Divorce: Defined: Things a Dad Should Know When He's Thrown out of the House

By Zachary Brooks

When your wife throws you out of the house, no one gives you an instruction manual. You’re officially on your own!

Zachary Brooks was once in that exact situation—left on the sidewalk like the trash. He felt alone, scared, helpless, and unsure what to do next.

His number one priority was maintaining a close relationship with his son. So many questions swirled through his head:

When will I be allowed to see my son again?
What did I do to deserve this?
What could happen next?
How am I supposed to get through this?

When he went to the Internet and libraries to search for information, he found legal jargon and condescending rhetoric from lawyers, social workers, politicians and overly educated individuals who had never personally experienced the sheer brutality of a divorce.

He wrote this guide to help other dads better understand and manage the critical elements of their divorce while remaining a beacon of light in the lives of their children.

“As a divorced dad, while reading this book, I found myself relating to each story, each situation, and each feeling associated with the process of divorce. A book, such as this, would have benefited me immensely if it was released before or during my ‘eviction.’ This is the person that you want to learn from.”
—Seth Lerman, professor, author

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: Aug 17, 2017
• ISBN: 9781480847569

Zachary Brooks

Zachary Brooks wasn’t prepared for the overwhelming mental and financial toll that came with divorce in Massachusetts, but his love for his son gave him a sense of purpose that became the key to his survival. Learning how to listen, observe, prioritize, articulate his thoughts and manage whatever he could is what kept him afloat. He enjoys a great relationship with his son and is able to trust, love, and laugh again.

Book preview

chapter 1

—   What’s a dad to do when he’s been thrown out of the house?

D AD, IT’S VERY important that you and I have this chance to talk. You’re going to need some healthy insight to help you manage your present and future, so shut off your wide screen television, put out your cig, grab a non-alcoholic beverage and have a seat, because there’s no smoking here and there’s no time for distractions. Alright… let’s talk. The deal is that you’re now out of your house, or about to be thrown out, and are suddenly confronted with a situation that you may have seen in the movies or have heard others bitch or brag about but never thought in your wildest dreams that you’d be experiencing it for yourself. There’s just too much at stake. In just a few short moments your whole life has turned upside down and has dramatically affected the state of your family, friendships, work, your financial situation and most importantly your relationship with your kid(s). Let’s face it Dad, you didn’t get to this position overnight. There was definitely something that you were a part of over a period of time that got you where you are today and now you’ve got to do something about it. If you’re the hopeless type of guy who has no self-respect or interest whatsoever in fulfilling your obligation as a dad then you should not be reading this book any further. Close it, put it back on the shelf, find yourself a little pity party in some corner out of the way and drown your sorrows in a bottle of Tequila or a keg of beer. Go away!

What… you’re still here?? This is promising. Okay then, there’s hope for you yet.

Before we go any further, let’s get a few things perfectly clear: First and foremost I’m not a mental health professional, a lawyer, a family counselor, a sociologist, a wanna-be advisor seeking a position on reality TV or an astronaut. Secondly, this book was intentionally written without accusations, statistics, commiserations or any he said-she said diatribe. I deliberately left out details of my entire personal history simply because you only need to know what you need to know. Instead, this book is intended to provide you with a different perspective of The Process that you may not otherwise discover without being blindsided, requiring endless hours of unnecessary therapy and handing over tens of thousands of dollars more to your lawyer.

Once again, the names of those interviewed and listed in the following chapters have been changed in order to protect their identity and avoid being subjected to any legal entanglements. If you feel that the topics listed had somehow upset your expectations in any way I suggest that you join a discussion group for the miserable because you won’t find that type of negative crap in this book. For those of you privileged people who happen to have been within earshot of my life prior to and during my encounter with The Process, please be advised that you’re going to see a part of me that certain influences never allowed you to personally witness.

