Joyful Parent Joyful Child

By Marilyn Robb

My collection of writings, presentations, stories, and thoughts gathered over the past 40+ years parenting my two children, working with parents, supporting parents, and counselling parents. Many of these articles were written more than 20 years ago. I did not revise or update them. In some parts you get a chance to see how things have moved forward, but in other parts it is obvious how not much has changed over the years. For example, the Q and A with parents- about 20 years ago I volunteered on a website that offered help to parents. They submitted questions related to issues they were facing as parents, and I offered some thoughts and guidance. Notice how many of those questions can be asked by parents today. It saddens me that we have not made the necessary progress in our societies and education system. What is even sadder is that in so many situations we are still struggling to make good decisions and find rational solutions to provide a caring, nurturing, and emotionally supportive environment for our young people. Hopefully these writings will move parents into action to make the changes that are needed in our world todayMy collection of writings, presentations, stories, and thoughts gathered over the past 40+ years parenting my two children, working with parents, supporting parents, and counselling parents. Many of these articles were written more than 20 years ago. I did not revise or update them. In some parts you get a chance to see how things have moved forward, but in other parts it is obvious how not much has changed over the years. For example, the Q and A with parents- about 20 years ago I volunteered on a website that offered help to parents. They submitted questions related to issues they were facing as parents, and I offered some thoughts and guidance. Notice how many of those questions can be asked by parents today. It saddens me that we have not made the necessary progress in our societies and education system. What is even sadder is that in so many situations we are still struggling to make good decisions and find rational solutions to provide a caring, nurturing, and emotionally supportive environment for our young people. Hopefully these writings will move parents into action to make the changes that are needed in our world today.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Marilyn Robb
• Release date: Dec 11, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223855071

Book preview

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Joyful Parent Joyful Child

Marilyn Robb

Published by Marilyn Robb, 2023.

While every precaution has been taken in the preparation of this book, the publisher assumes no responsibility for errors or omissions, or for damages resulting from the use of the information contained herein.

JOYFUL PARENT JOYFUL CHILD

First edition. December 11, 2023.

Copyright © 2023 Marilyn Robb.

Written by Marilyn Robb.

Joyful Parent Joyful Child

My not-so-random thoughts for parents.

Marilyn Robb PhD

Copyright Page:

Joyful Parent. Joyful Child © Copyright 2023 Marilyn Robb

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Although the author and publisher have made every effort to ensure that the information in this book was correct at press time, the author and publisher do not assume and hereby disclaim any liability to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident, or any other cause.

Adherence to all applicable laws and regulations, including international, federal, state and local governing professional licensing, business practices, advertising, and all other aspects of doing business in the US, Canada or any other jurisdiction is the sole responsibility of the reader and consumer.

Neither the author nor the publisher assumes any responsibility or liability whatsoever on behalf of the consumer or reader of this material. Any per­ceived slight of any individual or organization is purely unintentional.

The resources in this book are provided for informational purposes only and should not be used to replace the specialized training and professional judgment of a health care or mental health care professional.Neither the author nor the publisher can be held responsible for the use of the information provided within this book. Please always consult a trained professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others.

For more information, email [e-mail].

Contents

Section 1.

Early Childhood Development.

The Emotional Needs of Your Child

Emotional Death. Emotional Dulling

Developing Social and Emotional Skills in Children.

Letting Children Be Children

Standing Up or Standing By.

Really Listening to Our Children.

Maintaining Positive Self-concept

Childhood Stress and Depression

Sibling Rivalry

Q and A With Parents

Section 2 .

Emotionally Intelligent Parenting

What is Emotionally Intelligent Parenting?

Every Parent Needs a Support System

Parents Supporting Each Other

Section 3.

Children and Learning

How Children Learn -Part 1.

How Children Learn – Part 2

How Children Learn. Part 3. Learning Blocks.

Thinking and Feeling/ Learning and Emotions

Improving Your Child’s Learning Skills.

What Makes Learning Hard?

Motivating Learners.

Social and Emotional Aspects of Learning

Q and A With Parents

Section 4.

