The Syndi-Jean Journal

By Bck Kwan

Syndi-Jean is a young girl with a dark and varied past.

Looking for a fresh start, she takes up an offer to study and live at a unique and secretive Facility. There, she learns to regain her diminished telepathic ability and hone her telekinetic skills, in addition to some unusual classes. She also makes friends, some of whom are not of this planet.

As she chronicles her life, Syndi-Jean struggles to find her place in the present while striving for a better future and leaving the past behind. A difficult task, especially when that past may save her friends.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Partridge Publishing Singapore
• Release date: Sep 5, 2014
• ISBN: 9781482826869

Bck Kwan

Since leaving the security of a corporate job for the wild frontier of writing, bck kwan has written the occasional script for cartoon series and movie producers, done research for TV series, and three books now. He continues to write scripts, short stories, and plans for a new series.

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Copyright © 2014 by B.C.K. KWAN.

ISBN:          Softcover          978-1-4828-2685-2

                   eBook              978-1-4828-2686-9

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CONTENTS

JANUARY

FEBRUARY

MARCH

APRIL

MAY

JUNE

JULY

AUGUST

SEPTEMBER

OCTOBER

NOVEMBER

DECEMBER

For Jennifer,

From the very beginning until now,

though I don’t see you much anymore,

always the inspiration and still in my heart.

To Christopher,

Who helped kick things off way back in 1982.

-b

Preamble

It wasn’t the plan.

Bringing someone like Syndicessca Jeannie F~ into this place was never going to be simple. She has a unique psychic ability deemed extremely beneficial; I believed it would be beneficial, and she has the potential for greatness. She just needed some direction and guidance.

The plan was to get her mother, more as a trainer and agent, but she constantly rejected the idea. Her psychic abilities were something that she had passed on to her children. Jeannie showed more of a flair for using her abilities than her brother. Given her skill level at the time, I presented her with the option of studying and training here. Her mother was not pleased by this and decided against it.

Certain events led to Jeannie making a deal with me. She would go against her mother’s wishes in taking up my offer, in exchange for help. She noticed certain individuals were targeting her and her family. These individuals were after her for the very same ability I had sought her for. They believed they could control this power if they could control the individuals who wielded it. Their purpose was never uncovered, although they did seem to have substantial financial and technological backing.

As some of her cousins had already been taken by these individuals, Jeannie allowed herself to be taken as well in order to locate her cousins. It was a foolhardy plan that resulted in her being exposed to certain drugs that dulled her abilities. It also made rescuing her and her cousins all the more difficult and dangerous.

Despite the dangers, I fulfilled my part of the bargain in assisting with the rescue and in dealing with those certain individuals. They proved to be extremely loyal to their financiers, accepting incarceration over exposure. Jeannie kept her word, even though I did not hold her to it. However, there were conditions.

Not from Jeannie, but from her mother.

She did not want Jeannie to participate in any activity that Jeannie felt would compromise her moral values. Jeannie was not to take part in any operation that would require ‘wetwork’ or be considered ‘black ops’. Jeannie would not be forced to take any test she did not feel comfortable with. And to ensure that everything was on the level, Jeannie herself would constantly report home on her activities.

Jeannie, to her credit, agreed to the conditions and countered with only one condition of her own. Her mother was not to interfere with her training or intrude into her life unless specifically called upon.

These were extremely unusual circumstances for any trainee here. The supposedly constant reports to her mother alone was a breach of trainee protocol. All trainees were made aware that their activities would be classified as confidential, even from family members. Contact would be allowed, but monitored to ensure confidentiality as stipulated.

To cater to this agreement, guidelines were drafted for Jeannie to follow. Her reports would be scrutinised and edited if necessary before being released. I would ensure that any changes made were simply to uphold the anonymity of this facility to a certain extent. Hence the initial obfuscation of references to her psychic abilities, or references made regarding her interplanetary classmates and her decision to simply refer to the place as a Facility.

The reports were put out on a public blog site, albeit one with minimal promotion. Finding it was not a simple click of a search function. This was all done in line with the long term plan of bringing this facility into the open; as is this accumulation of her reports.

Jeannie’s initial reports were directed to her mother, as if she were writing letters and reports home. It was only months later that it became more of an actual journal chronicling her life at this facility…

… as you will see.

- Remington C_.

JANUARY

Jan 8

Hey Mom,

When we last met, you and Remington hashed out the details of my training at the facility over breakfast. That included me writing this journal of sorts. Some additional guidelines have been dumped on me, so I can’t write openly about everything. We’ve agreed that everything I write is going to be posted to a public blog where you can follow up, so certain things need to be vague yet precise enough for you to follow. He also mentioned that until they can trust me to write freely enough keeping to their guidelines, my initial entries are going to be delayed as they run an edit.

After our breakfast meet, Remington and I went back to the facility where he finally gave me a full tour. I’ll get around to writing about various areas as I make use of them. There is one room I’m really excited about, tho. It is like a virtual reality simulation room, but he says it’s not on my schedule for the first three months.

Since it’s mostly a form of vocational training, my main focus will be orientation, basic sciences and rebuilding my ‘networking’ skills first. As Remington told you, external trips will be restricted. We won’t be entirely locked away from the rest of the world. There’s a mini-theatre with the latest shows. The cafeteria has a world class team of cooks that can make anything you ask for to the very specific flavour you want. I tested them and the char koey teow tastes just like the one back home. Talk about throwing them a tough test. Then again, they need to cater to the exchange students as well. Also, it’s free so we don’t have to worry about finances.

