I'm Still G.O.O.D.: Getting Over Obstacles Daily

By Bianca McCormick-Johnson

Do you ever find yourself taking jab after jab or blow after blow? Doesn't it frustrate you? Then you go around trying to fill your cup with answers but wind up spilling it without quenching your thirst. Bianca McCormick-Johnson teaches you how to win in all aspects of life. You will learn how your personality, upbringing, and emotional intelligence play a significant role in your thinking and decision-making.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Aug 3, 2020
• ISBN: 9781098325817

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I’M STILL G.O.O.D.

Copyright © 2019 by Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson

Copyright Registration TXu 2-160-831

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without written permission from the author.

ISBN 978-1-09832-029-4

Printed in USA by BookBaby

Dedication

Volume One was dedicated to people who have been hit so hard with life until they felt like giving up. Volume Two was created to strengthen that same audience and capture new champions of life who need a practical approach to resolving common issues. With the background information provided in Part 1, you will gain an understanding of why some battles are tougher than others.

Note: This book is not intended for sensitive people because the content is strong and unapologetic. However, if you insist on reading, I kindly ask that you please remove your feelings before entering. Everyone has room for growth, but many people’s growth are stunted by their inability to digest Vitamin ‘T’, the Truth.

I hope this is not you.

Contents

Foreword

Acknowledgements

Preface

Introduction

Part I – Stages of Life

Chapter 1: Infancy Stage – Inception of Life

Chapter 2: Transition Stage – Adolescent to Adulthood

Chapter 3: Maturation Stage – Reality Check

Chapter 4: Preparation Stage – Succeed or Accept Failure

Part II – States of Life

Chapter 5: State of Confusion – When Your Plan Fails

Chapter 6: State of Doubt - When You Feel Hopeless

Chapter 7: State of Fear – When False Evidence Decides

Fate

Part III – Relationship Shenanigans

Chapter 8: Discovery – Playing the Field

Chapter 9: Courtship – Dating with a Purpose

Chapter 10: Matrimony – The Marriage vs The Wedding

Part IV – Burden vs. Blessing

Chapter 11: The Burden Before the Blessing - Tears of

Pain

Chapter 12: The Blessing – Tears of Joy

Bonus Chapter: Life After Death – Battle of the

Wounded

Epilogue

Autobiography

Resources

Foreword

I am the ninth child of 13 children born into a family of writers, musicians, artists and entertainers. I am a fellow writer who suffers from middle child syndrome and the doting younger sister of the beloved author. Not only has she trusted me with editing her books but have crossed another threshold by allowing me to write the foreword for her second book. It is only natural for me as I am accustomed to coming in second enjoying second-hand clothes from my older siblings. The connection that I have with the author has always been grand for me, but not so much for her as I was the pesky little sister who wouldn’t back down from a fight and wouldn’t stop until I got the last lick. Even with my annoying ways, my big sister made sure my hair was combed, my clothes were pressed and clean, and my socks matched my outfit. Always known for her academics, her fashion sense, and great work ethic at home, school, and work, it’s no wonder she had trillions of friends.

Although I was not as popular as my sister, I did follow in her footsteps blazing my own path of success with writing screenplays, stage plays, short stories and other forms of writing that resonate with my audience. Both my sister and I like to tell it like it is. We don’t believe in sugar coating anything to get our messages across and while sometimes blunt, the reality check is what’s important. I am excited to finally come first this time. After all the years I had to come second, I come first this time as I write this foreword to forewarn you of the reality checks, life lessons, and self-help knowledge you will need to become the best you. Learn from others’ mistakes, such as my sister’s, and learn to become resilient with the in your face knowledge that you are about to encounter.

In the first volume of I’m G.O.O.D., the author shares stories of when she was most vulnerable and how it affected her. While she shared her tales of hardship, heartbreak, turbulence and spiritual growth, she remained humble and leaned on God for patience and understanding. In Volume One, the author leans on similar themes to get her point across but shows her resilience even more this second time around. She’s back with a vengeance and cuts no corners with her uncanny and down to earth delivery. Her strength is evident as she expounds on topics from previous chapters such as the mother and daughter best friend debate, which relates to her chapter on friendship in Volume One. She stands firm on the belief that a mother should NOT become best friends with her daughter, especially during the child-rearing stages. She articulates that the friendship developed between a mother and her daughter should have strict boundaries. Nevertheless, being a parent first should always be a mother’s priority – period.