The book itself had been written in a way that makes the complicated and painful easier to digest. If you stumble across anything that you can relate to, it’s okay to have a good laugh at yourself regarding what you went through thus far and how you may have done things differently, just don’t dwell on it. Be advised, the contents of some chapters may also create some discomfort thereby encouraging you to relive certain uncomfortable and painful situations. As you have seen by the table of contents, you’re being given a different perspective on managing a variety of things that you may have already encountered or will wind up facing sometime in the future. The reactions from those who have already experienced these events for you are believed to have led to more positive results. The following chapters are simply a heads-up that’s intended to help make your tomorrows a little easier. di•vorce is the ultimate primer that everyone should read in order to prevent one’s self from plunging blindly into their commonwealth’s divorce process. Keep in mind that it’s all about attitude, application, perspective, perception, persistence, focus and staying sober.

Some 19 years ago I became a statistic within The Commonwealth. It was not something that I had foreseen, intentionally sought out nor is it something that I encourage others to consider experiencing as a fashion statement. The moment that I was handed the lucky sweepstakes ticket I felt as helpless as a cartoon character stuck in a pool of quick drying cement looking upwards to see a grand piano falling from the sky in slow motion and aiming directly for me. It was all too surreal.

The morning following my eviction I immediately visited the local book stores and libraries in order to find something that would provide some form of guidance or insight as to what I was about to be confronted with and how to manage it. My browsing through the Internet provided the same results. What I found were numerous books written by lawyers, statisticians and mental health professionals who boasted their caseload histories. Some were heavily enriched with lectures, legal jargon, big words, small print, numerous references, long sentences, condescending attitudes, unrealistic promises and psychological double-talk intentionally designed to leave the needy reader totally frustrated, mesmerized and out of twenty-five bucks or more with each purchase. I felt paralyzed, helpless, alone lost and desperate. I was just a regular guy who suddenly saw his forever marriage cut short. I was forced into learning how to survive by myself through a quagmire of legalese, extortion and heavy expenses shadowed by a potential bankruptcy all while trying my best to move forward to live a life and provide for my son. In desperate need of some down-to-earth guidance that I could easily relate to, I found myself financially and emotionally exhausted. I ultimately surrendered to the fact that there was no real help in print or audio to be found.

Over time, I ultimately became wise enough to have applied many of the principles that you’re about to read. While falling forward, I gradually became more successful in strengthening a healthy relationship with my son. I’m proud to say that he graduated from high school with consistent high grades, was active in sports, gained popularity, later graduated with honors from a popular New England college with impressive grades and is continuing his education. He’s always a pleasure to be with. It was some six years into my Divorce Process and during a visitation with my son who was still in his younger years when he casually said that he was proud of me. Such a declaration was truly priceless, for it was my Holy Grail. Up to that point in our lives he never volunteered any feelings regarding our relationship or our living apart. It was an obvious sign that he was beginning to mature and becoming more comfortable in balancing both of his worlds. Perhaps he had heard the other shoe finally fall. Regardless of the reason, it was his special way of telling me that all of my sacrifices and efforts had not been in vain after all that we’ve been through together. The goal of this book is to introduce you to a healthy thought process that I believe will help you to manage your today and tomorrow in order to initiate that special moment where your kid(s) unexpectedly extend an appreciation for your efforts to making your lives easier and more enjoyable.

chapter 2

—   Dear diary…

W HILE MANAGING YOUR situation, one of the most effective weapons that you could have in your arsenal is a very good memory. Given the nature of what you may have undergone thus far, it’s very likely that the blood passing through your head is rushing intensely and your ability to remember every little detail has been diminished (unless of course you happen to be the upcoming ex-wife hereon referred to as the opponent). In order to overcome this memory loss I strongly recommend that you learn how to write again by establishing a daily journal to record all of your thoughts and the details of EVERYTHING that happens. The primary reason, of course, is simply that you’re not going to remember anything unless you have it in writing. Each day’s events will be different from the next, so it’s up to you to make note of these slight differences in addition to the significant events that takes place. I’m not suggesting that you spend your entire day writing a novel. Instead, simply highlight the major points of the day in a way that is legible and easy for you to recall. Some days you might only add a couple of sentences and some days you’re going to need to write a lot more. Use a special mark to separate the details of each activity especially when multiple concerns fill your day.

