Words for My Children: Lessons and Observations on Life

By Kermit M. Burley

Trial and error is always a difficult way to learn. In his fifty lessons about life, Kermit writes to his two children about what he has learned during his time on this planet. These insightful, practical and useful messages can be used by anyone who seeks to avoid lifes pitfalls; while at the same time learning how you can become a better parent, friend and teacher for your own children.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Sep 13, 2012
• ISBN: 9781477241608

Kermit M. Burley

Kermit M. Burley is uniquely qualified to write this book. He has over four decades of experience as a parent, educator, and husband. In addition, Kermit holds a Master’s degree in Instructional Design and has taught hundreds of seminars for thousands of people. He is recognized as an outstanding facilitator and instructional designer and has been an active and dedicated learner himself; striving to understand and apply life’s lessons in this ever changing world. Kermit was born in Buffalo, New York and currently resides in Bethlehem, PA, along with his wife Kathy. Although their children are grown and on their own, they maintain strong ties and support along life's ever-winding road. Both Kathy and Kermit are active in their church and community and share a love of animals. Their house is shared with three felines, all of whom are "rescue cats." A second book is almost complete and will include further lessons and thoughts on life. There is so much yet to learn and so many adventures lurking just around the corner, waiting to be discovered.

Book preview

Know that a sense of humor keeps you healthy

Being able to laugh when things go wrong is a skill that will serve you well throughout your life. Finding the funny beneath the absurd is both a blessing and a skill and will always come in handy when you are stressed and pressured. When things look bad and nothing seems to be going right, the ability to laugh is indeed the best medicine. It does not matter what makes you laugh, it can be The Three Stooges, an old Seinfeld episode, or your favorite comedian. The source is important only to you. It is really the laughter that matters the most. As all mothers and many pundits often say, Laughter is the best medicine.

Many studies have shown that laughter can lengthen life. I am not certain if laughter can indeed make you live longer, but some of the liveliest elderly folks I have known also have the best sense of humor. They also seem to have something else in common; they can laugh at themselves and the situations they find themselves in. Clowns are brought in to cancer wards, Robin Williams plays a doctor who makes patients laugh and the late night talk show hosts perform their routines to insomniacs across the country. We all need a good laugh when difficulties arise.

Your grandfather, my dad, used to say that he liked to laugh because it made people wonder what he was up to. He also had a great sense of humor, although I suspect my mother would disagree. I still recall some of his famous witticisms He was a lot like Yogi Berra, (in fact he even looked a little like him) He would often say, to no one in particular, The whole world is crazy except you and me and I am beginning to wonder about you. Or, to a particularly rude driver, You are entitled to half the road, the middle half and you must insist on your rights! He had many of these sayings, and while he worked hard six days a week for most of his life, as a donut baker, he was active and lived to be 78 years of age. Dad was doing something right, even though he smoked and drank right up to the end. Your grandfather was quite a character and also had the best sense of humor I have ever known.

It is extremely important to find humor when humor seems to be absent. When times are the darkest you should search for some humor in the situation. I have found that just when it appears that everything is working against you, when the deadline is tight and the pressure is mounting, you can discover something funny in the situation. It could be as simple as imagining how good it will be when the task is complete. My dad used to recall that, When times were tough that it was like hitting yourself over the head with a hammer, because it felt so good when you stopped. I do not recommend that you take his advice literally.

I always enjoyed the television show, Cheers and its marvelous spin-off, Frasier. In both of these series, the characters were faced with impossible and taxing situations and in almost every episode they faced this adversity with humor and just a touch of optimism. Many family reunions or gatherings are stressful and difficult for families and they are often avoided or attended with an impending sense of dread. In the Thanksgiving episode of Cheers, the cast gathers for their very own unorthodox Thanksgiving meal, and it quickly degenerates into a full-blown food fight. Now that is something we all wish for on that special day, planting a pie in the face of Uncle John!

