Programmer's Vacation

By R. Richard

I manage to rent a dune buggy from an establishment in rural Santee. I have previously obtained some slip in mufflers and I use them to augment what little muffling the original setup provided. A quick test run reveals that the exhaust sound is very much reduced and should allow me to cruise the back country in more or less anonymous fashion. I then cruise out to the East county in my rented chariot, using mainly back roads. I have a good, satellite map of the area and I find my way along a few dirt roads until I come to a hill that should lead me to where I need to go.
From the road to the hill is across a deep ditch. However, one end of the ditch is partially filled in with hardened mud from the last of the infrequent East county rains. My ‘go anywhere’ dune buggy does make it across the mud, if just barely. I then slip and slide across the face of the hill until I arrive at the top. There’s a fence across the top of the hill, but there’s also an area where the fence has fallen down. I use a couple of boards to make sure that the top of the fallen chain link fence doesn’t spear the tires of my dune buggy.
My transit of the fence is interrupted by the arrival of two large, nasty dogs. I use a club and the sleepy gas to render the dogs unconscious. I now have a time budget of nine minutes to do that which I’m to do.
I run the dune buggy up to a barn.
Inside the barn is yet another large, nasty dog. The sleepy gas again does its work and I have another worthless hound stacking Zs, as I do a bit of shopping.
According to the drug dealers in Pacific Beach, the ‘ol country boy’ who owns the barn and the rest of the farm or whatever, has ‘enough weaponry to fight a full scale war.’ The assessment proves to be a bit on the optimistic side.
I do find a nice assortment of Uzi assault weapons and even an RPG outfit that looks to be maintained and in good condition. There are also a number of AK-47 assault rifles and, gem of gems, an AK-74, the assault rifle that replaced the AK-47! I scoop up two good looking Uzis and the AK-74, stashing them in my dune buggy. I then go back and stuff a sack with fully loaded magazines for the Uzis and the AK-74, including what I later confirm are some explosive rounds for the AK-74. I then grab the RPG and stash the sack and the RPG in my dune buggy. I gift the barn dog with another shot of sleepy gas and I then, as they say, split the scene.
(Okay, the barn has a dirt floor, as I was told. Of course I left tracks in the dirt, during my shopping expedition. However, the tracks are due to a pair of shoes that I will soon dispose of. In addition, the tracks are for a shoe of a larger size that that which I wear. Thus, a tracker will be searching for someone who wears shoes that I don’t own and in a size larger than what I wear. Obfuscation R me!)
I get back to the fence in just over eight minutes, planning to hit the two dogs with another shot of sleepy gas, pick up the boards and then split clean.
However, it’s not to be a night of clean splits. There’s another large, nasty dog waiting for me. I hit the dog with a club, as it tries to climb into my dune buggy, and then I hit the hound with sleepy gas.
By the time I dispose of the latest dog, the other two dogs are beginning to show signs of life and aggression.
I drive across the collapsed fence and down the steep hillside. I transit the mud filled ditch and then turn the wrong way. My turn is dictated by my need to keep a couple of groggy, but very angry dogs on the wrong side of my open to the air dune buggy. I then proceed down the dirt road, at speed. I can outrun the dogs, but not by too much, as the rough surface of the dirt road doesn’t allow the dune buggy too much top end. I drive for a while, turning this way and that as I come to and/or cross other dirt roads. My path is entirely random, as avoiding the teeth of the dogs is my main and nearly only concern.
Eventually, the dogs give up the pu

• Language: English
• Publisher: R. Richard
• Release date: Apr 6, 2022
• ISBN: 9781005404482

