Real Talk: A Collection of Unsolicited Advice from a Blogger Chick

By India L Trotter

Real Talk - A collection of Unsolicited Advice From a Blogger Chick is a compilation of India L. Trotter's blog work. She blogs for her own website Blank Stare Corner and also has a popular online column, The Pointed Circle on GirlTiniLive. This book is merely the conduit to her soon to be released semi-autobiography April Everyday - Autobiographical Snippets of an Insignificant Woman. Her sentiment is that you first acquaint yourself with her blogs, writing style and her surface self. She will later pull back her layers of complexities and open you up to the woman that you think you know but have yet to really meet.

Matters of love, self awareness, relationships and spirituality [or the lack thereof] are all up for discussion within these pages. You will laugh, self reflect and [in some instances] simply stare blankly. More importantly you will either learn what to or what not to do.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Nov 20, 2015
• ISBN: 9781329703933

Book preview

Real Talk: A Collection of Unsolicited Advice from a Blogger Chick

Real Talk A Collection of Unsolicited Advice From A Blogger Chick

Table of Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgments

Preface

Introduction

Chapter I: Taking a Closer Look at You

Introduction

Practice What You Preach

Are You Drowning For No Damn Reason?

Mind Your Business

When Your Wig Blows Off

Don’t Be the Cute Fat Girl

Smoke & Mirrors

Pinky Swear

Time to Change Your Comfort Level

Recognize Your Crazy! Part I

Is Your Drive The Same

Kissing Ray

Chapter II: Selfie Love is The Best Love

Introduction

Selfie Love

Daddy Lack

Traveling Solo

The Cats Meow

Chapter III: Is Your Inner Circle Be Square

Introduction

Check Your Roster

Scale Back

How to Spot a Mean Girl

A Social Groupie Is Not Your Friend

No Blind Allegiance to the Missing Parent

Cray Recognizes Cray

Chapter IV: Agnostically Speaking

Introduction

In the Midst of the Storm Is When You Prepare for a New Season

Build Your Ark

The Devil is a Liar

The Right Side of Karma

The Shoe on the Other Foot

Chapter V: Catty Is Not Cute

Introduction

Wrangle Your Catty Cow

If You Don’t Have Anything Nice to Say STFU

What’s in Your Closet?

Crabs in a Barrel

Chapter VI: Relationship Matters

Introduction

The No Sex Diet

Pussy Should Never Come Free

For the Fellas: Show and Prove

Peace & Quiet

Stop Doing the Same Shit

The Perfect Outfit

Say What?

Chapter VII Real Quick Real Talk

Introduction

Be an Example

Stay at Peace

Judge Not

Know Your Shit

Let Bygones Be Bygones

Don’t Be Rude

Fix Your Attitude

Don’t Take Yourself So Seriously

Your Thoughts of You are the Only Important Ones

Social Media Tough Bitches

Follow Your Mind Then Your Heart

Choose to Be Happy

Sometimes It Is Best to Be Quiet

Make Your Dreams Happen

About the Author

Dedication

The best way to predict the future is to create it.

I dedicate this book to the two most important people in my life, Jared and Jordan. I hope that by taking heed to some of the advice [mostly unsolicited] that I have given you within these pages and directly over the years that you will be able to create a future for yourself that will make your own hearts sing. May your lives be filled with your own shenanigans that you can chronicle with laughter, love and fond memories. I love you more than chili cheese fries!

Acknowledgments

If you wish your merit to be known, acknowledge that of other people. - Proverbs

A little of a year ago I knew I wanted to blog but I really did not have any idea how I would get started. I am a believer that God will put individuals in your path to help the manifestation of His promise on your life. With that, I happened upon a closed Facebook Group, GirlTini. I did not have a clue about what they were about but like a moth to a flame I was drawn to be included; to be down. Turns out that this group was one of women empowering each other. These were women of substance having fun but without all of the ratchedness; without all the drama. Out of hundreds of ladies waiting to be included in this circle of greatness I was selected. It is still a mystery but needless to say I was in. Tyema Sanchez, Founder/Owner of GirlTini, shortly thereafter decided to take her vision online and created GirlTiniLive.com She needed bloggers. I wanted to blog. Do you see how God works?

