You, Me, and Anxiety: Teen Edition

By Dr. Robyn Reu Graham

Do you ever wonder what it might be like to not feel anxious all the time?

 

The good news is you no longer have to feel alone and isolated.

 

You, Me, and Anxiety helps you identify anxiety, recognize its symptoms, and take intentional action to manage and overcome it so that it no longer has a negative grip on your life. This book is perfect for anyone who ever:

 

Struggles to get out of bed in the morning;

Dreams of getting a good night's sleep;

Has stomach flips at the thought of going to school;

Often feels alone and afraid to try new things or do familiar activities;

Finds it challenging to hang out with their friends or go to parties;

Often feels irritable or angry; or

Experiences frequent stomach pains or headaches (or both).

 

More good news: you aren't doomed! In fact, even with anxiety, you can live a happy, joyful life and experience the fabulous things your peers are experiencing.

 

This book does not promise that overcoming and managing anxiety will be easy, but it will show you that you have the ability and tools to navigate through it.

 

Are you ready and willing to take intentional action and embrace the recommendations included in You, Me, and Anxiety so you can go from feeling stuck in a negative cycle to unstuck and proactively changing how you feel every day?

 

Let's do this!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Highlander Press
• Release date: Mar 8, 2022
• ISBN: 9781737263890

Book preview

Introduction

You are not alone.

Whether you’re a teen moving through the challenges of anxiety or a parent trying to help your child navigate their experiences, you are not alone.

Over twenty-five percent of children between the ages of thirteen and eighteen have anxiety disorders. Anxiety affects over eighteen percent of the U.S. population and is the most common cause of mental illness. Anxiety disorders can be equally as disabling as other mental health diagnoses but does not receive the same recognition. Some of the effects of anxiety include decreased productivity, increased morbidity and mortality, eating disorders, and increased substance abuse. The lifetime prevalence of anxiety is especially high in teens and is more prevalent in girls than boys, but boys are not immune.

Who am I to speak to this? I am Robyn, a little girl, teenager, college student, woman, wife, mom, sister, and friend who has lived her entire life fighting with the demons of anxiety, missing out on wonderful experiences and meaningful relationships because I let anxiety rule my thoughts.

With my history of anxiety, having watched my son suffer from anxiety, and having watched numerous family members, friends, and the children of friends suffer from anxiety, I have set out to help people recognize anxiety as a disease that should be respected just as diabetes, asthma, heart disease, or cancer are respected. Mental health challenges are often hidden by patients and families due to fears of being stereotyped or judged by others. It is time for society to recognize anxiety as an illness. If not addressed and treated, the result can be frighteningly dramatic, such as suicide. Death is too great a price to pay for something that is treatable. Alarmingly, even though anxiety disorders are highly treatable, only 36.9 percent of people suffering with anxiety receive treatment. Some may question whether I have the expertise to write this book. Am I a psychiatrist? No. Am I a therapist who treats anxiety disorders? No. Am I a researcher in mental health? No. I’m not a physician, psychiatrist, or a therapist. My expertise lies in having lived with generalized and social anxiety disorder my whole life and supporting my son through his journey with social anxiety. I witnessed my father suffer through anxiety (only we didn’t know what it was while we were growing up). So, I’ve seen it from all sides, and it’s from this place of wisdom that I offer insight and guidance. In addition to my life experiences, I have researched for papers and projects in pharmacy school, and as a consultant and medical writer.

I am a woman who happens to have a doctorate in pharmacy and has lived with anxiety and its impact for my entire life. I’ve experienced and witnessed the physical and emotional impacts anxiety has on people, adults, children, and teens, and on their relationships with themselves and others. A degree or specialty title is not necessary to increase the awareness and depths of effects that anxiety can have on individuals and society. Anxiety can be debilitating. It can result in the inability to build and maintain relationships, prevent people from having productive, happy lives, and causes people to hide in shame and sadness. Plus, it prevents people from living the life God called them to live.

When the concept of this book originated, I thought it would be based on my gifts as a photographer, envisioning a book filled with pictures of individuals depicting their anxiety. Children and teens would use the book to identify and describe their own feelings without having to put words to them. However, as I prayed about this project, God led me to not only share photographs, but to provide a more meaningful journey into anxiety, living a purposeful and meaningful life with scripture and God’s love as another pillar to lean on. As I write this book and think of future readers, I want to leave you with the blessing of confidence, grace, courage, faith, and love.

Feel confident that you are a child of God and He made you the way you are because He has a plan for you.

Give yourself grace to accept who you are and be kind to yourself. Realize your worth and advocate for yourself.

