Hush: From Darkness Into Light

By Katrina Davis

Children are not asked to be born or can make special requests as to which family they would like to be born into, it is the parents' responsibility to keep them safe from harm. That is not the case in Author Katrina Davis's, "Hush: From Darkness to Light."

 

When growing up, Katrina realized her love as a child for singing playing in the playground being a princess thing that little girls do, things she enjoyed, but the monster that wiggled its way into the house took that away from her. Running away to her grandmother's house was the only way of survival for this little girl when the monster that lived in the home became one in her mind along with the fear, she would become the very thing she loathed after all it was the biggest secret of her life.

 

After becoming a prisoner in her home and mind suffering the painful abuse and violation no child should ever have to endure, a way out, even if it were temporarily, would be in church. However, the very thing she ran to for comfort and security was the very thing that caused her to turn away from it. So, who will be her savior now from darkness to light?

• Language: English
• Publisher: After The Storm Publishing LLC
• Release date: Apr 7, 2021
• ISBN: 9781393999195

Book preview

Chapter One

I wondered for a long time if this was my story to tell. I once read a book written by a famous author, Mr. Fisher, and I saw his story on television; he is my idol. I admire his strength as a man, and being a survivor, he helped me a lot without even knowing me. He made me believe that I can tell my story and not be ashamed of it.

Mr. Fisher once said, maybe not the way I’m saying it, but once his parents had him, their story became his story, their lives became his life, their mistakes affected his life, and when they didn’t do right by him, their story became his.

I knew I would be persecuted, and fiery darts would be thrown at me, but I also knew that the inner me and the enemy would throw harsh and evil words at me because he has done that to me all my life, not only by the voices in my own head but through others, too. GOD reminded me that this time it was not about me; every time I gave into the negativity which surrounded me, myself included, it became much harder for me to resist what God was calling me to do. Temptation of running from the church and from God was looking much easier to me than writing my life story. I tried to find every reason why I should and why I shouldn’t, but there was no reason I could find in my heart.

There were family members who knew my intention and made my life (yes, it is my life) about themselves. At this point, it’s not about them or me; it is about helping someone else. I knew I had to move forward regardless of what others thought about me, or even what I thought. When I tried to leave things out, GOD would not allow me to move forward until I was able to write and be truly honest about my story. The healing that God needed me to receive was great, so I had to be deep: God wouldn’t have had it any other way.

It is GOD’s goal to build spiritually mature and Godly character in us all in this life, making us more like Him. Matthew: 5:48.

I knew if I wanted to do this walk with God this time, I had to do it right His way, and not mine, and I knew I owed God some things because I made some promises to Him that I knew I had to keep. I had to have FAITH, CONFIDENCE, HOPE, and BELIEF in GOD’s direction; that is what the bible says we should have.

I am reminded of these two faithful women that God has placed in my life because they have been with me in the beginning, always reminding me of what the LORD says to do. Their response to me has never wavered, and I’m grateful for them both. When that discouraging spirit showed up, I knew I could call on my two warriors. They knew it was not easy for me to face my life and my demons head-on; who can? God knows who and what He needs, and who He chooses to do what He needs to be done and made me strong enough to do it. He has chosen me. GOD is expecting a lot out of me. I had found myself in a very sad place plenty of times, and I didn’t want to disappoint God, so He sent my two warriors.

Some may still say this is not my story to tell when it comes to family, and I don’t care too much about what friends may say because I don’t have many of those. I came to the realization from the day of conception when my parents first conceived me, their lives became my life, and my life became theirs, and every ungodly person that they brought into my life, their story also became mines. They altered my life and changed my path and my direction, so yes, to me, this is my story.

For years I played foolish games with my life, and I accept those choices as mine. I had options (to seek help).  I made false promises to God to get me through hard times and promised God that I would stop the drugs and stop abusing my body if He helped me through and to get me better. I had not only caused physical pain by cutting myself and self-mutilating my body because I felt unclean, but I also had no self-worth and began hurting myself.