Upon my eviction, I immediately realized that I wasn’t going to be able to remember what I had for breakfast let alone anything that happens on a daily basis. In order to survive, I had to work on establishing a sense of balance. There was too much to manage so I immediately began a daily journal. In the beginning, I was writing too much and it took a lot of time away from doing the things that I wanted to do, so I taught myself the practice of time management and how to identify details that were the most significant to remember. After developing some blisters from writing, I opted to teach myself how to use the modern technology of a desktop computer and preserve my thoughts for an eternity without any smudges or fading. I was further influenced to use the computer after having a month of written journal entries and other non-replaceable personal possessions stolen from my rental car while traveling through Hollywood, California. As time went by and the divorce was finalized, the length of my journal entries shortened and were done only as needed. To this day, I continue to record the more pertinent information that I need to remember. Whatever form of technology you choose to use, ALWAYS make sure that you create a back-up file to copy of ALL of your files. ‘Ya never know when it may come in handy.

Maintaining a journal is also an excellent form of therapy, for it’s an opportunity for you to express your feelings. Yes, regardless of how California it may sound, you heard me right. This is an ideal time for you to express your feelings on the events of the day. Why bother you ask? Although I’m not a mental health professional by any means, it doesn’t take a genius to point out that you’re going to need to tell this stuff to somebody who’ll listen and this method certainly helps to lighten the load. This is a perfect opportunity for someone to hear you and your side of the story, so talk to your journal. Not everyone wants to listen to the crap that you’re experiencing because it’s boring and far less exciting than watching a game show. As you develop your writing skills, the chances are pretty good that your ability to speak articulately (and with less emotion) will also develop. Preserve it properly, for you may want your kid(s) to read it in later years. In the meantime, keep it away from their grasp. DON’T BROADCAST THAT YOU MAINTAIN A DAILY JOURNAL BECAUSE EVERYONE DOESN’T HAVE A NEED TO KNOW. PRESENTING ITS CONTENTS WITH THE HOPE OR INTENTION OF USING IT AS A TOOL OR WEAPON AGAINST YOUR OPPONENT WILL ULTIMATELY BE USED AGAINST YOU. Store it in a place where NOBODY else will have easy access to it. As you write your daily entries you will begin to better understand yourself and the position that you’re in. As you begin to put things into a proper perspective you will also have better insight into where you want to go, where you’re actually going and how you’re most likely being perceived. If you’re wondering, What does it matter to me what others think? Let me say that it matters more than you can imagine. There are five specific players in your life who are watching you more closely than you think. They are your opponent, her lawyer, your lawyer, your kid(s) and your family. Beyond that you should consider your co-workers and any friends that you still might have left. Keep in mind, these Fantastic Five have you under a microscope. Your opponent and her lawyer can be found perched on a nearby limb like salivating vultures, waiting patiently for you to screw up. Your lawyer is watching you closely because your behavior and state of mind will have a definite impact on your end result and your bill for services rendered. Whether you have one kid or a baker’s dozen, their perception of you is critical. There will be more of this topic in upcoming chapters.

Within the next two hours head on out to the nearest office supply store and buy yourself an extra memory stick for your computer or a box of pens and a few spiral notebooks to begin recording your day. Some of the things that you should keep in mind to record are: the date, the time, the location of any events, a summary of what took place, include the names of those that were involved, what may have instigated the situation, any particular things that were said and the reason why, your feelings, questions and concerns that you may have, your thoughts on the matter, whatever activity took place and any actions that you volunteered or were thinking about doing. Be as objective as you can when stating the facts but make sure that your opinions are noted as such. Not sure what to write? Before I share an example with you keep in mind that regardless of your thoughts, the situations that you’re going to be highlighting and how long you’ve been going through your Process your emotions are going to be high and the blood’s going to be rushing through your brain so take your time to get your story right the first time. Your record of the day or moment could look like the following;

