Battered Women With Affected Children

By Carlene Cassie Wilson

Can two walk together, except they be agreed? Amos 3:3 (KJV)

ABUSE comes in all shapes and forms. It will cut you, pull you, and take all that you have emotionally and, if you're not careful, even spiritually. We often find justifications to remain in abusive relationships, mostly out of fear. The story between these pages will give you th

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Aug 19, 2020
• ISBN: 9781647731458

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Dedication

I dedicate this book to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, the Author and Finisher of my faith, He has held me up from the womb and has kept me throughout all the ups and downs in life. It is my Lord who undoubtedly told me to pen my story, and I believe with all my heart that God will cause everyone who reads this book to benefit from it. God was and is my only help. I receive nothing except by His hand, and I can do nothing except by His will. God is my all, He is my tower of strength, He is my everything.

I also dedicate this book to my children, Kimbaliece Richards and Ballecia Richards. I love you both so very much! You have suffered with me through the abuse, and my only regret is not taking you girls out of that horrific life sooner—especially Ballecia (Laddy). I’m sorry I failed to protect you both from evil. I’m so very proud of you both for keeping your heads high in spite of the oppression from all sides, for graduating from high school with many subjects (passes), and for both of you achieving your degrees with honors from the university. I thank God for blessing me with such wonderful, decent, obedient, smart, wise, respectful, ambitious, God-fearing children. My prayer is that you girls never encounter the evil I endured in my marital relationship. I pray that God blesses you both with good husbands who will love you even as Christ also loves the church and gave Himself for it (see Ephesians 5:25). I also pray that you thrive in all your endeavors. I love you both with all my heart!

To my fellow victims who have become overcomers, and to all the hurting people who have been abused or are living in abuse presently, please speak to someone about it or journal about your experiences. God does not expect us to endure such excruciating pain, fear, stress, and humiliation. Let it out, because suppressing the anger and pain only makes it grow deeper, expand wider, and explode louder. It’s an accident waiting to happen to you or your abuser, so you must get out of that life and purge yourself from it. Tell a friend, a psychiatrist, or even a stranger you may never see again—but talk about it. Cry! It’s okay to cry. That’s one of the best ways to purge yourself. You will not be healed until you get rid of all that bottled-up pain. Forgiving someone who hurt you is more therapeutic than anything else; by holding on to unforgiveness, you’re not hurting them if you don’t forgive them—you are hurting yourself. Hatred makes us bitter, unloving, judgmental, and ugly. We literally become sick and miserable! Forgive your abuser and move on to live your life as God intended you to live—completely free from your past.

If you have children in an abusive environment, get them out! We often think we’re the ones enduring the abuse, but our children are also victims and they are hurting as much as we are. It’s unfair for children to be treated with such disrespect and contempt. Children are people, too, and they get embarrassed and feel emotional pain just as we do. Take them and leave! Get out!

Acknowledgments

To my best friend, Evenia, who is always there with great love for my children and me. She has a beautiful, warm smile, and she is ready on all occasions to help. Evenia, we love and appreciate you.

To my dear friend Richie, who stayed with my daughter when she was left all alone in a house too big for a child located in a bad neighborhood, while I was in another country unable to protect her. We will forever be grateful! Thank you.

To my dear friend Andrea and her grandmother, whom I affectionately call Mama, thanks for always being there.

To my three siblings: We were born with God-given strength, and I thank God for bringing us through. I love you.

To a very special friend who shall remain nameless, thank you for being there over the years and for being a tower of strength. I appreciate you.

To my children’s grandmother, you never say no whenever I need a helping hand, thank you.

To all my former church family members who were there constantly throughout my sufferings. If it had not been for you and God by my side, I’d be in a very dark place. I’ll appreciate you as long as life lasts.

Thanks to you, and God bless you all.

Foreword

Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all (Psalm 34:19).

Domestic violence affects everyone in a family: the victim, the children, and extended family members. Some women are not alive today to tell their story.