My room is a suite, decent living room, kitchen area and two adequate single bedrooms with personal bathrooms. My suite-mate is one of the special exchange students and she’s totally out of this world. She has a smattering of English and I’m supposed to help get her acclimatised; teach her a bit more of English; learn a little of her language; exchange notes on ideology and culture – you get the idea. We had a tough time with each other’s names. The closest we got in the end… She’s using Becca, which is the closest variation to pronouncing her name, and it’ll be how I’m going to introduce her tomorrow at orientation. I get the sense she was going easy on me.

She’s calling me Syndi-Jean, but it sounds like ZynD’Jin (she couldn’t just settle for Jean or Jeannie). She says there’s some deeper meaning in the way she’s pronouncing my name but she can’t quite explain it yet. Will let you know when I find out. And she’s tall. Taller than me anyway. Probably over six feet. Put us side by side and I barely come up to her chin.

Gonna turn in now; get some shut-eye if I can. You know how it is with me. Classes start in a few hours.

Almost a day and already miss Mikey. Give him a hug for me, ‘kay?

Jan 11

I’ve tried doing a daily journal before. Several times. None of them really got very far. Every time I thought I was starting a new aspect of my life, I tried starting a new journal. The difference this time is that I’m not putting pen to paper, but typing it out for the world to see. Also, this one has to be consistent because I’m writing letters home letting you know how things are going with me. So, I’ll try to be as consistent as I can.

Granted I’m not exactly keeping to a daily schedule either with my second entry being a couple days on from the first entry. I still haven’t seen it go online yet. Guess there must have been a bunch of things in there that still needs amending first.

Well, I’ll press on with this first and see what gets thru later.

Orientation… was unusual to say the least. I don’t think I did well. Or even well enough…

There were at least seven exchange participants like Becca in the class, and they’re totally out of this world. I think I got to know some of them but I don’t think I reacted as well as I should have. I mean… Becca’s a little odd in her own way, but some of the others are far more unusual. For instance, there is one who’s called Ehrmer, I think. He uses extensive prosthetics to just fit in with the rest of us.

It’ll take a while more before I can piece the names and faces together. For the Foreign Exchange Participants, most of them have got pretty regular names. Probably like Becca, it’s just a simpler version of their real names. Then again, no one really uses their full names around here. In all, there were maybe up to 40 of us there. Not every one attended the orientation, so there may be more. More than half of them have been around for more than a year while maybe ten of us, including me, are the newbies.

We had to do introductions to everyone else in class; talk a little about ourselves as well. Maybe because of how I had worked with Becca the day before, I introduced her first and ended up introducing myself as Syndi-Jean as opposed to plain Jeannie or even my full name. We aren’t suppose to use our surnames or family names, just simply what we want to be called.

There was this one guy called John who, when he heard my name, joked about how some Asian chickadee (his words) got a name from Alabama or Texas. I told him I was born in New York but now considered myself a Penangite. He was like, Penang-ite… like being descended from a termite mutated by dynamite.

Not everyone laughed (at least) but it just burned me and I pretty much shut-up after that. I remember very well the last time I lost it. I really didn’t want to push it any further. I tried to be hospitable as best as I could despite the mood I was in, but like I said, it didn’t go over too well. Even if this place isn’t exactly a school and we’re a very specialised selected few training here, we’ve still got to have one person like that who has to make jokes, be a jock type and act the asshole.

Except it became me being the ass by the end of the day, being as minimally communicative as I was at an event meant for us to be openly communicative. Becca was graciously supportive though.

While today didn’t start out too well, she did help in getting me mixing around at lunch. So, I had a sort of very small re-orientation with some potential new friends. Maybe I got lucky there with Becca. She’s actually been around here for a few months now. Me introducing her at orientation yesterday was her way of getting me to open up first. Introducing me like she was supposed to would have put me in the spotlight. At least, that’s what Remington told me just now.

He came to see me because he heard about my behaviour yesterday, but I was much better already by the time he came by. I apologised and told him how Becca had helped me thru the day. Apparently, she had volunteered to be my suite-mate when he told her about me. At least, according to him. He also reminded me that I could go to him if I had any problems, preferably as a last resort. For all intents and purposes, he is my counsellor, since he’s the one who brought me here.

It’s a strange new world, being here, he said. It is going to be very challenging and you knew this was not going to be easy. We talked about all this when I offered this to you and you chose it. You chose this. You have to make it work.

I know you weren’t too happy about that, but he’s right.

I chose this.

It was an opportunity and I chose it.

I’m going to make this work and I’m going to go as far as I possibly can with this… and then just that little bit further.

I’ll keep you posted as best as I can with this journal too.

I’ll be back soon.

Jan 15

There has been some delay in getting my updates online, but just so you know, I did get your mail. Remington has assured me he would make sure this piece gets back to you within a few hours of me sending it out.

I’ve gotten some notes on how I should be wording my pieces, but I think I’ll get a clearer picture when I see the final edit online. I just don’t know when, but they tell me it’ll be soon.

