Walking With God Through Painful Circumstances

By Aliyzah Graceson

Sometimes the path of our life is disrupted, and we don't understand what happened. It may be the result of our own action, or it may be the result of someone else’s choices. Regardless of how, or why it occurred, GOD is able to step into our pain, confusion, or dark situation and move us to the NEXT in our lives – places we would have never moved to because we had no idea they existed, or because we were too comfortable, or because we were too fearful to get up and take a chance. I call them DIVINE DISRUPTIONS. When the enemy thinks he's in control, or thinks he's backed us into a corner, YET GOD steps in to deliver us to something much better than we experienced before. Divine disruptions. I've had many, but some have been much more significant than others. They are so powerful and awesome because ONLY GOD can get the glory for them. Nobody else can!

One day, I woke up to what I thought was another normal day, not realizing that by the end of it, my marriage would be shattered, and that I'd find myself in a very dark place. I was in the midst of a storm that suddenly swept me off my feet and carried me down a path I wasn’t prepared for - the path of divorce. Over the course of a little over a year, I traveled through extremely tough terrain that tested my strength and my faith. Thankfully, the enemy’s attempts to destroy me were divinely disrupted by God, and God in great mercy, picked up the pieces and used them mightily. While walking with Him, I learned many lessons about myself and others, and I met people and went places that would have never been part of my journey had it not been disrupted.

I came to realize that my life was interwoven with these divine disruptions and God interventions, enabling me to be a partaker of His amazing grace in the midst of my troubles. I refer to the aftermath of them as portraits of grace. God’s word is filled with these portraits in the lives of everyday people like you and me. They’re visible in the aftermath of real-life ups and downs, and challenges and conflicts as they walked through them with God. Real people experiencing God’s real grace and God at work in them, and in us, both to will and to do of His good pleasure.

So, join me on a journey that includes a window into a very difficult period of my life, and see how God graciously walked me through it. This book is about two imperfect people who made choices that caused the dissolving of their marriage, and God, in His great mercy and grace, picking up the pieces and using them mightily to bless others. It's a portrait of His redeeming power in the midst of destruction, His incredible wisdom to guide, His ability to give perception beyond what’s apparent, and His grace that is truly sufficient for any thorn that may be lodged within.

And while the backdrop of my story is betrayal and divorce, I believe the lessons I learned can be applied to your story as well. I found Him to be a Mighty Counselor and an excellent Coach, and I’m sure you will too.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Thomas Nelson
• Release date: Nov 12, 2019
• ISBN: 9781400327843

Aliyzah Graceson

Aliyzah Graceson was introduced to church at an early age and recommitted her life to Christ as a young adult. She has a passion to see lives transformed through teaching. Aliyzah’s experience with betrayal in her previous marriage became a calling to work with people who are going through divorce or separation individually and in groups. She desires to help them and their families experience freedom from pain and devastation so they are able to move forward in healthy and productive ways.

Book preview

Preface

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ometimes the path of our life is disrupted and we don’t understand what happened to us. It may be something that happened as a direct result of our own action, or it may be something that happened to us as the result of someone else’s choices. Regardless of how or even why it occurred, in the midst of it all GOD is able to step into our pain, confusion, or dark situation and move us to the NEXT in our lives—places we would have never moved to because we had no idea they existed, or because we were too comfortable, or sometimes because we were too fearful to get up or take a chance. I call them DIVINE DISRUPTIONS. When the enemy thinks he’s in control or thinks he’s backed us into a corner, GOD steps in to deliver us and delivers us to something much better than before. Yes. Divine disruptions. I’ve had many but some have been much more significant than others. They are so powerful and awesome because ONLY GOD can get the glory for them. Nobody else can.

One evening, I found myself in the midst of a storm that suddenly swept me off my feet and led me down a path I was not prepared for—the path of divorce. Over the course of a little over a year, I traveled through some extremely tough terrain that tested my strength and my faith. Thankfully, the enemy’s attempts to destroy me were divinely disrupted by Almighty God. While walking with the Lord, I learned many lessons about myself and others, and I met people and went places that would never have been part of my journey had it not been disrupted. It also challenged many of my own perceptions about people and choices in life.

Along the way, I came to realize that the story of my life was interwoven with these divine disruptions and God interventions, which enabled me to be a partaker of His wonderful and amazing grace in the midst of my troubles. I like to refer to the aftermath of them as portraits of grace. God’s word is filled with these portraits in the lives of everyday people like you and me. They’re visible in the aftermaths of real life—real ups, real downs, real challenges, and real conflicts as they walked through them with a real God. Yes, real people experiencing God’s real grace during the good times and bad times of life. God at work in them and in us, both to will and to do of His good pleasure.