This topic created a firestorm on social media, as well as others, so she chose NOT to digress. Instead she stood firmly on her beliefs so much that she chose to reiterate it for the people who couldn’t hear her the first time. I have personally witnessed the relationship between my sister and my niece, and the bond is very strong and playful. My niece is gorgeous, smart, and fashionable but can get out of line sometimes. I have personally witnessed the discipline she was given and almost immediately, my niece remembered to stay in a child’s place. While no physical discipline was needed, a stern look and raised voice alerted my niece that she had crossed the line and that my sister was in full mother mode. My sister lost some friends with this stance, but she chose to keep it. Respect is necessary, and disrespect will not be tolerated. While the book discusses more than the best friend debate, the main thing to remember is that while delivering advice from the hardships she endured, her strength and growth are prevalent throughout the book to inspire her readers not to give up the fight.

While I continue to celebrate coming first for once, the author continues to share her struggles while continuing to be G.O.O.D. in the process. Just because you get over one obstacle doesn’t mean that you won’t have more to deal with. You just become stronger to get through future obstacles with ease. And this is what the author relays in the second volume. Though she presents more hardships and obstacles, the knowledge and passion to get through them with resilience is what she promotes. I’ve always heard that learning from the mistakes of others will help you to avoid unnecessary hardships. While the mistakes of others give you the reality check that you need, it doesn’t guarantee an obstacle-free life forever. Having the patience, strength, and faith in God will allow you to be G.O.O.D. all the time.

Yours Truly,

Diarra AyodeleWooly McCormick

Acknowledgements

I thank my Savior for another major accomplishment in my life. No matter how much or how hard I get knocked down, he helps me get right back up every time. If it wasn’t for the spirit above, I would not have been able to deliver another masterpiece to inspire, encourage, and entertain my readers. Throughout this long journey, of course, life had taken its course.

I thank my mother for giving me the gift of writing and creativity. She also gave me her wit, intelligence, and voice of truth. I thank my father for teaching me responsibility, work ethic, and commitment. I thank them both for giving me life.

I thank my husband for listening to my ideas and offering the most beneficial and honest input. And thanks for helping me pick out those beautiful pictures for my cover. Being a critic isn’t so bad when the opinion is valuable. You are my biggest supporter, strongest adviser, and shoulder to lean on when the burden becomes too heavy for me. Jerry, you are one incredible and amazing person. Your selfless love forever warms my heart.

Diarra, you are one spectacular editor and person. Thanks for your time, feedback, and thoroughness. I’m blessed to have a qualified sister with such sharp skills.

Jeremiah, thanks for another gorgeous cover. Your eye-catching work is quite an impression of your graphic thumb.

Special thanks to those who bought Volume One and everyone who has supported me in my colorful path to success.

Preface

I’ve decided to revisit this topic because it is as endless as life itself. Life does not necessarily get easier. You just learn to manage it better. Volume One provided what I believe are the core aspects of life people find most difficult to manage. Volume Two expounds on the previous subjects and walks you through beginning to end of the life cycle. I added the relationship category because it has a major influence on many of the topics mentioned in Volume One. From personal experience, interviews, observations, and research, I have learned that money and relationships have a significant impact and influence on everyday life decisions. Money motivates decisions whereas relationships affect one’s emotions. Both can build you up or tear you down. Nevertheless, your attitude towards money and relationships will help maintain balance and congruity in your faith, health, and happiness.

Life lessons are not limited to this book, the previous one, or any other resource designed to offer instructions on how to manage the problems faced throughout the phases of life. The best teacher is experience. The lack of guidance, knowledge, or opportunity is not always the reason people make mistakes. As humans, we are inclined to mess up, retreat, and start over. The cycle sometimes repeats itself multiples times. No one was born with the ability to do everything right. People from all walks of life have made plenty mistakes and echoed many.

