When Is It Time to Go on a Diet?: When Your Bloomers Become Bikini or Thongs?

By Sara Adelle Kohn-Rosenberg

When do you know it’s time to go on a diet—when your bloomers become bikini or thongs? When they call out the winning lottery numbers, do you feel like they are announcing your measurements? Are you looking for the fountain of average size instead of the fountain of youth? When you turn the clock back in November, do you also turn the scale back a little? Women, do you consider putting on a sports bra an extreme sport?

All these mean it’s time to go on a diet. While men cover this up by wearing wider ties and growing beards, a woman can only buy a larger size and cut out the tags and pray no one notices. Just remember, you’re not alone in this life-long battle, and I am here for moral support. Remember, “diet” also spells “edit,” not “punishment.” Most of all, remember you’re a beautiful person.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Feb 16, 2019
• ISBN: 9781796016062

Sara Adelle Kohn-Rosenberg

My name is Sara Adelle Kohn-Rosenberg. I grew up in Vineland NJ., and currently live in Marlton NJ. I received an A.A.S degree in Marketing from Cumberland County College. I received A B.S. degree in Marketing from Stockton State University. I also received my Certification for Elementary Education through the Alternate Route program through Stockton State University. I was the recipient of the, “2013 Positive Inspiration Award”, from the State representatives office for District 19 in Philadelphia P.A. I was always told that I should write a book. In college, I took a public speaking course. For my first assignment we had to talk for thirty minutes about ourselves while being video taped in front of a large class. I spoke about being what I like to call pleasingly healthy. I was the only one where not only did my professor give me an A but I was told that I was the only one where the entire class who also had to grade them gave me an A. Not only did I get over my fear of public speaking but at the same time I learned a lot about myself in the process. My Mother always told me that I should write a book. She always loved my crazy life and good sense of humor. With this in mind, I put pen to paper and wrote a book. I wanted to write a book that people could relate to. This being said, everything is factual. If you see yourself in this book, or this book makes you laugh a little or makes you feel that you’re not alone, I’m happy to say that I succeeded.

Book preview

When Is It Time to

Go on a Diet?

When Your Bloomers

Become Bikini or

Thongs?

24_cover%20image.jpg

Sara Adelle Kohn-Rosenberg

Copyright © 2019 by Sara Adelle Kohn-Rosenberg.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2019901867

ISBN:      Hardcover      978-1-7960-1608-6

                Softcover        978-1-7960-1607-9

                eBook             978-1-7960-1606-2

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 02/15/2019

Xlibris

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

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CONTENTS

It All Starts With …

Getting Weighed In

Exercise?

Time to Go to the Next Step: Diet Pills

Exercise Equipment

On to the Next Step: Going to the Gym

The Following Are Some More Things Inquiring Minds Want to Know

Do People Really Notice Your Weight?

Now It’s Time to Make an Effort …

Blame the Commercials …

Food for Thought …

You Know You’re Getting Older When

Running for Office …

Furniture Fit for Whom?

Time to Talk about Cars

Does Size Really Matter?

Final Chapter

To my

beloved mother, who always told me that with my crazy life and sense of humor, I should write a book. Even though I lost her to cancer several years ago, I love her, and this is for her. I’m just heartbroken that she is not here to see this happen.

To my wonderful father, Rabbi Murray Kohn.

To my wonderful sister, Martha Pettry.

To my wonderful niece, Rivkah Pettry.

To my wonderful nephew, Alexander Pettry.

To these people whom I told on who I’m sure will get even with me.

To Patches, my dear cat, who always seemed to want to take a nap on my computer keyboard every time I would go to work on my book.

I love you all.

I would like to sincerely thank my sister, Martha, and my niece, Rivkah, who were more than happy to pose along with me for a lot of the artwork you will see in this book.

It All Starts With …

When you’re watching TV at night and they are drawing the winning lottery numbers, do you feel like they are calling out your measurements? Then it’s time to go on a diet.

When you are putting on your pants, do you need a shoehorn? Then when you take them off, do you have welts the size of the Rock of Gibraltar? Then it’s time to go on a diet.

When you bend over and someone says, Look, not only can you play a game of poker on that but there is also room for snacks and a candle. Then it’s time to go on a diet.

When you go to a restaurant, do all the waitresses run to wait on your table because they sense that they are going to be getting a big tip? Then it’s time to go on a diet.

