Questions to ask the teens in your life
The adolescent brain is a strange and wonderful thing. We tend to think a lot about the impact of what teens are and are not doing – risky behaviour, not wanting to talk or hang out with their parents, and the dreaded ‘peer pressure’ – instead of what is actually going on inside their noggins. A good place to start might be asking yourself: what do you want your relationship with your kids to be like when they are grown up? And how do you intend to get there?
Teenagers are famous for disconnecting from their parents. In psychology this is called individuating and, much like bankruptcy, it happens very slowly and then all at once, as Ernest Hemingway wrote. Conceptually, it is something that you want to happen – that is, you want your teenagers to become adults – but in practice, as parents, we often try to stop it happening.
During the teenage years, set up points of connection that allow for a deep and authentic relationship that will remain even when your kids are adults. This does not mean you need an overwhelming number of
