Death of a Spouse: A Memoir of Loving Through Lung Cancer

By Carolyn Wright and D Nicole Williams

Death of a Spouse

Carolyn Wright was born in the beautiful state of Georgia. She is a native of Valdosta. Her family relocated to the city of Jacksonville, Florida when she was 13 years old. She met her husband, Otis Wright, at New Stanton Senior High School in the year of 1958. They were married three years later in

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sh'Shares NETWORK
• Release date: Dec 22, 2017
• ISBN: 9781942650744

Carolyn Wright

Carolyn Wright is a retired elementary school teacher living near Wichita, Kansas. She began her study of the origin debate over twenty years ago and has since taught on the subject numerous times.

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Introduction

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When I look back, I can see that some things changed.

The children and I started going to church all the time. We enjoyed the saved life. We would go out to dinner on Friday nights before we got saved.

That changed. Now that the children and I were in church, my husband did not want to follow us. Despite that, everything seemed to be okay. I still wanted him to be saved, yet he would not listen to anything I had to say.

He always knew it all.

Things just had to be his way.

Husbands listen to your wife. Wives listen to your husband.

Always have good communication.

It is always good to ask, Did you mean to say…?

Make sure you know what he or she is saying.

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Husbands listen to your wife. Wives listen to your husband.

Always have good communication.

It is always good to ask, Did you mean to say…?

Make sure you know what he or she is saying.

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

One day, I saw something that looked like a rising in his armpit. I told him to tell the doctor about it because when I was in nursing school, I learned that was one of the signs of cancer.

He said, I am not going to tell him anything. He will find it.

Years passed.

There was an old lady that came from my hometown, Valdosta, GA. She lived with my mama and my sister. When mama died, she came to Florida to live with us.

I thought it was okay with him. I later found out he didn’t like it. He kept telling me I needed to get a job. He was well able to take care of the household. He had a very good job. He also had rental property. He did not want me to know how to handle that part of the business. I would try to talk to him about the apartments and the houses. He would talk so ugly to me about it.

One night, I wanted to buy something for the house, so I went to the house where he was working. I felt so good. I had been praying and I had a spiritual high. I walked in the house and asked for some money. He talked so ugly and threw a broom at me. I was so hurt. I left there crying.

This was the beginning of his transition. I later found out another woman was there, and he had to get me away. Before that, he had never been violent with me. He did say I need to get a job.

Later, I wrote this letter to him:

3/26/90

Otis,

I am truly sorry that (after almost 28 years of marriage) you say you are sick of me. I guess I have been living in a fantasy world thinking you love me as much as I love you.

I am sorry I have not been the wife you wanted me to be. I hope and pray your next wife will do better than I have done.

It seems we have come to the end. It doesn’t make sense for me to keep making you miserable and sick. You see, I feel that I am doing what the Lord will have me to do, that is taking care of Miss Sister. I love you, but I will not go against what the Lord will have me to do to please you.

Do you think it is easy to listen to you put me down about working when I know I can get a job and do for myself and my daughter? Well, it is not easy, but my God has all power in His hand, more power than you or me, and I will not go against Him. I don’t know long I will have to take care of her, but so long as the Lord says to, I am going to do it. I don’t want to defy you, but I’d rather defy you than God because He has the power of life and death.

I have called my job for another case and they don’t have any work right now. That is the only job I intend to have right now. If this doesn’t sit well with you, I advise you to pray and talk to God. After you do that, if you want a divorce, I will not try to stop you. And if you think I want everything you’ve got, forget it. When we got married, we didn’t have anything, and the way it is in my life, I still don’t have anything so don’t worry about what you have to give me. It really doesn’t matter. I know God will take care of me.

If we are to stay together, we have to come together as one. You can’t keep the business secret from me. God is not pleased.

When I get back, we can talk if you want to. If not, then I’ll know it is over.

Think about this too: If you should lose everything now, can you handle that? I can because I don’t have any material things, but I do have the Lord.

And if the Lord is telling me what to do, and you are fighting against me, then you are fighting against the Lord.

Think too about what happens every time you come against me. I don’t want to be hurt, so let’s get it together or we will part.

Your Choice

Kay

I don’t know if he read the letter or not.

Well, we stayed together. We had some good times in our marriage. We went on cruises. We enjoyed each other. We also went on trips with some of his co-workers. We traveled to Canada and to New Orleans. Those were some of the good times. There were times on some of those trips when he would act ugly to me. I would always forgive him.

Otis never thought he did anything wrong. There came a time when he got distant from me. I could not do anything to please him.

Husbands and wives,

learn how to love and treasure one another.

Pray for each other.

You don’t know how important your prayers for each other are.