Parents and School

Home and School Connection

Parents And Teachers Working Together

Parental Involvement in Schools

Parental Involvement in Schools. Part 2.

Let’s Put the Joy Back in Teaching and Learning.

The Phases of the Education Process.

Helping Your Child Through School Hints For Parents

Q and A With Parents

Section 5.

Special Needs and Special Education.

What Really Is Special Education? Part 1.

What Really Is Special Education – Part 2

All School Difficulties Are Not Learning Disabilities.

What Exactly Are Behaviour Disorders?

What’s With All the Labels?

ADHD and Its Effects on Education

Mom Does Not Give Up.

Special Education or Special Medication

Raising A Gifted Daughter-One Parent’s Story

Section 6.

Adolescents

Being Friends with Your Adolescent Children

What Teens Need

Section 7.

Not -So -Random Topics

A letter To Colleagues: SEL In Our Caribbean Schools

One School at A Time- Social and Emotional Learning in The Caribbean

Ending Corporal Punishment.

Research On Physical Punishment-What It Needs

When Punishment Becomes Praise

Abuse In Schools

Ending The Culture of Competition.

Rewards And Punishment- A Continuing Debate

Mental Health in Schools

Depression And Suicide in Young People

Effects Of School –Real or Imagined

This book is dedicated to my two wonderful and joyful children and my two wonderful and joyful grandchildren

A note about the book

Many of these articles were written more than 20 years ago. I did not revise or update them.

As you read some parts you may think that that was long ago and not relevant to our situations today. You get a chance to see how things have moved forward. But in other parts it is obvious how not much has changed over the years. For example, the Q and A with parents- about 20 years ago I volunteered on a website that offered help to parents. They submitted questions related to issues they were facing as parents, and I offered some thoughts and guidance. Notice how many of those questions can be asked by parents today. It saddens me that we have not made the necessary progress in our societies and education system. What is even sadder is that in so many situations we are still struggling to make good decisions and find rational solutions to provide a caring, nurturing, and emotionally supportive environment for our young people.

Hopefully these writings will move parents into action to make the changes that are needed in our world today.

Introduction

Congratulations on deciding to be a parent or caregiver to a young person. Supporting a young person is indeed a challenging job. It seems thankless at times; other times it seems hopeless. But we do know that when those times pass, as indeed they do, parenting is the most rewarding job in the world. Nothing can replace that first moment when a parent holds a newborn and looks down at that precious face; nor that first smile that tells us how happy the child is to be in this world; nor the first hug when the child holds on for dear life and almost squeezes the life out of us; nor the first word. Those first moments are all the reward a parent could ever want.

Whether you are a first-time parent or a veteran; whether you are a stepparent, adoptive parent, surrogate parent, grand-parent or just the fun aunty who spends occasional time with your favourite niece or nephew, welcome to this journey. It is a journey of many obstacles, but also of long, smooth stretches. And there may seem to be no end to this journey since your child will always be your child. So, the joy is in the journey, not in arriving at a destination.

An important part of bringing up children is the frame of mind with which you enter the relationship with the child. The first step in this journey is self-reflection.

Take some time to reflect on the following:

1.What influenced your decision to be a parent? Who were the people who influenced this decision? Did you consciously make the decision to become a parent? If no, how did you react when you first learned that you were going to be a parent? Have your reactions to being a parent changed? How and why?

2. What are the guidelines and principles of parenting that you follow? Where did you learn these principles?

3.What good qualities do you bring to parenting? Take your time and list all of them, no matter how insignificant they may seem.

Parenting is really about your relationship with your child. Just as you would take the time and thoughtfulness to develop and nurture a friendship you can do the same with your child. Decide to have your child as your best friend and to be his or her best friend.

Section 1.

Early Childhood Development.

