Be-You-Tiful: The Way He Made You

By Lisa M. Howard

This book was inspired by God and how He has led me through this journey, and everything in me wanted to share that journey with others. You see, everyone has their own perception of what beauty means to them. But for each individual, it cant be about what beauty means to others; it has to start with what it means to you. There was a time in my life that I believed that my beauty, both inside and out, was determined by someone elses perception. But I have learned through the years that you have to be yourself. To be the person that you know you are or capable of becoming; the person that has strength, endurance, patience, love to give, power to embrace life, and one whose beauty is like no others. When you allow someone else to determine your beauty, you waste the energy of the person you truly are, The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, but must be felt with the heart. (Helen Keller)

The title Be-You-tiful the Way He Made You was not one that was chosen lightly; it does have a specific meaning behind it. It means Be You, just the way God made you, Beautiful. God never intended for us to feel worthless, ashamed, or lonely. The women depicted in the stories in this book come from all walks of life, who had high aspirations and goals for themselves and were self-assured, but at some point in their life lost their self-esteem (self-worth) caused by some of lifes drawbacks. But just as there are stumbling blocks in life, there are also benefitsespecially when God becomes the center of it. You will see this become evident as you read each one of these ladies story.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Feb 18, 2014
• ISBN: 9781493166060

Lisa M. Howard

Lisa M. Howard is a Philadelphia-native born and raised in the urban settings of the place in which the nickname given to the ladies, Philly Girl, echoes throughout the U.S. Her passion to encourage, uplift, and empower women, her deep love for Christ, and love for her city made it only fitting to link them all together to bring you some of the most emotional, intense, and engaging stories written from her soul.

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Copyright © 2014 by Lisa M. Howard.

Library of Congress Control Number:                    2014901383

ISBN:               Hardcover                              978-1-4931-6605-3

                         Softcover                                978-1-4931-6604-6

                         eBook                                     978-1-4931-6606-0

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

The Scriptures are taken from: King James Versions Published 1961; New International Version Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 Biblica ; New King James Version Copyright 1979, 1980, 1982 HYPERLINK "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Nelson_%28publisher%29 \o Thomas Nelson (publisher)" Thomas Nelson, Inc. ; New Century Version Thomas Nelson, Inc.; American King James Version ; English Standard Version Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a ministry of the Good News Publishers of Wheaton, IL; Apocrypha Copyright © 2009 by Oxford University Press ; New Living Translation Copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation

To all readers of this book all names, dates and locations are totally fictional. The author has created all names, images and locations out of mind during the course of writing.

Rev. date: 02/14/2014

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris LLC

1-888-795-4274

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Contents

Forword

Preface

Acknowledgements

Chapter 1: The Beginning

-   When self-esteem was broken.

-   Meaning of title.

Chapter 2: What’s wrong with Me?

-   Why did he choose her over me?

-   Why do I stay?

-   What has happened to me to cause me to be this way?

Chapter 3: Who Is She, and Where Did I Go?

-   Losing yourself.

-   Accepting anything.

Chapter 4: He Hit Me, but He’s Not an Abusive Man

-   Why do we make excuses for our abusers?

-   Why do we sometimes blame ourselves?

Chapter 5: Say What Now? I Should Forgive Who?

-   Why forgiveness is necessary

-   The power of forgiving

Forword

Greetings in the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

God places people in your life for many reasons. I am honored that He ordered our paths to cross. Who would have known that we would be here today. Destiny… Purpose… Sister-friend. To God be the glory.

Your desire to share and sow into the lives of women through writing is greatly demonstrated.

Jeremiah 1:5 says, Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.

Every season has its reason. The messages in this book are designed to empower, motivate, and help women regain and maintain their self-esteem through some real-life experiences, but most pivotal is the part that faith plays in our daily decision-making. The content of this message fills a great need for life’s problems and perplexities.

It is my prayer that this book touches the heart of its readers, brings lost souls to Christ, and blesses everyone who reads it.

Sister-friend, this is just the beginning.

BeYoutiful you are. Beautiful is every woman.