Husbands and wives,

learn how to love and treasure one another.

Pray for each other.

You don’t know how important your prayers for each other are.

I loved him, but I loved God more. I was very involved in church. Our children were involved too. He was active in his church also. I would pray for him. I found a prayer that I wrote to God asking for his healing. At that time, I did not know Otis was sick. I would always pray for him no matter how he treated me. I wanted us to stay together. I wanted him to get saved so we could serve the Lord together.

I didn’t listen.

…not until I wanted God to do something for me.

My husband was all for my praying for him until he found out it was related to him going to church. That was when he told me he was doing something for this young lady at another church. His church. It was the same woman I was already suspicious of.

Late January 1993

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Here we are now. Late January is when it starts.

It is very cold outside. Almost as cold as it is in my home.

I went to the front door one day and opened it. I put my head out and told God, I have had enough! Do what you want! Little did I know what was about to happen in my life. I couldn’t go back and tell God I didn’t mean it like that.

I tried to take it back.

I tried with my husband. I did.

I tried to make our marriage better.

I tried praying for him… hoping it would get better. It didn’t last. He went back to be his same ole nasty self to me.

You will see later what I am talking about.

February 1993

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February 13

In February, around the 13th, my husband Otis started to cough really bad. Then, he started to have the blackouts. He would only be out for a little while. When he came back to consciousness, he would say, I was just teasing.

I took him to the doctor.

The doctor ordered x-rays, but he never called us back.

February 20

Husbands treat your wives with respect.

Wives treat your husbands with respect.

Love and care for each other.

We don’t know when death will come.

Husbands treat your wives with respect.

Wives treat your husbands with respect.

Love and care for each other.

We don’t know when death will come.

On February 20, I had a conversation with the Lord.

I was praying for Otis’ salvation. I was getting uneasy about what was going on. I called my pastor. He prayed for me and Otis.

Otis had me to call Tony to come and bring him a peach soda. Margaret came by with a soda too. His sister Bay called to check on him.

Tony came to visit. I was in the kitchen cooking Sunday dinner waiting for the family to come over. After leaving our house that day, Tony called to check on things. I told him I was calling the cardiac doctor.

The doctor told me to take Otis to the emergency room, but Otis did not want to go. Tony had to come back and talk to him. He got him in the car and took him to the hospital. As we sat in the waiting room, Dr. Lesene came out to speak with me. He stated that Otis had fluid around the heart. He cupped his hands to demonstrate.

February 21

It is now February 21.

I called Trey to call Pastor and Pop. I was pacing the floor.

Otis was admitted to room 321. Later, Dr. Dean came out to talk with Trey, Tony and me in the waiting room. Dr. Dean is one of the leading heart specialists in the city. We were allowed to visit with Otis. We prayed. He was looking better, yet we were told we could not stay with him, so we left.

February 22

On February 22, Dr. Stilt performed surgery. He sent the fluid to pathology.

Otis was not breathing properly, so they intubated¹ him.

He was so afraid.

February 23

Next day.

Results came back from pathology. No cancer was found in the fluid.

His coworkers came. They were very saddened.

Tiny, our goddaughter, came to visit too.

We put in a call to Tricey. She came home from being away at college.

February 24

Dr. Kawaaf came in on February 24.

This doctor said that cancer was in the fluid.

He turned Otis’ care over to Dr. Luke, a cancer specialist. Dr. Luke ordered a body scan and a bronchoscopy². Dr. Dean ordered an echocardiogram³.

The family was upset and crying.

There were tests done… biopsies⁴ of the lymph nodes⁵. Definite cancer cells were found.

He has squamous cell cancer⁶. The lung is the origin.

I thought back to the times that I told him to see a doctor about those risings under his armpit and he wouldn’t do it. He was bull-headed. He did not listen to anything I said. He always had to be right and do everything his way.

Church members came to visit. Ministers Jones and Fields came from our church, Philippian Community Church. Reverend Calhoun came from the church Otis went to, New Bethlehem Baptist Church.

After the biopsy was done, Otis had chemotherapy on March 8th, 9th, and 10th.

He had nausea and was vomiting.

March 1993

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March 11

He was discharged.

He had no appetite.

He was still nauseous, vomiting and coughing.

Medication was $197.00.

His temperature was elevated at times.

We gave him Tylenol.

Also in March…

Doctor visit.

Vital signs okay. He went to the lab.

Complete blood count doing good.

4/5 chemo treatment in doctor’s office.

1st day fine. Eating.

2nd day okay. Eating. Weaker.

3rd day. Tired. Feeling weaker.

Otis is still losing weight and this temperature is still high at 102°.

Dr. Sharpe was consulted for medication for Otis’ voice.