is