Self-worth hmmmm...that word is a powerful word; self-worth is another term for self-esteem. It means the sense of one’s value, or worth as a person. God does not make junk, and the bible says in Psalm 139:13-15, For I formed my inward parts; I knitted you together in your mother’s womb. I made you, for I made you fearfully and wonderfully. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when you were being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth; and in Jeremiah 29:11, For I know the plans I have for you declares the lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Self-worth.

I had caused my family tremendous pain and suffering, but God has kept us together so that my testimony would help someone else. I owe my life to God because he saved me to save others.

There is no perfect family, and there are no perfect struggles. I found that every person either changed my life for the good or the bad. I have found out through my life experiences that other people’s past issues and baggage can change the direction of one’s life, whether it is your father’s struggles or your mother’s pain. Adults sometimes don’t understand that sometimes the people that they allow to come into their lives in passing can make or break you. Their struggles become your struggles; their issues become your issues; their hurt becomes your hurt; their pain becomes your pain. They bring forth Generational Curses from what came from their lives. You remember these things, and you carry them forever. Until you receive salvation and allow God to use you and your issues to make someone else’s life direction shift to what is right by not passing on what has been placed on them by others.

I have learned through this spiritual walk that child molesters are created. This behavior is taught because the mind is not strong enough for some to deal with. As a child, having a sexual experience can be devastating because the mind is not ready for such an encounter. There are a time and a place for everything in life. A child is not prepared to deal with the act of coming together as a man would with a woman. That is why God made man and woman, not a child and a man or a child and a woman. In the bible, it never talks about how God made Adam as a little boy; He created him as a man. It also does not say anything about Eve ever being a little girl. God made Eve as a woman; she was created and formed so that she could be for the man.

This is how something so evil is passed on; I believe that this act is evil. A child is innocent and born pure. A child is not born a molester; a murderer is not born a murderer; a woman beater is not born a women beater; a man beater is not born a man beater; a terrorist is not born a terrorist; an abuser is not born abuser; an addict is not born an addict; a prostitute is not born prostitute; a drug dealer is not born a drug dealer; and a racist is not born a racist. These transgressions in life can transform, can change, a person’s destination, their whole meaning of being...something good, into something so evil. TAUGHT!

GOD wants us to quit sinning and turn to Him. The basic principle is this; we reap what we sow. Most people do things in life, and they don’t understand that they will reap what they SOW; it may not happen right away, but it will come.

Paul, who is one of my favorite disciples, a servant of GOD, puts it this way: do not be deceived, GOD IS NOT MOCKED; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap, for he who sows to his FLESH shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit reap life everlasting. Galatians 6:7-8.

The game has not changed; older men using younger boys to do their dirty work, like selling drugs, and sexual exploitation. Older men using young girls as young as three years old, and some even younger for sex, as they say, to heal HIV. In some countries, using teenage girls as sex slaves, and here in America men are dating young single women just to get to their sons or daughters. the plot is in the beginning, to befriend the women so that they can get to the child, some even befriend the man to get to their daughter, the child has been the target from the beginning, these men are predator:

PREDATOR

A person who committed a sexually violent offense and especially one who is likely to commit sexual offenses, habitually preys upon others. Protect minors against sexual predators. Ruthlessly aggressive person: an aggressive, determined, or persistent person; destroys and kills.

Their job is to kill and destroy your child, like mines almost destroyed me. I made it out, torn up from the floor up, and broken. Some of us die trying to get out of dysfunctional homes and dysfunctional relationships, some kill themselves and others just to get out.

CHILD MOLESTER

A child molester is anyone over the age of 13 or an adult who touches a child for the sole purpose of sexual acts, be it male or female. Anyone who touches a child inappropriately by feeling the buttocks, chest area, and the child’s private parts, so that the offender, male, or female, gets herself or himself sexually excited.

All my life I believed in fairy tales; I always felt my life was a never-ending story, a nightmare, a DREAM that I couldn’t wake up from, a movie that has no ending, a JOKE that was not FUNNY.....

