Selfish Apologies

By Kayla Ymani Edwards

Dinosaur extinction
We planted the seed of life on Earth
And all they do is destroy
Since dinosaurs
We owned the land
We owned the planet
Earth
They continue to dismiss our existence with
the way they portray us as creatures. . . (Seezur, pg 218)

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Dec 28, 2016
• ISBN: 9781524544683

Book preview

Copyright © 2017 by Kayla Ymani Edwards.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 12/28/2016

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TABLE OF SELFISH APOLOGIES

2013

Earth

I Guess

Deliverance

Alone

Running

Dare Me

Dare Me to

Millionaire

Hand

Him

Deep

Told Me

Catch

Hoping

Whispering

Born Again

Promises

Speak Wit

Something Right

Disguised

Easy

Joke

Love

Bullets

Afraid of Love

Rapid Tyrant

Insecurity

Bloodbath

Tenth grade

Position

Focused

Nymphomania

Serve you up

Goal digger

Ms. Lady

Cheating

Stoogey

Lingerie

Virginity

Hope To

Lend Your hand

Save Me

Let go

The love I never had

Legs Closed

Great

Forward

Patronize

Violin

Embarrassed

Creator

Again

Brand New

Ambassadora

Bad

White Mandingo

Scary

Cognac

Feed you

Heathen

Around

Sorry

Harmless

No one

Innocent

The Castles

Amnesty

What Free World?

Home Away From Home

Where Can I Stand?

Mommy

Send Me Away

Terrorist

Gone

Can I be Your Queen?

Trapped

She Tore It Up

Lost in the Ocean

My Daughters

My Fault but Your Blessing

Under Mind Greatness

Romeo and Juliet

When I Speak

Tamed

20/20 Vision

Is This Class Too Advanced for You

Disown

Power

Lil Kim

Selfish Apology

Monster

Who?

Spoke

Spoiled

Smile for me

Jealous

The Battle

Speak

Me! Me! Me!

2014

Past

Loved You

Crazy

Sound

Words

Lion

Dreaming

World

Escape

Love

Destroy

Light

Blood

Alone

Nobody

Cost

What He Called Me

Movies

Painful

I Hated the Way He Talked

Cousin

Complacent

Any

Perfect

Clarendon Road

Human

Movie Theaters

Concession

Drive

Black Death

Beauty is Skin Deep

Hard

Enough

Infiltrate

2015

Hollywood Reporter

Intelligence

Basket

Rashes

The Earth

Sheepshead

2016

Loopholes

War of the Worlds

Pretty Ugly

Charlemagne tha God

Rapper’s Perspective

Dirty

Cock Pit

No Date

Law

Becky

Playground

Borax

An Alien and Woman

No Words

Explain

Ugly Boy

Watch

Not a Friend

Now

Men Hope

My Nigga

Bitch/Niggas

Product of Pain

Parents

Math

Do That

Everyday

Hell

Girlfriend

The Ram

Populated

Free

Judge Me

Bonds Beyond the Cell

I Will Not

Seezur

Illiterate Bitch

Came From

Olivia Bunny Freeman

Faults

Conformity

Answers

Punishment

DEDICATION

I dedicate this collection of poems to Kayla Ymani Edwards and Honey Chuckles.

In other words, I dedicate these Selfish Apologies to myself because I did a lot of soul searching

throughout these poems.

January 26, 2013

Earth

Blasting into Earth

I came in on my head

My Mother close to death

My Father near by

Oh I’m destined for something great

They love me everywhere

I worked on it

I worked on me

So I could be broken into society

I’m on the deeper side of Earth

Where everything got to mean something

My word of mouth

Got to be for everyone to hear

All of these past years

I’ll flourish into a grown woman

Off the top of the head

That’s what makes us great

That’s what makes us real

I never knew me

Without understanding the way of the World

Knowing it

Showed me my likes and dislikes

What I shouldn’t do

So I won’t bruise a greater me

Who am I?