Have courage to face each day with strength and perseverance, and never give up the fight to get the help you need and live the life you dream of. Leave the doubts and denial of self-worth on the path behind you, and look only forward to a positive, meaningful future of purpose.

Depend on faith in God and in yourself, that through Him and the will He gave you, you will have the strength to face anxiety with courage. Have faith that you will find deeper meaning for what you are going through, have gone through, or will go through on your life journey.

Love yourself. It is important to love yourself before you try or are able to love and care for others. You are lovable and worthy of love. God has proven that through His gift of grace.

It is my hope that through your journey with this book, you will be able to shift your mindset around anxiety. Mindset is eighty to ninety-five percent of what makes us successful in life. No matter your skill sets, a positive mindset is super important to be able to take action and for that action to be effective. The exercises within the chapters will guide and help you to build habits that will lead to a positive mindset. Don’t just read about them, do them. Action is powerful.

Be the Hero

Hero:// a person admired for achievements and noble qualities; one who shows great courage

You are the hero of your journey. Being your own hero doesn’t mean to go through life alone, or you do it all by yourself. It is about embracing courage and taking one intentional action after another to get to where you want to be, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Being your own hero is about making decisions to always do the next right thing. To seek help when help is needed and to give help when the opportunity arises. You can be a hero by simply recognizing that you need help. Your journey of being your own hero begins today as you read the pages of this book.

There may be days that you don’t want to get out of bed, don’t even want to pick up this book or do the activities I’ve included, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t a hero. A hero is someone who makes a choice to be better, to do better, to do the next right thing, to do the things that seem the absolute hardest, and today, you are that someone.

Let’s dive into how together we can raise our heads and hearts as heroes and win the fight with anxiety.

Sometimes, maybe even often, people have symptoms of anxiety but don’t recognize them as such. Anxiety disorders present in different ways for each one of us. I have always had physical symptoms of anxiety. Quite often the physical symptoms present before I realize I am anxious. And, sometimes, my mind just won’t be quiet.

Often, we experience the symptoms or thoughts listed below, and go to the doctor just for her to tell us there is nothing wrong. She can’t find any physical reason for what we are feeling or experiencing. Not having a diagnosis handed to us can be very frustrating and overwhelming. The more there are no clinical findings for what we are feeling and experiencing, the more we think we are making this up, that it’s not real, and we begin to feel crazy.

Have any of these phrases rolled across your tongue or swirled around in your mind? Does your heart race at the thought of going to a party? Does your stomach hurt when it’s time to go to school? Have you been to the doctor, but she can’t find anything wrong with you despite a myriad of tests? If yes, anxiety could be influencing your daily life.

Below is a list of physical symptoms and thoughts that you might be experiencing that may indicate you have a form of anxiety:

My stomach hurts.

My head always hurts.

I don’t feel good.

I am not good enough.

I can’t.

No one gets me.

I am fat.

I am ugly.

My heart races.

I’m afraid to.

I can’t breathe.

My chest is tight.

I hate myself.

I can’t get out of bed.

My body hurts.

I’m so tired.

I can’t sleep.

I feel angry all the time.

I’m irritable.

I’m jumpy.

I can’t focus.

My mind is racing.

I can’t quiet my thoughts.

My thoughts are all over the place.

I’m scared all the time.

I worry all the time.

I never just have fun.

I’m stupid.

I’m dumb.

Dark or negative thoughts (comments)

Sharing dark or negative things on social media.

Putting yourself down.

Feeling a sense of despair and deep sadness.

Injuring yourself or inflicting pain on yourself.

Hurting others verbally or physically.

I want to remind you that you are not alone. Anxiety, especially in teens, is growing in prevalence. Even more importantly, I want you to realize that you have options for help. You do not have to go through anxiety alone.

One of the first steps you can take is to be honest with yourself, and your parents and/or guidance counselor at school. If you are experiencing any of the above thoughts or feelings, chances are you could use help navigating the struggle with anxiety.

Pay attention to your symptoms. When do they occur? What is happening in your life when you experience the symptoms? Notice triggers, such as school, tests, peers, going to new places, doing a presentation, deadlines, social events, or your parents arguing.

We all have certain things that make us more anxious than others. When I have something big coming up, like a presentation, trip, or major decision, my stomach hurts. I feel like I am getting sick with a stomach bug. I may go a couple of days with my stomach feeling this way before I realize I am anxious about something. Once I dissect what is happening in my life, I realize what I am anxious about. Then, I can work on my thoughts and calm the physical symptoms as well as the emotions.

I catch the anxious or negative thoughts, I challenge them, and then I can change them. Years ago, a wonderful therapist taught me about cognitive behavioral therapy and gave me the method of catch, challenge, and change my thoughts. I added control and confidence to it to begin using the 5Cs journaling