Forgiveness is Not an Option: A Journey to Freedom and Healing

By Anna McCarthy

How do you forgive the unforgiveable? Is it possible to truly be free from what others have done to you? Each of us has a story and has experienced hurt in some area of our lives. Whether in childhood, adolescence or adulthood, we all have experienced pain and disappointment. If not dealt with, these wounds begin to impact our everyday life at a crippling rate. We live bound by fear, insecurities, anger and jealousy; often chalking it up as “normal”. Yet, in reality, we are being held captive by what others have done to us. We desire freedom from our pasts and our pain yet struggle with how to attain it; we wonder if it is even possible. Addressing a broad spectrum of issues from common offenses to abuse and betrayal, the author leaves no question as to God’s opinion of mistreatment, and how we can heal and live a life of freedom from our past and present hurts. With practical tools, you will discover that freedom isn’t just possible; it’s attainable.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ambassador International
• Release date: Oct 25, 2013
• ISBN: 9781620200537

Book preview

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Preface

Chapter 1: The Funeral

Chapter 2: Rejection or Redemption

Chapter 3: To The Abused

Chapter 4: The Insteads

Chapter 5: Broken People

Chapter 6: Forgiveness

Chapter 7: The Greatest of These is Love

Chapter 8: Get up and Walk

Chapter 9: Fear vs. Faith

Chapter 10: When the Day Comes

Chapter 11: Returning to Egypt

Chapter 12: Restoration

Scripture References By Chapter

Special Thanks

Forgiveness Is Not an Option

A Journey to Freedom and Healing

© 2012 by Anna McCarthy

All rights reserved

Printed in the United States of America

Print Edition: 978-1-62020-015-5

Electronic Edition: 978-1-62020-016-2

Unless otherwise noted, THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Cover Design and Page Layout by Matthew Mulder

AMBASSADOR INTERNATIONAL

Emerald House

427 Wade Hampton Blvd.

Greenville, SC 29609, USA

www.ambassador-international.com

AMBASSADOR BOOKS

The Mount

2 Woodstock Link

Belfast, BT6 8DD, Northern Ireland, UK

www.ambassador-international.com

The colophon is a trademark of Ambassador

This book is dedicated to:

Anne, Jannah, Melody, and Sarah

Thank you for allowing me to be me and for staying with me on the journey to finding who that was.

Dear Reader,

This book was written over the course of some of the most painful yet joyful and freeing years of my life. Each chapter comes from a place of raw transparency through my personal journey to forgiveness and healing. Throughout this process, I asked many difficult questions and, in turn, learned much about myself and my Savior. I don’t pretend to be a scholar or a well-trained psychologist; I am simply a person who was once held captive but is now set free.

There are two types of people who will read this book. The first is someone who is in the midst of great heartbreak and sorrow. You may be experiencing anger, loss, and hurt and read this in an attempt to find some solace and hope as you muddle through the tragedy in which you find yourself. The second is one who may not be walking in the immediate grip of tragedy. You may bear scars from your past, whether in childhood or adulthood, that seem to prevent you from moving forward. You may have noticed a pattern of broken relationships in your life that always result in the same ending. In whichever category you find yourself, at some point in your life you most likely have encountered someone you need to forgive. As you read through these pages, I encourage you to try not to focus on just one incident in your life but to be open to the broad spectrum of your life’s events.

I subtitled this book A journey to freedom and healing because that is what I desire this to be for you—a journey. I would suggest you take one chapter at a time and try not to power through the entire book in one sitting! I encourage you to read this at your own pace and to journal while reading. At the close of each chapter, I have provided specific questions that I believe are paramount to the process. Journaling your thoughts will not only enable you to have a space to freely process what you are discovering but will also serve as a means to measure to your progress. There is nothing more encouraging than being able to look back over the course of even just a few weeks and see how far you’ve come! In the back of the book, you will find a reference list of Scriptures used in each chapter. This serves as a quick go-to in locating a verse without having to search the entire book.

My prayer for you is that you will embrace the truth of God’s Word and allow it to be a guide as you begin to peel back the painful layers in your life, allowing the gift of forgiveness to heal your hurts. I cannot express to you the amount of joy and freedom you will discover once you open up and begin to embrace what God can do in you and through your situation, no matter how dark it may seem.

There is hope for you to be restored to wholeness again. I am a living, breathing testimony to this truth. Throughout the pages of this book are the key principles to unlocking that freedom, and at their core is the saving grace of Jesus Christ. Whether or not you consider yourself to be a follower of Jesus, or if you once were but are now in doubt, I can assure you—I understand where you are. Life has taught me over and over again just how unstable most things in this existence are. And, inevitably, we tend to put God in this category as well. But, there are two things I know for a fact—the wounds of your heart and life are real and won’t disappear on their own, and God is the most stable Being in existence.

No matter where you stand in your beliefs, I ask you to consider what is written in the pages of this book with an open heart and mind. Whatever circumstance or situation led you to this point, I want you to know that freedom from the anger, loss, loneliness, and heartache is possible. Becoming a person free from fear and insecurity isn’t simply possible, it’s attainable. Join me on this journey, not only to experience healing from your wounds but also to begin living a life of freedom from them.

