The Secret Diary of a Motel Maintenance Man

By Donald Boyer

Almost every day theres excitement going from one place to another. Theres been so many things happening here that I really dont know where to begin. If you look at the place as a jam packed full container of messed up people that cant get along with themselves, let alone anyone else, you would see very clearly that waiting for something to happen is a given at any time of the day.

Its like watching one of those day time shows that can carry over a phone call from Monday to Friday and maybe they will think of something that will some how cause them to get tired of that crazy bitch that everyone across America knows is a lying, conniving, self centered trouble maker that will stop at nothing to disrupt everyones lives that she touches.

Well we have them here too, but their twice as good at it than they are on TV. Im going back a few days to some real excitement. Some illegal Mexicans were staying here and one of them decided to try to rape a 16 year old girl in her own room. He was high on something and really did cause some problems.

It was about 4 pm when he just walked in her room and pushed her down on her couch and told her in Spanish that he was going to rape her because she was a hoer and she deserved it. Shes just a young girl with a baby and shes not in any way a hoer. Then she started screaming and her mother just walked around the corner and into the room to see what was going on.

The crazed man then went after her and knocked her down. Well, that was a major mistake on his part. She pushed the crazed man out the door and told him never to come back. He just came back in and attacked the mother again. Then some of her teenaged kids saw what was going on and decided to fight the man.

Well, then the crazed man ran out the door and down the stairs to the parking lot and ran around the building by the laundry which was another mistake on his part. The mother of the girl hollered to them to catch that man as he ran by the door. Well there are some really crazy women down in the laundry room that would like nothing more that to tear into someone like this asshole. Now for his third mistake, he tried to run rite past these crazy laundry girls thinking that they were just watching and would do nothing to him. AAAA, wrong answer..

As he approached Rosy, he didnt expect her to kick him in his legs and knock him off his feet. He was so high on dope that he didnt even know he was on the ground but he was still running his feet as she tackled him. At that point, he got up and started running again. Now, along comes our littlest laundry lady that was raised with big brothers that used to beat her up until she got older. As the man got close to her, she did a fast knock down on him. He went down faster that a stake in front of a bull dog. When I first saw her, she was holding him down like a roped steer at a rodeo. When I asked her if she needed any help, she told me to just stand back so I dont get hurt so she could handle piece of shit until the cops got there. And I was just about to make my move too...

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Sep 22, 2009
• ISBN: 9781462820535

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The Secret Diary of a

Motel Maintenance Man

Donald Boyer

Copyright © 2009 by Donald Boyer.

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Contents

About the Author Copyright 2009

The Secret Diary Of A Motel Maintenance Man

About the Author

Copyright 2009

My name is Donald Boyer. My life really got off to a great start when I was about 10 years old. Now back in the 40s and 50s life was simple and pretty much a trusting time of my history. If someone said something that sounded like it might be true, then everyone could take it to the bank. You really didn’t question people because there was no need to question anything because everything was what it was.

I was always curious about everything wanting to know how it works, why does it do what it’s doing or can I fix it? Taking things apart came natural to me because those things were unable to function after I took them apart. I just fiddled with them for a while until I was able to fix them. My father always told me that I could do anything if I just put my mind to it. He said that to me many times and it really stuck with me all through my life.

After high school I went into the service for a while and everything was a learning experience all over again. After I got out of service I wanted to learn and accomplish more in my life. I started working in small maintenance jobs learning more new things that I could understand. For over 40 years I went from job to job learning how to fix, repair, construct, build and learn how to make things better. Then I could store this information for future use if I needed it.

All of those long years lead me to a special place that put me in charge of fixing some things that no one else could fix. I am a firm believer that we all have some special abilities that we can let out to pasture for a while just to see who will want to use them or abuse them. Being an expert at fixing almost anything on God’s green Earth, I found that the majority of people really do envy others that can fix it for them. They would really rather not use their brains excessively. That way they can watch more TV, drink more beer and give me a lot of their money for doing something that they could have done if they had some good common sense.

The people that I am writing about are real people. These situations and stories actually happened around me as I went about my sometimes normal days of existence. It wasn’t my job to compare them or judge them according to their standards or mine. I just tried to figure out why they did what they did and what made them do it. Absolutely none of these people had any skills beyond unscrewing a light bulb. Most of these wretched people were at the bottom of the human DNA, and had no problem with what ever violence it took to get what they wanted.

For almost two years I documented many different events that happened at a motel. Maybe someday someone like you would love to be in on the action, and let me paint a picture in your mind of some of the strangest events that anyone can imagine. Many of these events were very humorous to me and that’s why I wrote them in a humorous way. That way you could fully understand the complexities that I had to deal with on a daily basis. I was able to retain my sanity by simply combining humor with violence just to see what the end result would be.

