The Phantom Pain: A Memoir

By Omar Gonzalez

In his debut collection, The Phantom Struggle: A Memoir, author Omar Gonzalez examined the personal experiences that defined his life from childhood through his late teenage years-domestic violence, adventure, love and heartache, and much more. Omar returns to his trademark mixture of poetry and prose in this direct sequel, diving into the more

• Language: English
• Publisher: Rise Above Publishing LLC
• Release date: Feb 24, 2022
• ISBN: 9781735624273

Omar Gonzalez

Omar Gonzalez is a former member of the US Armed Forces and is currently a Doctor of Physical Therapy. More notably, Omar is also an award-winning author, having released his first book, The Phantom Struggle: Memoirs of a Life Once Struggling, in the late summer of 2020. The product of a turbulent, alcohol-ridden, and low-income home, he has been homeless and was not afforded the opportunity of having an all-around safe and fun childhood. However, when speaking to him directly, he would never disclose such information. Instead, Omar would like for people to read about his various experiences in life. Whether it is encountering abuse, love, heartache, religion, or self-discovery, he has a poem or story for such an experience. When he is not busy with professional endeavors, Omar spends his time thinking of ways to write about his life or others' lives and does not shy away from using fantastic elements to convey his message. Omar yearns to write emotion-driven stories that captivate the readers' spectrum of emotions and imagination so that they feel and see the story unfold before them.

Book preview

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER 1

SUPERWOMAN

CHAPTER 2

WELCOME

CHAPTER 3

QUESTION EVERYTHING

CHAPTER 4

THE STORY OF JAY PART I

CHAPTER 5

LAST WEEKEND IN KOREA

CHAPTER 6

MAGNIFICENT FEATURES

CHAPTER 7

THE STORY OF JAY PART II

CHAPTER 8

CONGRATULATIONS

ONE YEAR LATER

CHAPTER 9

THE OTHER SIDE

CHAPTER 10

DEAR POPS

CHAPTER 11

A FRAY

CHAPTER 12

SAVING PRIVATE FELVIS

CHAPTER 13

ONE AND FINITE

EPILOGUE

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

WRITING ACHIEVEMENTS

WHAT DID YOU THINK?

Child sexual abuse is a significant but preventable public health problem. Many children wait to report or never report child sexual abuse.

About 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 13 boys experience child sexual abuse at some point in childhood.

91% of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by someone the child or child’s family knows.

For more information, please visit:

https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/childabuseandneglect/childsexualabuse.html

If you suspect a child to be the victim of sexual abuse, please call the Darkness to Light Hotline:

866.FOR.LIGHT (866.367.5444)

On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men.

1 in 15 children are exposed to intimate partner violence each year, and 90% of these children are eyewitnesses to this violence.

For more information, please visit:

https://www.ncadv.org

If you or anyone you believe may need help, please call

The National Domestic Violence Hotline:

1-800-799 SAFE (7233)

or go online to

https://www.DomesticShelters.org

Suicide is the10th leading cause of death in the US.

On average, there are 130 suicides per day.

For more information, please visit:

https://afsp.org/suicide-statistics

Warning signs that someone may be at immediate risk for attempting suicide include:

Talking about wanting to die or wanting to kill themselves

Talking about feeling empty or hopeless or having no reason to live

Talking about feeling trapped or feeling that there are no solutions

Feeling unbearable emotional or physical pain

Talking about being a burden to others

Withdrawing from family and friends

Giving away important possessions

Saying goodbye to friends and family

Putting affairs in order, such as making a will

Taking great risks that could lead to death, such as driving extremely fast

Talking or thinking about death often

It is important to note that suicide is not a normal response to stress. Suicidal thoughts or actions are a sign of extreme distress and should not be ignored. If these warning signs apply to you or someone you know, get help as soon as possible, particularly if the behavior is new or has increased recently.

For more information, please visit:

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/suicide-prevention#part_7681

If You or Someone You Know is in A Crisis, please call

the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (Lifeline)

1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Or text the Crisis Text Line

(text HELLO to 741741)

Contact social media outlets directly if you are concerned about a friend’s social media updates or dial 911 in an emergency.

Learn more on the Lifeline’s website at

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

or the Crisis Text Line’s website at

https://www.crisistextline.org/

For the Veterans Crisis Line, please dial

1-800-273-8255 and press 1 to talk to someone

Or send a text message to 838255

to connect with a VA responder.

You can also start a confidential online chat session

using the Veterans Crisis Chat at

https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/get-help-now/chat/

INTRODUCTION

There were many times

When I’d sit by the windowsill

And gaze for hours.

Sometimes, I’d sit there

For so long

I’d witness the sun and moon

Trade places.

I sat there

Because I knew You

Were out there watching me.

Knowing You were nearby

I sat there

Thinking of what to say

To You

But I simply didn’t have

The courage

To call out to You.

And even if I did

I simply didn’t have

The words

To say to You.

And so, I silently sat there.

However, what captured my attention

For so long

Was not only knowing

That You were out there

But also, the thoughts

Inside of my head at the time.

You see

I’d sit there and look

Through the photo album

I created inside of my head.

I’d sit there

And gaze at the photos

That contained moments

Of a life

That loved and was loved.

For a long time

I believed

You were so mad at me.

At one point

I even thought

You hated me

And wanted nothing more

Than to punish me

And relish my suffering.

Honestly, if that was truly the case

You would’ve been right

To do so.

You had given me

A gift so great.

A gift that many in the world

Live an entire lifetime

And die without ever receiving.

You gave me someone

Who I could

Love and cherish

With all my heart.

Someone who could also

Love me and cherish me equally.

Oh, what a great fool I was

To have thrown away

Such a beautiful gift!

A gift that brought

Such great happiness

To my life

That for a while

Only knew pain.

You see

During the times

When I’d sit there

Looking through the photo album

I’d gaze at the photos

That contained her beautiful face.

A face

That would look back at me

And bring about a smile

From my own face

That for a while

Had no reason to smile.

And so, there came a time

When I reached my breaking point.

I could no longer handle

The notion

That You had been

Playing games with my life.

Of the many

That came into