Deliver Me From Me

By Ansu Thomas

We are in control of our destiny and can change the outcome of our lives. But how do we navigate through self-doubt and missteps to reach our desired goals? In Deliver Me From Me, Ansu Thomas shares his inspiring testi

• Language: English
• Publisher: Palmetto Publishing
• Release date: Jul 17, 2023
• ISBN: 9798885907842

Ansu Thomas

Ansu Thomas is an author and preacher. After a wrong turn, he spent two and a half years in prison, an experience that transformed his life. When not writing, he can be found riding his motorcycle as a member of the Bulldoggs MC Indianapolis chapter or exploring his passion for cooking. A father of six and grandfather of four, he lives in Indiana.

Book preview

DEDICATION

I

dedicate this book to Jamie Lynne Thomas, better known as Bear. Bear is my youngest daughter, and my biggest inspiration. I was 32 years old when I became a single father. Although I had been a father for many years, I never had the responsibility of parenting all to myself. It was very challenging to say the least, but what did it for me was the role reversal. Though I was the parent, in so many ways Bear was raising me. Sure, I was responsible for our welfare. As a father, I rose to the challenge and became the parent the Creator designed me to be. However, a great work needed to take place within me. I’ve traveled many paths trying to find my way - my purpose. Through my many stages of maturation, as I grew from a boy to a man, I struggled to become someone I could look at in the mirror and be proud of. The reality was that this little girl depended on me for everything which left no room for selfishness. Life was all about her and becoming the best me possible was the #1 priority. It was through this newfound responsibility that this book was born. The many lessons and revelations I experienced being a single parent broke the chains that enslaved me my entire life. I realized what I had to do, and I began practicing it. Seeing how effective this change was in my life, I had no choice but to share it with as many people as possible. It is my prayer that this book helps you become a more complete and powerful human being. The God in all of us must shine and use this avatar to the fullest of its potential. I will forever be grateful to my daughter Jamie. This book, and all its work, is dedicated to you Princess!

PREFACE

A

s I looked inside the mirror, I saw a human being who was lost. Lost in a world of questions. Lost in a society that glorifies everything tangible and mortal. What was reflected back at me was the pain and confusion, from failed attempts at happiness and carnal fulfillment. Where did I go wrong? What did I miss? I couldn’t understand how I lived all of these years and still be searching for myself. I knew the man looking in the mirror, but the man looking in the mirror didn’t know me. Everything that was in front of me, I created, the hair, tattoos, weight, personality, confidence, and style. I could see the memories of past hurts, and I could feel the pain of failure. There had to be something missing, and I was willing to stand on the other side of this mirror until one of us introduced ourselves.

From the outside, appears as though the man being reflected in the mirror had it all figured out. However, there was a strange feeling that would always come over me as I stared at the man who caught my gaze. It’s like I knew the secret about me. The man outside the mirror was a master manipulator. His charisma could take him anywhere, amongst anyone and his presence was made known. He was a leader who lacked direction to the promise. If he set his mind to accomplish a goal, it came to past. But why couldn’t I make him use all of these attributes to free himself and others? Why didn’t he practice what he preached? What really surprised me was, how he became so complacent with the crumbs that fell from the table of wealth when there was a seat for him at the head. I continued to stare at the man, not saying a word.

I guess my real issue was that I didn’t think he would believe who I was if I told him. I was concerned that when he found out what he would have to do, and give up, in order to walk with me, he would insist our relationship was not important. One day, I decided that I no longer desired this relationship dynamic and refused to sit around and watch the man outside the mirror destroy everything that I created. Since he continued to stand in front of the mirror and pretend that I was invisible, I boldly reintroduced myself and I plan to take him on this journey of confronting his mistakes so that we both can have the future we’ve been promised.

INTRODUCTION

A

ll of my life, I felt there was something special about me. In school, I excelled in every subject and was placed in academically gifted classes. I retained information easily, found short-cuts to solve problems not only in the classroom, but also in life.

During my childhood, my mother made sure that my sisters and I were always in church. Home, school, church that was the routine. Monday through Saturday there was always some event happening at church, and on Sundays we were in church all day from early morning Sunday school to evening service.

It was in the church that I discovered my singing abilities, and because I didn’t grow up with my father in our home, I gravitated toward pastors and men in the church. I remember traveling with some of them to local churches and out of town to their various speaking engagements where they’d often have me open in song before they got up to preach.

After many years in the church I felt God’s hand on my life. At first I thought it was just to sing and be an armor bearer to the ministries I served, but one night while attending a service I felt the call to become a leader in the church. Me, a preacher? I wasn’t sure I was interpreting that correctly, but my pastor at the time said he’d been waiting on me to realize that truth.

I began preaching before I was ever licensed or ordained. I was told that I had an anointing. Watching people shout Amen, stand to their feet, and wave their hands as a result of the words that were spoken from my mouth was mind blowing especially considering that I’d never written a single sermon in advance. I simply trusted that at the moment I stepped in front of an audience, God would fill my mouth and heart with the words that he wanted me to speak.

At the same time, I was gaining notoriety as a speaker, I was also a teenager who was struggling with life. I found it difficult to juggle school, extracurricular activities, girls, and ministry all at the same time. I must say, it wasn’t the coolest thing to be a young preacher in high school. I knew what I wanted to do, but I also knew what I was good at. Speaking was never hard for me. I loved it. I also loved being popular