Thurs. 2/1 2 - 3pm… Just heard that it’s going to be ANOTHER weekend without my son. This time it’s another bday party. Sure! It’s another excuse for her to socialize and look good in front of her social mites at MY expense. Why is it ok for her to be allowed to do that while I sit here in pain!! I’m not f(*&^n happy!! Why is it ok for her to deliberately break the agreement when if I did it I’d be standing in front of a judge to explain myself and face his wrath on behalf of her. 430…FINALLY heard from the lawyer; he talked me off the shelf from doing or saying anything that could hurt me more. Said he’ll talk to her lawyer to get my son next weekend and get her to stop this crap. I’ll believe it when I see it. 630 pm spoke with my son over phone to give a heads up that we’re not getting together AGAIN until possibly next weekend. Said he’s going to mom’s friend’s house on saturday to baby sit for a while. Couldn’t show my anger to him. NOT his fault. Told him that I loved him and that we’ll get together soon. Said he loves me. Thinking about you…me too" he said. Made plans for what??? Just to be deliberately ruined?? Am ANGRY, feel very alone. This is bs! Wish I knew a way to make her feel what I’m feeling right now. God how I hope that the next 15 years going aren’t going to be like this every week. This isn’t fair!!! Tomorrow got to make changes to arrange time with son.

I’ll say this again; make sure that the information you record in your journal regarding each event is factual! I highly recommend that you also use this tool as an opportunity to vent out your deepest thoughts and frustrations. Don’t choose to maintain such an important record for me or a best friend. Instead, do it for yourself and your kid(s). It might come in handy sometime later.

chapter 3

—   Catch a thief by thinking like a thief

W HILE YOU’RE LIVING in your home and you have sensed that your marriage is on the rocks there’s a good chance that there have been things going on behind your back that you don’t know about but may learn about later on down the road. If your spouse is involved in some form of tactical behavior intended to finalize your marriage she’s not going to announce her interests or activities until the very last moment so it’s pretty much up to you to figure things out on your own. Before you do anything, you’ve got to truly understand that you’re about to undergo a significant challenge to your physical, mental and financial well-being and that this is not a game where you can call out for a do-over if things go wrong. Keep in mind that your opponent believes that she is smarter than you because chances are she is. Think about that for a moment, the stage has already been set and before you had a chance to reach for the clicker she has already put specific actions in motion (i.e. obtained a lawyer, removed some if not all of your money from your joint checking and savings accounts and has guided the participation of her friends and family to fit her needs) without your knowledge in order to control you, manage your eviction and your weekly paycheck. I once heard such women to be described as being as stupid as a fox. In order for you to anticipate the results of of her actions you’ve got to put everything into a proper perspective. All of this is going to be a very hard pill to swallow. As you develop an understanding of the players and the script that is about to unfold you must MANAGE your emotions and FOCUS on your priorities which are…yes, you guessed it, developing your survivability and the relationship with your kid(s). In order to be relatively successful, you’ve got to do what’s necessary to protect yourself and that which is most valuable to you, but it’s not going to be easy. Who ever said life is easy?

As you wonder through The Process you’ll learn more on the importance of keeping a record of ALL your findings, concerns and thoughts for a better recall. You must be observant! A particular tactic commonly applied by the wife is having the dad baby sit the kid(s) so she can go out to play with her friends while you’re under strict directions not to call her unless it’s an extreme emergency. Before the advent of cheap disposable cell phones, people rented pagers in order to receive personal messages and keep their activities clandestine. Don’t be surprised if you somehow were to discover that your spouse possesses a second or disposable cell phone. Why would she need a second phone when the one you’re paying for works quite well? I don’t know, maybe for some reason she doesn’t want you to see any record of contacting her friend. Bob W, a 38 year-old electrician with a six year old son, described a situation where he had to contact his wife because their kid had a fever of 102 and felt that it was important enough for her to know. After making numerous calls to her cell phone without immediate success she ultimately responded to Bob approximately an hour later feeling angry as hell for having been interrupted. Once Bob outlined the situation, she then advised him to deal with it. She continued to stay out late that evening. Bob ultimately managed the situation by staying close to his son, providing constant care, fluids, temperature checks and medication. It took a situation like this for Bob to realize where everyone’s priorities really were and that his world was about to change.