Just don’t think of it as if they’re censoring me. I’ve been assured they aren’t. They’re just spinning some of the context because it’s going public, and they want to keep some things private. Between you and me, you have an idea of what I’m doing here in terms of my education. Whatever spin they put on my pieces would be clearer to you than a casual reader. I understand why they’re doing it and I know you do too, even if you don’t like it that much, being the journalist and all. This place is too unreal to really exist, so the shade of secrecy has to be maintained. I’m sure you get the idea.

I’ve started on my ‘network communication’ training. A couple of years ago, just before Mikey, I was practically doing this in my sleep. It was pretty much an unconscious thing that I could pull off, but I never really tried it again since it went dormant. This training is to help me consciously work the function of ‘network communications’. First step is to link with another individual with similar talent. That was pretty much the first session I had.

Didn’t go too well. For some reason, I can’t seem to find my way in making the connection, much less a network function with one person. Could be a firewall thing (to use a computer analogy) or a lack in believing in my capabilities, or vice versa with my session partner. We’re both not green here, but I think we may need to build some kind of trust before we can establish a strong and proper working relationship. Makes sense, right? Except I was told that I should be able to establish network connections between just about anybody no matter who they are. Even if I get to pick and choose clients down the line, they’re all going to be strangers. If I take too long to get to know them, the work may never be done within a specified time frame on any given job.

I can’t even remember her name right now. It was Jill or Jane, definitely started with a J. Something short and simple, yet… (shame shame) I’ll have to remember to ask her again when I see her at lunch, or something, some other day.

It’s strange… Sometime when I was younger, I know I could do this without much trouble. Now, it’s taking quite an effort to concentrate and consciously do this thing. Like I said, I could do this in my sleep. Just never had to make it happen on purpose before.

Meanwhile, I’m getting along with some of the other training or classes, and not so much at others, particularly where that guy, John, is a part of. I’m trying to ignore him for the most part but he seems to enjoy baiting me. It’s getting on my nerves. Making it hard to concentrate in class. Not to mention that class is where we don’t have to compete against each other, but work together as a whole. Guess who’s not doing too well there.

Anyway, the weather is pretty bad, but we’re not really doing anything outdoors. We have pretty good climate control in here. Since most of the training is all indoors and that’s keeping us extremely busy, talking about the bad weather is a moot point.

On top of that, there’s a fairly decent gym and other recreational facilities here. There is what looks like a small Japanese garden on the roof near the cafeteria. The roof is enclosed with a glass dome, but that can be opened for fresh air. There’s also a swimming pool up there. I already miss my swimming hole back home tho, so I’m off to check out the pool.

Jan 17

It’s been almost ten days since I wrote the first entry and still no sign of it being posted as yet. Remington told me that he’s sent my last entry off to you so at least I know you’ll be seeing that before it even gets posted. Since that was outside of our pre-arranged stipulations on outside communications, I’m not likely to get another to you anytime soon. We’ll have to wait for these entries to get on that online blog.

She’s called Jenny, my session partner in Network Communication whose name I forgot. Becca helped me out with that since I chickened out of doing the actual asking. I should have been able to pick up on it myself but the ‘network line’ between us just isn’t working. I’m beginning to wonder if this is some latent side effect that’s just hitting me now. You know, those drugs that were forced on me at that time? I think even Remington is beginning to worry about my progress. Damn it, it’s only been a week!

It’s worrying me a lot that I’m not better at this because I should be. I should also be better at the basic sciences, which are mostly physics, practical and theoretical, and engineering. The sociology stuff, even computer programming, should be a breeze. Instead, I’m struggling with it all when I shouldn’t be. I mean… I’ve worked with A.I.s like Francine and her sister system. I’ve enhanced their security systems and made my own modifications for direct vocal interface and yet…

Could it be I’ve had too much freedom to do whatever I felt like doing that I can’t work within a restricted environment that’s loaded with rules and regulations? It’s stuff that’s never stopped me before and I can’t figure out what’s holding me back now.

The only thing I’m probably succeeding at right now is teaching Becca English because I’m just about spilling all my problems on her. I think she’s been patient and understanding, or she might be simmering some form of fear at this paranoid sleepless girl who’s yammering on and on. Her responses have been short and succinct, probably due to her limited use of English, but they’ve been very comforting and concise. The way she speaks, the way her voice carries… there’s such a soothing quality to it that befits a diplomat or negotiator.

I might even agree to the suggestion of actually talking to John about getting off my case instead of simply trying to quietly ignore him. This is since the classes I’m having major problems with are the ones he’s in – with the exception of Networking. Becca feels that it could be the underlying latent issues with John that might be affecting my outlook over the entire program. At least, in my case. There is the crazy notion Jenny brought up that John actually likes me, which is the reason for his teasing. But that’s just insane, isn’t it? Why do boys act that way anyway? Rick’s not like that with Karen, neither was Mark with me. I’ve been practically all over the world with you and met so many people. Nowhere is this kind of teasing a sign of affection. Carol thinks that I’m distracted by him acting that way because I’m distracting him in the first place, and he needs some kind of excuse to dampen that distraction – by teasing me.

…

Okay – it’s freaking me out that the above paragraph is the longest one yet and it’s about JOHN! ughs…

Oh, yeah… I mentioned Carol up there. She’s one of the girls that Becca brought around for my mini re-orientation last week. We have lunch together with a few others every other day. I’ll get around to writing about them as the situations come up, okay?

