The Price of Freedom

By Nabelah Al-Neghaimshi

Did you give up your dreams or your rights and lost your freedom of choice in a relationship with a lover, husband, or friend? Does this person treat you sometimes with kindness and other times with violence, under the guise of love and care? This bold book will guide you in examining your relationships and reaching your true self. You will be on your way toward restoring your freedom and enjoying the life you deserve.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Aug 7, 2015
• ISBN: 9781504944632

Nabelah Al-Neghaimshi

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© 2015 Nabelah Al-Neghaimshi. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse  08/06/2015

ISBN: 978-1-5049-4462-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5049-4461-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5049-4463-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015909855

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With all love to those who are still suffering the presence of an authoritarian person. Who negatively affects their lives; makes them feel oppressed and humiliated; and deprives them of the freedom to enjoy independence, stability, happiness, and success in this life. I hope to entice them to do their utmost to win the life that God granted them. Freedom has a price that must be paid.

Contents

Why Did I Decide to Write this Book?

Introduction

Chapter 1   Autonomy

Chapter 2   Definition of the Authoritarian Personality

Chapter 3   How to Recognize the Authoritarian Personality

Chapter 4   Reasons for the Emergence of Authoritarian Behavior, as Offered by Psychology

Chapter 5   Reasons for the Emergence of Authoritarian Behavior, as Offered by the Philosophy of Energy

Chapter 6   Authoritarian Methods to Dominate and Control a Life Partner

Chapter 7   Are You a Victim of an Authoritarian Personality?

Chapter 8   Devastation Caused by the Authoritarian Partner in the Marital Relationship

Chapter 9   Easy Prey for the Authoritarian Personality

Chapter 10   Preventing a Life Partner from Controlling the Marital Life

Chapter 11   Protective Methods for Self-Help in Authoritarian Relations

Chapter 12   Models of Free Women, as Meant by Islam

Personal Diary

At the End

Why Did I Decide to Write this Book?

We may seem free and unrestrained from the outside, but we are captives by authoritarian people who are armed with domineering habits, customs, traditions, and social legacies inconsistent with religions. Just imagine yourself free, without any restrictions. How are you going to be?

Dear reader, who out of us does not dream of happiness, joyful life, and safety? Who out of us does not go astray on his path of life? Who out of us does not lose hope in the search for happiness and become an easy prey for the life of depression, frustration, and boredom after failing all search attempts? Who out of us does not relinquish some of his dreams for the desire to please others or because of fear of them?

Through this little book, I aspire to help you see yourself from a clear, unique perspective and to be aware of the causes of your discomfort, which you may subconsciously bring upon yourself. It is through my workshops and courses on the quality of life that I have noticed many persons complaining of emotional sufferings because of discontinuing the pursuit of their dreams and goals. As I attempted to know the real reasons behind this suffering, I found out that they are mostly because of the love to control and dominate that plagued some people. This is often because of love or fear, the desire to conceal internal psychological weakness, or other reasons that we will address later. Because I was interested in the subject, I found myself studying it for my thesis. I later received my diploma in family counseling. However, I was not content with that, as the authoritarian personality seemed to me very confusing. It is widespread in our Arab societies in particular. It is nurtured in the spirit of complacency, surrender, weakness, and laziness, which has troubled our communities. Therefore, I decided to research this subject to help myself and others. I gathered a lot of information, and I began to author this book for the benefit of everyone.

Dear reader, touring through the following chapters of this book will enable you to find out whether you have a balanced personality that enjoys freedom and accepts others. If so, congratulations to you and those around you.

Or your personality features a degree of authoritarianism and love to control others. If so, you are like a jailer whom others seek to avoid to enjoy rest and feel free in your absence. You prevent them from pursuing their dreams and goals due to your permanently distracting and terrifying presence.

Or you have a personality of the victim who loses your freedom and right to live in this life according to your standards of dreams and achievements. And you ceded out of fear and hope in pleasing authoritarian dominance over you. Thus, you live a life of servitude that is filled with oppression, a sense of inferiority, and humiliation. In all cases, you deserve to live in freedom and happiness without wronging others or being wronged by others.

Also, in this book I try to illustrate ways to achieve a sense of internal freedom and balance in relationships—the marital relationship in particular. Because of its great importance as a catalyst for family success and stability, which will, in turn, extend their impact to the whole society. Additionally, you can take advantage of some of this information to improve your other relationships, such as friendships and professional relationships. The book also will highlight the definition of the authoritarian personality and the negative impact resulting from one or both authoritarian spouses and the difficulty of achieving stability in such a family.

Perhaps what encouraged me to choose this topic is the lack of writings on it, on the one hand, and the prevalent suffering in many marital relationships because of this shortcoming on the other. Yet, its significance lies in the extent of the pain and destruction—psychologically, mentally, and physically—that a life partner suffers because of the authoritarian party’s domination and the ensuing negative emotional effect on children, as well. Where there is no pure love, there is only fully conditional love.

This issue is crucial for evaluating your relationships and is significant in the marital relationship because of the possibility of repairing it and fixing the problems ravaging their marital lives. This book offers realistic, easily applied solutions from the Islamic perspective, compliant to psychological and social modern sciences and most important, accessibility to everyone.

You can make use of a personal journal, as described at the end of this book, to write down your thoughts, comments, and plans for the free future life of your dreams.

Nabelah Al-Neghaimshi

Introduction

A lot of marital problems have received much research and attention; accordingly, their causes and means of treatment can be properly and adequately addressed. Thankfully, many persons can overcome them. However, with the emergence of contemporary attributes of living and morals into our Arab and Islamic communities on one hand and the global openness through social networking on the other hand, it becomes necessary to update and modernize research into the strange causes of