Everything Is Fine, But I'm Not Worried

By Susan G Lauermann

The list of what I don't know is infinite. What I do know now is that there are at least 50 ways to sabotage your future success when entering a new phase of your life, if you are not paying attention. For instance …

If you like to dance, make sure there is a dance floor.
Two minus one does not equal two.
Failure is how utility companies explain power outages.
Set your alarm instead of waiting for the wake-up call.
Procrastination is not FDA-approved.
Lose the Spanx, not the latex.
Before drawing a sword make sure there is a dragon to slay.

Consider this book as an adult set of water wings for the person struggling to stay afloat outside their comfort zone. For those of you who are already proficient in water ballet, pass this book along to a friend who is too busy dog-paddling to realize a life ring would come in handy about now.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jun 17, 2019
• ISBN: 9781543970432

Book preview

REIMAGINED

WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

Emerging from the womb as an idealist, I steadfastly believed that if I played life by the book, only good things would accrue and lead me to the Land of Bliss. Yeah, I know. I was 23.

Despite coming from a blended family, divorce was never part of my master plan. Winning an Oscar seemed more probable! To some, that might seem odd, but I have been blessed and cursed with a steadfast optimism that has always supported a thought process that said I could accomplish anything I set out to do. Plus, I always worked from a belief system that said that if there is a will, there is a way.

As the candles on the cake grew in number, I became increasingly aware of ways of thinking and patterns of my behavior that felt like they belonged to someone else. Dreams that lived in my mind previously as faint black-and-white drawings had evolved into these animated, full-color images—along with the dialogue to rival any movie blockbuster. All that really happened was that I’d grown up. With that maturity came a whole new sense of purpose and vision of what I wanted for my kids and myself.

When that revelation crystalized at age 40, it is then that I realized that my master plan was only a rough draft of a twenty-three-year-old girl, with the final masterpiece yet to be written by a woman of considerably more substance.

1.

Divorce is not fatal

I learned something pretty amazing about DNA in the past several years that had escaped me back in 1980 while bumbling through a college biology class. Tucked inside the strands of genetic information that makes each of us so divinely unique lies the ultimate flotation device. Water wings for your brain and heart that I like to call buoyancy—getting back up when you don’t want to, getting into the shower instead of crawling deeper into the warmth of your fleece blanket.

Buoyancy is like the muscles in your butt that you never knew you had until the day after the first spin class or aerobic boot camp. While the next day’s pain is unimaginably debilitating, on some cognitive level, you know the discomfort will subside and the muscle will become stronger with use, just like your spirit.

Buoyancy in the literal sense connects to water. The water in this metaphor is perspective—the notion that a moment in time or poor choice doesn’t define a lifetime, and, the certainty that your situation could be worse. Combine healthy doses of buoyancy and perspective and you have a powerful weapon against any build-up of self-pity and a life spent grieving over the past.

There are changes in our lives that lead us to think our lives are over. But, lift your head and look around. What do you see? The co-worker tragically killed by a drunk driver. The parent diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. The child shot or abducted on the way to school.

And, the hundreds of thousands of lives took by the fury of natural disasters, war and disease across the globe. You are alive with options and opportunities they will never have.

2.

Foggy goggles make for poor vision

When I was 18, driver’s education wasn’t required to get a license. Today, it is mandatory for students and parents. So, like any responsible mom, I trotted off to class. I sat in a room full of other parents, most of whom were surreptitiously texting or looking on with that glazed expression one gets from mentally running down the list of groceries one needs to pick up on the way home.

I was abruptly brought out of my own daze when the instructor looked at me and asked me to help him demonstrate a point. Since being helpful is one of the things I do best, I agreed. There was a straight line taped on the floor. The instructor asked me to walk the line. Relieved that I wasn’t being asked to recall the laws of physics, I triumphantly executed my task. Next, he asked me put on a set of goggles and walk the same line again. Feeling a bit cocky, I thought, no big deal, until I realized, it was.

I had a hard time just standing. My arms were out to the side in a futile attempt to hold my balance. My eyes tried to focus on the line, but my brain and feet were spinning. I stumbled forward, every so often touching the line, but more often struggling to stay upright. By the end, my legs crossed and I ended up in a heap of shame on the floor. My pride was salvaged only by the fact that my classmates met with a similar fate.

The transition from being a couple to being single again can feel a little like being inebriated. Your brain is consciously and unconsciously sorting through a barrage of unknowns, self-doubt, eagerness, and moving parts that can make for a potent cocktail. The buzz sneaks up on you like a Long Island iced tea. I liken it to boarding a plane for Fiji, and getting off in Antarctica with only a pink umbrella and grass skirt, or to trying to see past the glare of the bright sunshine on your windshield after realizing you left your sunglasses at home.

Transition is not an instantaneous process. Making it to the next buoy on the chart takes time and focus. You can imagine my disappointment when it soon became evident that you can choose change, but change can also choose you.

My misstep? Standing still, waiting for the stadium lights to shine over the field, instead of moving toward the candles that flickered along the long corridor that led to the stands. Progress comes in increments. Be patient and adaptable. As long as you are moving forward, you’re already far ahead of the curve.

3.

Regrets are only useful for event planners

No host ever wants to be short three cases of wine or be staring at trays of uneaten crab cakes at the end of an event (hence, the strategically placed regrets only on the carefully chosen invitation). Aside from those gregarious souls responsible for social gatherings where the number of guests carries some significance, regrets hold very little value.

When I look back into the past, it is not what I did that keeps me up at night as much as I what I did not do—the master’s degree I could have earned, the friendships I did not nurture, the health issues I ignored. The list goes on, but it shouldn’t. Why? Because any degree of energy spent in the past subtracts from the precious supply you need for the much more satisfying place of being in the present. Besides, that version of you is gone.

Every day you have a brand new opportunity to reinvent yourself. Explore your new freedom. Lose bad habits and begin healthy routines. Expand your horizons. Climb out of that proverbial box that has kept you from enjoying everything you have been putting on hold.

Think of regret as something for the unimaginative, clueless, and hopelessly boring soul. If that is how you want to be perceived, go for it. But, I’m guessing vibrant, dynamic, and fulfilled are much more accurate descriptions of what you have in mind for your stage debut.

4.

Failure is how electric companies explain power outages

There is a reason why Noah Webster, and the legions of scholars that followed in his wake, never