While living together through what may be your last few weeks or months, your weekends and holidays spent visiting the in-laws may really be nothing more than a dog-and-pony show filled with painted smiles and Oscar-winning performances so everyone gets in their last look of you. Hey Dad… they already know that you’re about to be put out on the sidewalk with the trash in the very near future, yet they’re going to stand behind their daughter regardless of how right or wrong she may be. Once you’ve been categorized as being persona non grata you’re going to experience a coolness in the air when you’re around your in-laws and your opponent’s friends. Keep an eye open for subtle changes like nobody giving you a hug or shaking your hand when you see one another, moods quickly change when you enter the room, topics of conversation suddenly change when you appear because you’re no longer invited in any of their conversations, you’re not invited to be with your wife and kid(s) to visit these people at their houses and whenever you answer the phone the caller prefers not to talk with you. Some in-laws and friends are more creative than others. Again, these are just a few of the many nuances you’re going to be subjected to just prior to your being thrown out of your house. It’s their way of calling out Dead man walking. There’s a very good chance that the colder they are to you will indicate that you’re getting very close to hitting the pavement

It’s up to you to take advantage of the remaining time that you’re still living together by making your preparations and being more observant. If in fact she had arranged activities long ago in order to initiate The Process you may not notice it for a while because it has been well hidden. Shhh… come closer. I’m now going to share some precious wisdom with you so listen closely but don’t tell anyone! Ready, here it comes… the most efficient manner of her hiding anything is by keeping everything right in front of you and in the open because nobody will ever see it. This method is commonly referred to as the art of camouflage which is the intentional concealment of something by obscuring its appearance. But wait… this is only one half of the formula. The second half of the formula is that in order for camouflage to be most effective one must apply it through the art of redirection or deflection. Confused? If so, then let me clarify. While your opponent is hiding her activities right in front of you she’s going to lead your attention as far away from it as possible through diversionary tactics. As any adult would know, politicians and magicians apply this slight-of-hand regularly. She’s going to deliberately create a situation to keep your mind occupied elsewhere. It could be as simple as a home improvement project, a car problem or even an intentional attack upon something personal that YOU do or did. Mind you, it doesn’t have to be legitimate because you’re going to be evicted soon. There will be more on this later. But for now, do you remember reading earlier that there’s a likelihood that she’s smarter than you? Well Dad, believe it or not, women tend to have a tendency of controlling the environment because they’re allowed to do so. Putting it into more simplistic words let me say that dads have a strong tendency of believing everything that they’re told.

For example, Tom, a 41 year old engineer with a four-year-old girl and a five year old boy, recalled a particular incident while still living at home where his wife and kids left one day to attend a monster truck rally with an old friend of hers. Tom didn’t think much about it because he didn’t sense any real problems in his marriage, therefore he had no reason to ask any details about the friend. Tom had already promised to finish some home improvement projects regardless of the fact that he wasn’t invited to join in on the fun (odd that he wasn’t invited too, don’t you think?). Besides, he thought that it would be a great opportunity for his kids to socialize with other kids their young age while he finished the home improvement projects without any interruptions. Later that week, while reviewing their joint credit card statements, Tom happened to discover a few large restaurant charges that weren’t consistent with the specific weekends that his wife and kids were together with the old friend. Being no exception to the rule, Tom, like other dads before him, was oblivious to his surroundings and had no reason to question his wife’s activities, expenses or intentions.

Another popular Tell to look for while your days are counting down are her attempts to camouflage her phone calls. Try being a little more observant and open your ears without being too conspicuous and you will begin to discover. Don’t be paranoid about what you see and hear. If she’s in the process of anything to do you in she’s going to be on the phone with her boyfriend and/or local female friends who are in on the sting. Her initial conversations will appear to be carefree but will be carefully coded because she wants you to think that everything is normal and non-threatening. Her phone responses in your presence may be short and specific in comparison to conversations a year or so ago where she was far more gregarious. She’ll laugh and giggle more than normal in order to make you feel relaxed but in time it will get under your skin; however, if you get too close while she’s on the phone you can be assured she’ll subtly move away from you. A more defensive posture begins to rear its ugly head as her plans approach fruition near zero hour and the phone conversations take place behind closed doors in other locations throughout the house because conference calls are not meant for you to hear. Such behavior is a pretty good indicator that your time is almost up especially if it’s nobody’s birthday or anniversary.