So join me on a journey that includes a window into a very dark and difficult period of my life, and see how God graciously walked me through it. And while the backdrop of my story is betrayal and divorce, I believe the lessons I learned can be applied to your story as well. I found Him to be a Mighty Counselor and an excellent Coach, and I’m sure you will too.

CHAPTER 1

In the Beginning

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ost little girls dream of getting married one day. Well, at least I did. I dreamt that I would meet the man of my dreams and together we’d build a family and a life, and eventually grow old together leaving a legacy of love for our family. As I grew older the dream was still lodged in my heart, but I came to realize that reality impacts dreams. I grew up in a home with my father, mother, and siblings, so marriage and family are what I saw and what I knew. My parents’ marriage wasn’t perfect, but our life was good and I enjoyed growing up in my home with my family (we’re all still very close today). I knew marriage was good and had its benefits, but I also knew it required work.

My mother attended church regularly and took us with her. There was no children’s church, so everyone listened to the same message. We’d sit in the balcony and play with our friends and when it was offering time, we’d give our offering and head straight out the back door to the corner store to get candy. Going to church at an early age enabled me to be exposed to bible stories and characters and I even got baptized, but I cannot honestly say I was fully converted. I loved Jesus and would cry while watching a Jesus or religious movie, but I wasn’t committed to the word. I’d say I was a churchgoer but not a true convert.

My parents worked hard to provide for us. My dad was a laborer and my mother held various jobs. On many Saturdays my mother would help a neighbor with his catering business, leaving me and my brother with my dad, and my older sisters with my grandmother. I loved being with my dad and my brother. It was like we were the three amigos. My grandparents owned two local stores where people from the neighborhood could purchase sandwiches and other convenience items. My brother and I used to hang out with my dad while he worked in them. At the location on the west side of town, we’d play in front of the store and sometimes help with little chores like sweeping the floor. Or if we were at the other location, we’d hang out in the game room playing the pinball machine and coming out on occasion to grab a snack. I especially loved it when he gave me a pickle from the large pickle jar on the counter. We really liked when he’d take us shopping. It seemed like he never said no to any of our requests and he’d never seemed to care how much anything cost, unlike my mother. He just wanted to get us out of the store!

One Saturday I woke up expecting to strike out on one of our adventures, but it didn’t happen. My dad was gone. The next Saturday he wasn’t there either. Nor the next. He would get up and leave the house without explanation. Our Saturdays together ended abruptly. I didn’t understand why. And as a child I didn’t have the courage to ask. After all, my dad was a big man and he could be scary sometimes, especially if he was angry. And I certainly didn’t want to make him angry. I was taught that you didn’t question grown-ups. So, in the absence of an explanation, something inside of me provided a narrative. And even though he left both of us, I somehow believed that it was my fault. I must have done something to make him not want to be around us anymore.

As I grew older, I found myself seeking to fill that void my dad left through relationships with teenage boys. Boys who didn’t have the capacity to fill that deep need, nor were they equipped to. I was involved in quite a few relationships along the way. I was young and I thought I knew how to be in a relationship. I mean, how hard could it be? I like you and you like me: that’s good enough, isn’t it? It was never about love and quite honestly, I didn’t know what real love was or what it was supposed to even feel like at that age.

It’s funny that most young people are going to grow up and someday aspire to be in a serious, committed, marital relationship but very few of us will be prepared for it. In general, especially if you aren’t involved in a youth ministry or have parents who commit to teaching you what you need to know, there is no training out there for such an important role. There isn’t a relationship 101 class in middle or high school. We just do our best, hoping that our like is strong enough. Instead, ill equipped, we find ourselves breaking the hearts and lives of people or being broken in the process of trying to be liked or loved. I’d find myself easily giving my heart away and, as I got older, my body, in an effort to be loved. Some experiences were good. I had fun and I felt good in them. Some weren’t so good. I was mistreated and I didn’t feel valued. With each breakup, the feeling of rejection and abandonment grew. Yet I didn’t want to be by myself. I felt as though I had to have a male in my life. The void still cried from deep within me as I continued my search. Would I ever find somebody to really love and care for me?

I had always done well academically and all my life, as far back as I could remember, I was told that I was smart and that I was going to be successful in anything I did. As a young person it was very gratifying, but at the same time I carried it as a burden. I didn’t want to let anyone down, especially my mother. She always seemed to boast about my accomplishments to anyone who’d listen, proudly displaying any award I received. Her approval fed my soul, and I became addicted to the praise.