R. Richard

I'm the co-author, with Sunset Thomas, of Anatomy of An Adult Film.I have 48 novels and over 299 short stories currently published.I spent my early years in the part of Los Angeles known as the South Central. I was known as Whi' Boy, which was sufficient to identify me in that place. I'm a skilled Kung Fu player, using a system that I learned from a Korean I knew only as 'Pak.' It would be easier to tell you the places that Pak wasn't wanted by the police, rather than the places where he was wanted by the police. Pak's Kung Fu system, augmented by some bits and pieces from some Chinese practitioners is quick and effective, or I wouldn't be alive today.My early education was mostly obtained by stealing books from the public library (I always returned them and the Librarian even began to provide me with reading lists.) I did go to high schools, but I never really learned anything there. I eventually graduated from the University of California at Los Angeles, UCLA, with a degree in mathematics.I work as a Systems Analyst and also make a part of my living as a professional gambler (legal in Nevada.) I write science fiction and erotica. My published novels are:Anatomy of An Adult Film (With Sunset Thomas)1. Second Chance: God Killer2. Second Chance: Sky Pirate3. Second Chance: Scroll Seeker4. Second Chance: King of The Islands5. Second Chance: King of Zaya6. Second Chance: Duke of Averon7. Second Chance: King of Golomon8. Second Chance: King Of The Sky9. Second Chance: Warlord of Ifrequeh10. Second Chance: King of Ariby11. Second Chance: King of Mesodania12. Second Chance: King of Avuls13. Second Chance: King of Kemet14. Second Chance: King of Zorran15. Second Chance: King of Two Worlds16. Second Chance: King of Averon17. Second Chance: King's Duties18. Second Chance: King of The New WorldAdventurer: Simulation ProblemAdventurer: Pannar ProblemA Programmer's GambitAmateur StripperBeach MurdersBondage HouseCorporate Sex SlavesFriday NightGo Naked In The SoftwareGrasshopper WinterInvoluntary NudeLayoffNot A HeroPirates of The KeysSummer of SexThe LakeThe Last Moon DanceThe Nude Adventures of Plain JaneThe Secret Life of Wanda WilsonTails of the Pussycat LoungeTo Keep A JobTopless RestaurantToy WhoresVix: The MarineWayward BoyShort Stories:A Christmas Visit

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Programmer’s Vacation

By R. Richard ©

Published by R. Richard at Smashwords

Copyright 2022 R. Richard

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Programmer’s Vacation

By R. Richard © 2022

Chapter 1: Not A People Person

I’m a computer programmer. I mainly work at programming military computers. I’m as good as anybody I have ever met at programming computers and a lot better than most. What I’m not good at is dealing with people.

I went to work for one Dave Champion. Dave was easily the best boss I ever worked for. Dave wasn’t necessarily all that good at dealing with people, but he did deal with them and he did keep them off me, so that I could get my work done.

However, one day, Dave Champion disappeared. Dave and his government security clearance just dropped off the edge of the world.

I got involved in the wrap up of Dave’s affairs. As a result of my involvement, I managed to figure out where Dave must have gone, when he disappeared.

I talked with the FBI about where I thought Dave went to.

As a result of FBI investigation, I meet a lady named Susan Channing. As a result of further investigation, Susan, Guillermo Blanco and I were dispatched to Chile. Guillermo is killed by a guy on the flight down to Chile. I, in turn, kill the guy who killed Guillermo.

Susan is arrested when we land in Chile and I’m left alone. I then track down and meet Rafael, who was to be our assigned contact in Chile. Rafael is some sort of Chilean government agent.

Rafael and I then prepare to find Dave Champion. We’re then joined by Susan, after her release by the Chilean police.

Rafael is then murdered, by person or persons unknown.

I then manage to kill several unknown persons who try to kill Susan or me.

Susan and I then find and kill Dave Champion. Susan and I then escape from Chile.

Susan is an expert airplane pilot and speaks fluent Spanish. Susan handles the transportation end of getting us out of Chile and back to the United States.

I kill anyone who tries to stop us on the way from Chile to the United States. Quite a few people try to stop us.

Okay, I must be a cold eyed, ex-special forces or ex-secret service guy, trained as a ruthless killer, right?

I told you, I’m a computer programmer. I don’t know if I’m cold eyed or not. I’m not a trained, ruthless killer. I’m a computer programmer and I just don’t give a damn if I kill people who try to harm Susan or me. The idea of people who want to kill me or my partners having rights, is really not a part of my world

Eventually, Susan and I get back to the United States.

Along the way, I manage to offend nearly everyone I deal with. However, I’m a computer programmer and I just don’t give a damn if I offend people.

One person that I don’t overly offend is Susan. Actually I propose to Susan and marry her, when we get back to the US.

Why would Susan marry a guy that she has only known for a very brief time, a guy who might be a psychotic killer?