Peace and blessings,

Lavon Wilson

Preface

This book was inspired by God and how He has led me through this journey, and everything in me wanted to share that journey with others. You see, everyone has their own perception of what beauty means to them. But for each individual, it can’t be about what beauty means to others; it has to start with what it means to you. There was a time in my life that I believed that my beauty, both inside and out, was determined by someone else’s perception. But I have learned through the years that you have to be yourself. To be the person that you know you are or capable of becoming; the person that has strength, endurance, patience, love to give, power to embrace life, and one whose beauty is like no other’s. When you allow someone else to determine your beauty, you waste the energy of the person you truly are, The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, but must be felt with the heart. (Helen Keller)

The title Be-You-tiful the Way He Made You was not one that was chosen lightly; it does have a specific meaning behind it. It means Be You, just the way God made you, Beautiful. God never intended for us to feel worthless, ashamed, or lonely. The women depicted in the stories in this book come from all walks of life, who had high aspirations and goals for themselves and were self-assured, but at some point in their life lost their self-esteem (self-worth) caused by some of life’s drawbacks. But just as there are stumbling blocks in life, there are also benefits—especially when God becomes the center of it. You will see this become evident as you read each one of these ladies’ story.

The best way that I can describe this book is that based on the stories I would call it both a fictional and nonfictional manuscript. If I can explain that, what I mean is, the characters are fictional and the stories have been embellished for dramatic effect, but the contents of the stories and where they were internally drawn from are real-life situations. There was not much research needed on any of the topics because it all came from the heart, and where research was needed it was sited. The intent of this book is not to give spiritual, psychological, or any other professional counseling because I am not licensed or certified in any of those services. Its only purpose is to provide truthful and honest information in regards to the subject matters covered.

Writing this book was so fulfilling, enlightening, and therapeutic for me. When I began to read the stories back to myself, I really enjoyed the experience because I had so much to release, that I have to say the words and thoughts just spilled out of me. So it’s apparent that writing was not my challenge, but I did face some challenges internally in composing this book. I did struggle with deciding whether to include or not include some of the contents. I’m speaking mostly of the language. Some of the language may be considered explicit. I did not use a lot of profanity, but there is some in the book, using symbol swearing, and some situations where it was implied. Being a Christian, trying every day to live right and the love I have for God, it was such a hard decision to make. I know that I will be criticized by some and embraced by others; some will choose to read the book and others will choose not to just for that fact. I didn’t decide to keep the content in just to sell books by whether to straddle the fence within the spiritual or secular realm. My decision came from the fact that I wanted to be real about the message that I was trying to impart. These stories originate from actual life circumstances. If I want to assure anyone of how authentic God is/was in my life and the lives of others, I felt that I needed to make the stories as realistic as possible. There were days, even as a Christian, I found myself saying some things that I had to get down on my knees and ask for forgiveness later. My thought in including the content was to be as transparent as possible to my readers as to what my mindset, or the mindset of others, may have been during those chaotic moments. Everything in life is not always rosy, peachy, or proper. But just as real as the challenges, trials, and tribulations were in the stories, the prayers, forgiveness, and moves of God were also. So I’m sorry if any of the content offends anyone, but my heart and mind is clear that I did what was necessary to have an impact on and reach my audience.

Now although my intended audience is geared toward the urban women eighteen and above, I believe that anyone who decides to read this book, with my prayer, will be truly inspired, touched, and blessed. I want to say thank you to all readers in advance for your support, and I hope you get the message that was being conveyed, as well as some inspiration, laughter, hope, and everything else you need from this book, and prayerfully recommend it to someone.

God bless you.

Acknowledgements

I have to acknowledge and thank those who have helped and supported me along the way with this book. I pray that no one gets offended if I don’t mention them personally. First and foremost, I have to thank my Heavenly Father from above and my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. The fact that this book even exist is because of Him, what He has done for me, and what He brought me through. I have no regrets and would not change one thing about my life because I wouldn’t be the woman I am today, and the people that He has brought into my life would possibly not exist if my life would have turned out any differently.

To my family (mom, dad, sisters, and children), thank you for supporting me, loving me, always allowing me to be me, and always making me feel that any endeavor that I pursued was worth it. For never making me feel that I could not reach or accomplish any dream, I love you with the love of God in my heart and am happy that God chose you all to be a part of my DNA.

My Sistahs group, you ladies were my beginning to my journey out. I know God brought each and every one of you into my life. Your support and love, never being judgmental or critical, always rendering advice with love is something that I wish every woman could experience. I love you ladies.

Lavon, my sister from another Father (Heavenly Father… smile), who with the love of God in your heart, body, and soul, guided me in directions that I would never trade for anything. Your prayers and spiritual guidance have been nothing more than a miracle sent from God. Thank you for being that real true woman of God, never condemning me and always supporting me while keeping me accountable for my life’s decisions. I love you with all my heart.