I’m going to go do some re-reading on the computer programming training today and see if I can break this fog in my head. Back to this later and we’ll see what we’ll see about the John situation.

Jan 19

Been thinking about how to phrase this last class I need to tell you about. While you have a pretty good idea what the class is, I have to use some form of obscure phrasing so as to not completely give it away. It involves transportation – moving items from one place to another without touching them. Yet, it’s nothing like shipping, okay?

So you should get the idea.

And at least, there’s a class I’m not completely sucking at since this is something I’ve been doing for a while. The training so far is mainly trying to fine-tune my skills in this area in order to minimize (like bring it down to zero) the likelihood of mistakes in transportation. The objects have been of moderate sizes so far. Yes, they’re sticking me with objects. I did ask if I would be needed to transport people to which the reply was, One step at a time. So, I guess, that’s in the cards somewhere although I know I can do that too, having done it before, particularly on myself.

It’s just little objects ranging from a tennis ball to something as big as a lightweight DVD player, and transporting them back and forth over short distances. Nothing too strenuous. I managed well enough that I think the trainer was satisfied with the results. I am curious to see what he has planned down the line. If it’s just this, it’s going to get boring really fast. I was a little surprised at the number of people in this ‘class’, more than I expected to find.

You’ve asked me to be wary about having to do things that I wouldn’t be morally comfortable doing. Well, so far, so good. Remington is keeping to his word to ensure I’m not rolling in the wrong direction with the training since it’s a fine line we’re dancing on. I’m to have a session with him later today to go over my progress, in training and socially. Not quite sure how to take that since I’m not doing too well in both areas right now. I’m getting along with a few people aside from Becca. I think I’m getting along with Jenny, my networking partner, although we haven’t done much outside of training.

There is one guy called Walker. He’s one of the Foreign Exchange Participants who I see every evening at the pool. I’m swimming as a daily exercise. We’re required to maintain a minimum of a semi-daily regimen of any form of exercise. Sometimes, I use the gym or go for a run on the track, but swimming is it for me though. It’s not my swimming hole, which was all my own, but at least I have some water around me. I got a new bathing suit as the bikini would probably be frowned upon. It seems Walker likes the water more than I do. He’s so at home in it that I can’t even keep up with him. He has more grace than speed that I’m thinking water ballet every time I see him move about in the water. It’s just beautiful.

He told me his people work and live around water, so I guess he’s naturally comfortable in it. He sometimes helps me keep a pace on my swimming and I know I can’t keep up with him; he’s really fast.

Almost time for classes again, so I’ll write later after I finish with Remington.

Jan 20

It’s been a couple of hours since I had my meeting with Remington. I don’t think it’s much of a meeting since it felt a lot like a therapy session. Meetings have a little more back-and-forth, are usually productive and goal oriented, right? I felt like I needed a couch and a box of tissue on the side the way I was pouring out all my frustrations so far. I really didn’t start out that way, but guess what triggered the meltdown?

John!

Everything went smoothly until Remington brought him up and asked if I was having some personal issue with John! We were talking about the classes and I said I was trying as best as I could, managing the assignments so far, cooperating without complaint. Then we talked about the social issues; was I getting along with the course, colleagues, making friends, interacting with them in and out of classes…

It seemed so normal. I was voicing concerns, he was providing feedback; the hows and whys in getting along with them, especially with the Foreign Exchange Participants. Then he drops the bomb; I heard you’re having some personal issues with John. You two can’t get along?

I was just floored. He made it seem like we were an item and were having a fight. In just over a week of meeting that jerk, I’ve somehow started a relationship with him and already broke up? It was insane! I started going on about that first day when he made that crack about my name during orientation and how he was either referring to me as the Asian chickadee in every other class.

Did you ever ask him to stop? Remington suggested.

No, I replied. I just ignore him. I don’t want to make a big deal of it.

To which Remington said, Maybe if you asked him to stop, he’d actually stop. It could be his way of getting your attention enough for you to talk to him.

And then I went into a whole tirade on why do boys act that way? Why should I be the distraction to him? No way I like him that much to even talk to him! Why should he even like me? Why is his teasing me supposed to be taken as if he likes me? Carol could be so wrong to think he likes me! Do I even make it seem like I like him? It’s some ploy to make me do bad in classes so that he can beat me, he’s just threatened by my being there! Everybody’s taking his side… I think I went on and on for over fifteen minutes before completely breaking down.

I can’t remember much about what happened after that or even what Remington said, if he even said anything at all. I think he just sat there and let me wail it all out. I’m pretty sure that somewhere in all that I might have mentioned missing Mikey, missing you, missing Rick, missing home and missing friends. Deep down, a couple of hours later writing this and thinking back about it, I think that is what’s bothering me the most. I’ve been on my own before but never really like this, cut off from everything. The isolation from everything that I had given up, and the anxiety attack hit just then in that session with Remington.

I don’t think I finished the session either. Becca was with me in my room later saying that she had gotten a call to help me back to the suite. Then she mentioned that everyone goes through what I just went through. When we’re out on our own for the first time, the anxiety of actual separation can be quite taxing and sometimes, the realisation of it just builds instead of hitting outright at the beginning. I don’t know if that makes sense but it did to me at the time she mentioned it. Kinda like talking philosophy.

