Living in the In-Between

By Wanda L. Lewis

Living in the In-Between is a book of self-discovery and faith. The story and testimony shared can help you to find the strength to face your own insecurities and discover the real you through prayer, self-affirmation, and revelation. Living in the In-Between can help you to see that God is at the center of every situation and is the foundation of all critical and noncritical decisions you will make in your life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Aug 20, 2014
• ISBN: 9781490847832

Wanda L. Lewis

Wanda is a native of Little Rock, Arkansas. She received her certifications in professional coaching from World Coach Institute. Wanda and her husband are marriage ministers and in leadership. Wanda is the founder and director of Positive Change of Direction, a professional life coaching practice started in January 2011.

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Copyright © 2014 Wanda L. Lewis.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-4908-4784-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-4785-6 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-4783-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014914429

WestBow Press rev. date: 8/20/2014

Contents

Dedication

Prologue

Chapter 1 The Words of a Survivor

Chapter 2 Why Am I So Confused?

Chapter 3 God’s Saving Grace

Chapter 4 Discovering My Path

Chapter 5 Finding Yourself

Chapter 6 God’s Hand

Chapter 7 Which Way do I Go?

Chapter 8 Where Do I Fit In?

Chapter 9 Is This Really Love?

Chapter 10 The Trajectory of Trust

Chapter 11 It’s Just a Matter of Time

Chapter 12 Nurturing Your Relationship

Chapter 13 The Christian Principle

Chapter 14 How to Get Past the Hurt

Chapter 15 An Addiction to Love

Chapter 16 The Grieving Process

Chapter 17 P.A.T.I.E.N.C.E

Chapter 18 The New You

Chapter 19 The Ultimate Reward

Works Cited

About the Author…

Dedication

To my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Without You I would be nothing.

To My Husband, Van: You are the single and greatest love of my life. I am ever so grateful that God loved me enough to create you specifically for me. Your love gives me the freedom to simply be me. Your strength and love keep me comforted when nothing or no one else can. I will forever love you with the love of God.

To My Mother, Shadyene (a.k.a. Sha): You are without a doubt, the greatest inspiration any daughter could ever pray for. Without you, I would not be the woman I am today. If I am blessed to be half the woman you are, I will have reached the ultimate level of success. I love you dearly. With every breath that I take, I hold on to the realization that God loved me first by giving me to you.

To My Late Father, Roy: I miss you so very much. You are the reason I chose to take this path. It was your love and determination to reach those that the world had forgotten that inspired me to carry on the legacy of Positive Change of Direction. That was your baby, and so was I. Thank you for loving me in spite of my flaws.

To Mama Zaneta: Without you this project would not have been possible. You have added so much to my life. I am blessed to be loved by you.

To my children and grandchildren: You are the reason my story makes sense. My life has meaning because God loved me enough to lend you to me so that I could nurture and pour into you. I pray that my life is a testament of His love for me and my love for you. I love you all dearly.

In Memory of Eloise, Alvin, Atmos, Shirley & Taylor (God’s greatest additions to heaven).

Prologue

In-between, what does that really mean? Webster defines this word as Being neither at the beginning nor at the end in a series, (Dictionary, 2003). I am a woman in my forties, a mother of five, grandmother to three (and counting). I am a wife, a daughter, a sister and a friend. Most of all, I am a woman of God. Day by day, I strive to be the person that God created me to be. I wanted so badly as a child to be perfect. Have I reached that yet? No and I never will. My imperfections have often stared right back at me, and that is often disheartening and very scary. For several years of my life, I was the victim of domestic violence; yet I did not know the name of it. I didn’t think that this behavior was anything but normal because no one knew what was going on. I never saw myself as a victim because this was something that I never spoke of and it was not something that I shared with my friends.

I lived a life of survival, one day at a time. I spent my days trying to figure out how to love these people more than they loved me. It took a long time to realize that no one could love anyone that much. During the years that helped to form the words in this book, I went through not only abuse brought on by the hands of others, but I also went through abuse brought on by my own hands. Drugs and alcohol became my tools of comfort, my vices. All of this landed me on the streets, homeless and hopeless. I wondered through life thinking that things could not get any worse, yet they always did.

After many years of praying, (at least what I thought was praying), struggling and fighting, I finally realized that God was the only one that could deliver me from this vicious cycle. By the grace of God, I live to tell this story. I pray that something in this book helps you to find the strength to walk away from the demons and the destruction that block your path to happiness. I pray that there is a seed that is planted in your heart that stirs your soul and uplifts your spirit to the one source that is capable of protecting you from any permanent evil or force that could ever touch your life.

May these words be pleasing to my Father and comfort you during those times when you need it most. Know that when life is at its toughest, God is at His strongest. Our burdens always seem heavy to us but they are so very light to God. May God richly bless and keep you.

Chapter 1

The Words of a Survivor

C oming out of high school, I felt that I was on top of the world. I had finished school and freedom was now mine. I was grown so to speak and able to do whatever I wanted to do. The only problem with that was I didn’t know what I wanted. I had spent my teenage years trying to stay out of trouble. This was something at which I had failed at miserably once I got a taste of freedom.

When I sat down and decided that I wanted to put my past thoughts and experiences on paper, I never knew how therapeutic it would be. So many things came to mind that I wanted to share. I prayed about which direction to go in because I knew that anyone who read this book would either be positively or negatively affected. So many things have gone through my mind and my heart and it’s been a challenge deciding which words to share. God has led me through this process, because there were so many different experiences I wanted to write about.

At an early age, I was abused by a family member unbeknownst to any of my family. The only person I ever told was a very good friend of mine. My abuser is deceased and has been for quite some time, but it was not until I was well into my adult life that I realized I hadn’t forgiven my abuser. I spent many years going through trials and