Character Development Through Risks & Survival to Meet Marriage Crisis

By Polly Winner

This narrative is the life's story of a young girl who dreamed big of a wonderful marriage. A drastic end to her dream came after forty three years as a result of her mate's accumulated harbored resentments. A lack of forgiveness lead to stress which accelerated his depressed state It demonstrates how a person's "Character House" is developed over the span of life without the individual's awareness. What a person is inside and not what is displayed on the outside is the main source of strength to face the difficulties of life including marriage.

The story demonstrates how both "Character House's evolved and how one was confident and was a survivor. The other turned difficulties into stress and depression. Counseling did not work as the emphasis was on changing the other mate and not self. Carrying stress for long periods increased to the point of despair. The crisis came with it's drastic affects on the marriage union.

The author hopes the aspects covered in the book will help the reader to avoid the snares that trip up the lives of a couple. It is based on scattered, true events with names and pictures changed for privacy reasons. Having a steady focus and good character materials was vital for her survival. Her character developed in observing her family overcome and her own victory over the many tough places in life. If marriage is contemplated, hopefully careful attention will be given to the serious decision. Careful observation of the other's reactions to stress and difficulties might be a clue in what the future would hold. Above all, keep a good compass to stay fortified for future challenges.. Prayer to a Christian compares to the root system of a tree. It helps the person stand, live, and grow. God turned her weakness and inadequacies into strength in finding resolutions to her despair. Prayer was the bridge between panic and peace as the crisis came.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Aug 30, 2013
• ISBN: 9781483637549

Polly Winner

Author bio coming soon

Book preview

Copyright © 2013 by Polly Winner. 135375-CREE

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013908142

ISBN: Softcover 978-1-4836-3753-2

Ebook 978-1-4836-3754-9

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Rev. date: 08/28/2013

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Table of Contents

I Forward

II Prospective Characters

Love What You Do Everyday With Gratitude

III Author’s Character Development By Influences Throughout Life

A. Character Influences In Early Years

1. Character Building From Birth Through Early Childhood

2. Character’s Influenced By Parent’s History

3. Character Building Through Childhood In Bethany

4. Character Influenced By Father’s Career

5. Character Building Through Childhood In Columbia

6. Character At Work In Building Family House Project

7. Grandparent’s Influences On Character

a. Farming Grandparent’s Influences on Character

b. City Grandparent’s Influences on Character

8. Influences Gleaned From The Family Members Affected By World War Ii

9. Character Influenced By Aunt’s Homesteading In Wyoming

a. Background of Girls

b. The Girl’s Adventure

10. Character Working In Polly’s Nursing Career

11. Character Working In Obstacles And In Birth Of Two Daughters

12. Character Continuing In Polly’s Nursing Career

13. Character Reflected In Retirement Years.

B. Reflection Back On Dating As Two Characters Mesh Together

C. Character Viewed Into Marriage Plans

IV Groom’s Background In Developing His Character

A. Joe’s Family Background Developing His Character

B. Joe’s Character Building In Childhood And School Years

C. Character Stressed In College Years

D. Character Affected In The Areas Of:

1. Dating Thoughts With Review

2. Proposal For Marriage

3. Actual Wedding

4. Other Of Life’s Progressions And Health

E. Effects Of Character On His Daughters

F. Culmination Of His Character On Retirement And Desperate Gun Incident

G. Character In Use With The Couples Separation

V Conclusions

I

FORWARD

The purpose of this book is to share the life’s story of a young girl who dreamed big of a wonderful marriage. A drastic end to her marriage came when her mate’s harbored resentment built up from a lack of forgiveness. It is based on true events with some names and pictures changed for privacy reasons. Only the important aspects can be covered in this book, but hopefully there is enough for the reader to avoid the snares that trip up the lives of a couple ending in despair Pictures illustrating parts of the narrative are collated on related page. A pen name is used as author as well for privacy reasons.

It is written from the girl’s perspective. It spans her life which started in 1942 and covers her life up through some forty three years of marriage. It demonstrates her family’s history of facing difficult situations and surviving. Her personal success came as a result of the role that her past experiences played in her character development. Character is what a person really is deep inside and not what is displayed on the outside. Noble character and true steady qualities are not made in a day. Little by little, character develops without the individual’s awareness. A quote says Little drops of water and little grains of sand bind together to make up the mighty ocean and the pleasant lands. Good materials are needed to develop good character. Some materials like truthfulness, faith, trust, forgiveness, love, kindness, and sharing go to develop who a person is inside.

As the story unfolds, the reader will be aware that decisions made over life’s span as the character house develops, drastically affects the future. The day a person is born, he sets his sails to cross the unknown seas. The person looks for guidance, but life presents profound mysteries touching on every side. There are innumerable avenues open to each person and many claims on them as they travel through the many stages of life. There are conflicting duties that can perplex. There are some unbearable situations. It feels like an autumn leaf before a driving wind. Life is a battlefield and winning is up to the players involved. Meshing two ‘character houses’ in marriage is a two way street. However, one mate can be the prime reason it is destroyed especially if stress is not handled well. One stress management session listed on the internet explained this aspect on stress as follows:

A leader walked into the room with a raised glass of water. Everyone expected her to ask the question is it half empty or half full? Instead she asked how heavy is this glass of water? The group answered in ounces. She replied that the absolute weight does not matter, it depends on how long it is held. She explained that if it is held for a few minutes, it is not a problem. If it is held for an hour, the arm will ache. If it is held a day, an ambulance might be needed. In each case, it is the same weight, but the longer it is held becomes the problem. She said it is the same way with stress. If a person carries stress all the time, the burden becomes increasingly heavy until you can no longer carry on. By putting down stress each evening, you can be refreshed when you awake. Even if you pick it up again you can be able to carry for another day.