She stayed with me, holding me until I calmed down enough. I mentioned before how she had a calming and comforting effect in the way she speaks, and she just talked to me… mostly in English, some in her own language. Strangely enough, I could sort of understand what she was saying even if I didn’t really know her language.

She’s going to be my rock around here, I think. The one that I would most rely on during the hard times and right now, I feel really lucky she’s my friend.

Jan 22

It’s been a couple of days since my meltdown and I think I’m getting better now. Class was pretty good today. The tutors in both my classes don’t seem too disappointed as before. Granted I’m still struggling through the large numbers in Physics and I think that’s still going to take a while before I can get into the groove of it. I understand how some of it works, but I just can’t wrap my head around the theories.

I asked Mr. Hardy, the Theoretical Physics tutor, for some examples I could look at in order to apply the theories. The theoretical side seems so outrageous that I just don’t see such things happening. I would have taken anything, even if it’s some video or animation.

I know it all seems otherworldly to you, he began. If you can’t get the theory before seeing it work, then you’re just going to have a reversed viewpoint. If you see this work first and try to apply the physics, you’re just going to run up against chaos. And that’s just an excuse for not being able to work the super-large number systems we’re up against here.

There is a sense of brilliance in what he’s trying to show us in class, but me being me, I just need a visual and that’s something that’s not quite forthcoming. Sometimes, theory is great but I need a practical side of things. I just don’t see how some of these theories are supposed to work in what we’re learning to do. I can’t figure out the applications yet so that’s something I just need to bear with for now. Maybe it’ll come to me soon.

Becca’s suggested I talk to Carol about the Physics problems. Apparently, she’s a wiz with large number systems as she’s working on cryptology and spatial orbital computations in correlation with NASA and SETI. I mean, I knew doors would be open to me throughout training here but to be working in those fields… Wow! It would be something to consider, getting help from someone who’s actually working with those crazy numbers in the field.

On the other side of things, I’m blocking out John and his asinine comments to a point of non-existence. The last couple of days seem to have passed by as if he wasn’t even there in the class. (Yes, there was class yesterday too. Only one for me, tho. We have no days off.) I think he was pretty quiet in the last class today. Maybe because he wasn’t getting anything out of me anymore… but I don’t really know. Like I said, I’m focusing in class to a point where he doesn’t exist there anymore.

Aside from that, I think I’m settling in now that the separation anxiety is over. I know I accepted this some time back and probably it’s only now that it’s actually sinking in. Becca’s been a great help over the last couple of days. We’ve got a system down to make sure we’re having lunch together every day with some friends.

Yes, they’re becoming friends, although I wish Lian could be here, just so I can introduce them to her. I think she’d get along with them really well. I don’t know when I’ll get to see her again so please drop her a line for me. I hope she gets to read this, just so she knows that I still think of her.

Nothing else much to write about for now, so I’ll figure out something a little different for the next entry.

Jan 25

I have to wonder how much of what I’m about to write is going to make it out. I’m going to try and stick as close to the guidelines as best as I can in this case, because I want to write about Ehrmer.

Ehrmer is one of the special Foreign Exchange Participants. It didn’t go too well the first time I met him at the Orientation, probably because of his appearance and his prosthetics. It was a little discomforting at that time and I don’t have any classes with him yet.

As I mentioned, Becca and I had come up with this system where we make the honest attempt to have lunch together every day. She would help me get along with some of the other participants in the program. So yesterday, she had Ehrmer along for lunch.

It was probably obvious to him that I was visibly uncomfortable, but I think he didn’t let it bother him for the duration – and it was a long duration. The three of us did not have any classes after lunch. So the discussions began and we talked. Mostly between Ehrmer and myself, with Becca occasionally interjecting.

We traded a few quick stories about our backgrounds, and how I ended up here at the Facility. I told him about travelling a lot when I was younger, practically seeing the world before I was even twelve. He related that he had also travelled when he was younger but not as extensively. His father is a diplomat and he (Ehrmer) had picked up some skills in that area as well. The more we talked, the more comfortable I got talking to him, and being with him.

He is amazing and I can understand why he’s taking the Sociology class. He likes learning about people, particularly their customs. I shared as much as I could about life in Penang, or what little I could relate from a teenager’s point of view. I had at least a few years of going to friends’ family celebrations, especially around the cultural holidays. It never mattered what race or religion you were when the celebrations came around. That cultural diversity was something to impress Ehrmer. He claimed that he had not truly seen anything like that yet. He had some slight experiences here in the States, but he says that the cultural integrations here appear to be forced. I couldn’t attest to that. There were stories, however, about how Christmas seemed almost taboo over the last year in favour for Chrismukkah. Couldn’t they just make a dual greeting instead of alienating both in favour for some rojak greeting?

Granted they did the same thing back home with DeepaRaya or KongsiRaya before. That didn’t stop the populace from making double greetings and retaining a cultural identity, did it?

Anyway, like Becca, Ehrmer has quite the gift with words. He’s much better at it than Becca, having been here almost a year longer. His specialty, surprisingly, isn’t in sociology but in personal environmental engineering. He redesigns suits for use in harsh environments like underwater or space. However, he claims most of the applications have been used in movie making, particularly body suits for actors who want to look like they’ve changed their appearance without too much make-up or use of those hot, suffocating latex suits. He didn’t say for which movies, tho. Part of it was to make better prosthetic suits so that those like him would find it easier to fit into society.

