The Evolving Self

By Catherine McFarlane-Noble

The Evolving Self takes you on a journey from Conception to Confidence. In the first half we take a look at how relationships form and how we are affected by others behaviours. As we step into the second half this is a more personal look at other peopple's perception of self observed by the Author. Thought provoking and encouraging. The Evolving Self discusses the importance of clear communication between partners with the purpose of avoiding anger and living a wonderful life in harmony with self and others. Word count 20,408, 96 pages

• Language: English
• Publisher: Catherine McFarlane-Noble
• Release date: Jun 17, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223168515

Catherine McFarlane-Noble

Catherine McFarlane-Noble is an Australian Author living in South Australia. Catherine's years of being a  Professional Relationship Counsellor and also a Qigong Master in the Jue Lian Huan (nine linking circles) lineage has provided an interesting variety of  life experience. 

Book preview

The Evolving Self

From conception to birth

From the very magic moment of conception when new life begins comes the beginning of a new relationship. That between the mother, the host and the foetus, a dependent . This is the first relationship that most of us are aware of.

As we grow towards the time that entry into the physical world approaches we have already signalled our needs to the mother. Connected by the umbilical cord we receive sustenance. Protected floating in the amniotic sac which contains vital vitamins and minerals. Any nutritional deficiency is conveyed through to the mother as a craving. Any excess as a need to purge or dilute.

We take this interactive relationship for granted. It happens automatically. Conception starts the massive change in hormones for the mother. Emotions can seesaw as a result of the fluctuating hormonal levels.

The physical sensations and the how much the impact of being pregnant affects the mother's normal daily activities can  be a determining factor for the ongoing relationships after birth. The baby is of course completely unaware of motivates his/her mother. Being dependent on the people around him/her baby is in survival mode.

Being loud is what a baby learns first. This cry to have its needs met is primal.

From birth to school

In a normal development the baby grows and learns the rudimentary skills of co-ordination. Interaction expands from the immediate family to include other children. Children at Playgroup and Kindergarten.  Each new activity corresponding to the stages of physical and mental development. Learning how to interact with others. At this stage we work from an instinctual level.

For some sharing toys is easy. However, for some the taking of a toy by another child triggers an experience of threat. The reversion to primal scream for an adults attention can be immediate. How this situation is calmed sets up a crucial learn for the child. Are you teaching your child to scream every time it wants. Alternatively, are you teaching your child that their survival is not dependent on toys.

The lessons we learn at this stage in our life stay with us into our adulthood and provide the basis for how we operate. You may be well into your adult years when you start to ask yourself why you keep behaving in a certain way as it is not working for you. However, you keep repeating it. This undermining behaviour started in early childhood.

Are your parents to blame? Yes and also No. The majority of parents are doing their best to nurture and protect their child working with whatever knowledge they have about child rearing at the time. Babies don't come with an instruction manual. What worked with one child may not work with the next child. This occurs because we are all unique individuals constructed with the double helix of genetic information.

Becoming a parent doesn't magically make you an expert in child rearing or relationship development.

Can you get passed it? The good news is yes you can.

This in its essence is the Parent - Child transaction.

From school to work

Starting Primary School is a big deal. The separation from our primary care giver can be scary. Suddenly the child is confronted with having to survive among strangers. Expectations from the parents may have been impressed upon the child prior to facing this event.

Balancing parental expectations with your own developing natural instincts can set up inner conflict. Choosing the correct response is trial and error, trial and success. If an error response is experienced consistently this affects the child deeply all their life.

Into the child's landscape enters the formal entity of the Teacher.  The Teacher - Student transaction is an extension of the Parent - Child transaction. This is an adult who is not family and with whom the child must develop a relationship rapport. Play time is when the friends dynamic begins to evolve. This is the Child - Child transaction.

Often girls and boys are separated into different areas to allow for the more boisterous behaviour of boys not to impact on the girls quieter activities.

As adults we see this same separateness being played out in social situations like pubs. Where men will congregate at one end, displaying loud, boisterous behaviour and the women, quieter with only bursts of quickly contained loudness, at the other. This began in childhood.

Family, Work, Social

Relationship dynamics within families are notoriously complex. Parent - Parent, Parent - Child, Child - Child transactions. These interactions depend very much on the development of the ego and emotional intelligence.

The role of the Parent can be defined as providing, nurturing, instructive, disciplinary. The role of the Child is inquiring, curious, surviving, developing confidence, building self-esteem.

When the replies to a Child inquiry in a derisive or demeaning manner this firstly teaches a child that this is the normal way for a parent to respond to its child. Secondly undermines any confidence. Continuous abuse can cause developmental retardation or rebellion.

With puberty hormonal development in the teenage years comes the awareness of the public and private persona. Bringing harmony to these diverse aspects of self can take a lifetime. Teenage angst comes from the misunderstanding that parents should just know what is happening inside you. Unless you tell them, they do not know.

We leave our family during business hours and head off to work. The work scene is mainly Adult - Adult transaction. The Parent - Child dynamic is sometimes felt between Boss - Worker. Is a paternal attitude appropriate in the work situation? As an adult interaction with another adult it should be just that...equal adults. It is the responsibilities in a business that are hierarchical, rather than the transactions between adults.

Life Partners

Survival of the species is the strongest instinct born into all of us. Once our bodies reach reproductive maturity the hormonal changes signal the start of this part of our life's journey. Even though our bodies may have reached a reproductive ability does not necessarily equate with an equivalent emotion readiness for the responsibilities that parenthood requires. The mating dance begins.

Friends become choosier who they spend their time with. Winnowing