HIGH SELF-ESTEEM

By Scarlett Campbell

High Self-Esteem is for you the reader to learn how to accept and love who you are. This book is set in a classroom discussion group. There are six different characters, each having different issues to resolve. There is a facilitator, Sabrina, who directs and guides each class discussion, but the emphasis is on helping each character discover who they are and why they are the way they are. Each character shares their story and what they want to change. Sabrina gives them an understanding of how they come to feel the way they do about themselves and then she gives them the tools to change what they don't like about themselves. Not only do they come to accept and love who they are, but they are more accepting of others because through this learning process they come to realize that we all have a struggle in accepting and loving who we are. Come walk with my characters and see how they learn to accept and love themselves and you too will have this knowledge and the tools to love who you are.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: May 25, 2021
• ISBN: 9781098371876

Book preview

One

The Beginning

From This Moment On, Your Future Is

in Capable Hands, YOURS!

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, I began as my group of six settled comfortably in the tiny, class-room packed with tables and chairs. "My name is Sabrina Carrington and I would like to welcome you to our first discussion group in the series I call Self-Esteem and Discovering Who You Are. Our discussions will focus on three goals: Discovering your authentic self, Learning to love who you are, and finally, How to take control of your life through correct self-talk. We will be discussing how the mind works, and how we come to believe and feel the way we do about ourselves and our lives. We will also talk about something we all carry internally, our inner voice. We will learn how to change the negative beliefs we may have about ourselves into positive forces for change. Please feel free to bring up any pertinent topics as they come to you during our discussions. In a minute I am going to ask each of you to introduce yourself and tell the group a little about who you are. Remember, this is a discussion group, so we will be sharing our thoughts and feelings, and discussing ways to help one another feel better, about our place in the world. My number one rule, however, is whatever is said or shared here, must stay here. I am sure you all understand why.

I am your facilitator. I will guide our discussions and help you to build your self-esteem through the control of your thoughts and self-talk. I will share with you what has helped me to come to love who I am. While I will be the one leading our discussions, this group is all about you. You will be given weekly exercises to help improve self-awareness which will help change negative and unproductive self-beliefs."

What if we don’t want to do the exercises? Doug asked in a challenging voice. Doug is in a wheelchair on my far right, sitting a distance from the others.

Everyone looked at Doug, and then directed their attention to me, wondering how I would answer him.

That is a very good question, Doug, I said with a smile. You do not have to do anything you don’t want to do, but as the saying goes, the more you participate in something, the more you will get out of it. That is true with both sharing thoughts and completing the exercises given. If you do not want to do either, being here is a waste of your time and money, and my time. These discussions and the exercises can be rewarding or just a waste of your time, it is really up to you, as is everything in life. I paused to let this idea sink in. Doug did not move a muscle. He sat staring at the floor.

Okay. I continued. You will see that I will be repeating certain ideas and concepts over and over, throughout each session, because the key to developing new habits must be repeated many times, in order to change our self-concept, our self-image.

I paused and then asked, Are there any other questions?

No one responded.

"Before we get started with introductions, I want to commend each of you for having the courage to attend these sessions. What I have come to realize is that there are far too many people who will not admit that they do not value themselves. Some people are either embarrassed by their negative self-image or think it is not to be discussed. They remain unchanged but are always wishing they felt better about who they are. Others think you either have good self-esteem, or not, as if you were born with it or without it. They feel there is nothing one can do to change. On the other hand, there are those who see the value in admitting they do not like themselves enough and their life is not working as well as they would like it to. These are the people who say, ‘I hate my life and I want to do something about it.’ They are the winners in life, and let me tell you, just by being in this group session, you are a winner! Then there are still others who never think about their perceptions of self at all. They go through life lamenting, ‘I can’t help, myself, this is just the way I am.’ Those unfortunate people live an unfulfilled life, often complaining, and never fully realizing their value or potential. The way you think of yourself now, is not the way you have to think of yourself. You can do something to change your view of self, but to make permanent changes, you must REALLY, want to change."

I suppose you are going to tell us what to do to find this happy place Doug responded arrogantly.

There was dead silence, again. No one said a word.

I looked Doug in the eye and answered, Well, Doug, I am going to give you the tools so you can make the necessary changes and adjustments in your thinking and what you tell yourself, and ultimately this will allow you to come to love the person you are.

Huh, he muttered with a shrug of his broad shoulders.

I could sense Doug was going to need substantial encouragement. You see, Doug, how you feel about yourself was taught to you early in your life, by the significant people in your life and you were programmed to think and feel a certain way about yourself. The experiences we have throughout life, also affects how we see ourselves. I took a deep breath, not sure if I should say more, but I did. I wanted to send a definitive message to Doug and others who might have similar concerns.

I also think sitting in that wheelchair has a lot to do with how you see yourself.

Doug looked down at his missing legs and said nothing.

