Words of Inspiration Sister to Sister: So Then I Learned!

By Tonya White Johnson

So Then I learned is a collection of inspirational writings and poems about various subjects and struggles that young women face on a daily basis. These words of hope are penned to all women, but in particular, young women who are struggling with their emotional identity that leaves them battling with low self-esteem, low self-worth, attracting the wrong men, and feeling unloved and unworthy. These writings represent the personal experiences of the author, acknowledging her inner struggles and eventual triumphs, which led to her coming to know the most powerful person in the world. Herself!

Her experiences, both good and great (there is no bad), has resulted in the understanding that there is a lesson to be learned from every problem and every situation that life throws our way. The key to growth and maturity is to take the time to learn the lesson. Through all the tears, through all the heartaches, if you embrace the moment and learn the lesson, you too can proudly say, So then I learned, never having to walk that path again.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jul 26, 2014
• ISBN: 9781499052053

Tonya White Johnson

Born May 13, 1970, Tonya White Johnson, DBA is a wife, mother, professor, business manager, business consultant, life coach, career counselor and coach, mentor and author. Like many young women searching for love in all the wrong places she got married at the very young age of 21 and was divorced three years later. On her own with a little boy her dreams of going back to school was hindered with the real responsibility of taking care of her son. Right out of high school she had gone to a travel school which launched her career as a manager in the hospitality industry, an industry which afforded no time to be able to achieve her long time dream of going back to school to complete her degree. The years that followed were filled with disappointment after disappointment and most certainly a coming of age for a young girl with dreams and aspirations. After marrying the perceived love of her life and watching it collapse before her eyes. Her years of training had not equipped her for the heartbreak and pain that came from loving others more than she loved herself. As a single mother some lessons were harder than others, and some mistakes were bigger than others. Her life became a rollercoaster as she tried to pick up the pieces of her broken heart and tried to be a good mother to her son. She soon learned that becoming a whole, complete happy individual was a lot harder than anticipated. In 2003, Tonya's life was suddenly turned upside down again. After 10 years her son decided he wanted to live with his newly re-married father. After much tears and prayers she was able to allow her son to learn from a man on how to become a man, and she relinquished him in God's hand. A blessing in disguise Tonya now had the opportunity to go back to school and finish her goals. She began school in the Fall of 2004, working full time and going to school fulltime, taking overloads each semester and throughout the summers, and in the fall of 2006 completed her bachelors degree in business, graduating with honors, summa cum laude. Tonya's mentors immediately encouraged her to go for her MBA. Graduate school was where education became her passion. Tonya graduate with her MBA in 2007, with a 3.9 gpa and continued on with her doctorate the following year, graduating in 2012, earning a 4.0 gpa. Tonya learned at an early age that writing was an outlet and she poured her inner emotions out in poetry and short stories. As a teenager she began writing her life story, with an intuitive understanding that someday she may share it with others battling the same issues as she was. She has learned through many obstacles in life that every phase of life is a learning experience. She understands that circumstances and situations that we label as being bad is "strength straining" and she now proclaims with knowledge that nothing bad ever happened to her. This is the message that she wants to share with people of all ages,in particular young people who are trying to find their way. Tonya's life goal is to be an inspiration and give hope to young people, especially women. She strives to let them know that nothing is impossible and that all of their dreams can come true if they persevere and let nothing get in the way of reaching their goals. She believes that it is her faith in her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that has helped her achieve her dreams thus far and the many goals yet to come. Dr. Johnson hopes to inspire, encourage, and liberate weary souls through instilling the magnificent truth that there is no one greater than YOU!!

Book preview

A Personal Plan of Action

Prologue

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Yesterday

S o here’s the deal. It was early 2006 and my life was spiraling out of control. Beyond life, health, and strength, which I was very grateful for, I couldn’t seem to find a silver lining. Personally, emotionally, spiritually, and financially, I felt as if the walls were closing in and I couldn’t breathe. The symptoms of this phase in life are constant tears, depression, sadness, moodiness, unhappiness, and pretty much any negative emotional activity I chose to conjure up at any given moment. I say it is a choice simply because it is. I get to choose how I let the trials and tribulations of life affect me. And although I knew this, I continued to let it affect me negatively. Finally I came to the realization that I can choose either to be content with my current situation or do something about it.