The Secret Diary Of A Motel Maintenance Man

Almost every day there’s excitement going from one place to another. There have been so many things happening here that I really don’t know where to begin. You have to look at this place like a jam packed container full of messed up people that can’t get along with anyone else. Now you can see very clearly that waiting for something to happen is a given at any time of the day.

It’s like watching one of those day time shows that can carry over a phone call from Monday to Friday, and maybe they will think of something that will cause them to get tired of that crazy bitch that everyone across America knows is a lying, conniving, self centered trouble maker that will stop at nothing to disrupt everyone’s lives that she touches.

We have them here too, but their twice as good at it as they are on TV. I’m going back a few days to some real excitement. Some illegal Mexicans were staying here, and one of them decided to try to rape a 16 year old girl in her own room. He was high on something and really did cause some problems.

It was about 4 pm when a man just walked in her room, pushed her down on a couch and told her in Spanish that he was going to rape her because she was a whore and she deserved it. She’s just a young girl with a baby and not in any way a whore. She started screaming just as her mother walked around the corner into the room and saw what was going on.

This crazed man then went after her and knocked her down. That was a major mistake on his part. She pushed the man out the door and told him never to come back. He just came back in and attacked the mother again. Then some of her teenaged kids saw what was going on and started fighting the man.

Then he ran out the door, down the stairs to the parking lot and ran around the building by the laundry which was another mistake on his part. The mother of the girl hollered at them to catch that man as he ran by the door. Well there are some really crazy women down in the laundry room that would like nothing more than to tear into someone like this asshole. Now for his third mistake, he tried to run right past these crazy laundry girls thinking that they were just watching and would do nothing to him. This was a wrong decision on his part.

When the man approached Rosy, he didn’t expect her to kick him in his legs and knock him off his feet. He was so high on dope that he didn’t even know he was on the ground when she tackled him. At that point he got up and started running again. Now along comes our littlest laundry lady that was raised with big brothers that used to beat her up until she got older. As the man got close to her she did a fast knock down on him. He went down faster than a steak in front of a bull dog. When I first saw her, she was holding him down like a roped steer at a rodeo. When I asked her if she needed any help she told me to just stand back, so I don’t get hurt while she handled this piece of shit until the cops got here. And I was just about to make my move too . . . .

DO WE CATCH THEM, OR JUST CHASE THEM

This could turn out to be the question of the year. Why are our security people trying to become friends with the drug dealers thinking that might hurt their feelings? Our so called security just likes to be mental with the drug dealers trying to be their friend. Then he acts like he’s going to chase them if they don’t stop selling drugs. They did catch one in the act and had him chased off the property. He was back the next day at a different area. Now he seems to be somewhat more discreet about who he is selling drugs to. But there is a change in the air, and it’s coming soon.

BOY DID I HAVE A PROBLEM

About three weeks ago, I was getting up in the morning and felt pretty good when I did my morning stretch. Sometimes things just don’t get started on the right foot, or as they say, maybe I got up on the wrong side of the bed.

I stretched my arms over my head as usual and all of a sudden I felt a small pop which is sometimes a normal thing for almost everybody at one time or another. Over a few weeks time that little pop kind of started burning inside my upper right shoulder behind my scapula.

Last week it got to hurting really bad, so I was thinking about going to the doctor to see about it. Just a short time later, I was in the laundry room with some of the girls that work in there when I suddenly sneezed. The pain in my shoulder was so great that it knocked me down to my knees on the floor. One of the girls looked down at me and started screaming, Oh God Donald, you’re having a heart attack. Oh God I’m to young for you to die! . . . . I looked up at her and said, I’m not dying just help me up will you?

At that point I decided to call a doctor to get in as soon as possible. I got into the doctor and followed through all of the steps like shots and extras. Then I got the proper medicine at the pharmacy. I was worn out at the end of the day and somewhat sore in several different places on my body from their dart practicing.

That evening I decided to take a pill and go outside to visit one of the ladies that work in the laundry for a while. We were having a good conversation when all of a sudden I really didn’t feel very good. My abilities were shutting down faster than our out dated phone system. She said she would help me get back to my room, so we started walking in the direction of my room when I walked straight into one of the support pillars and came to an abrupt stop. Oh! I hollered out to her and asked her, Hey I thought you were going to help me get back to my room. I am She said, But you need walk on this side away from the pillars. That might help ha . . . .

