"Me? Depressed?" A Story of Depression from Denial to Discovery

By Beth-Sarah Wright

Me? Depressed?: A Story of Depression from Denial to Discovery is an uplifting, inspirational story of hope and healing through depression. In her own words, this well-educated, professional thirty-something wife and mother, describes her journey of an unexpected diagnosis of depression from complete denial to her discovery that depression does not discriminate, is not "her" fault, needs to be openly and honestly discussed and there is always hope.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Jun 18, 2013
• ISBN: 9781304039798

Beth-Sarah Wright

BETH-SARAH WRIGHT, PhD, is Director of Enrollment Management at Holy Innocents' Episcopal School in Atlanta, Georgia and Adjunct Assistant Professor in the Department of Psychiatry, Emory University School of Medicine. Wright is the author of four books: two on the intersection of mental health and spirituality, a third on Christian Identity and the Nicene Creed and a spiritual novel rooted in three generations of women in a transnational context spanning the Caribbean, UK and the USA. She resides in Atlanta, GA.

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"Me? Depressed?" A Story of Depression from Denial to Discovery

Me? Depressed?: A Story of Depression from Denial to Discovery

By

Beth-Sarah Wright, PhD

Copyright © Beth-Sarah Wright 2013/Gye Nyame Publishing

All rights reserved, no part of this publication may be reproduced by any means, electronic, mechanical photocopying, documentary, film or in any other format without prior written permission of the publisher.

ISBN 978-1-304-03979-8

http://bethsarahwright.wordpress.com

Author Biography

Originally from Jamaica, Dr. Wright has a Ph.D. in Performance Studies from New York University.  She is a graduate of Princeton University with a degree in Sociology and Afro-American Studies, and she has a master’s degree in Anthropology from Cambridge University.  She has worked as a college professor, teaching expository writing at NYU and serving as Director of the African Diaspora and the World Program at Spelman College, Atlanta.  She writes and performs poetry.  She is married to The Rt. Rev. Robert Wright, Episcopal Bishop of Atlanta, and they five children.

Contents

A New Beginning

Preface

Chapter One

Aren’t you going to take my blood?

Diagnosis, Denial and Depression

Chapter Two

What about Prayer or Willpower?

Medication and Depression

Chapter Three

I Can’t take it Anymore!

Suicide and Depression

Chapter Four

A Mental Hospital? But I’m Not Crazy!

Getting help and Depression

Chapter Five

You say Recovery, I say Discovery

Healing and Depression

Chapter Six

Me?  Still Depressed?

Relapse and Depression

The Twelve Steps of Emotions Anonymous

We admitted we were powerless over our emotions that our lives had become unmanageable.

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over the care of Godas we understood Him.

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Continued to take personal inventory and when we    were wrong promptly admitted it.

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with Godas we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

The Twelve Steps and Promises reprinted for adaptation with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services Inc. 1939, 1955, 1976.

The Serenity Prayer

God, Grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Acknowledgements

To my therapists and psychiatrists-you know who you are-thank you for your words of insight, your continued support and helping me go in the right direction.

To Zahraa, Joy, Helen and Mama Eva- Thank you!  You are very special and I will not forget what you have done.

To my parents, Barbara and Keith, and my family, Andrea, Marc and Coleen, David, Melanie, Tish and Sandy, Thank you for your love, for listening, for supporting and for praying.  May God continue to bless you and yours!

To my children, Jordan, Emmanuel, Selah, Noah and Moses. You remind me every day of what love is!

And to my husband, Robert.  Words cannot express my deep gratitude and love for your support and patience and love through this tumultuous journey.  I love you.

Me? Depressed? Not today I’m not!

A New Beginning

People often ask me when they see me after having read this book or heard my story of depression, How are you doing now?  In other words, Are you depressed today?  And well, thankfully my answer is as in the title of this new introduction, this new beginning, Not today I’m not!  I can’t speak for tomorrow and yesterday has passed.  But today is a new opportunity, a new mercy I have been given, a new beginning.

It has been 7 years since I was officially diagnosed with depression.  Today I can wake up and taking the first breath of the day, say thank you to God for a new opportunity to love God more, to love myself more and to love others more. Today I can use the tools I have discovered along my healing journey. I vigilantly watch the words I say to myself, I say to others.  I am aware of and constantly adjust my perspective on things.  I ask questions.  How can I respond to this?  Or, is this really that important? 

I pray.  I take care of myself.  I take care of myself. I take deep breaths.  I step away for those 10 seconds when things are getting a little crazy.  I put down the pack of cookies when I realize I don’t need to engulf them as my medicine anymore.  I pray.  I look in the mirror and try to see what God sees.  I look at my husband and my children and see the reflection of God in them.  I pray.  I laugh more.  I go to zumba classes.  I take water aerobics classes.  I love my body.  I love my family.  I love my home.  I love my life.  I appreciate every day.  I celebrate that I am alive and I have chosen to be alive. 

I try to seek pleasure in all I do including the mountains of laundry and cleaning the toilets.  Let’s do this! I say.  All the while I remember the darkness, the pain, the hopelessness of what I felt before.  And I know how possible it is to slide right back there. And I choose not to go there.  I choose today.  I choose God.  I choose this new opportunity.  I choose life.  I choose joy. I choose freedom.  I choose peace.  Does this all mean I don’t get frustrated or sad, or annoyed, or angry or have bad days?  Absolutely not.  But I choose how I respond.  I am conscious of each moment and each thought. I choose healing.

I am reminded of my father who is battling diabetes and heart disease.  I watch him test his blood sugar levels, I watch him take his medication, I watch him rest when he needs to; I watch him say no to certain foods and yes to others.  I watch my mother carefully measure the amount of salt or sugar or carbs she cooks with.  I watch her read every label on food before purchasing.  I see low fat this or sugarless that in the fridge and in the cupboards.  I see them go to the doctor in regular intervals.  I see special shoes are worn to protect his feet.  I see efforts to exercise even when not feeling