Knowing Him, Knowing Her: Biblical Marital Relationship, Marriage and Sexuality

By Zengani Zimba

The Garden of Eden was a perfect place, and everything in it was original to the core. In other words, the heavenly kingdom was in the garden, and the garden carried the seed for the entire universe (Matt. 6:10).

As a husband and father, I now present you this keynote book as a companion and supplementary to your marriage and family-building material. If you have passed through some marriage counseling and you did not exhaust the subject or you did not have that chance, then you are the one this book will enlighten for a beautiful new start of your marriage, love, and a happy experience of the beautiful creation of God through to your old age. Maybe you are the one planning to get into marriage soon, and you are lost and don’t know where to start and how to see through your decision. This book will give you real practical insight. Be blessed and enjoy the relationship of your marriage.

From the Ancient Paths: Reclaiming the Garden Experience
“Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way and walk therein and you shall find rest for your souls” (Jeremiah 6:16).

A complete overhaul of Biblical marital relationship, marriage, and sexuality.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Mar 6, 2019
• ISBN: 9781728382272

Zengani Zimba

The Author is a Pastor, Christian Counsellor, lawyer and a husband and father of two children serving as a Missionary Pastor at Mount Zion Christian Centre -Zambia.

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© 2019 Zengani Zimba. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

For further information or permission, write:

Pastor: Zengani Joyous Crowns Zimba

Post.Net Box 249

P/Bag E10 Arcades,

Lusaka, Zambia.

Tel: [phone]

E-mail: [e-mail] or [e-mail]

Published by AuthorHouse 12/11/2018

ISBN: 978-1-7283-8228-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-7283-8227-2 (e)

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Unless otherwise indicated, all scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®). Copyright ©2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the Holy Bible, King James Version (Authorized Version). First published in 1611. Quoted from the KJV Classic Reference Bible, Copyright © 1983 by The Zondervan Corporation.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. [Biblica]

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DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to you the reader who has taken up the pursuit of living your marriage life as a true testimony of what God desired it to be; in starting it and in building it accordingly from the view point of God’s original intent as enshrined from the Garden of Eden. I also dedicate this book to those of you who aspire to enter into marriage with a Godly pursuit as regards to the core of its foundational strength and structural plan of the mind of God.

SPECIAL THANKS

I wish to render special thanks to Mount Zion Christian Centre Churches, our father; the Senior Pastor Bruce Msidi and Mum, Mrs Ngena Msidi for the encouragement and support in seeing this work through, thanks to all the Associate pastors, mission pastors and the whole entire MTZCC leadership. Thanks to my family which patiently endured absence of my attention while I toiled to see this work to come to the complete end.

CONTENTS

Preface

Introduction

Chapter 1   The Garden Scenario

Chapter 2   Origin of Marriage

Becoming one Flesh

Chapter 3   Sexuality Dimensional Pursuit and Exploration

Liking to Romance

Sexuality, Design and Implication

God’s View of Sex

The Importance of Sex in Marriage

Sexuality Goals

Sexuality by Worldly Standard

Chapter 4   Directional Discourse and Detours (Ddd)

Sexuality Dimensions

To know

To Lie With

Going In

How Distinctive is the To Know Experience

The Message in the To Know Experience

Hideous Facades of To Lie With Sexual Experience

The Case of Amnon and Tamar

Consequences of To Lie With Sexual Experience

Learning From David

Jacob’s Dilemma of Going In A Paradox For Salvation of Gentiles

Going In: Learning from Judah

Chapter 5   Sexuality in us

God’s Intent for Sexuality

Relationship as a Source of Sexual Union

Sacredness of Sexuality

Why the Need

Why Sex

Equilibrium

The Burden To Carry

Chapter 6   Knowing the To Know Experience

Relational Robotics

Relationship Mechanic Works

Horizontal Relationship in Relation to the Vertical

Who Qualifies To Know?