"Our background and circumstances may have influenced who we think we are, but we are responsible for whom we become, and the person we become has everything to do with what we think about ourselves and what we tell ourselves from moment to moment. If there is stinkin, thinkin going on, we can teach ourselves a better way to channel our thoughts and responses to those thoughts. We can reprogram our thinking processes and what we tell ourselves to help us grow and eventually liberate ourselves from our present negative concept we have about ourselves. In other words, you will learn to reweave your, thinking and self-talk to create the person you wish to be, the person you were meant to be. Doesn’t that sound exciting?" I asked, my face beaming at the thought.

Four nodded their heads in agreement.

There is a statement that I heard, and I feel it is so true, Our scars, tell us where we have been, but they don’t have to dictate our future."

"You are all here to rid yourselves of those scars, so you are free to be you and to look forward to a wonderful future. You have taken the first step by deciding to sit in a seat in this room. It is not enough to just want to change. You must REALLY want to change. How many times have you started the New Year with a resolution to change something in your life, like losing weight, exercising more, or enjoying a higher income? Have you noticed after a relatively short period of time you forget those resolutions and go back to your old habits? Some people must hit rock bottom before they decide to change, but you do not have to fall to the bottom of your pool to make positive changes. Change is a process. Real change takes consistent effort, time, and determination. Many times, it involves discomfort and painful feelings as you move out of your comfort zone. The information and tools you will gain from our discussions, will give you greater insight into who you are, why you want to change, and how to act on the desire to change. The hardest part you will face is developing new habits relating to becoming aware of and taking control of your inner voice. If you consistently use the tools you are given during our sessions, it will not take long before you come to love who you are. So, with that said, let us get to know one another.

Two

Getting to Know One Another

Everyone Has a Story

"Ladies and gentlemen, if you do not mind, I would like to call on my friend, Darla, who is sitting here on my left. Darla and I worked for a major airline as flight attendants, years past. We ran into one another in the grocery store last week. We renewed our friendship over coffee, and I mentioned that I was conducting discussion groups on improving self-esteem. She asked if she could attend. I was more than happy to have her here. Darla, would you like to be the first to tell us about yourself and why you are interested in attending these sessions.

As she stood to face the others, I could not help noticing Darla’s well-toned body. We may be older broads, but we are not too bad. I had to smile at the thought.

Sure, I would be happy to take the lead, she said showing her beautiful smile. My name is Darla Dean. I am forty-something, divorced with no children. I work for Martin & Son, a manufacturing company that makes toys. I have been employed at the company for four years. Before that I was a flight attendant for Greenway Airlines. That is where Sabrina and I met. We flew together quite often and had great fun with our passengers, and we loved playing tricks on the pilots. Those were the good old days!

What kind of tricks did you play? asked Doug. Did you come out of the cockpit zipping up your skirt?

Darla did not skip a beat, No, that was for the benefit of the passengers.

Everyone laughed at her wit, including Doug.

Anyway, Darla continued, as Sabrina said, we ran into each other a week ago. We had not connected in almost five years. It was so nice catching up. She turned toward me and smiled.

When Sabrina told me, she was offering classes and discussion groups about self-esteem, I jumped on board. I have done many different things in my life. I have traveled and had wonderful experiences throughout my flying career, but I have never been truly, happy and I am always comparing myself to others. Far too many times, I am thinking everybody is better, smarter, or prettier than I am. That makes for a very unhappy camper. So, that is why I am here. Oh, yes, I am one of those people who never thought I could change how I feel about myself. I just kept floating along being unhappy with who I am.

Darla sat down as everyone applauded her honesty.

Thanks, Darla. That was very, nice. By the end of these sessions, you will know how to change your negative feelings about yourself, to a happier and authentic Darla. Who wants to be next?

Much to my surprise, Doug said he wanted to speak. Doug is a handsome man, probably in his early thirties. With ebony hair and deep brown eyes, he looked to be of Italian descent. Doug was missing both legs just below his knees.

My name is Doug Summers, and I am an invalid. He did not say another thing about himself.

No one spoke for a few seconds until Betty admonished, Come on, Doug, we can all see you are physically challenged, but tell us the nitty gritty of your life. Are you married?

Nope, I was, but she left me.

I am sorry to hear that, Betty said. Do you have children?

One girl named Sonya. She is turning twelve next month. Doug’s face softened when he said his daughter’s name.

Sonya! Oh, I love that name. Do you work?

Doug’s voice grew loudly impatient, That, is a stupid question. Of course, I work. Just ‘cus I am in a wheelchair doesn’t mean I cannot work. I have bills to pay you know, a daughter to support and the government certainly isn’t going to take care of me.

Betty responded as though Doug had directed his attack on her.

Well, you don’t have to be so negative about the whole thing.

Yeah, well you sit in this wheelchair for a while and see how happy you are!

Betty jumped in with, "You know, there are many people worse off than you, but they seem to adjust and live happy lives. It is a matter of attitude. I know a guy…

Okay, I interrupted, let us stay on track. Betty, since you have the floor, tell us about yourself. Betty is Afro-American, tall, thin with beautiful colored skin. She also has a great smile.

Sure, I would be happy to, but excuse me, Sabrina, I would like to ask Doug one more question.

I reluctantly nodded to go ahead. Tension was growing in the room.

Doug, what did you want to be when you grew up? Betty asked in a matter-of-fact tone.

What does it matter to you?

"I