The moment he said that, it dawned on me that I barely saw his prosthetics anymore. I began to see him as a whole rather than the parts that made him appear normal. It’s like when you meet a scarred person and the scar just distracts you to no end, until you get to know that person and the scars somehow disappear from your view even though they’re still there. I started seeing him as a person, even more so when we passed each other today. Perhaps the amazing part is that he practically changed my point of view over one conversation.

So, that’s one more friend. Guess I’m starting to make some headway in this area. A little slow but steady.

Jan 27

Seriously, is he being such an idiot?

Today, there was a piece of paper at my usual seat in class. I opened it and read: To the AmerAsian Chickadee, What was your hick name again?

Just when I was getting used to his practical non-existence, he pulls this off? I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, crumpled the paper, tossed it into the trash and focused on class. Okay, so I got a little flustered again. My head got distracted, but not as badly as before. So, no worries there.

I met up with Becca and Carol for lunch, told them what happened. Again, Carol brought up the possibility that John has some kind of attraction or fixation on me. He’s asking for your name. It’s an opening for you to talk to him, she said. Even if it’s just to get him to stop with what you think is nonsense. I don’t think the ‘ignoring him’ plan is working as well as you want it to.

It has to, sooner or later, I said. He’ll get the message.

You’re hoping for sooner, said Becca, but what if it is later, or not at all. You got distracted today by just one letter. Take one moment and talk to him. You should know that communication can bridge gaps.

Maybe I was being too adamant about it, the whole ignoring him part. Maybe Becca and Carol are right and I should talk to him. I just don’t want to do that because it feels like I’m giving in to his pestering – like showing him that I am getting riled by his teasing.

In the class that followed lunch, there was another piece of paper at my seat. The thing is, John wasn’t even in that class, but it was the same type of paper, folded in the same way as before. I thought twice about opening it in the classroom. I simply crumpled it instead and left it on the table. Got on with class as normal, particularly since it was Theoretical Physics. It’s still something I really need to concentrate on even with the tutoring I’m getting from Carol. Oh yeah, I did talk to her, and she agreed to help me get through some of the theories.

Mr. Hardy is sometimes of two minds about my getting a tutorial from Carol because of the same issues I brought up before. That is, my need to see the physical working side of things before understanding the physics behind it. He also knows I seriously need some extra help on this subject. When he found out I was getting help from Carol, he advised her to make sure I don’t rely too much on the examples; to make sure I grasp the theory ahead of an example.

Anyway, for some strange reason, I didn’t dump the second note in the trash when I left the class. I took it back with me to my suite. Okay – it was bugging me, so I opened it and read: C’mon, sweet little chickadee. Shine a little on me.

So, seriously… is he being such an idiot?

Weeks of teasing and name-calling, and it comes down to this?

So, Carol was right. He wants me to talk to him. Right now, I don’t think I want to. I started writing instead.

That’s that and I’m going to swim off some of this gunk in my head.

Jan 29

I caved like a rock-slide that blocked the cavern entrance, just as the hero gets to it. Does that make sense?

Another day of those notes finally led to a verbal confrontation with John. I wanted to grab him by the collar, throw him against the wall and just growl, Quit stalking me! But, no – that didn’t happen.

It was more down to Carol intervening… and threatening to stop with the tutoring unless I talked to him. And I really need the tutoring right now. She told him where I would be at lunch and when I sat down at the usual table with Becca today, there was another note from him following the three yesterday – two in class, one at the pool! Talk about invading my space! Pool time is supposed to be down time. If one ever turned up at the suite, I think I would have screamed!

I just read the note aloud and Becca pointed out that he was sitting two tables directly behind me. I didn’t even want to turn around. Carol then sat down next to Becca and said, I put that one there for him. Told him you’d be here, so he’s waiting for you this time.

Playing the traitor, setting me up like that? You knew my plan to just keep away from him.

Well, I’m helping you because you were having problems with your class. Now I’m helping him because he’s having problems in his class, she said. Of course, not helping him with his problem is about the same as not helping you with yours.

Now it’s blackmail? I said.

No, I just like helping people. Sometimes, even when they don’t want it. Otherwise, I’d just stop helping everybody.

Becca was grinning. It’s like she’s helping you with a second problem, she said. Before you say otherwise, this is a problem you need to fix because it is affecting your concentration in and out of class.

So, I caved with a, Fine! I’ll talk to him.

Two tables behind me, and the way he was eyeing me as I walked over felt like I was heading for an execution. His expression was practically blank. No sign of eagerness that he was finally getting me to talk to him. No sign of anticipation that I was approaching. No sign of disappointment that I was already giving in. Nothing. Just one blank expression.

Only when I got to the table and stood there did he actually get up, pulled out a chair and said, Please. I looked at him, a little puzzled by the courtesy. I sat down anyway. He took his seat across the table from me.

And, so… we talked. Me reintroducing myself, because he really did forget my name. He never asked anybody else. Not even Carol when she offered to help him. He admitted to the teasing and name calling as his way of trying to get my attention, apologised for it and promised not to do it anymore.

Why didn’t you just put that into one of your notes? I asked.

It would have ended things and you wouldn’t be here talking to me, he said.

Honestly, I really don’t know if it would have ended there. If he had stopped as I had hoped, would I still have talked to him down the road? If he apologised in writing, would I really have forgiven him? Would I even consider talking to him after that?