~ Anna

WHEN WE EXPERIENCE THE DEATH of a loved one, we go through a process of grief. Anger, sadness, and loss typically run cycles through the course of an indeterminate amount of time until we finally arrive at acceptance. Death typically transpires with no one at fault. Other losses, however, are not as simple. They can include a loss of trust or innocence that comes with a person to blame. Betrayal and abuse can cause some of our greatest senses of personal loss. Other injuries, such as a broken relationship, marriage, or friendship, can leave painful scars that cripple nearly every area of our lives. You may not have experienced a loss due to a physical death, but somewhere in the midst of the injury, a part of you or your life was lost and on some level died.

There are many situations that can cause us to grieve, but we rarely give them the recognition they deserve. Personally, my greatest levels of grief have been experienced during seasons of broken relationships. Some were due to betrayal, broken trust, and abuse. Other relationships seemed to end without any reason at all and simply dissipated over time. However, one thing I have found woven through all of these situations is the need for validation. We all have an insatiable need to be heard and listened to, especially when we are hurting and grieving.

During one of these seasons, someone asked, How are you handling your grief? I about fell over because for a moment I thought that I had missed someone’s death! But, after pausing, I understood; they were referring to my broken relationship. At first, I was offended that they had referred to it as though someone had died, yet as I pondered the words, I couldn’t come up with anything else that more adequately described it. That relationship had in fact died, and whether I wanted to admit it or not, I was grieving the loss.

In my early twenties, I found myself as a single mother working two jobs just to make ends meet. Up until that point, I had rarely admitted my shortcomings or faults; I liked to appear as though I had everything together. Even when faced with tragedy, I somehow managed to wow everyone with my ability to cope and master the circumstance. I felt proud of this trait; it had been quite helpful on many occasions. Yet, during these years, it became increasingly difficult to push through as I had in the past. I cannot tell you the amount of irritation and frustration I felt as I tried repeatedly to overcome everything I had lost. After more failed attempts than I could count, I finally threw up my hands and admitted this was one battle I could not win.

This was the first moment in my life where no matter how much self-talking and self-medicating I administered, I could not for the life of me find joy in any part of my existence. Everything seemed hard, everything seemed foreign, and absolutely nothing was going my way. No matter how much I tried to do right, I still kept coming up with a long list of wrongs. I kept asking myself, "Why am I not happy? Why do I still want to cry? Why out of nowhere do I get angry?" I was able to ignore these questions for about two years—two very busy years. I forced myself to keep moving in order to keep my tower of strength facade from collapsing. Yet, in the quiet times, whether driving alone in my car or during my early morning shower, the house of cards would begin to fall, and out of nowhere floods of emotion and heartache came pouring out.

Of course, the tower of strength I ever-so-brilliantly built around myself would immediately quake and whisper words of condemnation, such as What is wrong with you? Pull yourself together. You are fine; quit crying and get your act together. At times I would even echo this out loud to myself in a mad attempt to snap myself out of it. On occasion it would actually work—for a while. I would busy myself with work and activities, forcing myself to forget. But, before long, the rumbling would start up again. The pressure from locked up emotions would look for a crack in my walls through which to escape.

Then one day—an otherwise completely normal day—I arrived to the job I had been fervently working, made my coffee, sat down at my desk, and began to work just as I always had. I said hello to my co-workers, checked my make-up, and began my morning routine. The day had an odd feeling to it, though, and as I looked around, I noticed what was so strange. The office was quiet, unusually quiet. As I glanced down the hallway towards my boss’s office, I noticed the other employees’ doors were closed. Typically, everyone kept their office doors open unless they were in a meeting, and as I checked the schedule, I noted there were no meetings planned for that day. One by one the doors opened only for a mere moment as each employee went from office to office, continually closing the doors behind them. Hushed voices were followed by odd looks and swift movements as they hurried past my desk. Then, it happened. Silence was broken as I heard my name being called. As I walked toward my supervisor’s office, I felt as though my heart were going to pound through my chest. What could possibly be happening? As I slowly walked down the hallway towards his office, I began preparing myself for the only thing I could think of; I was about to lose my job.

As I sat down at the conference table, I began to recall my past twelve months of work there. I had repeatedly received praises for my performance and had even been given a raise a few months earlier. What on earth could I have done to have disappointed the company so suddenly? As the words began flowing, my heart began to sink. There was no reason and no explanation; simply stated, my employment had been terminated. I questioned and advocated for an answer, yet none was given. They were simply moving on. I managed to gain my composure long enough to gather my belongings and leave. As I stepped into the elevator and began the six-story descent, my little tower of strength began rapidly collapsing. How will I make rent this month? How will I pay for my daughter’s school? How will I make my car payment? Dear God, why!?

As the elevator doors opened and I stepped into the parking garage, I could no longer hold the flood back. I began running to my car in order to maintain my composure until I was safely locked inside. As I climbed into my front seat, I fell