Today, I make a choice and today I choose the latter. I will do something about it. I realize that my situation and my life is my own creation, and because it is my creation, I can simply and effectively recreate. I know that this concept is easier said than done, but it is indeed a concept full of truth and reality and therefore must be understood as such. This revelation of self-awareness is not news to me; however, in the past I have not taken the responsibility to undo what I have created.

There are numerous reasons and excuses that can be used for why I am in the condition and situation I find myself in today. Sure, I can blame my parents for not teaching me the necessary skills in life to cope or for not educating me in the needed areas of self-awareness, discipline, perseverance, consistency, control, practical spending, and other financial matters. The whole parent-blaming scenario can go on for decades for so many things that are considered messed up in my life. I can especially blame my father for not loving me demonstratively. For not holding me, for not showing me the much-needed affection that eventually led me to seek for it in the arms of another, which led to seemingly unbearable pain and heartbreak. I can blame my ex-husband and ex-boyfriends for not loving me and for scarring me for life. For making me an emotional wreck, afraid of love, afraid of giving of myself, afraid of being the affectionate person that I am, leading to bitterness and coldness.

And finally I can blame God, my Creator, for allowing it all to happen to me (didn’t he know better?). He could have let my life take a different turn. I would have been so much better off if I had a different life. Just think, if I had parents equipped to parent me as I think they should have, I would have been mistake-free—no heartbreak, no pain, no suffering.

And so in my self-righteousness and guiltless art of playing the blame game, I have single-handedly become the omnipotent Creator instead of the created. It is apparent to me that I know better than anyone about what challenges, if any, that I need in life to make me the beautiful diamond I am ordained to be. So in this state of delusion, I cry and feel sorry for myself and I continue to blame others while life continues on round about me. The clock keeps ticking and the sun continues to rise and set, and although not readily so, it becomes apparent that blaming others is an unproductive waste of precious time.

After the pity party, reality starts to set in and I realize it is incumbent upon me and only me to set the record straight. I understand clearly that years of playing the blame game have not afforded me one opportunity to get out of the cycle of impoverished thinking I have become accustomed to.

If it is to be done, I must take the necessary steps to pull myself up by the bootstraps and climb out of the deep black hole I have been trapped in for majority of my life. However, I recognize that, more than realization or clarity, I must have a plan of action. For without it, I am doomed to fail. Many times we come to this place in life where we see the problem, but finding the solution becomes a most difficult task for most; without determination, we stop just short of reaching the goal.

My life thus far has lacked a plan of action. I have taken life as it came with no real purpose or goals and therefore garbage in, garbage out. My life can be no more than what I expect or have prepared for it to be. And so, as I look in the mirror, I say with much acknowledgement and understanding, Thou art the blame. Every choice I made was indeed a choice. I must now take responsibility for my actions and, from this moment on, prepare to live.

How does one prepare to live? Along with acknowledgment comes demonstrative action. For those areas in my life where I am lacking, I must make a change.

In a brief moment of lucidness, I realized that we believers or Christians or however you wish to be labeled rely on God too much. Is this possible? Aren’t we taught to rely on God? I say, it is possible to rely too much! You see, we have been programmed to trust in God, wait on God. But it’s not until we find ourselves in negative situations do we start to trust in God. Before the eyebrows start going up in mock criticism, I am not anti-trusting and/or anti-waiting on God. I am referring to taking ownership and responsibility for our choices and actions. We get ourselves into these bad situations of loneliness, poor credit, debt, etc., due to the choices we have made, and then we want to wait and trust God to get us out of it. That thought process is wrong on so many levels. It simply is not going to happen! The truth is, we must help ourselves. The idea was to wait and trust in him prior to getting in the situation. But as usual we are reactive instead of proactive.

We must plan to be better, to act better, and to think better. A plan of action is necessary if we want to get out of the snags we have gotten ourselves in. There must first be an awareness or an opening of the eyes as we say. We must first see life as it really is, embracing and taking responsibility for our part in it, and endeavor to make it better, realizing that no one can do this but us. Some of us, especially females, are waiting for a man to come along and erase all the heartache and pain and make everything all right in our lives. But the real truth is, unless we fix the problems in our life, even if some knight in shining armor comes along, we will not be in the place and or mind-set to receive