Summary of Harville Hendrix's Getting the Love You Want

By IRB Media

Please note: This is a companion version & not the original book.

Book Preview: #1 When couples come to me for relationship therapy, I ask them how they met. Some people fall in love with such intensity, while others ease into a love relationship with a levelheaded friendship.

#2 The exchange theory of mate selection says that we select mates who are more or less our equals. We size each other up as coolly as business executives contemplating a merger, noting each other’s physical appeal, financial status, and social rank.

#3 The three theories of romantic attraction explain why we have such different experiences with love, and why we tend to only be attracted to a few people. They suggest that we select a mate who will enhance our self-esteem, and that we should be attracted to people who are similar to us.

#4 We all have a tendency to seek a partner with a specific set of positive and negative personality traits. We are compulsively searching for a mate with those traits, and if we don’t find them, we will seek them in someone new.

• Language: English
• Publisher: IRB Media
• Release date: Mar 11, 2022
• ISBN: 9781669358855

IRB Media

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Book preview

Insights on Harville Hendrix's Getting the Love You Want

Contents

Insights from Chapter 1

Insights from Chapter 2

Insights from Chapter 3

Insights from Chapter 1

#1

When couples come to me for relationship therapy, I ask them how they met. Some people fall in love with such intensity, while others ease into a love relationship with a levelheaded friendship.

#2

The exchange theory of mate selection says that we select mates who are more or less our equals. We size each other up as coolly as business executives contemplating a merger, noting each other’s physical appeal, financial status, and social rank.

#3

The three theories of romantic attraction explain why we have such different experiences with love, and why we tend to only be attracted to a few people. They suggest that we select a mate who will enhance our self-esteem, and that we should be attracted to people who are similar to us.

#4

We all have a tendency to seek a partner with a specific set of positive and negative personality traits. We are compulsively searching for a mate with those traits, and if we don’t find them, we will seek them in someone new.

#5

The unconscious mind is the source of physical action, which is the source of your reactions. The brain stem, which is the inner and most primitive layer, oversees reproduction, self-preservation, and vital functions such as the circulation of blood, breathing, and sleeping.

#6

The final area of the brain is the cerebral cortex, which is the site of most of our cognitive functions. It is the part of you that is conscious, alert, and in contact with your daily surroundings.

#7

The old brain, in contrast to the new brain, is largely unaware of the outside world. It receives its information from the new brain’s images, symbols, and thoughts, which reduces its data to broad categories. The old brain’s main concern is self-preservation.

#8

The person who walked in the door was not Aunt Mary, but her sister, Aunt Carol, and instead of greeting her with open arms, you found yourself resenting the interruption. The sight of her or the smell of her perfume sent you running from the room.

#9

The old brain, which is the part of your brain that was developed in childhood, has no sense of linear time. It is constantly trying to re-create the environment of your childhood, and the reason it is trying to do this is because it has a compelling need to heal old childhood wounds.

#10

You were a complex, dependent creature from the moment you were born. No parents, no matter how devoted, can respond perfectly to