On the topic of telephone calls made from the house phone let me make one thing perfectly clear, DON’T DO ANYTHING ILLEGAL! Just because you may have watched lots of television police shows doesn’t make you fully trained to do something stupid such as tapping your phone line. This book has NEVER been designed in any way to encourage you to do anything so stupid or illegal. From my discussions with other dads, many have come excessively close to doing something illegal in order to get the upper hand and then opted to back off simply because it became too complicated and wasn’t worth it. If you’re now entertaining such a thought, you need to stop immediately because if in fact you are caught, and it’s very likely that you will, you could be subjected to criminal charges whereupon you’ll lose everything that you’re striving for especially the respect of your kid(s). With the advent of more modern advances in technology such as text-messaging, e-mail messaging and immediate messaging (IM) it’s possible for you to access this information however such files may be blocked by passwords that are not going to be shared with you. Nonetheless, when her back is turned it may be possible for you to look into these files to see what you can see, just be careful so that you don’t get caught doing so.

Regardless if the person is a male or female, the meticulous one with a deviant interest believes that his/her actions will never be discovered, but deep inside they yearn to be caught. With that in mind they tend to deliberately leave behind very small crumbs, little traces of their activities for you to find if you’re really paying attention to your surroundings. Beware of her need to visit a girlfriend for a few days in another state and giving you gifts upon her return. Such an act of generosity could be nothing more than an appeasement to falsely lead you into believing that all is okay, while her underlying intention is to distract your attention from the reality of her illicit behavior and activities. Your surroundings and current situation will tell all, and it’s up to you to step back and assess them without any emotion because in all likelihood you haven’t yet realized that everything that she’s done to destroy you has been committed right in front of your eyes. The tell-tale signs of a rocky marriage are numerous to list and each personal situation has its own fingerprints. It’s up to you to be observant and clearly objective. Regardless of your current situation, DON’T TAKE ANYTHING FOR GRANTED! You don’t have a crystal ball, nor can you read minds like you used to. What you can do is become much more attentive to your surroundings because you’re probably running out of time residing in your home and the time on the clock is quickly running down. Don’t think that you’re going to have the upper hand because you will not, but you can come close.

The key to it all is to establish a lock-step where you can almost foresee her next move and you have already made the necessary adjustments having understood her prior actions. The only chance you have to stand in her shoes and hold such perception is if you had already developed a crystal clear thought process that required the control of your emotions, stronger observation skills, well-developed listening skills, understanding the character of the players involved, no hiding your head in the sand by using alcohol or drugs, a proper perspective and having kept your mouth shut. You don’t want to publicly disclose your knowledge because it will haunt you and possibly shorten your time to eviction. Remember at all times to keep your priorities in order.

chapter 4

—   Savings accounts, checkbooks, bobbles & bangles

A FTER NUMEROUS DISCUSSIONS with divorced dads I‘ve learned that money and infidelity are the two primary influences that tend to lead to divorce. This chapter talks about the financial aspect to a small degree. Keep in mind that not everyone wears a 9½-sized shoe. In other words, the information that’s about to be shared may not apply to everyone in every way so get what you can from it.

You’re currently in a position where you’re about to separate or you have already been evicted. With that in mind, no matter what you do from this point on you will ultimately be on your own and out of the house. Let’s go over two scenarios; one referring to where you’re still living in your home and the second scenario that you’re already out on your own and see what happens.

Scenario 1;

You’re currently living in your home along with your wife and kid(s). You may be thinking that everything in your relationship is fine but in reality it’s not. For some time now you may have been experiencing intermittent breaks in communication with your wife, maybe some freezer burn in and out of bedroom and perhaps you’ve just started sleeping in the spare bedroom but, unbeknownst to you, your wife has already prepared with a lawyer to do you in. Yeah, I know… even though you’re experiencing some problems everything seems to be relatively normal because you’re still in the house, you still love her and you somehow feel that it can all be worked out but deep inside you may be having some doubts and saying to yourself This can’t possibly be happening to me. Think again, if in fact you’re sleeping in a bed by yourself and are being treated like a visitor in your own home then get ready to receive a personal invitation to participate in the main event.