You will also find that even when it seems all is lost, a good sense of humor can help to lighten the load. Look for something humorous in these impossible situations and then laugh about it. Reason that at least it can’t get any worse, or remember a time when things were, in fact, much worse. There is always something funny in almost any situation, you just might have to dig really deep to find it.

When things look bleak, when all seems lost, when all your friends seem to have deserted you, unearth the humor in that situation. You will live longer, enjoy your life a little better, and at the very least, as my father did, make everyone else wonder what you are up to. Then one day, someone will come up to you and ask you how you handle the pressure so well. You can lean back in your chair, take a deep breath and say Years and years of therapy, my friend. Smile, return to your work, and as all great comedians understand, Leave them laughing.

Forgive everyone… no one said it would be easy

Jesus knew what he was talking about when he instructed us to pray and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespassed against us. Forgiving also allows us to move on with our lives, which is not only healthy, but absolutely necessary for your mental health.

If we allow a grudge or a feud to continue, we run the risk of developing not only health issues, but an unhealthy personality, as well. We can grow sick physically and also become a dysfunctional person at the same time.

By not forgiving an individual for a perceived slight, we also allow that person to actually control us. They control our reactions, our thoughts and even how we react to others. All that we can think of is how to get even, which can only lead to all kinds and types of negative consequences.

Now, of course, there are times, when someone does something really bad or mean to us and it seems impossible to ever forgive that person. It is easier to react, send an email or text message to get even and then we feel better. How many times have you wished that you had not sent that message? At the very least, if you cannot forgive that person, wait for 24 hours before replying, and see if you still feel that way. Most of the time you will be very glad that you waited. I recommend saving the email as a draft, without sending it. It can be very amusing to read it a day later and you will be relieved all those electrons were not agitated for your pleasure.

There is an ancient Chinese proverb that states you should wait by the river and the bodies of your enemies will eventually float by. While I do not think it is meant to be taken literally, I do believe that it recommends you to wait a while and eventually, the truth will be discovered. It has also been said that revenge is a dish best served cold. I prefer to think of it as letting God and nature take care of events. Very rarely do truly evil deeds go unpunished. The culprit is ultimately exposed.

Over the years, I have found that people who behave badly almost without exception, are either brought down, or they reform and sometimes, even change their ways. It seems to be almost a law of nature that those bad habits cannot go long without being discovered or, as they say, without paying the piper. Bad deeds will ultimately lead to a bad fate. While it may take some time, you can rest assured that there will be a day of reckoning. If you are lucky you will either be there for the event or hear about it years later.

If you forgive, you will sometimes even discover that there will come a day when someone who has wronged you will seek you out and apologize to you. I guarantee that this will not be a frequent occurrence, but even if one person tells you that they are sorry for what they did and they cannot imagine why they ever did this to you, then your forgiveness will be rewarded. To hear the words, How can you ever forgive me? are music to your ears. The best response to this question, is I already did, a long time ago I guarantee that tears will be shed at that moment.

Forgive everyone, forgive them now, then let it go and move on with your life.

Find something you love to do, then do it better than anyone else

Discover what you like to do what you are really good at and then practice until you can do it better than anyone else. While there will certainly be ups and downs at the job you have chosen, if it is truly an occupation you love, something you would do for free if you had to, then you know you are on the right track.

Establish a goal to somehow make your hobby your every day job. Work hard and long at what you love to do, what you, in fact, must do. Do not have someone else choose what they think you should do, YOU must be the one to make the selection of a vocation. Understand that you are unique and special and only you know your ideal path to success.

Try a lot of things, or simply stick with what you like to do. You will find that you will stay with that choice a lot longer if it is truly something you enjoy. Odds are you will select something you are proficient at performing or have the necessary skills and abilities to succeed. The important thing is to simply choose something and then stick with that choice and work at it until you are very, very good and people start to acknowledge how really special you have become.

The unhappiest people I know are people who drift from job to job, never remaining with one position long enough to determine if they like it or are good at it. They mistakenly believe that their new situation is better, when their old position suits them just fine. Often, it takes time to fully appreciate a job and usually, that appreciation takes time to develop.

That is not to say that it will be easy