We’ll see

You can hate me

But you will love me for being just me

70524.png

February 25, 2013

I Guess

I stressed a lot

So my headaches are more frequent than average

Leaves me with mind spasms

I pain for you

At least I think I do

I go days with thinking of the same thing

Wondering when my life might mean amusement for me

My broken heart

Carries this dead weight

Ups and Downs of emotions I never learned from

Or truly comprehend

I’m just your average girl out here out of her mind

Will there be a time where I could sit and whine

Cry because it has gotten hard out here

In this skin

I feel drained

And unappreciated

Something God created

But sometimes I forget my worth

And run wild and free from Earth

My desire has no real moral

The thoughts of the world has taken over me

I guess I knew one day it will come

I’ll give up on life and run

I’ll move far away from human existence

And reach way beyond the clouds

Into a galaxy

Surrounding itself around me

This is the way I am

I can’t believe me

If I change

Who will be me?

70518.png

July 18, 2013

Deliverance

Deliverance is key to a successful life

Everything you learn

Take with you and strive

Because a new beginning will arrive

Watch me stand tall when I face my defeat

With the thought in mind

Never make the same mistake twice

From now on I will win

Losing could create a world full of sin

Desperate is not the word to ever use

Optimistic feet is what feel my shoes

Soul in my hands

Never lose my heart on the path to riches

You might as well will your grave to the ditches

My name well just call me Misses

I’ve given up my name to a new creation

70512.png

July 19, 2013

Alone

No one talks to me

Peaceful

But quiet

I hear everyone else

Trapped in my own body

It’s deep and dark in here

I locked all the doors so no one could get in

It may seem miserable

But its better for me in here

I get the best of all worlds

I love it when we all dance

It’s like we’re as one

A place for us to bug out

But when I come to the light

All my fun is gone

I have to do things I don’t want to do

So even though its deep and dark in here

My sanity lies here

It’s where I sleep, eat, and shit

How I want

Without anyone telling me how to do it

I love my deep dark place where dreams come free

And wishes come true

When the light comes and all of it’s all over

I wish I was in the dark all alone again

70505.png

July 19, 2013

Running

I hear them coming

I go running

Cause I don’t want to be nothing

Even the ones close to me toast to my demise

They want to see me fall as they rise

I see it in their actions

I hear it when they speak

The negativity seeping through their teeth

Everyone chatting

Talking over the other

For their point to be seen a little better

I sit looking

Dreaming to breathe better air one day

Confused again

Walking my Earth

This is my World

No one is defeated by another

Only walking proud

So when I hear them coming

This time I won’t go running

70499.png

July 20, 2013

Dare Me

Shut up

You talk to me as if I am beneath you

I am the dirt on the bottom of your shoe

You don’t say it directly

I could hear it in the tone of your voice

The way you speak to me

You give things to me

In return you get to think of me as a scum

My heart is heavy because I never felt that low before

You put me down

So I can look up to you

You let me rot in my own flaws

Letting me create more pain

It’s something about me that I can see

I see worth

But to you I am worth nothing

Your actions speak loud

I could hear them loud and clear

They send me signs

To bow down and obey

My worth is worth trying

So I could become better than you

My soul is at its peek

Because I think someone is hating on me

You let me know what I do wrong

Only covering up the fact you so flawed

Boasting one things

Only a dog should be proud of

70494.png

July 20, 2013

Dare Me to

Make you the only man in my life

Share me your darkest secrets

Let me know your truth

Sprinkle the love all over me

Make living easy

When your strong arms are wrapped around me

Carrying me

Taking me through trials and tribulations

Bless me with your seed

The palm of your hand caressing my stomach

Your child

When walking Earth

I will carry

Your last name

Marry me

Let me drown in the words you tell me

Fall deep

Where no one will find me

Wash all the thought of being alone off me

Tell me I’m all you want

You don’t want to fuck anyone else

My pussy flavor is the only one you want to taste

My tears

The only female you ever really cared for

I don’t want to go in life without love

Without anyone to hold me

If you leave

Take the woman you once loved

with you

I will not go on with your scent still living inside me

70489.png

July 20, 2013

Millionaire

Money

Wipe