I had to apply some of the lessons in my own book to get where I am today. I thought to myself, I have to be an example of what I preach to others. I can honestly say that the application of my own lessons has raised the behavior bar in my life. Thus, I hope it does the same for my readers.

Upon completion of Volume One, I realized my readers needed a more informative guide on how to tackle this giant called life. In an effort to teach one to face and embrace with grace, "I’m Still G.O.O.D." was born. Evolve, Solve, & Enjoy!

Live life to the fullest, but don’t become full of the poisonous ways of the world. Monitor the traffic in your life and pay attention to the road signs of the world. Know when to yield, stop, go or take a detour. It’ll decrease the number of speed bumps you may encounter along your path to success.

Happiness with the absence of joy is like an egg with no yolk – visually sustainable yet empty inside.

- Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson

Introduction

In Volume One, you were given a platform of knowledge to guide you through this thing called Life. Volume two will give you the tools needed to find a way out of the mess you’ve gotten yourself into or solve difficult problems that have been weighing you down for years. Some of you may only need confirmation that you are taking the right steps toward correcting your path. In this book, you will discover how you have arrived at your current situation and what you can do to make it better. In the end, we all want the same thing, and that is to be happy. But what you really need is joy to sustain that happiness.

As mentioned in Volume One, You can have happiness without joy, but you cannot have joy with the absence of happiness. When you have unspeakable joy, you’ll find your way back to happiness no matter what because you understand that your setback or downfall is a part of the process. Some might argue that this isn’t so because their happiness hasn’t been broken. Yet the moment you experience what it feels like to be broken, you’ll soon realize you need more than just happiness. With joy, you’ll bend, but you won’t break.

Happiness is conditional, whereas joy is unconditional. Conditional elements of life are always questionable and can become detestable. Thus, I will uncover conditional elements of life such as marriage, money, and other meaningful matters that contribute to our happiness. You’ll find out how to obtain joy and why it is so important. How you can walk away from a relationship and maintain happiness. How you can walk away from a dead-end job and still be happy. How you can still smile after being fired or laid off. How you can laugh after your account balance goes negative. How you can maintain happiness after years of abuse. How you can maintain your sanity after a dark past. Those are just a few examples.

Having joy doesn’t mean you’ll never become unhappy. It just means you won’t stay that way long after your misfortune. It enables you to bounce back or get back up.

Joy gives you peace of mind to ride the waves of life. Only the wise and spiritual can relate. The lost and misguided will misconstrue and forever chase happiness. Remember, happiness is temporary, but joy is forever.

Truth is, you’ll always be getting over obstacles throughout life. Nonetheless, how you respond to each will determine whether the situation can exacerbate or ameliorate. In some cases, it might become worse before it gets better. The biggest blessings usually come out of those. I am a living witness.

In this lesson, I will unfold how one can turn tragedy into treasure. No storm lasts forever, but the aftermath cannot repair itself. Take a walk with me in this next phase of life lessons, and I will teach you how to effectively rebuild after the storms in your life.

Note:

The news stories I’ve included do not claim current events. The content reported was the status quo at the time I blogged about it and is only used as supporting evidence of my theories.

Part I – Stages of Life

Introduction

Before engulfing in the goodness ahead of you, I’d like to introduce you to an important theory that supports my findings. For those of you who are not familiar with the Stages of Erikson Psychological Development Theory, I provided an excerpt from an article shared by S. Gautum on Psychology Discussion, an online-based forum with information on psychology. Nevertheless, I encourage you to do your own research, so you can learn more about yourself from a psychological standpoint.

Psychology Discussion quoted:

Erikson’s stages of psychological development, as articulated by Erik Erikson, in collaboration with Joan Erikson, is a comprehensive psychoanalytic theory that identifies a series of eight stages, in which a healthy developing individual should pass through from infancy to late adulthood. All states are present at birth but only begin to unfold according to both a natural scheme and one’s ecological and cultural upbringing. In each stage, the person confronts, and hopefully masters, new challenges. Each stage builds upon successful completion of earlier stages. The challenges of stages not successfully completed may be expected to reappear as problems in the future.