So what were you hoping for between us? I asked.

Well, some of the best friendships begin in adversity, was his reply. You are quite the adversary. I figured you’d be a better friend instead.

Keeping your enemies closer than your friends? We’re barely either.

He reminded me then about the purposes and the whys we were training here; no one being any adversary or enemy in the first place. He admitted to making a sophomoric gesture at the orientation – apparently it’s a guy thing, according to him – which just backfired.

By the end of lunch, I think we reached some kind of amicable truce. He’d stop with the notes, the teasing and the name-calling. I’d just acknowledge his existence and talk to him from time to time without any of the rancour that I’ve been harbouring for the whole month. I suppose it’s bridge-building.

We shook hands and parted. He went to his class and I went back to Becca and Carol to scarf down my lunch so that I wouldn’t be late for my class. No notes were waiting for me there and it was a pretty quiet, productive day in the end.

Going for a swim now.

Jan 31

So after promising he wouldn’t leave any more notes at my desk, one turned up yesterday. He didn’t even last a day before he dropped another note at my seat in class. I opened it anyway, expecting more of the same except that it wasn’t. He had actually delivered a whole written apology that ended with a request…

He wanted a ‘dinner and movie’ date!

I did my best to put it out of my mind for the duration of the class but was semi-successful. The very idea of a date with this… guy… barely a day after brokering a tentative peace was so far out of my mind that I would never have conceived it in any alternate universe, never mind this one.

So lunch comes around and I go on the manhunt to give him a resounding NO. Of course, he took the defensive ground of the very public cafeteria – at the same table where we made peace.

I dropped his note before him and said, You broke the accord. Then, The answer is ‘no’. and walked over to Becca and Carol. Of course, I had to relate about the mini-confrontation.

Carol giggled throughout the whole great drama and thought that it was actually very sweet the way everything had played out. Becca agreed, which pushed me to the edge of exasperation at the whole thing. To make matters worse, John came over to the table and sat next to me, bringing up the whole date thing again. Carol encouraged me to go through with it while I kept coming up with excuses to avoid going out with him.

Long argument short, I caved again on the condition that it would be a group outing with at least five people, Carol and Becca being part of the group. Let them be witnesses to the debacle that they had wrought.

So I get through the rest of the day and this morning, running on all gears. Full concentration in class with no more distractions. One month on and I’m starting to make progress in the classes, getting along with my classmates and all. More so since John is becoming less of a distraction.

The outing tonight was, I suppose, something of a success. John brought along his buddy called Peter to round out the five. Dinner was at the cafeteria. With a team of spectacular chefs who can cook anything you want, why go anywhere else. They were willing to serve us at the Japanese garden, so a table was set up there.

Yeah – so maybe I haven’t exactly given you the idea of what facilities are available around here. Being in the middle of the city, the Facility is in a high rise building, taking up several floors at the top. I did mention the mini-theatre and the spectacular cafeteria. I’ve also mentioned the pool and there’s a gym. The Japanese garden is big enough for recreational purposes – and we have some green around us. There is also an arcade with some games and simulators. A mini four-lane bowling alley a couple of floors down from the classes. That’s only open after classes are done and it is a soundproofed bowling alley.

I was barely open to a conversation with John. It was pretty much a ‘Q & A’ with him asking all sorts of questions in the attempt to get to know me. Becca answered some stuff for me that I was reluctant to let loose, much to my annoyance actually.

When we got to the theatre, I made sure Carol was between John and me. After the movie, we just said our goodnights outside the theatre and went our separate ways. Becca and I walked Carol to her suite first before returning to ours. Both of them smiling away the whole time, practically grinning at me. I couldn’t help occasionally smiling weakly back. They both proclaimed it a successful outing on the basis that no one was killed, or maimed, or even harsh words exchanged, and I was fairly civil to John.

Becca encouraged me to keep it up and I said I’d try. I suppose I should give him the benefit of the doubt that he could be a decent person and forget about the teasing and the notes. And, no – I’m not going to let out any details about tonight beyond what I’ve already written.

Going for a swim now.

FEBRUARY

Feb 1

Remington called in on me for an review meeting earlier tonight and this is what was covered.

He complimented me on the progress and improvement I’ve shown in the classes. I am still having problems with the Network Communications bit. I know my training partner, Jenny, is doing as well as she can. She’s getting through to me but I’m somehow not completing the connection in return when I shouldn’t have any problems in that area. Since this is one of the key training in my disciplines (take it as it is since it’s one of those things he brought me here for), Remington is somewhat concerned.

I have no excuses for it. There’s no rhyme or reason why I’m not making the connection. Remington feels that my head wires may still be a little screwed up due to that thing that happened last year. Yep – he’s thinking if I need to see a shrink or someone in a similar medical field to check my head out. My concentration may be up to snuff, but my focus is off, or something to that effect. That’s his take on my current situation where this particular bit of training is concerned anyway.

The last thing I want is someone poking around in my head. I have enough issues floating around in there as it is. I’m technically still a teen despite how I look, and I’m in a whole new environment than I’ve ever been in before. Of course, there are issues! Couldn’t we give it another couple of weeks to see if the problem can work itself out first? I’d rather not get my head poked at, I said.

No one’s poking into your head without your say so, and your mom’s. I’m sure she’ll never agree to it, he said. Even if you agree, it’ll be probably someone she would have to choose.