During our escape from Chile, we survived only because of my efforts. I can’t fly an airplane and I know only a few words of Spanish. However, it quickly becomes apparent that it’ll take Susan’s learned skills and my ferocity to get us out of the situation in which we find ourselves.

During the trip back, I offend the hell out of Susan’s FBI boss. I’m justified in my behavior, but Susan is going to have to face her very angry boss, when we get back home. Susan points out the problem to me.

I tell Susan, I may not be good a dealing with people, but I’m the best computer programmer you’ll ever meet.

Susan asks, Are you really that good at software?

I have never met anyone better at it than me. I’m also a lousy politician. However, now I have a very talented lady to keep the politicians off me while I make us both the kind of money I can make if I’m allowed to do what I do so well.

Susan asks me, What if the politicians don’t buy it?

I ask her, What if the politicians need a guy to do another smash and grab operation somewhere really nasty? (It’s not that I don’t know how to play politics, or that I can’t be nasty enough to play politics, it’s that I’m too valuable programming computers to let me play politics. On the other hand, if I can get someone else to play politics for me, I can survive and even proper.)

Susan sighs and says, The politicians will buy it. She then goes to talk to her FBI boss.

Once again, I talk nasty to people and Susan then talks nice to the same people, perhaps succeeding in calming things down, because if Susan doesn’t succeed, the people have to deal with me again.

Once we get back to the United States, the powers that be decide that what Susan and I did was what had to be, in order to get the job done and it was, in that light, okay. Also, deciding that what Susan and I did was okay avoids having to discuss why the government of the United States basically abandoned Susan, Guillermo and me. It also avoids having to discuss why the governments of Chile and China basically tried to kill Susan and me.

As a ‘reward,’ when I get back to the United States, the government allows me to run a computer software operation that had been promised to me, upon successful completion of the ‘find Dave Champion’ operation. Of course, it undoubtedly also enters into the evaluation that I’m probably the best qualified person to run the operation, in any case.

I then go through the process of taking over the software company that I previously worked for.

However, the government will use their people handling skills to ride herd on the simpleton specialist who thinks that he can run a complicated operation.

The following conversations then take place:

I tell Susan, I fired several people when I took over my previous company. Thus, I had to hire replacements. I interviewed several candidates. One of the candidates looked like Miss Universe, had a PhD from MIT, had the moves of a trained actress and the interview skills of a political genius. Do you know what I did?

Susan laughs and says, As a matter of fact, yes I do. You called the big FBI boss here in San Diego and told him that the next time he tried to send in a beauty queen to see if you’re awake, he should send a girl who’s prepared to strip. If he sends you a stripper, she damn well ought to be ready to perform.

Do you know what he told me?

Susan says, No, but I bet it was nasty.

He said, ‘Mr. Owen, you’re paranoid. I’ll shortly have an assignment for someone like you.’ That’s what he said.

Susan says, So, you want to be a secret agent?

Susan, I want to run my own software company. My kind of software is basically sold only to the government. If I want to sell to the government, I have to dance to the government’s tune.

Susan gets up and paces back and forth. She says, Jim Owen, if you go on a mission, I go with you.

Susan, there’s no need for you to expose yourself to danger.

Susan smiles at me and says, I’m not going along to expose myself to danger. I’m going along because I’m the only one trained to deal with your method of operation.

I look at Susan and ask, My method of operation?

Susan points at the carpet and says, Dead body. Oh, look over there, a naked lady is just running around the corner. With that, Susan points off in one direction and kicks the imaginary dead body off into the foreground in another direction. She smirks at me and says, You need me.

Okay, I do need Susan.

First, I need Susan because she’s my wife, my lady, and she runs the social side of my life.

Second, I need Susan because she manages to get the semi-brain dead political pimps and whores we have to deal with to do at least the minimum that we need to get our jobs done without me beating the crap out of them.

(Whazzat? No, I don’t have a clue as to how Susan does it.)

As Susan and I settle in back in San Diego, I get things running the way they need to run in my little software operation that supports the United States defense efforts.

My software operation is a smooth running, very efficient machine. The reason behind this is a secret that I developed over the course of quite a few years of working for other, poorly running,