The Demon That Loved Me (and Wanted to Eat Me): I Hate Zombies

By Shantnu Tiwari

Blue and Shake go for a job interview but find themselves hanging upside down, a sacrifice to a demon goddess.

 

To make it worse, they don't even get to eat the ice cream they ordered.

 

And worst of all, they won't be getting the job either.

 

(Also, the world might be ending).

 

A comedy horror story featuring two geeky and stoned monster hunters.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Shantnu Tiwari
• Release date: Jun 18, 2020
• ISBN: 9781393871446

Book preview

1

Iturned to look at Shake.

Say, ole chap, what do you think of our situation?

Well, the weather is nice. That’s a cool summer breeze. And is that a fresh pizza I smell? Yum.

I nodded silently, enjoying the cool wind on my face, the pizza smell, and the fact we were about to die.

I spoke again. No, ole chap. I meant, about the fact we are hanging upside down from a fifty floor building, tied from our legs, and that in ten minutes the demoness will slit our throats and drink our blood? Or that we might slip and die well before that as these ropes don’t seem to be good quality?

Yeah man. These cultists and demon worshippers really have low standards, you know? If I was sacrificing two handsome studs, I would at least tie them better. Use those thick ropes sailors use. These guys used the ropes they use to tie their bathrobes.

As if to prove our point, the rope tying our feet slipped and made a crrrkkkkk sound just then.

Cue scary music

Our heroes struggle, their handsome hair waving in the wind. On the bottom, a graphic for Demon Proof Hair Gel™, and written in very small print: Using this product only makes you look good, doesn’t actually protect you from demons or devil worshippers. Terms and conditions apply.

Narrator speaks: Will our brave heroes survive, or will they fall to their deaths? Keep watching to find out. Right after these messages.

Cheesy music and an ad for life insurance plays.

"Find yourself hanging from a rope? Our insurance won’t save you, but you will get the best funeral ever. Limo and all. And your wife will be the richest widow around. So call us now!

Ad ends.

Scene returns to our two heroes still hanging upside down.

Man, we’re going to die, aren’t we? I said.

Yeah man. And I left a half-eaten pizza in the fridge. What will happen to that? Will no one think of my pizza?

Who the hell cares about your pizza man? We need to get out of here.

The rope slipped a little. Made another ripping and breaking sound.

I sighed. This shit always happened to us. Every time I listen to a pretty girl, or the government, or the voices in my head, I get in trouble. All three lead me to doom.

How the hell did we end up here? By trying to buy ice cream from a homicidal ice cream seller. And also trying to find a job. And meeting the most psychotic girl a man could meet (without getting arrested).

Shake started singing.

Always look on the bright side of life, to-do, to-do-to-do-to-doooo

I wanted to kick him. But I couldn’t. We were tied, remember?

And that is life. All you want to do is go home from a good day at your well paying job, sit with your hot supermodel wife and drink coffee from a £500 plus delivery