Trish, my sista-friend, we have shared so much together and no matter which direction I may have taken, whether right or wrong, you always had of way of guiding me back on track with love. You are never negative and are such a giving, loving person. I love you, lady, for life.

Sanni and Chris, you ladies have known me almost since birth. We have so much history to share, and every time we get together it’s just a blessing. We reminisce like nobody’s business. With forty years of friendship under our belts, there is no denying our true devoted connection; there are just no words. That much time makes you family by default. I love it and I love you.

My Tee (Twanna), I met you in high school and the connection and bond was there from the start. Tee, the love we have for each other is like we were born into each other’s family. Thank you for always loving me and my family and your support. Always down to ride or die girl. I love you with my whole heart.

My Sex and the City girls—the best team in the world. Besides the fact that God blesses me every morning to wake up and has blessed me with a job, you are the reason I love going to work every day. Not everyone can say that. We work so well in harmony and I know it is because we are like minded. God blessed me to have each and every one of you in my life and now it is beyond just co-workers, but you are truly beautiful friends. Thank you for your love and support, and I love you, ladies, for a lifetime.

To A special friend, you know who you are and what you mean to me. Thank you for your love and support. Love you so much for that. Reg, well what can I say, man; I just thank God that we are where we are today. Thank you for your words of encouragement in this journey, support, and love. That truly means the world to me.

My pastors who have touched my life, thank you so much for loving God with every fiber of your being, allowing him to use you, and then you feeding, guiding, and praying for me and my family with the unadulterated word and love of Him. I pray for continued strength for you and your families and that God continues to bless and use you.

To all of those people who unselfishly offered your services, assistance, or feedback whether it was to help with the editing, self-publishing, or artistry of the book, thank you so very much. And last but not least, my mentor Kim. Thank you so much for inspiring, holding me accountable, and pushing me to begin to just write. Without that accountability, I don’t know when I would have started to write and now have completed what was in me. Again, I thank you. Now, as I said before, if I didn’t mention anyone personally, please don’t hold that against me. Trust me that you are in my heart with the warmest thanks.

Chapter 1

The Beginning

I can remember it like it was yesterday. Summer of 1990, here I am approaching two months in my pregnancy, this being my second child. Two baby daddies—the situation that I said I never wanted to be in—and now the man I’m with is in love with someone else. Before this, you couldn’t tell me nothing. I knew I was the stuff. I had my life all planned out at the age of twenty and nothing was going to stop me. Well, so I thought. But first, let’s pause and take you to The Beginning.

Sáil (pronounced Sy-ale) grew up in the West Oak Lane part of Philadelphia. She was number four of five children. Spoiled? Yes, most people around her thought so. She knew her older sisters loved her for that. To them, she was mommy and daddy’s favorite. Sure she got spanked and punished—by mom of course, being that mom was the head of the household and the disciplinary—but not to the extent that her older siblings did. And by the time Sáil became a teenager, mom was too tired to be as strict as she once was, so Sáil got away with murder. Not like what kids get away with today; she got away with things such as going outside when she was supposed to be on punishment, sneaking her parents’ car keys for her brother late at night so he and his friends could go for a joy ride, and coming in at 2:00 a.m. at the age of thirteen; actually she was right outside on the front step. Mom just couldn’t hear any of the commotion because her air conditioner was on… lol. On weekends, she was able to hang out with friends at the neighborhood establishments like the Washington Lanes Bowling Alley or play video games at the Pizza Village. This all went on for a while and for a time that was all cute and fun, but too much freedom can, and did, become too much freedom. Now Sáil was having sex; lots of it and unprotected. See, in those days, condoms were used mainly to prevent pregnancy more than for STDs. And of course pregnancy wasn’t even a possibility in her mind. I believe that same mentality still resonates with the young people today; that famous quote, Oh that ain’t gonna happen to me. I’m sure many reading this right now are saying, Yeah, okay… keep thinking so. So although Sáil was having a lot of sex, it was only with a select few guys. She wasn’t no ho or anything like that. She just did it almost every day with whoever her boyfriend was at that time. And yes, she got dumped occasionally, cheated on numerous times, used financially, almost attacked by multiple guys (friends from the neighborhood), the standard STD, which of course her boo at the time tried to turn it around on her and say she gave to him. That’s an a$$hole for you. But all in all, to her she felt life was good. Why? Because she still did some of the things that kept her childlike. You see,