After graduating from high school, I attended college about an hour from home in another state. I chose to major in computer science and was a part of the honors program. I enjoyed writing code and creating programs and developed aspirations of a career, envisioning myself doing great things. In the back of my mind I still held on to the dream of getting married one day, but the dream now included a great position with a large company, and a desk in an office with a great big beautiful window to look out of. I was on my way, doing well, but not making great relational decisions. The void to be loved still spoke loudly to me. I got involved in several casual relationships while I was in college, hoping that perhaps they’d deepen into something more permanent.

When it was time to go home for semester break, I soon discovered that I didn’t come home alone. I was pregnant. I had worked so hard to lead a double life, outwardly successful while inwardly broken. How would my village of encouragers feel about me now? I grappled with how I’d tell my parents, especially my mother. This did not fit into her vision for me or my life. My friends took it upon themselves to reach out to the young man to tell him what was going on, and he in turn showed up at my home and spoke with my mother. When I arrived home that evening I went to bed, but when I woke up, my mother was sitting beside me. To this day I can still see the look of profound disappointment on her face. I felt like such a failure. I had let my biggest cheerleader down, not to mention anyone else who’d been expecting me to go off to college and do well. My mother made it very clear that she was not going to raise my child for me. She would help, but the baby would be my responsibility.

After the pain and embarrassment of talking with my mother and telling my dad, I determined that my pregnancy was not going to stop me from completing my degree. I had done very well, achieving dean’s list every semester, and I had a promising future ahead of me. I arranged to ride to school with a friend so I could at least complete a semester before the baby was born. Unfortunately, the arrangement didn’t work out, so I withdrew from college. I knew that it would be at least a year before I could even consider returning, so I settled in my mind that I’d stay home to have my child and raise her. I found a job and began to earn money to prepare for our future.

While working I met a young man. It was very difficult to tell I was pregnant because of the way I carried my child, but I told him up front that I was expecting. In spite of my pregnancy, we developed a relationship. He was a lot of fun to be around and when the baby was born, he loved her just as if she were his own. Two years later, we had my second child, a son. As young parents we struggled in our relationship. We were trying to build a family but he still enjoyed being out, and he began to get involved with other women on multiple occasions. It was very painful for me. We’d break up and then make up. He decided to try to get his life together by enlisting in the military, but eventually received a discharge.

When he came home, he presented me with a ring and asked me to marry him. It seemed as though he had matured while in the service. He got a good job at a refinery and we eventually got a place together. We loved to entertain and often had friends over, and enjoyed being together as a family. He was such a good father to the kids. Things were going well for us in so many areas. It seemed as though we were going to make it, but then the betrayal crept back in and the arguing started. I didn’t want to deal with it anymore. I moved out of the apartment and we went our separate ways. It hurt me deeply and I struggled to understand why I wasn’t enough.

I found myself alone with two children depending on me, so I had to grow up and find a way for us to make it. I spent a short period of time on government assistance, but I reflected on my childhood and upbringing, of growing up in a middle-class family and traveling and having things. Those thoughts wouldn’t allow me to be satisfied with that lifestyle. I eventually enrolled in a workforce training program at a local community college and was able to land a job with a fast growing company. I did well and excelled, receiving several promotions within two-and-a-half years, which afforded my children and I a relatively good life. I was able to move out of my parents’ home and began renting a house with some friends. Life was good, but something was missing.

Have you ever had some food and as you ate it, it was good but something was missing? You start taste sleuthing. Your tongue starts to flutter in your mouth and your brain tries to help you solve the mystery of what the missing ingredient might be. Have you ever done that? Well, that’s how I was feeling about my life. I was sitting on my bed one day and I uttered the words, There has to be more to life than this. The funny thing is that there really wasn’t anything bad going on in my life at the time these words were uttered. I had a nice job, a good salary, a car, and a nice home. I was taking care of my children, paying my bills, and enjoying nice things. My life wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t bad, yet it felt like something was missing. Like there was a void. After I spoke those words I got off my bed, and life resumed.

Everybody has that friend. The one who is over the top, loud, and is into everything. My friends and I had a friend who was like that. She was a mess. She carried a pocketknife in her purse and would be ready to fight in a minute. We couldn’t go anywhere without her getting into some confrontation. But she was our friend from the neighborhood and she was actually pretty fun to be around, save the drama.

One day, she came around where we were hanging out and she was different. She wasn’t over the top and loud like she used to be. Instead she was calm and peaceful. She told us that she was saved and had found the Lord.

Saved? What the heck was that? Whatever it was, it totally changed her. Now, rather than wanting to fight, she wanted to talk about the Lord and witness to us and everybody she came into contact with. From that point on we tried to avoid her like the plague. She was always inviting us to her church or trying to share scriptures with us, so when we saw her coming, we’d make excuses to leave.

One day she asked me to go to a special service her church was having at a local hotel. I’d