Fast forward to a year later and I blog for the Pointed Circle on GirlTiniLive.com, I blog for the HBIC and Fabulously Frugal Travel Tips on my own personal website BlankStareCorner.com, and am a radio co – host for GirlTiniLive Uncensored. I am the founder and administrator of the Facebook group Blogger’s Playground. A year prior let me remind you that I did not know where to start.

I take this moment to acknowledge Tyema Sanchez who is the epitome of can do. She has never heard any of my two million trillion ideas and told me how it could not be done but rather immediately goes into what needs to be done to make the things that I want for myself manifest. I also acknowledge my sister blogger and radio co-host Summer Willow Fitch who is one of my most favorite Super SheRos. Through her words of positivity I leave her presence thinking I too am a super hero.

I am in super creep mode watching these two magnificent women; imitating their movements and just hoping that some of their greatness rubs off on me just by association. Without them both I would still be asking myself how do I get started. With them in my circle [or I in theirs] I have been pushed to believe ---- I am unstoppable.

I would also like to acknowledge my family and friends who, through good times and bad, have inspired my writings. Our interactions have shaped me into the woman that I am and continue to mold me into the woman of whom I am to become. From my inexplicable relationships with my mother and father to my loving relationships with my children I am thankful for every single moment or lack thereof [blank stare]. Regardless of what has transpired or will transpire the motivation to share our shenanigans through my writings would not be there without you.  I love you all!

Preface

Allow me to introduce myself. Okay, my work.

Let me preface my work by saying I am no English major. I am a blogger. I write as I think. And to be honest I think I have adult ADHD [blank stare]. I do! Sometimes my thoughts are all over the damn place. As I think and [in this instance] as I write I always have thoughts within thoughts. For you, my reader, those side thoughts and actions are written within the brackets of my work. Indulge me, if you will. When you read my work just know that what you read within the brackets is just as important as what is outside of the brackets. I would like to believe that my writing style gives you a little more color to my already well-painted soliloquy of work. I am extremely modest, too [raised eyebrow]. Now you see there? Without having to say that I was being facetious you were able to ascertain that by the raising of my eyebrow [within the brackets]. Brilliant right? My thoughts run amuck and sometimes so does my writing. Allow me to digress and bring it back. Stick with me, read my works and you will laugh, cry, cry while laughing, give a couple of side eyes, raise some eyebrows, suck your teeth and definitely throw in a whole lotta’ blank stares.

Real Talk is a compilation of my blog work. I am after all the self proclaimed HBIC, Head Blogstress In Charge [blank stare]. What makes me a subject matter expert you say? The fact that my life has been [and sometimes remains] a three-ring circus makes me pretty well versed on how to deal [and not deal] with the situations that manifest in my life. I guess you could say that I have learned through trial and error what [and what not] to do. I am the ringmaster of self induced malarkey and the bullshit whisperer; if you will. I am no Iyanla so I do not have it in me to hold your hand and give it to you with gentle hand holding. Heck, that is not how I talk to myself [teeth suck]. And I do; talk to myself, that is. I take ownership in my shenanigans and I also take ownership is shutting some shit down. Yeah, I had to curse for the effect [teeth suck]. I am still standing. I persevere. I push through. I have a story [stories] to tell. I have told some here. There are lessons to learn from my missteps and the missteps of others [side eye]. Read my blogs for your enjoyment or for the edification of your common sense. For me the writing experience is always cathartic. These works, while they may have initially been for me, are just as much for you. Yes, you [side eye].

Introduction

It’s okay if you do not agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.

Real Talk A Collection of Unsolicited Advice From a Blogger Chick is a compilation of some of my very best blog work [teeth suck]. Well, at least I believe it to be. Does not every writer or artist think that there is brilliance in his or her work? I’m just sayin’. I would be doing you a great disservice if I did not think the same. Like who wants sub par guidance? I give a whole lot of unsolicited advice through my blogs; most of it predicated on a situation that I found myself in or situations that others found themselves in with me [raised eyebrow]. The truth of the matter is I am no expert. I am not some relationship guru or spiritualist. It just so happens I am an every day woman who has been through [and is still going through] some shit. Life has dealt [deals] me some hard blows and then [voila] cushioned my falls. In some instances I have learned some lessons. And other’s [lessons], not so much [blank stare]. What? I am a work in progress and I never claim to be anything other than such. Don’t judge me. Well, you can [judge me] because you, too, are a work in progress. I won’t lose sleep.