When you are at work at the day care and you are on the playground, do the children stand behind you so you block the sun and the wind? Then it’s time to go on a diet.

When it’s time to cut your toenails, do you make an appointment at the podiatrist since you can’t reach or see your toes? Then it’s time to go on a diet.

When it’s time to polish your toenails, do you make an appointment for a pedicure because, once again, you can’t see or reach your toes? Then it’s time to go on a diet.

When you are sitting up in bed with nothing on but your underwear, does your husband rub your tummy and say, Oh, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha? Then it’s time to go on a diet.

When you go to a bakery and you buy a loaf of bread and a dozen doughnuts, do you come home and tell your family, Let’s finally sit down and eat because I’m hungry since I haven’t eaten all day? Then you wonder why everyone is looking at you, just to find out that you left a sugar ring on your lips from the sugar doughnut you ate on the way home. Then it’s time to go on a diet. By the way, a baker’s dozen is the only time the number 13 is lucky, unless you are too dumb to wipe away the evidence.

Here is a question for you. Why is it that every spring, we spend hundreds of dollars to buy grass seed and fertilizer just to make our grass grow just to spend hundreds of dollars to have someone come over again to mow it? The best part about this is that after we have pondered this question for many hours, don’t we buy the seed again in the fall to put it down for a head start in the spring?

The same thing happens when we eat. We wonder why we are the size we are. While we are wondering about this, we eat. Yes, we had to pay for the food. Then we realize that now we have to go on a diet. This entails us now to have to go to the store and buy all the food we are going to need for the diet. This doesn’t sound too bad until you get to the checkout. First of all, I always wonder why food that is healthy and many times tasteless always costs more than food that tastes good. This kind of reminds me of another question. Why is it that clothes that have less material cost more than those that have more? Well, that is true, that is until we get into the 1X size on up. I’ll get more into this later. The next problem is that while you are waiting in the checkout lane, you can’t help but check out the tabloids to kill the time. Now you can’t help but see the article about the great diet that will help you lose thirty pounds in three months. Come on, there is one of these articles in every tabloid. All of a sudden, you realize that the food you have in the cart is not the same as what is in the article; and suddenly you feel that you have to get out of line, get rid of all the food in the cart, and find all the food that was listed in the diet in the tabloid. Wow, I just thought of something. This must really be true. How many times were you in the supermarket and found things in the strangest places where they don’t belong?

Next, you feel like you have to join a gym to work off what you have been eating; and before you ask, yes, we pay for that too. The only upside to this whole thing is that it won’t cost so much because, of course, we take into account the calories we just burned off running around the store, putting back the food we had in the cart, and getting the new food. After we look good and figure that we can go off the diet and stay away from the gym, don’t we start eating again because we feel that we deserve it, and we start the process all over again? It’s one of those questions that can never be answered, just like, Why do we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway? And here is my favorite one: When you eat a small piece of pie, why do you gain five pounds?

I don’t know about you, but while people are out there looking for the fountain of youth, I’m looking for the fountain of average size. Just like age, weight is nothing but a number. And mine is unlisted, so don’t bother even asking. Let me just ask you this question: When the president of the United States of America is anywhere, doesn’t he have Secret Service that makes him the most guarded person in America? Well, guess what? My age and weight are guarded even more. The only difference is that my secret service is so good that they are invisible.

I truly dislike the term binge and purge. I hate thinking of all those skinny people who eat what they want and make it look like it is so easy to eat and stay so thin, and then they throw it all up. How do they think their date feels after he spends all that hard-earned money on a great meal at a fancy restaurant just to find out that his date threw it up deliberately? Sure, I binge and purge. OK, I do it a little bit differently.

I really hate to go clothes shopping. If the stores really want people to buy the clothes, especially the expensive ones, then why would they

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put three mirrors in each dressing room? Do you ever drop something in the dressing room and accidentally look in the mirror while you are

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picking it up? All I know is that when I went into the dressing room, I went in a brunette. Now my next stop is to the drugstore to buy some hair coloring to hide the new grays. Now I will explain where the binge and purge come into play. I buy all the clothes that I think are quite nice and in my size (binge). Then I get home, and I try them on. After I get done yelling that they don’t make clothes the way they used to and that they cut them small