MOTHERS

Raise your girls to be respectful young ladies, to carry themselves well. How can they learn anything when you’re out there still trying to be young and half-dressed yourself? What seeds are you planting? It is your job to raise your daughter in the way that she must go, as an example. If you can’t fall back, the bible is a good resource, or even try to get help for yourself so that you can be a better woman and a better parent yourself. As a mother, we talk about what kind of man we want, but we turn around and choose the worst, man we can find. We see the signs but, in our minds, we think we can change him, but no women can change a grown man. Then when our daughters grow up and find herself a man, we wonder why she chose that man. Maybe because most children grow up and they look for what they have seen or grew up with what was going on in their own household. Taught.

LITTLE GIRLS be little Girls

TEENAGE GIRLS be Teenagers

Do not be so quick to grow up; the world is an unfriendly place. Say ‘no’ to these boys...wait until you’re ready because once you make a choice to sleep with a man, or boy and a child is made your responsibility is no longer your owe, your responsibility is not to that man, your responsibility belongs to the child, so your best options is to wait, say no to sex until, marriage the world would be a better place.

If women knew their worth, they would know God has already given us the power to hold onto what’s important, and then we can earn the respect back. We have lost our way, we have lost the respect of men, searching when God is prepared to do the searching for us.

I remember there was a time when men would open the doors for women and gave up their seats. They would address a lady as ‘madam,’ or ‘miss;’ certain things men were not allowed to do in front of or around women. Boy has times changed.

Ninety Percent of Child Molestations Can be Prevented

Approximately 20 million adults have been molested and have survived child sexual abuse. There are nearly 4 million children in America alone who are victims of sexual abuse who think that they are the only ones who have suffered the pain of being molested or sexually assaulted by a parent, a friend, or a family member. They hold on to this secret, and it continues because no one says anything. However, there are adults like me out there who can let these kids know they are not alone. They are holding on to their own abuse story, so ashamed of the act that happened to them that they won’t even help these kids, or even other adults, to let them know they, too, can survive without becoming a molester themselves. Fifteen out of every one hundred people in the United States have been molested or are molesters themselves.

THINGS TO KNOW

Most child molesters are married, and they have a good sexual relationship with their wives or husbands. Some have been molested; they are hardworking, well-educated, some are religious buffs, well mannered, well known, family men, or women. Some are poor, and some are rich. They are well-liked by their neighbors, family, and friends, and they fit in well.

PREVENTION

Talk to your kids about inappropriate behavior and be specific, don’t leave anything out. If you have experienced the horror of molestation, if you have endured it, if you have escaped it, tell someone, and keep telling until someone listens.    Women open your eyes, listen to your children! If it doesn’t feel right, it’s not right. Don’t be blinded by love; you can’t see it because you suffer from your own low self-esteem...OR BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT TO.

LITTLE BOYS Stay Little Boys

TEENAGE BOYS be Teenagers

Learn to be a man, stay in school, and say ‘no’ to little girls. Wait until you’re ready to be a father; once you choose to sleep with a woman or a girl, and a child is born, your responsibility belongs to that girl and that child. It not for you to move on to another girl or woman and start anew. Your best option is to wait until you’re ready to be a real man; the world would be a better place.

FATHER’S

You can’t see it because you don’t exist! You’re not around long enough to see anything. Due to your non-existent selves, you have children that are mean and hateful. WHY? BECAUSE OF YOU...it is your job to raise a boy into a man. Don’t be running around talking about my son when you have done nothing to raise that child. If you can’t raise him to be respectful to have all the good qualities of being a man, the bible is a good resource to teach him how to treat a woman better than you have done. Fathers, if you are not up to the task of fatherhood, then you need to fall back, find someone that will teach you how to be a better man so that you can be a better man for your son.

When fathers are not around, little boys become selfish, inconsiderate, broken, and they develop dysfunctional behavior. They also get caught up in bad relationships, become violent, miserable, and sometimes the missing dad makes little boys act out, and that leads to death or jail.