Scenario 2:

You’ve recently been evicted from your own home and as you think about it, your wife is busy changing the locks to all of the doors to what is now no longer your residence and had already pocketed all of the cash that she could find. All of your worldly possessions are now in the hands of your opponent and she owns them until you undergo that special part of The Process that unfairly divides your total property to each party. If there was anything special that you had been hiding from her for whatever reason (intentionally or not), she’s going to find it because now that you’re out of the house she and her boyfriend (the new mark) will have a field day going through everything that you had once called mine. Does any of this sound familiar so far? If you had bought this book a lot sooner then you may have been one of the luckier ones to laugh at this moment because you would have already taken the necessary precautions to avoid losing your personal things forever. Let’s take a moment and consider some of the possibilities.

Carl W, a 43 year old salesman truly in love with his wife and 5 year old twins, carried a camera of some kind from the time he and his wife first held hands together on the beach to the time his kids were conceived and through their growing years. Throughout their years together his wife constantly screamed at him for preserving precious moments with each click and press of a button claiming that his actions were annoying and a waste of his time. Carl, who didn’t make any preparations as his marriage began to crumble, watched from the sidelines as his photos and videos were the first things that were confiscated by his newly established opponent. They were destined to never be in his possession again. These gems and all of his other worldly possessions and valuables suddenly became her prize possessions.

Put your ear a little closer to this page because I’m only going to tell you this once. WAKE UP!! You should never believe that you will be 100% immune from ever becoming a victim of the divorce process! I’m not saying that you should act paranoid, but what I am saying is that you’ve got to be aware of your surroundings because things happen. No matter how many jobs you work and no matter how much money you make you just may be considered to be expendable in the mind of your wife. If you see that you’re being treated like a visitor in your own home and that you can sense that your marriage is starting to dissolve then it’s time for you to begin preparing your egress because it’s very likely that SHE ALREADY HAS.

Once you’ve determined that your marriage is on the rocks, the time has arrived for you to systematically remove your prize possessions from the house such as your boxes of special photographs, family videos (not your porn), personal computer files, baseball card collection and your personal jewelry that you wear only on special occasions. Continue to keep your golf clubs, tennis rackets, hockey gear and ski stuff in the trunk of your car, as you normally would do each season because that’s a normal thing to see. Focus on removing the valuable things that are not publicly displayed in the house because nobody will notice that they’re missing right away. As the atmosphere begins to thicken, you’ll know that her mind has already been focusing on more important matters such as scheduling events in an effort to finalize her plans. If you don’t remove your things ahead of time while she’s distracted there’s a damn good chance that you will never see them again. LEAVE THE PUBLICLY VIEWED HOUSEHOLD ITEMS, COLLECTABLES AND FURNITURE FOR LATER UNLESS YOU FEEL THAT IT HAS AN EXTREMELY HIGH PERSONAL VALUE AS YOU’RE ABOUT TO HEAD OUT THE DOOR FOREVER.

We now come to the straw that will break the camel’s back, your money. If you haven’t been evicted yet please make sure that you‘ve done what you could to collect your precious bobbles, bangles and trinkets because what I am about to say will have you catapulted out of the house immediately thereby leaving it all behind for your opponent to take. Not many dads actually control the paycheck OR participate in that process that pays the bills. Why? The answer is obvious, see if this sounds familiar to you; I work very hard to pay the bills, I work 2-3 jobs and am hardly home, It’s late when I get home and am too tired to sit over the checkbook and bills or I don’t have the time for administrative work let alone any time to relax and be with my kid(s). The classic excuse is My wife is very good at balancing the check book, she manages our budget and savings, sometimes works as a part-time bookkeeper for my best friend’s business and has both the time and the ability to keep things in check during her day.

In days of yore before the automatic deposit was invented it was usually the husband who physically brought home the paycheck (oh, such chauvinism). It was believed that more car accidents occurred on payday Friday because everyone was in a big hurry to get to the bank before it closed. Now that modern