By the time we got to my room I was almost unable to stand because this medicine was doing a real job on me. She helped me get undressed and into my bed just before I lost my abilities to stand up on my own. I failed to read the label on the medicine and that’s what caused my abilities to deteriorate so fast. The next morning I saw her in the laundry and she told me with a smiling voice, Damn Donald, it’s a really good thing you were not feeling good cause I tried not to look but I couldn’t help myself. When I saw you with your clothes off, I almost attacked you cause you got the most beautiful body of any man I ever saw. It’s a damn good thing the other girls don’t know what a great body you have, or they would be lining up at your door! I didn’t know I had one till now . . . .

ACTION PACKED EVENING AGAIN

There’s always something going on here, but it’s usually just small stuff that really doesn’t amount to a hill of beans. Lately it’s getting so interesting that I just have to write about it for future posterity. Last week our security guard was walking around keeping the peace when he was attacked by four of some really bad asses that thought they would just kick his ass and go home to have a beer. Little did they know that he is one of the toughest security men around this crazy place.

Anyway here’s what happened. A car kept driving around the motel, so he walked around a corner and stopped the car to check out the driver. Then three guys jumped him from behind the car and tried to do him in. Then the driver of the car grabbed his Maglite and tried to hit him with it. That wasn’t very bright. Not the light, the guy that grabbed it. The security guard was busy kicking their asses, but they got in a few good hits on him. He figured that turn about was fair play. Then he wacked the guy across the top of his head that was driving the car before he went down.

Ok, let’s mark one down for the bad guys this time. The way I understand it they did catch one of them a short while later. I guess you could say in a round about way that they caught him when he showed up at the hospital with a very bad head injury. It is so bad that he is in very critical condition and is not expected to live. What do you think, should we holler yesssss?"

To HELL with the bad guys. It’s to bad that they can’t use their pea brains for constructive uses instead of their own demise.

EXTREAMLY GUILTY

This next bundle of extreme intellectual empty caverns of gray matter kind of let’s us know where we are in the food chain of life. It may sound ludicrous to most people, but describing their inadequate abilities to activate any kind of workable solution in their lives is like trying to describe which kind of cave man came first. Was he a monkey, or was he just an ordinary person in the garden of Eden with an empty brain that needed a woman to guide him along and introduce him to the pains and pleasures of a new world. I think their still very primitive.

It seems that this guy of whom I don’t know what room he was in, came into position of some very nice tools that amounted to about $3,000 dollars. It’s still not clear what he paid for them, but he thought he was getting a bargain. In a way it was great for the guy that lost his tools. He did get them back only because the guy that stole them felt so guilty about falling off the drug wagon that he called the Sheriff on himself. Then he told them that he had sold some stolen tools to some people in another room.

This poor guy was so distraught about how he was so clean for over five years, but in one weak moment he took some drugs and thought he was smarter than all the cops in the world. Then he realized that what he was doing was against the law. So now when the Sheriff arrived at his door with our security guard, he wanted them to take him to jail so he could be put away forever. But wait, what about the tools.

The tricky part here is trying to figure out where the tools originally came from so our security guard came to the rescue. He went to their little den of iniquity and knocked on their door. When one of these future entrepreneurs opened their door and saw him, they knew they were fast loosing their security blanket.

The way the security guard described it to us was so funny that we all just about fell down laughing. What he said to them went something like this. OK boys, I see some fancy tools in your room here so I am going to give you a couple of options to think about. If these tools that you guys are in possession of here could somehow be returned to the person that they were stolen from, then I think that all would be forgiven. On the other hand, if they were to remain in your possession, then the two Sheriffs that are coming this way would probably have to give all of you boys a free ride down to our local jail! They gave new meaning to the words, STAND BACK . . . .

It didn’t take but about ten seconds for those tools to come flying out that door like some kind of new sport that could only be described as the most unusual tool throwing target practice that was ever witnessed by anyone’s wildest imagination. Now since the tools were going to be returned to their owner, the sheriff really couldn’t charge the man that wanted to be arrested because there was no proof that anything was stolen. So he couldn’t charge himself with selling stolen property. The owner got his tools back, so he didn’t want to press any charges on the guy that originally took the tools, so the whole thing stopped there.

Except for the guy that wanted to be arrested wasn’t very happy because he was still feeling bad that he fell off the wagon, and caused the problems in the first place.

It is really hard for the normal brain to grasp on to this type of situation that sounds like some kind of crazy silent movie that we all know wouldn’t really happen in our normal world. Well around here one can always expect the unexpected . . . .

FRUIT CAKE CITY

The way I see it, if you’re going to do something, the least you could do is to do some research on you’re project before you make a total fool of yourself. This happened to a woman tonight when she offered some drugs to the wrong person.

This should be short and sweet. One of our local dingbats that is in possession of a fried brain, thought she would make some extra money by asking our security guard’s wife to sell some pills called Zane. Now I really don’t know much about the local flow of Hypothecation pills, but I do