However, mastery of a stage is not required to advance to the next stage. The outcome of one stage is not permanent and can be modified by later experiences. Erikson’s stage theory characterizes an individual advancing through the eight life stages as a function of negotiating his or her biological forces and socio-cultural forces. Each stage is characterized by a psycho-social crisis of these two conflicting forces (as shown in the table below).

If an individual does indeed successfully reconcile these forces (favoring the first mentioned attribute in the crisis), he or she emerges from the stage with the corresponding virtue. For example, if an infant enters the toddler stage (autonomy vs. shame and doubt) with more trust than mistrust, he or she carries the virtue of hope into the remaining stages.

I did not realize my writing content somewhat shadowed the theory until a nurse friend of mine brought it to my attention. I did study psychology in college, so it was not brand new to me. It was also my favorite subject. I just didn’t think of it when I was developing the table of contents and as I started writing. That is evidence that knowledge sticks even when you don’t realize it, though most of my material come from my own observations and personal relationships.

Life has an order in each stage. It can be either organic or inorganic. An organic life is one in which the development of it is natural. For instance, a human life is born then nurtured and released into the real world after receiving its wings. That person learned to crawl before walking and coo before talking. An organic life is not manipulated and processed to satisfy an earthly need that diminishes its natural growth and development.

Unlike an organic life, an inorganic life is one manipulated by man, whether spiritually, mentally, physically or surgically. This is where the primary difficulties begin. Have you ever seen a grown man act like a child or a little girl act like a grown woman? That man acts like a child because he’s never learned to be a man, and that little girl acts like a grown woman because she skipped a whole stage in her life. She’s rebellious, and he’s totally confused about order because they missed some important steps/lessons in life. As you can see, an inorganic life will mess you up.

If any stage of your life was inorganic, it does not have to ruin you. If foods and beverages can be pasteurized, so can your life. Many of you had no control over the order in which events occurred in your lives. Some of you were just defiant and stubborn, and that is okay because it may have set you up for another phase of your life. That is why you see people trying to eat clean once they get over 40. Some start sooner. A rusty past can be the set up for a smooth future.

Detoxify each stage of your life, and let things flow smoothly and naturally. When a fuel tank becomes clogged, the car starts running sluggishly. What’s clogging your tank and preventing you from moving forward? Is it because you’ve stepped out of order without a backup plan, or you’ve never allowed room in your life to grow? Did you know that one fuel injection can cause your engine to run better?

In life, one faith injection can optimize your life, and wisdom and discernment will serve as preventative maintenance. You’re not losing your mind. You probably just need an oil change or fuel injection. You’ve been running on cheap gas and trying to avoid a bill. As you can see, you will pay for it later, but the damage or recovery might be harder to overcome. Don’t let one small issue cause you to lose your order.

When you do something right the first time, you reduce the aggregate errors in your progress. You’ll be able to achieve equal results in half the time it typically takes the average person. The faster you get there, the sooner you can help someone else do the same.

Chapter 1

Infancy Stage – Inception of Life

It was hard getting here, but it’s so easy to exit. Embrace life gracefully or you’ll totally regret it.

– Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson

According to Good Therapy, 2019, Each stage has a conflict between two opposing concepts. For instance, the infancy stages’ main conflict is trust vs. mistrust. Although people of all ages may experience issues with trust, the infancy stage is where the challenge is most potent.

This is the stage in life when you will make many unconscious mistakes, so it’s your parents’ job to teach you right from wrong and how to conduct yourself in certain settings. The ethics, morals, and values, including religion, you practice will be identical to theirs until you are old enough to make your own decisions.

Your initial life coaching sessions should come from your parents or guardians. They are the ones responsible for getting you ready for the world, if there is such a thing. I say this because we face many obstacles in adulthood we were not ready for that just happened. It could be a similar or different experience. Either way, you try to embrace each day with peace; therefore, you’re never quite expecting something bad to happen, especially when you know you’ve done nothing to deserve bad karma. But that’s not what this chapter is about. I just thought it was necessary to include that message. This chapter is about your parents’ role in your life from its inception and how their teachings or behaviors can impact your life, making it easier or harder to cope with.