Carlene Wilson is the mother of two beautiful adult daughters. God has been her tower of strength, the One on whom she depends. Over sixteen years ago, she was the victim of domestic violence, inflicted by the person who had promised to love and cherish her—her husband. He was a very aggressive man who was easily provoked. Carlene was not a docile individual, and she would try to defend herself on the many occasions when he was both verbally and physically abusive. She became very fearful of her husband over time and did not fight back at the end of the relationship, but she would find comfort in praying as loud as she could to God. This made him even more angry and annoyed. Everyone in the community knew that her husband had a temper, but it seemed that she was the one on whom he focused all his frustrations and destruction. Many days she was in pain, sorrow, and turmoil because of what he did to her. He pretended that he would change his behavior when she decided to leave, and he even attended church for a while, but then he always returned to his abusive ways. She lived her life in fear because he would threaten to kill her if she left him. Here was a woman whom other people didn’t mess with because she was strong enough to defend herself—but not against her husband.

God became her only hope; indeed, He became her only help. Only God knew what she was feeling, the anguish, fear, pain, and frustration. No one could talk to her husband to effect change. He had no respect for others; he did what he felt was right in his own eyes.

With God’s help Carlene was eventually able to escape the abuse—and possibly death—to write her story. This is a story of how impossible things are made possible with God’s help. I hope you will be encouraged. God bless you as you read.

—Missionary Andrea Stewart-Pinnock

Section I

Chapter 1

The Chosen

I was about three years old when I felt the love of God. Often, I would stand in the middle of our panel bed and sing my favorite song to Jesus, of how sweet His name is. It was the only Christian song I knew.

At that time, I saw no one in my family serving God or even going to church. I learned this song at preschool. I never stood on the floor while singing, I’d only sing this song while standing in the center of the bed, and now I know why: The bed was my platform. Today God has given me a different platform and a command to preach the cross of Christ. While I was singing, my hands would be lifted above my head, and I always felt something running from my head throughout my body and down to my feet. At the age of three, I had no idea or understanding what that feeling was, and the feeling only happened when I sang my little song and raised my hands up high, which I enjoyed doing. That was me praising Almighty God! However, I did not know what I was really doing. I did not know that I was a chosen vessel of God, I did not know that God had singled me out of my household to serve Him, and I did not know that He had chosen me in Him before the foundation of the world.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places with Christ: According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love.

—Ephesians 1:3–4

I enjoyed singing my song to the Lord, and I did it quite often. My brother and two sisters were usually outside playing, and most times I was alone inside, standing on the bed singing. It took me about seventeen years to learn that the feeling I felt, running from my head, throughout my body, and down to my feet, was and is the anointing of God on my life. How sweet! How precious!

Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.

—Jeremiah 1:5

The first time I read Jeremiah 1, I was praying sincerely, and I heard a voice speak the chapter in my ear. It was the Holy Ghost, the voice of God.

Chapter 2

Saved from Being Raped

In that same period, in my tender years between three and four, my two sisters and I were alone at home when a young man who lived in the neighborhood came to the back of our house and called out to me. I went out to him, and he gave me a beef patty and said I should follow him, that he was going to untie his father’s goats. He passed by the house quite often with the animals, so I innocently followed him into the bushes. He walked for a distance, then told me to take off my clothes and lie down. I did as I was told, not knowing what was happening. He lay down on top of me and grinned, and when he jumped up, I saw something coming out from his body. I had no idea at the time what it was, his intention was to rape me—but God would not allow it. I told my eldest sister what happened, and she told our guardian. The cops were called, along with the young man and his father. They asked me what happened, but I was too shy to speak, and the cops said they could do nothing if I was not able to tell them what had happened. That was where the investigation ended.

God’s Spirit and His presence were with me that day, and He saved me from the heartless, heinous act of rape. Oh, that every child molester and every rapist would have a dead libido. Any man who would plunder a little girl, a little boy, or a woman in such a way is heartless. I pray that God will give every rapist their just reward. They need to repent and accept Jesus in their hearts; except they repent they shall all likewise perish (Luke 13:3 kjv). Rape is an evil, horrendous crime, and the Church of God needs to arise and cry out to God against this evil. If the devil had gotten his way, that man would have raped me, and who knows what kind of psychological problems I’d be suffering today. Oh! How I thank God for saving me from such evil. Thank You, Lord, for loving me, protecting me, and caring for me. I would like to encourage every woman, girl, boy, and even man who has suffered the heartless act of rape or attempted rape. You are alive today because you are special, you are strong, and you are an overcomer! I know you have been traumatized, but rest assured that the just God who sees in the dark as if it is light, will vindicate you! You may ask yourself, Why did God allow it? None of us has all the answers, but if you give Him your pain, He will take it and heal your broken, hurting heart, mind, spirit, and body. Give it all