Growing a Family

By Betty Jo Wilcox

Lifting one’s head up to view the family landscape can transpire questions such as, “Where am I?” “How did I get here?” “Why am I here?” and “Where am I headed?” observing the loved ones growing alongside. This may also form questions to which we reflect on the status of their formation.

Take a short journey with this parenting handbook, Growing a Family. This will give inspiration to parents and family supports to obtain essential tools to help cultivate the roots of your garden. In it, you will travel through parenting subjects that are attached to personal stories orchestrated with experience and wisdom intended to surface an emotional rainbow.

Uncover the gems hidden within your ancestry, gaining knowledge of the “why” when turning through the chapters on the foundation of yourself as well as the precious soul of your child. Dig into the importance of family values and stitching supports to add individual and family strength. You may find comfort in a greater power as you read spiritual happenings written with an open heart poured out in the “Power of Prayer.”

Parents and caregivers of children all ages can find tools to use in the unexpected storms of life. Helpful strategies and observations are to be considered when reading about boundaries, babies to youth, and the importance of how we communicate when turning through the “Talk to Me” section of the book. Learn how to look for safety issues that may arise when leaving your children in the care of others with the “Working Parent” chapter. Grow knowledge of things that may cause harm to a family if the unexpected happens, causing a shift of unbalance uncovered in the “Blended Family” section.

Laugh, cry, and internalize the creativity told through the words to inspire all of us to nurture our future gardens.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Jun 18, 2021
• ISBN: 9781636306636

Book preview

Chapter 1

The Foundation

The first time a parent holds the most precious gift in their arms, it draws out such an overwhelming sense of emotions. To many, it renders them speechless. If asked to label the emotion, it would be difficult.

The baby is made from a long genetic line. Such an important factor in the journey of life with this little creature.

To knowing this and being blessed with a nurturing personality, I felt confident when I left the hospital with our firstborn. At a noticeably young age, I was the most sought-after babysitter in our neighborhood. Providing care for children of others when they work or had date nights, that should have prepared me for the big undertaking of parenthood, right?

Looking back now, I was in that frame of mind because my brain was still in a developmental stage. I was a nineteen-year-old mother who really wasn’t ready for this big responsibility. Due to the development of my own brain, you know the frontal lobe, the area that fully understands consequences, this mom was unable to predict the life factors that could arise when being responsible for another little human. Thank God I had a wonderful family of support.

Our oldest child has become the most compassionate. He is our ambassador of the family. If there is or was an issue that needed to be addressed or represented by our family, and my husband or I could not physically be there, he would be the one we would send, knowing the situation would be handled with love and care.

This is the springboard for the topic of nature versus nurture. I understand there is a debate which factor plays mostly into our personality. Who we become and how we interact with others in all relationships is the heart of a human soul. How we learn to interact with others can determine if you are a rotten tomato or a valued piece of food that will provide goodness to the world.

Again, looking at this child who came from you and your genetic line will play a factor in his or her personality. Our oldest has ADHD. He was born into a family line that carries that trait. With no knowledge at birth of the existing trait, this fact will already make somewhat of an impact on his personality that first step out of the hospital door. Nature touched her special hand on him. This will play a part in his relationships, daily functions, as well as how he sees and interprets the speed of his daily events.

Guiding the nurturing of a child is the role the parent has most control—where we place the child, how we enrich the child. The unending weeding out of negativity that can take root and grow around our child is the parents’ key and most precious responsibility.

My foundation of placement in a loud, busy, semi-dysfunctional family taught me skills that carried down to our son. Being a young mom who was blessed with a family of support, this child learned that he was loved not only by his parents but by many others around him. He learned how to use his family of support, determine what support he needed, problem solve how he would obtain this support, and communicate the need to get the support.

This skill was developed through his observation of our interactions with him, how we interact and react to others on a daily basis. Through these interactions, he learned human behavior—who and how to interact. He learned other skills such as how to read body language, use tone, and mostly, how to regulate emotions during interaction so he could obtain the support needed. He learned the action of love, and how to give and receive.

I believe learning how to interact with others will determine how healthy our children become. If children are unable to identify and express a need early on in life, will this child become an adult who internalizes life stressors? We know the risk factors of living an overly stressful life. It can affect every arena of our well-being.

Our world is full of many different people who carry different kinds of temperament. Is a person sensitive, adaptable, or do they approach things in a persistent manner? Again, this is an area of nurturing, modeling the desired behavior to guide your child’s temperament. We have no control over temperament or behavior of others. We do have control over how we react or interact on a daily basis with all different kinds of humans. During these daily observations, our children are watching and collecting information to then use in the future. The behavior modeled from the parent or caregiver will then be a skill the child adapts to when interaction is needed to reach their specific need.

Observe a child, and they will tell you a story, one of my personal favorite sayings. Through observation, we can mostly determine the placement of the child in the family, how the child is parented, temperament of the child, and what skills the child has learned to communicate in their world. Take it a step further and observe interaction between siblings. This will give a quick picture of how the family functions as a whole. For instance, during a parent-child group for children five years and under, a child could show me their placement in the family, temperament, as well as adaptive skills they are being taught just by giving them an unopened juice box during snack. Did the child attempt to problem solve to open the juice box? Did the child became easily frustrated, and how did they communicate that need to the adults in the room? Did the child sit there with no attempts to open the box waiting for the adult? Did an older sibling step in without direction given from adults to open the straw and place it in the box for the younger sibling?

A parent could step back, take in this situation, observe, and decide how they would like to intervene. Asking themselves, Do I need to make adjustments? Do I need to step in and use this as a teachable moment to encourage a little problem-solving or model the appropriate respectful words needed to ask for help just by giving the words, ‘Help me please?’

Talking in third person should come natural for a parent of a child three years and under. A parent also needs to be aware of the child’s temperament to indicate how soon to step in before the child becomes too frustrated while giving them some time to learn.

Life gives us so many precious teachable moments that we could share for free, and families of today are getting too busy to look up and take advantage of this natural learning experience. Talking with our children, listening to them, having conversations and giving them time with no distractions are the best investments a parent can give to a child.

The topic of conversation begins at birth. Picture your beautiful child as a blank slate. Genetically, we do need to consider the factors of the slate. For example, if the slate has some ripples, this will determine our approach with the tools we use to paint the canvas. Every stroke of the brush represents an experience in your child’s life. Every connection we facilitate or support with that child will add color, dimension, and mostly, understanding that will guide that child to every parent’s most desire—a beautiful creation.

My oldest son’s genetic ripple is being ADHD. We as parents had no control over this fact. Once diagnosed, being his parents, we then had to decide how to proceed with each stroke. Did we need to medicate to