IS it all worth it to not be around to teach your son how to be a man and then the cycle continues again?  They become you and grow up being that same missing father. The cycle continues no male figure in the house!

God wants all of us to be more like Jesus Christ. It is now 2020, and the world has forgotten how His blood was shed on the cross for our sins. There have been sacrifices made for every one of us. People have died for the cause, people of color and different races, just so we can drink water out of the same fountain as white people, and sit in the front of the bus, so we can have the right to vote and choose the schools that we want to attend.

The world forgot that thousands of men and women died when due to the tragedy of the World Trade Center bombing, and the president at that time, who was one of the Bush's lied about weapons of mass destruction. We had a black President from 2009 to 2017, giving people a chance to see a black family living together with both parents in the White House. It showed people that there are black families in this world with both parents in the household proving to men and women that it is possible.

The Republicans have shown the world how racism still exists in America and the way a group of white men is trying to take away women’s rights. I always wondered what their wives thought about this, and if they believe they are exempt from this movement of the right-wing.

There is fighting in Ukraine, and in different parts of the world. There is destruction, and corruption in the churches, and marriages are failing. The churches are not functioning as God intended them to, leaders are not preaching the whole truth to teach the people how not to suffer and fall. The churches remain silent, the Muslim brothers, an army of men, who were big on marching for civil rights, and protecting the women, and the community, the movement is now about selling bean pies, newspapers, oils, and incense, while lawlessness runs rapidly through the communities, black on black crimes have arisen. Men are loving men, and women are loving women, some may be gay, but all are not.  The rich are doing everything to become richer and doing everything to make the poor poorer. The world acts like people have not died for this world to be a better place for all.

My goal is to one day change the Law, for child predators.

Chapter Two

Life has a way of creeping up on you; one day, you are born and just excited about this new thing called life and all the new things you will experience. Being a toddler and learning how to take that first step, no longer needing the bottle or pacifier. Learning your first words, being ‘no,’ or even muttering ‘mommy’ or ‘daddy.’ Then comes that first day of school where you would learn your ABC’s, and 123’s, and how to say ‘please.’ and ‘thank you.’ Learning more and more as life passes, how to do more things on your way to the path of growing up, but never on that road to adulthood before you become ready for the harsh road of real-life finds you.

I was born on August 16, 1966, at Newark City Hospital. My mother was an unwed-mother, still in high school. I’ am considered a bastard child; that’s what they call a child born to an unwed mother. I didn’t have a chance to be anything other than that. My father was the man who blocked my mother from ever meeting her real husband because he was already married. My mother was young and so in a rush to grow up that she would allow the sweet nothing’s of another woman’s husband lead her down a path of going nowhere. Where could you go with someone else’s husband?

It’s weird how I do not remember some parts of my childhood as a little girl; I only remember never being happy. Honestly, I can’t remember a day in my life that I liked myself or anything about me, and anybody else either. I always felt different, like I didn’t belong. I would ask myself, and I did that a lot, can a person be born hating themselves, be disappointed in who they are, or not feel what their purpose was?

Born in a loving family, my mother’s side, that is, as with all families, there were issues. However, I had no love for my father’s side because I didn’t know them, just three of my siblings, and I love them. I dreamed and fantasized a lot growing up about my dad and how I would have had a better life if I had him around. In my mind, he was my hero; I made him up to be what I wanted him to be, never wanting to face who he was, so I dreamed him up.

I had no father to look up to; my grandfather was a good provider, but he was more of an enforcer then a father. He was not a hugger and I don’t remember him ever telling me that he loved me, but he was a strong black man.

My father was not worthy to be anyone’s father, let alone someone’s husband. I didn’t know much about my father, but what I did know I didn’t like. I don’t even remember his face or how he looked, how he walked, or even how he smelled. I always had dreams of going to the park with my dad. In my mind, I saw me and my dad, who was swinging me on the swings playing with me all day in the park, taking me out and having a day with him. Funny how you can want something so badly you can fool yourself into believing it, even if it’s not true. I made up in my mind how my dad was this great man,