I hope you see some of me in you. I have moments of anger. I love to laugh. I do stupid shit. I hate people. I love people. I want us all to get along. I sometimes do not give a fuck. One moment I am speaking divinely. The next I am cursing like a sailor. I believe in God. I do not believe in religion. I want to be loved. I do not care if I am liked. I am happily single. I cannot wait to find true love. I can see clearly now. I am confused. I am the bigger person. I am stooping to levels. I am [for all intents and purposes] a mixed bag. I am you.

What our common thread can be is that I am trying to be a better me. While trying to be a better me I want to share with you so you, too, can be better. I am transparent with my shit. I am not ashamed; albeit in some instances I should be [side eye]. Through my real talk blogs you should be able to relate to at least something I have to say. If not, at the very least you can get a good giggle.

Chapter I: Taking a Closer Look at You

Introduction

If you look at yourself the way others look at you then your vision is impaired.

Listen up folks. I am not here to stroke your egos. You want kudos and atta’ boys you might want to look to someone with a lot less edge. I am not a soft speaker. I would tend to lean more towards the straight no chaser approach as being one of my favorites [blank stare]. Sometimes my words come swift and with expletives. When we are talking about matters of self-improvement, however, is it not what we need sometimes? I know I do. Do not sugar coat shit for me. Call a spade a spade. Wait! Is it politically correct to use that ‘ol fashioned idiom. I do not want to turn you off from the jump by referring to spades and what not. Ha! No but for real, I digressed. Well just know that when betterment of self is the topic you sometimes need someone to give it to you raw dog style.

So with that, let us learn about you. Are you willing to learn about you? What makes you tick? What makes your tock? And what makes you [well] explode? In life buttons will be pushed. You will be tested. Will you pass or fail? I cannot say that without a fail I will handle every situation with class and decorum [side eye] but it will not be because I did not try. Is not that what we do everyday? No one is perfect but damn it if we cannot make a concerted effort to be.

The blogs within this chapter all have a self-reflection component.

Are you practicing what you preach?

Do you recognize when you are being rescued?

Are you able to remain focused on your business at hand?

Do you dress up the real you?

Are you broken?

Are you comfortable in your own skin?

Is there a double standard to your smile?

All of these aforementioned components to one’s make up can be addressed if you are truthful with yourself about who you really are. Like I know that I have a butterfly spirit with a bullish stubbornness and an explosive lioness temper [lip curl]. So I focus on the butterfly and cultivating characteristics that are all loving, accepting and inviting. Heck, to know thyself is a powerful tool. It will render others powerless against you because you will be able to use calculated reason to choose which part of you that you want to share. I always try to opt to show the butterfly but um’ some folks tend to respond better to the lioness [teeth suck]; the bull. I am a Taurus, you know? Go figure. I wont give you give a complete rundown of the zodiac. The bottom line is you ultimately decide who you want to be. Take a closer look at yourself and then your response to others will really have nothing to do with them and everything to do with you.

Practice What You Preach

Learn how to take your own advice.

Today’s message from me, your HBIC [Head Blogstress In Charge], will be short and sweet. We must learn to practice what we preach. Don’t talk about it. Be about it! Walk the walk if you talk the talk. Let your actions speak the same volume as your words. Do you see what I am saying here? Well, if you can’t hear me [on a good day] watch what I do [teeth suck]. On a not so good day, I too have my challenges. I would like to think that I live my life in such a way that it could be a good example to whoever looks into it but is it? Does it all depend upon the moment? Have I become the hypocritical preacher from the pulpit? What about you?

So, we all know I give advice. Actually, I think I give pretty damn good heartfelt advice [raised eyebrow]. But errrrr’y once in awhile I find myself in a situation where the following of my own advice is warranted and I do not readily heed to my own words. I find myself getting heated. My blood boils. I want to unleash a verbal lashing. My eye twitches. My calm demeanor is threatened. I can envision myself gauging someone’s eyes out with a dull number two pencil [wide eyes]. What? Too much? Okay, maybe so [lip curl]. I have to ask myself [self], what happened to putting folks on a scale of importance? What happened to not being moved by someone else’s insecurity? What happened to minding my businesses; not inserting myself into something that has nothing to do with me? What happened to not letting someone see what moves me? How did I let some insignificant mofo break