Asian Parenting: The Healthy Way

By Freya Vert

As Asian myself, I have experienced what you called the typical Asian parenting in various settings. While the parenting guide in general works universally, our upbringing itself includes different set of beliefs that probably still rooted deep inside, thus compromised with how we act. All the cases inside came from Asian household that we may relate more. In its core, this book is about the parenting mindset.

 

This guide will help you see certain things in light, from a point of view you might have never consider before, with real life examples that can help you make a better decision. Along with it also comes parenting tips that will save you a lot of time, a lot of anger, and simply make your life much easier. It will open your perspective, you as parents, to gather as much knowledge and information, for you to make the best of it for your children and your whole family in retrospect.

 

Therefore, although I titled it as Asian Parenting, and it is specifically drawn from Asian experiences, this parenting approach itself is universal for each and every child, no matter what race. If you want to become a happy family in the healthy way, for your kids to grow in the best way, this is the book for you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Freya Vert
• Release date: Jul 13, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201325442

Freya Vert

Reading has been a hobby of Freya ever since she was a child, fantasy genre in particular. Unfortunately during her childhood, there was almost close to zero new choose-your-own-adventure books, books she really liked and hoped to read. People said that if you can not find the book you want to read, write it instead. So here she is, writing series of books, particularly choose-your-own-adventure books of many themes and variety.

Book preview

Introduction

This book might as well be titled Be A Good Parent. Afterall it is about how parents navigate through this process we called parenthood. Why this book came to be is because I couldn’t help but notice that some of our culture, Asian heritage, family tradition, and what is drilled from our environment is not translated, not understood, and not taken into account in building the parenting that suitable well enough for us.

Furthermore, this is not about steps in specific detail how you raise your children, because the fact is that they are your children, it is only right that you decide how to raise them best, according to you and what you can provide them with. But this guide will help you see certain things in light, from a perspective you might have never consider before, with real life examples that can help you make a better decision. Along with it also comes parenting tips that will save you a lot of time, a lot of anger, and simply make your life much easier.

This is not a guideline for your children, but more to open your perspective, you as parents, to gather as much knowledge and information, for you to make the best of it for your children and your whole family in retrospect. Therefore, although I titled it as Asian Parenting, and it is specifically drawn from Asian experiences, this parenting approach itself is universal for each and every child, no matter what race.

Chapter 1. A Life of a Child’s Own

If you live in an Asian neighborhood or have been raised in Asian family, of course you have been dictated to have a family and children and raise them in the tradition that already exists in your family. This is a seed that has been formed from your childhood and grows naturally, becomes something you have to do without you having to ask, something that is already written on paper, cannot be erased or edited. You have to do it to be normal, to be accepted in your environment, to make your parents happy, and to shape your own life.

More about that mindset and that type of thinking in most of Asian heritage will be discussed further in my other book, but this book is about parenthood when you have already started a family or expecting soon, therefore I will focus on this. If you already have children, this is something that you have to plant in your mind, that your child is not an extension of your life or your parents or your in-laws. Your children are their own selves, they have their own personality, with their own life and future. They won't be exactly like you or your partner, so don't mold them to be just like you or a better version of what you want to be. Instead, you need to provide support so they can become the best version of themselves.

When the children grow up, they will have a life of their own. And it is very, very important that it is not you as the parents who shape the future of your child and how they should live. They have to shape their own lives and make their own choices. Your child's life is not your life, let them live it. They will make their own mistakes and learn from life experiences, and you will be with them when needed.

Some of you will read the sentence above and think, but I had a lot of life experience and I love my children, so I can save time and just teach them all of it. What you need to understand is that you as the parents are not the pilot of your child's life, you are not even the co-pilot, and most importantly you are not allowed to be the pilot or co-pilot.

I strongly encourage parents to guide and teach their children, be behind them to support always, not pushing them in the direction that you secretly want, but provide the right values ​​in life, and help them in their time of need. As parents, you must know your limits. In this book I will help explain in more detail the limits of what parents can do in their children's lives with real examples, but still it is up to you to set the right boundaries in your family life.

What you also need to pay attention to is do not pass your trauma to your child. As human being we have our own scar battles, strengths and weaknesses, our own bitterness that we have gotten from our own lives, do not bring this bitterness to your children. This is something that theoretically we need to fix beforehand, before parenthood, but it still can be done during the process of parenthood. I am also in the middle of writing another book about healing concept and how to live well after trauma specifically.

In short, there are 3 ways in raising children that parents do in general. The first is that they raise their children exactly the same way their parents did before. For example, if they are raised in a harsh environment, beaten to be disciplined, they will do the same thing because they think it's the right thing, because they feel like they turned out just fine and dandy, so it’s easy to just continue what they have received before, without learning other ways that can be better.

The second way is the opposite, if they are raised in a harsh environment and feel tortured or suffered because of it, they will not want their child with the same treatment so they will make everything easy for the child. In other words, children are very pampered and all the children's wishes are to be obeyed, with the reason that I do it all because I love my children and I wish them no harm, they do not have to share the ugly and hard parts in life. Do I need to explain that complying with all the wishes from your child will eventually have a bad impact on their personality which means you have made the wrong step and indirectly don't love them for which you have led them