Conflict

The Balance of Need

Chapter 7   My Well My Cistern

Chapter 8   Making a Marriage Relationship New Everytime

Marriage Partner

Chapter 9   Marriage as a Mirror Image of Christ’s Relationship with the Church

Submission

Chapter 10 Husband as Priest of his Home

Eli’s Priestly Office

Chapter 11 Companionship

The Visible Strands of Companionship

Communication

Sharing

Conflicts (Constructive)

Destructive Conflict

Pride

Selfishness

Trust

Wisdom and Understanding

Chapter 12 Servanthood and Surrender

Sensitivity

Christ Model

Servanthood

Vulnerability

Servanthood Unlike Slavery

Love and Respect:

Love

Respect

Hospitality

Chapter 13   Miscellaneous

Caution

The Jezebel Spirit

The Delilah Mission

Thorns to Marital Disharmony

Relational Healing

Conclusion

Prayer

Bibliography

PREFACE

Marriage cannot stand and be sustained devoid of the salvation of the soul pursuing it. The salvation of humankind is built from the foundation of faith that comes through hearing the word of God. This faith forms the material components of the desirable things or goals in a marriage. Faith is invisible, intangible, and somewhat immaterial but is real. You cannot enjoy your marriage without this salvational value. Marriage is amongst the components that confirms the divine designs of God’s plan for his creational goals on earth. Salvation must never be past salvation. It must be a pursuit and must always be worked on in order to validate and attain it. Salvation must be lived so should marriage. Marriage must be pursued so that it can grow and mature for attainment of the fullness of the promised favour of God according to Proverbs 18:22. When our marriages do not grow, they are not different from the marriages of the world. Same applies to the church that does not grow, it is not different from ordinary religious gatherings.

My concern in this book has been to draw God’s balances to the imbalance existing in the present time against what our heavenly father has foretold us in his word; that man was created in his image and was given dominion over the created things. (Genesis 1:26).We are also told that man was given all things pertaining to life and Godliness in the knowledge of God Himself (II Peter 1:3-4). If the Garden of Eden was a perfect place God made on earth, then the Garden Eden carried a heavenly embodiment (mirror image) of things that satisfied God to call what he created good. If in God’s mind, all was set to let man dominate over all created things, then God gave the Kingdom of the earth to man. There was a kingdom in the Garden of Eden. Unfortunately, man lost the power (keys) of the kingdom to the devil. Our Lord and saviour Jesus Christ came as a redeemer, restorer and as ransom taught us that we can regain (the kingdom), and all that were in the Garden of Eden before sin when we shall be able to pray; "Your Kingdom come and your will be done on earth as it is in heaven". The kingdom of God on earth is established out of his settled will from heaven. Matthew 6:10. Marriage is the exact direct radiance of Gods relationship with human kind.

In this book I will briefly altercate what marriage is in view of what God designed it to be as opposed to what the world takes it to be. I will try to discrete the biblical hidden secrets about marriage, which metaphorically anchors and nourishes the relationship. I will delve to derange the marriage experiences from some forms of perversions, bearing in mind that any form that deviates from natural instinct of creation is the perverted form of it.

My urge into writing this book was based on a number of experiences observed both through personal life and through other people’s real life circumstances encountered through serving in the ministry of our Lord Jesus Christ. These experiences overcloud most of the institutional relations of marriages. The foundation upon which the marriage is set on determines whether the marriage will stay strong or break. The marriage institutional grip has been able to remain firm due to adherence to the biblical models and has been able to break down due to breaches and departures from them.

INTRODUCTION

Matthews 18:19

Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my father which is in heaven.