Of course, that made sense but I’m guessing that would be part of the initial agreement before I started training here. I don’t know everything that you discussed with him. Coming here was my decision and I did have conditions of my own. This one probably wouldn’t have been there, but Remington knows you well enough to get to that conclusion. He didn’t have much bargaining leeway if he really wanted me here.

I have to keep reminding myself; I chose this.

Adding to that, Remington has faith in my abilities to have offered this opportunity to me. He still took me in despite all the conditions that were imposed. So I need to keep that faith and prove myself to the task – if only I knew how.

I informed him of Carol helping me in the Physics training, and asked if there was anyone who could help me on the Network Communications problem. Those in training with you are the first batch. You need to work this through on your own, he said. There are six of us in that class including me. By Remington’s account, I should be the most ‘capable’, but I’m coming across as the worst. The others have their own issues to work through, so there’s really no help there.

His main concern is that he has hope for me to create a large-scale network that would incorporate many participants, not just between Jenny and me. A network that would have information moving about among all the participants. He talked about using it for learning purposes and that there is a field trip coming up in March, where he hopes the network will be employed. I got pretty excited at the prospect, be it the large-scale network or, more precisely, the field trip.

Before we ended the session, he asked, How are things with John? It seems you were out with him last night.

I took a momentary pause and thought. Then, Better… we were in a group last night with Becca, Carol and one of his friends, Peter, I think. It was mostly Carol and Becca who pushed for the outing. If it were up to me, it would never have happened, but I didn’t tell him that.

Okay, I’m glad that’s resolved. You were really having some problems there last time, he said. My face felt flushed with a little annoyance but I think it looked like I was blushing to Remington. He wrapped up the session quickly with, We’ll catch up again on the 15th, but you can call on me anytime you have issues, alright?

I asked him about the 15th. He said a twice monthly session with a counsellor (i.e. him) for the first few months would be required to chart my progress. After that, it would be on an as needed basis.

So, that’s that. Not quite a shrink session but something similar. At least it’s him instead of some other appointed stranger poking around in my head. Still… I have to wonder how news travels around here. He knew about the outing with John, but seemed a little unaware of Carol coaching me in Physics. I have a few ideas and I’d write what I am thinking about but that would be a little creepy. Maybe I’ll bring it up to him next time.

Feb 2

For as long as I’ve been writing these over the past month, I actually forgot that it is going public. I forgot that there is a group of people (? – or is it just one person?) editing me before it goes online. All my issues with John have gone into this. Just maybe that’s how Remington has been keeping tabs on what’s going on between me and John.

It would also make sense regarding how Mr. Hardy would know I was getting tutoring from Carol on the Physics bit. The suggestion of it was in a post before he mentioned it to me. It’s just that… he talked to me about it within a week of my writing about it and nothing’s been posted as yet. So I can only conclude that for everything I write, Remington is reading them – or he’s the one editing – and sharing it with whoever is relevant, like Mr. Hardy. Then again, I didn’t actually write about when I started having extra help from Carol. Maybe she told him herself?

Also, I have been getting Becca’s input on these lately. Since she’s my buddy, watching out for me in these early weeks, just maybe she’s also reporting to Remington as part of her function as my suite-mate.

Oh, it just occurred to me that John could also read it if he knows about it. Everything that I’ve written about him is supposed to go online sometime soon. Ah well… maybe it’ll make him see how I actually felt about how he treated me.

The flipside of the reasoning I thought about at the end of my last post was my paranoia playing up. Those few ideas that were just too creepy to write about. I figured Remington and the others knew about all the stuff that was happening because they were actually watching via hidden cameras. I really hope not because that’s really just creepy. Then again, given our little partially sequestered community, maybe they do have some cameras around for security’s sake and in sensible places too, instead of areas they’re not supposed to be looking in on. Something to ask Remington some time.

Just another day of training, nothing else much to write about besides what I was thinking about today.

Feb 4

I guess I’m really starting to settle in here. The training is going on at a daily pace. We don’t really get out and there’s nothing else very much to do. Everything else is provided.

So at this point, let’s recap.

There’s the Physics training where we’re crunching extremely large number systems into improbable non-conforming laws of Physics, laws which do appear to be broken every time in class. I’m getting help on that.

There’s that Transportation training which is going on nicely with no complaints to make. It’s the one class I’m currently excelling at so nothing to complain there… yet.

On the flipside, there’s the Network Communication training, which I’m apparently not doing well at all. My training partner, Jenny, is making faster progress than I am at something I’m supposed to have no problems with. And there’s no one who can help with this, so hopefully, I can turn this around soon.

In the middle ground, there’s the Sociology class. It is a requirement given our enclosed society and the other cultures we might be expected to mingle with down the road. This is more of a two way learning process with our Foreign Exchange Participants, and not all of them are in this. I don’t have a class with Ehrmer as yet. This class occurs about three times a week! There’s no homework or extra studying to do with this class. Everything is done during training and whenever we interact with each other on the outside as well.

There’s also this little minor basic Engineering stuff, just so we know how some of the equipment we use around here work. This one’s a little tougher for me due to a slow start, thanks to problems with John. I’ve always been better at the software side of things than the hardware but, this is a little more on the basic side, so I’m learning things here. It’s mostly practical. As long as I can see how it works, I can take it apart and put it back fairly easily. If