People of Few Words - Volume 3

By Swan Morrison

People of Few Words - Volume 3 is the third collection of work by contributors to the Short Humour Site from across the world.
It contains one piece of 500 word 'Short Humour' by each of fifty writers, together with a brief biography of each writer.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Sep 3, 2014
• ISBN: 9781326006426

Book preview

People of Few Words - Volume 3

People of Few Words – Volume 3

____________________________

Fifty More Writers from

The Writers’ Showcase of

The Short Humour Site

With an Introduction by

Swan Morrison

Copyright © 2011 by Brian Huggett

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or scholarly journal.

First Printing: 2011

ISBN:  978-1-326-00642-6

Further details can be obtained from:

[e-mail]

Dedication

Dedicated to:

All writers and readers of Short Humour

Introduction

Welcome to the World of Short Humour!!

The Short Humour Site - www.Short-Humour.org.uk - was launched in 2006 to publish any type of humorous writing of around 500 words.

In 2009, People of Few Words was published. This was a collection of work by fifty contributors to the Short Humour Site from across the world. It contained one piece by each writer, together with a brief biography.

In 2010, People of Few Words – Volume 2 was published. This was a second such collection and included work by fifty different contributors.

People of Few Words – Volume 3 is the third book in the series.

Our philosophy has been to publish as many submissions as possible and not presume to be arbiters of what is funny, as we believe that readers, rather than editors, should decide what they like.

All the books therefore include an eclectic mix of material, some of it by writers who have been published extensively and some by writers who appear in print for the first time in one of the books.

The books are also a way of saying thanks to the writers who have contributed to the Short Humour Site and who have, as one reader put it, made the world laugh in the process.

People of Few Words – Volume 3 is published via Lulu.com at virtually no cost, and no profit is made by the Short Humour Site on any sales.

The Short Humour Site makes profits from the writing of Swan Morrison. These are currently donated to the UK registered charity, Friends of Teso (Uganda) - www.friends-of-teso-uganda.org.uk. Please look at that site to learn more and see how you might help.

The Short Humour Site Team hope that you enjoy the work of the fifty writers in this book and laugh as much as we have. Enjoy!!

Brian Huggett (AKA Swan Morrison) – April 2011.

Cover Photograph

These are the massive carved statues of Ramesses II at the entrance to what is now known to have been the ancient Short Humour Repository at Abu Simble in southern Egypt.

Although discovery of the Rosetta Stone allowed translation of ancient Egyptian hieroglyphic writing in the 19th Century, the original translators failed to recognise the fundamental nature and purpose of the texts which adorned Egyptian temples and tombs.

It is now clear that this stone-carved literature exclusively recorded short humorous stories, poems, songs and the like – each of around 500 hieroglyphs.

This was not obvious to early scholars because, just as today, the understanding of humour required awareness of nuances in language and the cultural context in which jokes were set. Early translators had simply focussed on the literal meaning of the writings, not expecting them to have humorous content.

The carving illustrated below provides an example. This was originally translated as follows:

1st Slave: The dog of the Pharaoh does not have a nose.

2nd Slave: Does the animal have difficulty in following a scent when hunting?

1st Slave: Yes, it has considerable difficulty in that respect.

Modern scholarship now recognises the correct interpretation of the text to be:

1st Slave: The Pharaoh’s dog has got no nose.

2nd Slave: How does it smell?

1st Slave: Awful!

Similarly, the following section from a stele at Karnak was previously mistranslated as follows:

Tefnut (lion-headed goddess): I saw you with a woman, last evening.

Pharaoh: Yes, I went for a walk with the Queen of Egypt.

The correct translation is, of course:

Tefnut (lion-headed goddess): Who was that lady I saw you with last night?

Pharaoh: That was no lady; that was my wife.

Accurate translation of comic exchanges, such as those above, has allowed humero-archaeologists to confirm that some jokes, including all those found in Christmas crackers, are over four-thousand years older than previously thought.

Humorous material was important to the Pharaohs as they believed that during the journey to the Afterlife it was necessary for them to entertain a succession of gods with the performance of comedy routines, culminating in a thirty-minute stand-up slot in front of the Great Sun God, Ra.

Short Humour would be collected by priests and inscribed in the fabric of myriad temples along the Nile. Stories intended to be related with a straight face were recorded in the Egyptian Book of the Deadpan.

Once the pyramid or tomb of a Pharaoh was complete, he would visit these temples to work-up a series of secret comedy acts. This material would then be depicted within his burial chamber to allow rehearsal prior to his sacred journey.

So secret was the routine to be performed before Ra that masons who carved the texts and artists who illustrated them would be killed and buried with the Pharaoh.

Much retranslation of hieroglyphic texts remains to be undertaken, and specialists from the Short Humour Site are working closely on this task with the Egyptian Supreme Council of Antiquities.

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The Pharaoh is depicted performing a series of stand-up comedy routines on his journey to the Afterlife

All Photographs © Swan Morrison.

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Our Writers. . .

Christopher Allen – Germany:

Christopher Allen lives in Germany and co-edits the literary ezine Metazen. His fiction and creative non-fiction have appeared in numerous journals and anthologies, including Chicken Soup for the Soul. His story Red Toy Soldier took first prize in The Smoking Poet's third annual short story contest. Read more at http://www.imustbeoff.blogspot.com/.

My Ego Speak Portuguese Someday

I’ve stayed in just about every form of accommodation, from pup tent to penthouse; and it’s been my experience that the bed in a simple pensione can be as comfortable as the bed in a four-star hotel. I don’t need luxury—just a peaceful place to rest my weary head.

Enter Paraty, a Portuguese colonial town 236 kilometers south of Rio de Janeiro. It’s known for being, well, colonial. My travelling companion, Horst, and I were getting bored in Rio, so colonial crackled with excitement.

We’d been in Rio for a week, thus my Portuguese was stellar. I’d haggled with vendors on the Copacabana, I’d rented bikes, and I’d even ordered my caipirinhas after I couldn’t feel my tipsy lips to articulate my perfect Portuguese. Essentially, I was ready for anything . . . and a little drunk.

Just outside the old town of Paraty, we found a perfectly acceptable hotel, and I asked the nice lady at the desk if she had a room. She seemed reluctant but showed us one anyway.

We’ll take it, I said. It met all of my (one) criteria: bed for weary head.

Blah blah blah blah, she said. Translation: Sir, there’s going to be a Brazilian country music party outside your bedroom tonight. Are you a fan?

I looked at Horst; Horst looked at me, expecting me—with my stellar Portuguese—to understand her. My ego wanted so badly to comprende, so I looked back at the troubled woman and said, We’ll take it.

"Blah