How should one chase a thousand, and two put ten thousand to flight, except their Rock had sold them, and the LORD had shut them up? Deuteronomy 32:30

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life ; that your prayers be not hindered. 1 Peter 3:7

Destinies of couples that enjoy good relationship in their marriages are usually brighter and certain. The Godly core of marital relationship for a couple is to cause them to achieve one mind in the social sphere and to spiritually see the things of God the same way and become one body through marital union. There is much hope for a couple that begin their marital relationship with the foundation of biblical marital counselling. Premarital Counselling forms the very bedrock of what I call the inside of marriage before marriage; entering into marriage and exploring it through counselling. It is for this reason that marital counselling ought to address all critical areas of marital relationship needed to be known. The counselling process ought to unmask and provide the counselees with an open door to decide and choose clearly the direction course of their relationship.

Many would affirm with me that family background and individual standing of candidates to a marriage relationship play a bigger role in coming up with a stronger and grounded marital relationship, however this does not give strict guarantee to a harmonious home because marriage require that both parties to the union works hard towards achieving the desired ends. A stronger marriage relationship require individual commitment and selfless considerations in order to uphold the union. Marriage is more definitive on the spiritual point of view rather than the physical. In defining marriage, Jack V. Rozel¹ attributed the definition of marriage to be likened to the admixture of two different metals in order to come up with a better and stronger alloy e.g. the admixture of copper with zinc to form brass. His conclusive definition was that marriage is a process of blending two things that are different in order to come up with something else better and stronger.

The church has a duty to explore the question of how people get along with one another and live together. The parents of a husband and a wife should understand the fact that if their children were not being promiscuous or unfaithful to their church or being trouble makers to their community; does not itself promise that adulthood would be a rational success. The most significant root of marital failure could also be found in the ignorance of the couples themselves. The possibility of a long lasting love is found mostly on the couples abilities and motivation to follow the disciplines of relationships as a number one priority.

Marital success begins with commitment that is sustained by discipline and is evaluated by its productivity in making human beings into something better than what they were when they entered into the relationship. The world’s way of thinking is that it resists commitment as not personally convenient and ridicules discipline and prefers to accumulate things rather than develop persons. If the worldly view is true on this assertion then a strong marriage is going to be a plain pure hard work and such a marriage is going to cut across a grain of culture that mocks long-term relationships. Marriage should not be anchored on material wealth rather on shared love and relationship principles and Gods word.

When a man and a woman make the decision to cultivate a marital relationship which will create one super personality out of two ordinary personalities, they will have made a piercing or strike against the contemporary or individualistic way of seeing things. When individuality is employed as a way of seeing things, it births unproductive relationships. Individuality is selfish in ways. When a person surrenders relationship for pseudo-individuality, he/she begins to grow increasingly shallow in character and capacity to taste the deepest meaning of life. This individuality restate its claim for self-such as it must do more,have more, sound louder, assert greater power, go more places, possess more lovers and increase the opportunity for sexual variety. There is also an enemy of an individualist such as boredom, monotony and loneliness of which price is too great to bear. It must also be pointed that those who commit themselves to relationship loses all of their individuality. In other cases, the cord of individuality may be enhanced and turned on to a living colour of an individual. Individuality preservation on the face of a relationship is a fatal practice as most times it deflects instead of attracting another’s interests. This was emphasised by our Lord and Saviour when he stated that "he that seek to save his life shall lose it and whosoever that shall lose his life shall preserve." Luke 17:33, this totally contradicts the existing laws of nature and human belief. We would henceforth state that the relationship of a man and a woman in a marriage relationship is the prime relationship of all mankind superseded only by the relationship man establishes with God. Marriage was the first type of community recorded in human history and the origin of it should be firmly settled in our minds as we explore its dynamics.

CHAPTER 1

THE GARDEN SCENARIO

When God created the heavens and the earth one thing was exceptional on his mind i.e. filling the earth with the object of his mind. This was to be fulfilled through a series of functional moves or acts. God first planted a garden called the Garden of Eden. The garden became a nursery for any kind of creature and plant species. As a nursery, it stored these things (the species of animals; mammals, reptiles etc. and plants and all other created things) for reproduction and transplantation for filling the earth.

"Then God said, let us make man in our image after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. And God saw everything that he had made and behold it was very