Note: Parents who were positive influencers are not to blame for bad decisions you’ve chosen in adulthood. There are bad decisions and blind decisions. Bad decisions come from knowing better. Blind decisions come from not knowing better. Moreover, some children are rotten by nature, regardless of their upbringing. Sometimes, it serves as punishment or bad karma for the parent. Sometimes, it is spiritual and unexplainable. Only God knows, and only he can judge.

The Tender Years

Atta boy! Atta girl! Those phrases never seem to get old. Too bad we do and so does the way life treats us. Childhood is the most precious time in life – at least, it’s supposed to be. Nevertheless, some of us get robbed of those treasurable moments.

I believe each one of us were born innocent. I’ve never seen a baby that did not smile or laugh. People corrupt other people - not things. Little girls see fathers as protectors, not perpetrators. She will grow to love men until one hurts her. Little boys see mothers as nurturers, not neglecters. He will respect women until he loses trust. White kids see Black kids as friends, not foes. They will play together until someone tells them not to.

All scorned girls won’t grow up to hate men. All scorned boys won’t disrespect women. And all kids won’t connect regardless, but where there’s interference, there’s an experience. Just as people are wounded differently, people heal differently. I will elaborate on this topic in the next chapter.

Kiss Me Goodnight, but Don’t Take My Life

Parents are our first lovers, caregivers, teachers, and advisors/mentors. The worst pain can come from a parent. Whether you were ready to become a parent or not, you are stuck with that responsibility until either of you depart from Earth. Naturally, the parent goes first, but in some unfortunate cases, the child does. That is why it is so important for you to be the best parent you know how to be. If you are not sure you are holding up your end of the bargain, ask your child. I say ask your child because there is no universal method of parenting. What works for one child may not work for another. Each parenting style should be conducive to the child’s best interest, according to the parent’s morals and values.

People tend to judge the parenting style or skills of another, based on their own perceptions and beliefs. Unless you have lived in that child’s household from birth, you do not know why that parent disciplines the way he or she does. You might have a clue, but you don’t have the answer.

Sometimes, the parenting style has nothing to do with the child. It could be a reflection of the parent’s upbringing. But regardless of the circumstances in which the parenting style was developed, the child should never have to suffer or be punished for life.

Life is an experience no one asks for, so why not make it pleasant? Childhood is one of life’s most valuable gifts, so why take it? A child’s life should be full of joy, happiness, love, laughter, and learning. Second to teenage years, childhood years are the shortest and thus should be eventful and as painless as possible.

Many adults cannot seem to cope with adulthood well because their childhood was taken from them. I always encourage youngsters not to rush to get older because you can never get your childhood back. You cannot go back in time and fix things. It was never your assignment to begin with. It was your parent or guardian’s job to make your childhood the best experience you could ever have.

I find it quite disturbing after learning that children have been beaten to death, shot, drowned, sexually abused or mistreated in any way. A child’s innocence should never be robbed by a parent or caregiver whose biggest responsibilities are to love, protect, and nurture. You don’t have to be the best teacher or biggest spender to keep a child happy. Children know when they are loved.

Parents

If you are not ready to take on the responsibility of being a parent, then you should remain celibate. I don’t care what type of birth control method you choose. NONE of them are 100% effective. And abortion is not a contraceptive method. I’ll just let that statement end with a period. I will not get deep into the discussion about contraceptive methods, but I will share my experience.

After giving birth to my second child, I decided to try a different birth control method called the IUD (Intrauterine Device). For those of you who are not familiar with the device, it is a t-shaped copper device with a string attached, inserted into the uterus. It was supposed to prevent pregnancy for 10 years but only did so for 10 months! I found myself hitting the ab roller hard, trying to get rid of the gut I had grown. All the while, I was three months pregnant! I was not mentally or financially ready to welcome a new child into my life, but I accepted my blessing and made accommodations.

As you can see, God has the final say so. Some would say mother nature. Regardless of whom you believe has the final say so, it is certainly not you. As long as you are sexually active, you should always know there is a possibility of becoming a parent. Thus, you should always be prepared. If you are reluctant to prepare