The First 365

By Terrell L. Whitener

My wife battled health issues for many years, but we adjusted, and we had a plan. We had adjusted the rhythm of our lives. The key word was “we,” and the six words “I am sorry to inform you” were all gone. I remember never feeling more alone during those initial moments than at any time in my life. You see, my wife was a big part of my life. I remember the reaction of others who were sitting around me the first time I publicly proclaimed those words. The knowing smiles and the gentle nods let me know that they understood. You see, the first time I stated this was during a seminar titled “Surviving the Holidays.” In this seminar, everyone there had experienced a significant loss of some sort. Like almost everyone else, I had individuals close to me who passed away. I couldn’t help but to wonder why did this loss feel so much more personal to me? The answer became very clear. However, this was a battle that I had been more personally invested in than any of my previous losses. I will never forget my first words upon hearing that my wife had died. Those words were “Oh, Robyn.” What may have seemed like a weird reaction to some was part of the irrational thoughts that would become very familiar to me. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were dying? We could tell each other anything!”

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Jun 15, 2018
• ISBN: 9781546233732

Terrell L. Whitener

Terrell L Whitener was born in St. Louis, Missouri in 1957 and spent his formative years in University City, Missouri a suburb of St. Louis. After a distinguished career that spanned over 40 years, Terrell’s life was forever changed by the death of his wife Robyn. His first book The First 365 shares the journey Terrell experienced during the first year after Robyn’s death. Not a how to book in any way, the goal of the First 365 is to provide needed information, new revelations and affirmation to individuals that have lost someone significant in their lives. Terrell received his Bachelors Degree from Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau, Mo and his Masters degree from Webster University in Webster Groves, MO. Currently Terrell spends his time as a motivational speaker, coach and author. Terrell continues to reside in University City and has one son Matthew .

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© 2018 Terrell Whitener. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 05/31/2018

ISBN: 978-1-5462-3374-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5462-3373-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018903915

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Foreword

The End of One Thing, The Beginning of Everything Else

The Change of the Seasons of Life

Spring

Making New Plans

Trial and Error: The Learning Curve

The Great Decision

Summer: Come On In the Water is Fine

Foreword

I don’t really believe in random or coincidence. I do believe that certain people are put in my life for a reason, often to achieve great things.

It is not uncommon in my field to receive a cold call from the community. A quick google search for grief support will often lead the seeker to a grief counselor through hospice. What many may not know is that we can provide support to anyone who has suffered a loss. And so one fateful day in May 2015, such a situation arose and I came in contact with Terrell Whitener.

He called looking for a support group. I shared with him that we did not have any scheduled and offered to put him in touch with another hospice. He had already called that particular company and they weren’t offering a group at that time either. I sensed the frustration in his voice. He had finally mustered up the courage to face his grief and he was encountering roadblock after roadblock. I offered to meet with him one on one as well as email him some additional information. He said he’d think about the visit but gladly took me up on my offer to email resources. It was through our email communication that I was able to once again offer a visit to which he eventually accepted.

Through our sessions over the next years, I was continually amazed at his insights and mastery with words. While Terrell’s story is his own, I hope this book inspires you to explore yours as well. Grief is exhausting, frustrating, saddening, beautiful and healing.

The best advice I can offer as you begin this book is to invest in it. Get to know Terrell and Robyn. This is a tale of love and loss. Ask yourself the tough questions and decide to give your grief the attention it needs and deserves. I promise that your story is worthy. I promise that there are people out there who will listen. I also promise you that this isn’t a linear process that will be completed in 12 months. This may well be one of the hardest things you ever do. But do it. You can, you will and with Terrell’s encouragement, you will reap the benefits.

Even though I don’t know you personally, dear reader, please know how proud I am of you for picking up this book. I sincerely hope it resonates with you and provides comfort. No matter where you are in your journey, I am confident you will take something away from this book. We are all looking for somewhere to start, so whether it’s been 2 days, 2 months, or 2 years…on your mark, get ready, GO!

I am sorry to inform you; with those six simple words twenty-two years of laughs, love, struggle and great triumph ended for me and my wife. My identity as a husband, protector, provider, caretaker and friend to this most unique woman was nearly over. Yes, there was a funeral to arrange, the organ donation details to take care of, but overall, I remember thinking What just happened to me!

My wife battled health issues for many years, but we had adjusted, we had a plan, we had adjusted the rhythm of our lives, the key word is we. With those six words I am sorry to inform you all that was gone. I remember never feeling more alone during those initial moments than at any time in my life, you see my wife was big in my life. I remember the reaction of the others that was sitting around me the first time I publicly proclaimed those words. The knowing smiles and the gentle nods let me know that they understood. You see the first time I stated this was during a seminar titled Surviving the Holidays In this seminar everyone there had experienced a significant loss of some sort. Like almost everyone else I had individuals close to me pass away. I couldn’t help but to wonder why did this loss feel so much more personal to me? The answer became very clear however, this was a battle that I had been more personally invested in than any of my previous losses. I will never forget my first words upon hearing that my wife had died, those words were Oh Robyn. What may have seemed like a weird reaction to some, was part of the irrational thoughts that would become very familiar to me. Why didn’t you tell me that you were dying? We could tell each