People of Few Words - Volume 4

By Swan Morrison

People of Few Words - Volume 4 is the fourth collection of work by contributors to the Short Humour Site from across the world. It contains one piece of 500 word 'Short Humour' by each of fifty writers, together with a brief biography of each writer.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Sep 5, 2014
• ISBN: 9781326008017

Book preview

People of Few Words - Volume 4

People of Few Words – Volume 4

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Fifty More Writers from

The Writers’ Showcase of

The Short Humour Site

With an Introduction by

Swan Morrison

Copyright © 2012 by Brian Huggett

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or scholarly journal.

First Printing: 2012

ISBN:  978-1-326-00801-7

Further details can be obtained from:

[e-mail]

Dedication

Dedicated to:

All writers and readers of Short Humour

Introduction

Welcome to the World of Short Humour!!

The Short Humour Site - www.Short-Humour.org.uk - was launched in 2006 to publish any type of humorous writing of around 500 words.

In 2009, People of Few Words was published. This was a collection of work by fifty contributors to the Short Humour Site from across the world. It contained one piece by each writer, together with a brief biography.

In 2010, People of Few Words – Volume 2 was published. This was a second such collection and included work by fifty different contributors.

In 2011, People of Few Words – Volume 3 was published. This was a third such collection and included work by fifty different contributors.

People of Few Words – Volume 4 is the fourth anthology in the series.

Our philosophy has been to publish as many submissions as possible and not presume to be arbiters of what is funny, as we believe that readers, rather than editors, should decide what they like.

All the books therefore include an eclectic mix of material, some of it by writers who have been published extensively and some by writers who appear in print for the first time in one of the books.

The books are also a way of saying thanks to the writers who have contributed to the Short Humour Site and who have, as one reader put it, made the world laugh in the process.

People of Few Words – Volume 4 is published via Lulu.com at virtually no cost, and no intentional profit is made by the Short Humour Site on any sales. Due to differential pricing between Lulu and other online booksellers, a small, accidental profit is sometimes made. This is all donated to the charity supported by the Short Humour Site: Friends of Teso (Uganda) - www.friends-of-teso-uganda.org.uk. Please look at that site to learn more and see how you might help.

The Short Humour Site makes profits from the writing of Swan Morrison. These are currently also donated to Friends of Teso (Uganda).

The Short Humour Site Team hope that you enjoy the work of the fifty writers in this book and laugh as much as we have.

Enjoy!!

Brian Huggett (AKA Swan Morrison) – December 2012.

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The Cover

The front cover of this book contains a collage of photographs of the contributors to People of Few Words - Volume 4.

To date, over three hundred contributors have come from (in alphabetical order): Australia, Canada, China, Dubai, England, France, Germany, Hungary, India, Israel, Mauritius, Mexico, New Zealand, Northern Ireland, Scotland, Slovenia, South Korea, Spain, Switzerland, Uganda, the USA and Wales.

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Our Writers. . .

April Aasheim - USA:

April Aasheim is a writer living in Portland, Oregon. She has published numerous short stories and maintains an active blog detailing her adventures as a reluctant housewife at http://aprilaasheim.blogspot.com.

She has also published a book: The Universe is a Very Big Place and is currently working on her second novel: The Witches of Dark Root.

Terror In The Neighborhood

They’re coming! Sam yelled from his station at the blinds. Sam had been sitting there all morning. Waiting. Positions everyone.

Do we have to do this again? His son Billie asked. I’m so tired, daddy. Maybe we should…

This is not a drill! Sam snapped. Now get upstairs and hide under your bed.

Sam exchanged glances with his wife Cindy as the sound of weighted footsteps made their way towards their front door. No matter what happens, I love you. He pushed his wife into the den. Now be still. Don’t even breathe. Cindy nodded and obeyed.

Knock. Knock. Knock. Slow, heavy pounds erupted on the door. Sam could feel his heart racing. Why won’t these bastards give us any peace? He whispered, reaching for Cindy’s hand.

Sam… Cindy said, trembling. For a moment Sam felt selfish involving his family like this. But they were all in it together now, and it was his duty to protect them. He listened intently. The intruders were leaving.

We haven’t fooled them. Sam said, emerging from his trench. They know we are home. And they will wait. Sam’s wife and son slid out of their hiding spots and joined him in the main room.

That was close, Billie said, peeking out the window. Daddy, I’m scared.

Sam cradled his face in his hands. We can’t hide forever. They will catch us...someday.

They watch me when I go to school, daddy. Once, they even chased me.

Sam looked up, white-faced. But, that’s against the law!

Cindy opened the front door and removed a piece of paper. Their house had been marked. "Honey, in case you haven’t figured it out...these people are the law. Cindy dropped the paper onto the coffee table. Maybe it’s time we move on. We’re on the run, Sam. We can’t raise a boy like this."

Sam stumbled to the sofa and plopped down. I just don’t know what to do.

I’ve got an idea, Billie said, looking down at his feet. We could just… mow our lawn.

Sam looked at his son, horror-struck. "But where does it end? We mow the lawn today. Maybe even clean up the oil spills on the driveway and pick up the dog poop in the front yard. Then what? Maybe next they will expect you to clean your room."

Billy’s knees shook and Cindy went to him. It will be alright. She said, stroking her son’s hair. Mama won’t let them get you.

"Maybe we should go." Sam said reading the note on the coffee table.

Twenty-Five Dollar Fine: Weeds

The fourth notice they had gotten in a week.

We must stay, Cindy said, looking at her husband. Without us, our neighbors are doomed.

Sam sighed. You’re right. Someone has to have the worst house in the cul-de-sac. Sam brightened. Maybe we should really fight the power. Leave our Christmas lights up until August this year!

Cindy leaned down to give her husband a kiss. Now that’s the man I married. We’ll do this…together.

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Joanne Arnott - Canada:

Joanne Arnott is a Canadian Métis author of six books, and mother of six children. The following stories were woven into an essay, Record of a Live Birth & Other Stories, included in the anthology Double Lives.

Visit Joanne's blog at http://joannearnott.blogspot.com.

A Writer's Life: Limo Service

Your life isn’t boring! Theo protests, as I push him on the swing. I am doing this as a personal favour: he is far too big and capable to actually need my assistance with this.

Isidore chimes in, You’re an Author!

Jules wanders too close