The Emotional Needs of Your Child

The needs of all human beings fall into categories: physical needs, emotional and social needs, and spiritual needs. It is sometimes easiest for parents to provide for the physical needs of children. Parenting responsibility stretches beyond that. Here is a summary of the emotional needs of young people to guide you through the emotional development of your child. As you consider these, bear in mind the important fact that as soon as the baby’s central nervous system is in place, when the foetus is about 3-4 months old, (i.e. before birth) they can experience emotions and can respond to stimuli in the environment. Haven’t you been warned against watching horror movies during pregnancy? Or encouraged to have bonding conversations or play classical (or other soothing) music to the growing infant inside of you? You have been influencing her emotional development since then.

Young people need:

Physical Touch.

All babies start off with the basic need for physical touch and attention. These needs do not dissipate as the baby grows older. Scientists have proven that babies who are touched, held, and cuddled thrive better than babies who are left lying in their cribs with very little human contact. The need continues throughout life. It is not age specific. Every human being, including young people, needs a certain amount of appropriate physical touch, e.g., a hand on the shoulder, a hug etc.

Positive Attention.

Positive attention involves listening respectfully, not ridiculing, invalidating or being judgemental either in tone of voice or facial expression. It is being there in the best of times and the worst if times- not just when the young person is ‘behaving themself’. When the child is feeling bad, (i.e., is angry, frustrated, afraid, embarrassed, etc.) and cannot figure out how to deal with it, that’s when they most need positive attention. Withholding love and attention at this time only adds to the distress being experienced and makes it harder for the child to think through the incident.

Closeness and positive attention give human beings, especially young people, a sense of their importance in people’s lives, a sense of worth, a feeling that they are wanted in the world, a sense of security that an adult will be there to help them through any situation. When the needs are not met the person develops a distorted picture of the world. They lose their sense of trust and become insecure. They begin to think that something is wrong with them that makes people not want to be close to them. And so, they begin to lose trust and self-confidence. This leads to withdrawal in some children. They find it hard to play with others. They do not make friends easily. Or it may lead to aggressiveness or rough behaviour where they fight to get other’s attention or force others to play with them or interfere with other’s play. They may become bullies. This develops later into poor relationship- building skills in several areas of their lives.

There is a myth that giving a child too much attention will spoil the child. The opposite is true. The more the need is met the less of it there will be to be met.

Being Listened To.

Young people need a lot of listening to. They do not need talking at all the time. They

need to know that an adult will listen to them in a trusting and caring way. They want to share their precious thoughts and feelings with adults, but they must know that it is safe to do so. Therefore, they need to be listened to with full attention and interest in what they are sharing. What may seem insignificant to an adult can feel like a major trauma in a young person’s life. They also need to be able to depend on the confidentiality of that adult. Young people are aware of the parents’ practices to ‘share’ their child’s experience with the parent’s friends. Knowing that the information will remain safe with the listener encourages the child to feel confident enough to talk about struggles, goals, and dreams. This helps the talker to think more clearly.

Respect.

Every human being needs and deserves complete respect. We need to respect the very youngest person in the same way that we respect an adult. From birth the child’s brain is intact (except under special circumstances) and it is developing at a fast pace. The child understands a lot more than they are given credit for. They are also able to think and feel, nor to verbalize things, but information is registering in the brain. The way we help children to learn and the intelligence to develop is by treating them as a person (though little) with thinking capacities and not as objects that only come to life when they start school. When a toddler touches something, e.g., a hot stove or electrical socket, and looks at us with that enquiring look, they are asking for information and guidance about how to handle it. We need to take the time to explain (maybe more than once since repetition is important for learning) how it works.

Emotional release.

Before birth, or from the formation of the nervous system, every human being feels or experiences emotions- anger, grief, sadness, fear. These emotions when not given enough opportunity to be released get stored along with important information associated with what is happening at the time. These stored up feelings get in the way of thinking well in a later situation. These feelings, therefore, should be released as soon as they are experienced. Even babies therefore need ample opportunity and safety to release their feelings- their fear of the birth process, the separation from the womb, the lack of touch and positive attention, being hungry, being isolated etc. The earlier humans are allowed to release these feelings safely, the clearer will be the person’s attention to function rationally in the present time. Children who are not allowed to cry enough from birth, for example, carry these unpleasant emotions into their teenage or adult years and have a greater difficulty getting rid of them. These emotions have been entrenched in the person and lead