The young lady in the story felt her need for guidance each day. She had faith in God and relied on Him to be her ultimate source of strength, guidance, and leadership. Her childhood was certainly influenced by her own or her family’s taking risks and enduring. It played a big part in developing the qualities of character she needed to face her unfolding marriage issues. Despite all her effort to save her mate from continuing the downward spiral of depression with resentment, her dream marriage shattered in pieces. She thought her groom met the set of guidelines that she had been taught and had in mind for choosing a lifetime companion. As a nurse and having knowledge of symptoms that he presented, she found his depression too big to handle even with medical help at different stages. Her love and loyalty was hindered by his harboring resentments which ate and destroyed him inside.

By sharing her life’s story, she hopes to impress any young reader of the importance of really getting to know the person you view as a lifetime companion. Marriage is a serious decision to make and should not be taken lightly. When signs of depression are observed, realize that it might be an illness that is treatable, but not curable. Look carefully at the family as a whole as genetics play a role. Do not think that you can change the person or dispel the cause of the depression. It will take faith in God and a willingness on the part of the person to change themselves. Be sure to have the problem addressed before marriage to see if the person is determined to change and not use the problem as an excuse for their future behavior. Be aware that your love for the person does not cover up real problems.

The importance of prayer to a Christian compares to the root system of a tree. It helps the individual to stand, live, and grow. Prayer was the recipe for victory in the presence of distress and perplexities in this girl’s life and was her strength. She prayed when things were going well, when things were going bad, when facings disappointments from family, when misunderstood and unappreciated, when finances were low, and when health issues came. She turned her weakness and inadequacies over to God who made her strong through it all when she found herself at the point of exhaustion and realizing that her efforts to find resolutions for the resentment he expressed daily was in vein, God gave her a promise that The battle is not yours, but Mine. When she put her hands down, she felt defenseless and vulnerable. Hands can be used to push things out of our way, to protect, or to strike back. When she stopped struggling, she just waited on God to do His Work. Prayer was the bridge between panic and peace. Rather than giving up, she relied on her Rock of faith to stand on. Contentment is not natural as the inward competitive spirit drives our reactions. Fear hinders faith, but trust kindles confidence. She then had to be willing to accept her trials, which is the soil in which faith grows.

Hopefully, the reader will be diligent to evaluate each decision they make in the future. If marriage is in the future, be aware and give it prayerful thought and careful observation. When in doubt, just take one small step at a time. No one is perfect, but life is too short to fail. Plan to enjoy it and be happy. Remember that each day we are adding to our legacy whether good or bad. Keep a good compass to stay on course and remember that facing difficulties fortifies us for future challenges.

A big factor in life is to keep the proper focus. Focus is your self talk, the way you as a person mentally process the things that happen to you. Focus is controlled by the questions ones asks. The proper focus asks and seeks answers such as what am I to learn or how is it to teach me? or How will it change my thoughts, attitudes, and actions? The wrong focus majors on Why this?, Why now?, or Why me? Unless a person can figure out a satisfying answer to the wrong focus questions, it leads to frustration, discouragement, depression, and even end in a crisis.

II

PROSPECTIVE CHARACTERS

The Author of this books desires that the reader give diligent and thoughtful attention while strolling through her life from birth through marriage. Just ‘WALK A MILE IN MY SHOES.’ Hopefully, the reader can experience the lessons learned through all the difficulties that life afforded. Her character developed as she heard stories about or observed firsthand how her family took risks and survived. She gleaned a drive to succeed, to endure the bad and good despite the circumstances, and to move on in search of victory. The years of marriage consumed more years than those of her childhood. She had formed many dreams of how married life would be and just had visions of how wonderful it would be. All she would need to do was to follow her heart and to rely on God’s guidance. On her journey, she became educated as she observed how her families in difficulties relied on their character to survive problems. Those in her history were somewhat ingenious in their problem solving as they found ways around obstacles. They constructively used failures to improve future results.

When married, her intent was to endure and run the race to the end. She planned to honor her vow to love and cherish her mate forever. She found herself trying to make the bad work for the good. Her idea of courage was not having the strength to move on, but instead was going on when she did not have the strength to do so. The strength to survive is part of the process of the day to day development of character. As her mate demonstrated unresolved forgiveness, resentment reigned in his heart and is the tread that runs throughout their marriage years. The couple’s lives were shattered when grudges were never resolved and depression continued despite medical measures to help. Depression was part of his genetics and character. It is a treatable illness, but not curable. In this instance, it was used to excuse future behavior as seen in this narration.

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Life is like A PIECE OF CAKE’ which has many parts, Mixing all the ingredients of the experiences and goals of life, results in building a person’s character. Character is what you really are inside and not what is displayed on the outside. Combining all the ingredient’s of Character together, helps a person to reach the finish line. It is so important to make self examinations along the long road of life to continue focus on the end goal. The Bible tells that You will reap what you sow" An unknown author has said the part below about the importance of the individual’s choosing good seed to plant as life’s journey unfolds.

If you plant honesty, you will reap trust

If you plant goodness, you will reap friends

If you plant humility, you will reap greatness

If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment

If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective

If you plant hard work, you will reap success

If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation

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